My Books of 2020

I had set myself the challenge on Goodreads to read 70 books this year, and I smashed that by reading over 80! 

Next year, however, I'm going to be setting myself the more modest target of 50 books.  The reason for that is because I'm actually reading less when we're in lockdown!  At the start of Lockdown 1, I was reading a lot - everything had stopped, I was advised to self isolate, and it was sunny, so I was sat in the garden reading lots.  Bliss!  However, I was then told that I shouldn't have been told to self isolate, worked started up again (albeit virtually) and when the girls' dance classes started up, the parents couldn't wait inside, so I was driving more frequently back and forth, rather than waiting in the carpark in the cold, and when we brought our puppy home, I was then using that time to take her for walks - so even less reading.

So, here is my completed list of all the books that I have read this year, with links to my reviews - I have tried to review the books without giving away any spoilers.

Keen-eyed people may note that the last few don't have working links as yet, and that's because I haven't published the reviews yet, but when I do, I'll update this page.

Fiction

• A Flair for Chardonnay by Deborah Garner
• Sons of Encouragement by Francine Rivers
• Assassin's Apprentice and Books 2&3 by Robin Hobb
• Rose of Prophesy by Hope Ann
• The Blade Heir by Daniel Adorno
• Gauntlet of Iniquity and Keep of Dragons by Daniel Adorno
• Broken Halo by Dayo Benson
• Saints and Sinners series Books 2 & 3 by Dayo Benson
• Black Virus and Black Rust by Bobby Adair
• The Magemother by Austin J Bailey
• Murder under Construction by Maddie Cochere
• Tomorrow's Guardian by Richard Denning
• The Lost Heir by E G Foley
• Truthbearer by Hans Erdman
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
• Following His Heart by Donna Fasano
• The Forbidden City by Alexander Grant
• Foreclosed by Traci Tyne Hilton
• Full Circle by Mona Ingram
• Sword Bearer by Teddy Jacobs
• Wind Rider by Teddy Jacobs
• The Grandfather Clock by Jonathan Kile
• Run, Hide, Fight and Hunt by Patti Larsen
• Country Heaven by Ava Miles
• If I didn't Care by Kait Nolan
• The Centurion's Wife by Davis Bunn and Janette Oke
• Ties That Bind by Anne Patrick
• Third Daughter by Susan Kaye Quinn
• The Royals of Dharia, books 2 and 3: Second Daughter and First Daughter
• Rise of the Dragons by Morgan Rice
• The Lanvin Murders by Angela M Sanders
• Incarnation by Jason Tesar
• Plague 99 by Jean Ure
• Stronger Than Magic by Melinda VanLone
• Now, Then and Every When by Rysa Walker
• On Her Own Two Wheels by Stacy Xavier
• Forged In Rage by Sean Young
• The Forever Man: Book 1: Pulse by Craig Zerf
• Trinity of the Truthbearer by Hans Erdman
• Red, Green, Blue and Wolfen by Hans Erdman
• After Days: Affliction or America Falls: Hell Week by Scott Medbury
• Begin Again by Kathryn Shay
• Chosen by D G Swank and the rest of the series

Non-Fiction

• Becoming Fearless by Michelle Aguilar
• No More Diets by Sheila Granger
• The Unschooled Life by Lizi Gambell
• Damage Limitation by Roland Meighan
• Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
• Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs
• Toward a Liberalism by Richard Flathman
• You Can Drop It! by Ilana Muhlstein
• Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure
• Actually Factually by Guy Campbell
• Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy by Steve Mann
• The Ultimate Yorkiepoo Dog Manual by Hoopendale and Moore
• Trim Healthy Mama Plan by Barrett and Allison

Christian Inspirational

• Live Uncaged by Mary DeMuth
• The Fragrance of Crushed Violets by Cathy Bryant
• The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God by D. A. Carson
• Joyful by Toks Adebiyi
• God's Will for our Daily Lives by William J Luke
• A.S.K. God by Andrea G Williams
• The 7 Day Prayer Warrior Experience by Stormie Omartian
• The Daily Message by Eugene Peterson

So that's my list!  The formatting is a bit funny, but I thought 'sod that'.  The point of this post is to highlight the books, so I've left them large.  And yes, there are some books that fit into multiple categories, so I tried to put them in the most relevant one.

