I'm Back!

Hello my lovelies, how are you all?  

Ok, if you follow my facebook page I said my first post this year would be about books, but I've decided to give a brief overview about everything instead. And if you don't follow my facebook page, why on earth not?? Tut, tut, tut. 😜 Here's the link again, so you have no excuse: https://www.facebook.com/MusingsMiddleagedMum

So, I purposely had a break for Christmas, and it was needed.  I've come