I don't have a favourite book of the year, but going through them all again now has reminded me of some pleasant memories.  I hope some of these titles call out to you, and you enjoy reading them as much as I have.

Weekly Update - End of Year

I hope you have all had a good Christmas, despite the difficulties of not seeing friends and family because of Covid.

I had a nice relaxing time with my family and new pup.  We opened presents, ate a late lunch, and relaxed altogether.

Since then, I've started decorating my new room.  As we finished DD1's room, she has now moved up into the attic, and my room has been emptied.  So, I've painted one wall today, and I hope to paint the other three walls tomorrow.  I can then start buying furniture for it.  The biggest thing to go in there is a sofa bed, which we already have, but it'll be moved upstairs and I've got a new cover to go on it, so it will match the rest of the room.

I do need to do my Self-Assessment for my tutoring work.  I've never left it this late before.  I said the same last year, when I finally did it in October.  I just hope that next year, I don't leave it another 3+ months after the date I complete it this year (since the deadline is 31st January!).

After the New Year, I'll start reading up on the Home Ed stuff again, and fighting both locally and nationally.  Having my own work room will help me stay organised.

I still have one book review to write up, and ideally, I'd like to finish 3 of the books that I am currently reading, and write up reviews of those.  I'll then go through the whole year to give a complete list of the 70+books I have read this year.  Next year, I think I will lower the number of books I plan to read to about 50.  Not to say that I don't think I could read that many again, but if I am getting involved in other things, perhaps studying more too, I simply won't have time to read as much as I have done recently.  I am not sitting in the dance studios any more (due to covid) and haven't even finished the MosaiCraft portrait I bought for myself to do over Lockdown1.  Again, this is because I'm not sat waiting much anymore.  On a Tuesday, when I am waiting for an hour and a half, it is dark at the moment, and I have the pup with me, so it wouldn't be wise to do anything as fiddly as MosaiCraft.

I would like to start focussing on getting healthy again in the new year.  I am very aware that I need to get on the waiting list to have my mastectomy before I'm 40 (so I have 18months), and to have the reconstruction I really do want, I need to lose weight.  I have discovered that surgeons differ by how much weight I'd have to lose, so to know for sure, I will need to actually meet with one.  My mental state has enjoyed not weighing myself every day recently, but my clothes are aware that my weight is creeping up, as I expected it would (not least because it always does when I'm not weighing myself).  I find myself wondering if I can incidentally lose weight by focussing on a different area of my health?  What if I simply record what I am eating and how much exercise I am doing?  If I can get past the shame of recording every bite, will just knowing that I will be writing it later, help me focus my thoughts on healthy foods and the impacts that it will have on my health?  Maybe, just maybe.  And when it gets warmer, I do want to take my pup jogging (she likes it when I run with her now, but it isn't as fun for me when I'm wrapped in a big coat, scarf and boots, lol).

So, that's my quick update and vague plans for next year.

I pray that you can enjoy this festive period, and that your 2021 is better than this year has been xxx

Review of Evidence from the Department of Education HED0987

HERE is a link to the information that I am reading through.  It is the written submission to the Education Select Committee as part of their Home Education Inquiry from the Department of Education. I have coloured the background of their words in pale blue, and will keep them in quotation marks.

Again, there is no initial summary, so I'm assuming it is under 3000 words.

The introduction and the first part of the evidence all seems ok.

P5 "The legal context for home education is set out in the Education Act 1996, section 7 of which sets out that the parent of every child of compulsory school age must cause the child to receive efficient HED0987 full-time suitable education, suitable (a) to his age, ability and aptitude, and (b) to any special education either by regular attendance at school or otherwise. The freedom to discharge this duty ‘otherwise’ than by sending a child regularly to school, in other words through home education, is a fundamental component of the right of parents to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children and the Government is committed to preserving it."

P9 "During 2017 and 2018 there was growing concern about indications of a significant growth in home education, and a Private Member’s Bill was introduced by Lord Soley which provided for a home education registration and monitoring scheme. Against this background, the Department undertook a public consultation in April 2018 on home education policy."

P12 "Over 5,000 responses were received to the consultation and the Government response setting out next steps will be published in due course." including mine HERE.

There's lots of information about how the DfE has strengthened guidance regarding how schools should act.  

Then, in P23 "To support parents and children who may be considering, or have already withdrawn their child from school for, elective home education, we remain committed to a registration system for children not in school." What registration scheme? What will it achieve? Why have Home Educators not known about this upcoming change?  In case you've missed it before, HERE's my views on registration.  "More work is required on the practical aspects of delivery and the Government will also be engaging further with the home educating sector. Further details on this will be set out in the Government response to the CNIS consultation." I should bloody well hope that they will be engaging further with the home educating sector, and I hope we can come together to fight this registration scheme.

And the rest is about schools again.

All-in-all, this document sounds like it understands EHE, until it throws in the comment that they are bringing in a registration scheme and are committed to it.  Clearly further work needs to be done by home educators and HE organisations, to see if we can point out the flaws with registration, the additional costs it will incur, and how ultimately, it won't actually achieve anything it sets out to do.

Review of Evidence from Children's Commissioner Office HED0970

HERE is a link to the information that I am reading through.  It is the written submission to the Education Select Committee as part of their Home Education Inquiry from the Children's Commissioner Office. I have coloured the background of their words in pale blue, and will keep them in quotation marks.

There is no initial summary here, so I presume the submitted evidence is under 3000 words.

Introduction

"The Commissioner has long had concerns that some home educated children may receive insufficient support and that there is little formal oversight of their educational progress or wellbeing."
And this report continues how it means to go on...  This first paragraph links to several reports (including Invisible Children which I reviewed the TV report of the same name HERE) but would take too long for me to go through each of these in detail now.

"The Commissioner welcomed the Government’s commitment to introduce a compulsory register of children in home education and looks forward to it being introduced at the earliest opportunity."
Has the government made such a commitment? When? How has this information been passed to home educators?

"It is thought that much of this increase is accounted for by families for whom home education is a last resort" - as I stated repeatedly in my read-through of Unicef's evidence, just because something is a last resort does not mean it is an uninformed choice.  Improve schools, definitely, that will improve things for many many children, but don't try to prevent people from home educating, just because you don't want to admit schools are failing.

"Often families make the decision without knowing what home education entails and receive little support to make a success of it, putting parents under immense strain and children missing out on education." I would like to see some stats here please.  Where is the evidence?

"In other cases, we have heard of families who have chosen to remove their children from school in order to go under the radar." Within the current guidance and law, this should already be impossible.  Any child who is removed from a school roll, the school should promptly inform the LA.  Children who are being home educated are not invisible nor hidden.

What the data shows us

Numbers of children being home educated has increased.  Good.  Parents are exercising their duty to educate their children otherwise than at school.  That alone should not be considered a bad thing.  If schools are failing, sort the schools out.  But it could just be because numbers are increasing, information is more available, and the number of people who have been home educated and are now adults are talking about their experiences, showing that HErs are not weird, but are well educated and fit right into society.

"The fact that many children come off the school roll into home education from a small group of schools suggests that the school itself is a key factor in that process. It might be that the parents are dissatisfied with the school and share their knowledge about home education as an alternative option. Or it could be that these schools are somehow encouraging, or perhaps even pressuring parents into making the decision to home educate. Our data does not allow us to tease apart these two explanations."
And in both of these scenarios, it is the school that needs to be further investigated, and not those who choose home education.

"On average, the rate of children being taken out of school into home education in schools rated ‘Inadequate’ in their most recent inspection13 was twice that of schools rated ‘Good’, and over three times the rate of schools rated ‘Outstanding’."
So in schools that are deemed inadequate, parents are doing their legal responsibility and ensure their children get a good education by removing them from the inadequate school? I don't know whether to simply reply 'good' or 'no shit, Sherlock!'.

What needs to happen now

"But children should only be in home education if it is for the right reasons. And it is clear that some children end up in home education because school isn’t working for them. In some cases they have been denied the educational and pastoral support they need to thrive at school, leading to delayed educational progress at home, poor mental health and wellbeing and increased familial stress."
As opposed to all those children who are in school who are not making educational progress there, have poor mental health and wellbeing and increased familial and academic stress?

"Home education is an enormous undertaking for any family, especially those who may have struggled with school themselves."
Evidence Please.

"Parents often do not receive the support they need to make an informed choice before making the decision to home educate. Where proper advice and information is available, it is clear to see that most parents choose to keep their children in school."
Evidence Please.

"Furthermore, it is unacceptable that there is currently so little oversight of children being educated at home. Without this, there can be no guarantee that all home educated children are safe and getting the education they need and deserve."
Why? Education and welfare should never be conflated.

"A statutory register of children not in school must be introduced without delay. The Government announced plans to create a register following the publication of the Commissioner’s previous report on home education and consulted on its proposals last year. However no Government response has yet been published."
Search this blog if you want to see my thoughts why a register is not a good idea.

"Termly visits" No, just no.
"In October 2019 a Serious Case Review found that there is very little local authorities can do when they suspect problems with a home educated child’s welfare or education" This isn't actually true.  If LAs suspect problems with a child's education, they can serve a Notice to Satisfy s437, and if they are still not satisfied, they can give a School Attendance Order.  As for welfare, again, there are things that can be done.  If you look at the SCR referenced, it says that the child was not taken to medical appointments nor to CAHMS, and because of the missed appointment, rather than being chased up, the child was simply removed from these lists.  It is these protocols that are of concern to a child's welfare.

The recommendations 3-5 under Improved Support for Home Educators, aren't actually too bad.  I think they should be optional, as 'support' of this kind often has strings attached, but better compared to the rest of this report.

The final section of this report is all about how schools can improve, so should not be listed under a review into EHE, imo.
Paragraph 9 does say "The process for taking a child off the school roll to be home-educated should be aligned with the process for a permanent exclusion, so that it involves the same level of oversight, and safeguards – including a governors’ panel and independent review panel." and as long as this governor's panel and independent review is internal and investigative for the school, it's not an issue, however we need to be careful that this doesn't become a stepping stone to the parents/child needing approval before EHE is granted.

Review of Evidence from Unicef UK HED0434

HERE is a link to the information that I am reading through.  It is the written submission to the Education Select Committee as part of their Home Education Inquiry from Unicef UK. I have coloured the background of their words in pale blue, and will keep them in quotation marks.

I have not yet read through this document, and here are my initial thoughts and opinions.  

"UNICEF, the United Nations Children’s Fund, is mandated by the UN General Assembly to uphold the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) and promote the rights and wellbeing of every child."

If the submission is over 3000 words, you need to provide a summary at the start of the document.  The summary given in full:
"Unicef UK is submitting evidence to the Education Select Committee with the aim of highlighting the role the Government can, and must, play in delivering every child’s right to education, including in the case of elective home education. This submission focusses in particular on the rights of the child and how they relate to the choice, regulation, inspection, delivery, and safety of home education, including in the context of the Coronavirus pandemic. Unicef UK recommends that the Department for Education take a child rights approach to home education, ensuring that it is upholding its obligation as a duty bearer of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). This, in turn, requires strengthened guidance for Local Authorities (LAs) that recognises the rights impacted by home education."

At a high level, that doesn't sound too bad.  However, when talking about the rights of a child to be inspected, have they considered the rights of the child to not be inspected?  We'll see...

Paragraphs 1-5 talk about Education and Child's Rights, and there's nothing to discuss there.
Paragraph 6, within Meaningful Choice in Home Education, states "Home education should not be a last resort and should be elected, not forced upon, any family or child". I do agree that home education should not be a last resort, but it often is and turns out to be the best choice for the children by parents who barely knew about home education initially.  Similarly, just because it is a last choice, does not mean it hasn't been elected by the parents.  They are not mutually exclusive.  However, since we're next looking at off-rolling and exclusions, I will give it some grace as to what they meant.

Paragraph 8 gives an interesting statistic! "Indeed, one quarter of teachers have seen off-rolling happen in their school and 62% reported that ‘schools pressure parents to accept their child being off-rolled’." From This Link

The recommendation after the section about SEN says: "Recommendation: the DfE should continue to undertake special oversight and increase support for children with SEND, ensuring that any move to home education is a choice and not a result of unsuitable provision in school."
However, again, I reiterate that home education can be a choice even if the choice has come about because of unsuitable provision in school.  This should be taken up by Ofsted etc as schools failing their responsibility for their pupils, rather than making things more difficult for home educators.

Paragraph 12 is all about the child's right to be heard, and I totally agree that children should have a voice.  Their recommendation is "Recommendation: the DfE should revisit its approach to Article 12 of the UNCRC, encouraging Local Authorities to meaningfully consult the views of children in home education decisions, regulation, and inspection."  LAs should absolutely not use this as an excuse to meet and monitor home educated children.  Offer a visit, by all means, but it should be voluntary as the child has the right to decline.  Children can always give their views in writing.  Similarly, children in schools should be consulted regarding their education decisions and whether they may prefer to be in a differing school or educated at home.

Then things start to take a turn for the worse...

Paragraph 13 is about learning from the Experiences of Other Countries.  Two of the four cited countries only allow Home Education in "exceptional circumstances", and one only allows it with approval from the local ministry of Education.  Even the final country mentioned, it is often only allowed with approval or if the child is under a local school.  
In the UK, we have a legal right to home educate our children, and we should not be blindly agreeing to have these rights taken away from us.

P.14 says "Notification and approval, inspection, and regulation are the only ways for the Government to satisfy itself that home educated children in England are receiving a quality education." 
Really?  What about all the other ways of life where the government has a duty to its citizens but doesn't go crazy like this.  Is there no realisation that giving LAs and the government powers like this erodes other rights of the child or of family life?

P16. "If parents or guardians were required to not only inform local authorities about their intent to home educate, but in fact seek approval to do so (such as in New Zealand), they would have the opportunity to articulate these challenges and could be offered another opportunity for their child." If parents or guardians were required to seek approval to home educate, then this right will effectively be removed.  Home education is an opportunity for the child to receive an education at least as good as what can be provided in school, and should not be removed on a whim.  The best way for parents and guardians to articulate the challenges mentioned, would be for LAs to stick to their current remit (which they already fail, rather than giving them more powers) which would encourage home educators to maintain a good relationship with the LA.  Until LAs can behave, they are causing home educators to not want to engage with them.

P17 talks about hearing children's voices regarding home education.  I ask again, whether Unicef have asked children (in countries like the UK) whether they want to be in school?

P18 "If parents or guardians should choose to remove their children from mainstream education, these children must not disappear from records. If they do, their education, health, and other rights are at risk." Having a compulsory register of home educators will not solve these disappearing children, because schools already have to inform the LA of children being removed from the roll.

P20, 21 and the recommendation goes a step further and asks for 6monthly inspections of home educators. There is no reason given here.  I'm just in shock and annoyed. EHEOs are not trained in home education, child development, or pedagogy. Given HErs do not have to follow the curriculum or keep up with schooled peers, none of this makes sense.

P23 is talking about minimum standards for HErs - given that there is no evidence that HErs are 'behind' school peers at the end of compulsory education, and that many schooled children come out of school with passes in maths or English GCSEs, this seems a ludicrous suggestion and yet more unneeded and unwarranted state interference.

P24. "When assessing the suitability of home education, it is critical that the view of the child is heard and considered. Seeking the views of children can happen in many forms, but should ideally happen through a home visit, away from parents, and with a known contact." So rather than just giving children a voice, you actually want to question them without their parents present?  Children are not criminals, and neither are their parents.  Unless there is a significant reason why this can be justified, this is totally abhorrent.  I will ask at this point, do they do similar and frequently (let's say every 6 months??) ask schooled children, without parents or teachers present, whether they want to go to school or not?

P26 starts the section about safeguarding and includes "safeguarding is of concern when a child is home educated." Really?  What evidence is there for such a misinformed statement?

(Sorry for starting to skim now.  Family keeps distracting me!)

P32 "Home education should never be a last resort." Home Education should be a first resort, and only if it doesn't work or isn't suitable should schools then be considered.  Somehow I'm guessing that isn't quite what they were meaning.

P33 says there should be another review of the EHE guidance due to Covid19, even though the latest guidance was only published last year.  I hope that suggestion goes with the rest of the document, an is taken with a pinch of salt.

So that's the end of the Unicef submitted evidence.  It shows a deep lack of understanding about home education and home education within UK law.  It goes on about the rights of the child, but all too easy gives excessive rights to the government, and there is no acknowledgement about failings of schools and the government which adds into its concerns.

Weekly Update

 It's nearly CHRISTMAS!! Yey!

🎵Four more sleeps to go!
Four more sleeps to Santa!
Four more sleeps 'til the big fat fella comes down our chimney and drinks our beer.
Four more sleeps to Santa!🎶

So this week, we have bought and made DD1's new bed, emptied out her old room (I am yet to start painting), finished working for the year and travelled to a random services on the motorway in order to swap presents before parts of the country go into tier 4.

We're fortunate, in that our plans haven't changed too much as we were going to be home over Christmas itself anyway, but we're unable to see family before and after.  It is for the best, and though I think things could have been done by the government a lot sooner, it is definitely necessary.  

If I don't get the chance to say it, I hope you have the best Christmas you can this year, given the circumstances xx

Weekly Update

You may have noticed that I have not numbered this weekly update. 
I also have not weighed myself recently.  

This is not a weightloss update.

After spending some time thinking about things, I have decided that I am going to use these weekly updates as just that - a way to update you guys with what has been happening this week, and not use it as a stick to beat myself that I am not losing weight.  As such, it doesn't matter if this is weekly update no 1 or no 422.  The date is automatically attached to the blog post, and you can search it by month if you are so inclined.

This week, I have spend a lot of time painting DD1's bedroom. Of course, she didn't want just one colour on her walls, but two.  And she didn't want one colour on each wall, but two - in a diagonal (I can only be glad that she didn't want an actually fade between the two colours, lol). And I had to paint her ceiling, by myself, with a brush because we had run out of new roller thingies. And then, we had to replace her carpet with laminate, which took the whole of Sunday, but I am (and more importantly, DD1 is) pleased with the results.

We have just ordered her a new bed (which should arrive before Christmas!) and I'm starting to move her stuff upstairs today.  Once her current room is empty, I can then start painting that for my study - yey!  I'm sooooo looking forward to that.  Well, not the painting, but it does need to be done, but I'm looking forward to having my own space where I can hide away when I need to. 

This week, we have also been following a local Christmas Lights Trail.  When I purchased the pack, I was expecting there to be 15 or 20 houses to visit - not over 80!  We did a few on Sunday night, but it looks like we won't be finishing in time for the competition this Sunday, lol.

I'm also continuing with the home education stuff. Locally, we've just requested a formal co-production process with the LA for updating their policy and training.  We'll see if that makes any headway!
Nationally, I'm still involved with the EHE Alliance, looking to fight the HE register and keep up the pressure during this HE Inquiry by the Education Select Committee.

Weighty Worries

I've been trying to write this post for the past fortnight, and I keep starting and deleting.  I'm going round in circles in my mind and I don't know what to do.

I am not losing weight.  It's easy enough to see why - I'm not limiting my eating enough and/or not exercising enough.  And I don't want to.  There, I said it.  I've known for a while my mind isn't in the right place to lose weight.

I'm ok with how I look.  Whilst ideally I would like to lose some weight, actually, I'm ok with how I am. I do have moments, especially when I'm on zoom calls, where I notice my double chin is looking more like a triple or quadruple chin, and I would like to be thinner so I have more choice of clothing, but I don't care enough to change for those reasons.

I'm trying to lose weight in order to have DIEP reconstruction when I have my double mastectomy.  I haven't spoken to a GP or surgeon yet, because I've heard that in order to have DIEP your BMI has to be below a certain level. My BMI is currently 34.5 and I've heard it should be a maximum of 27, if not 25 (ie top end of Healthy weight). So, I've started to think about having implants instead.  I've got no issue with implants, but it's not what I wanted, and that thought makes me sad. Yet, surely if I cared enough, I would make the effort to lose weight? Surely I wouldn't be stuffing mince pies in my gob at every opportunity?

When I had my hysterectomy, I planned on having mastectomy by the time I'm 40.  I'm 38 now, which means (assuming it takes a year for the process [ignoring coronavirus]), I need to see my GP and request it in less than 6 months time. I lack the self belief, let alone will-power, that I am going to be able to lose weight in that time.

I feel like stopping actively trying to lose weight is quitting.  And that isn't good for my depression.
I feel like continuing with the charade of weekly updates makes me a fraud.  And that isn't good for my depression.

If I could have surgery today and any reconstruction I want, I would choose DIEP, even with the added risks of being overweight and the longer recovery time.  Implants is an option, and I could potentially swap implants for DIEP later in the future.  But I don't want implants.  And I don't like to fail.

Who knows? This could be my depression talking, because it's dark and wintery, I've missed my antidepressants a bit too often recently, and I want an excuse to not have to watch what I'm eating with Christmas coming up.  Or it could be that I'm finally facing up to the truth that I don't have the willpower, energy, or strength of character to lose weight effective.  I'm just too lazy.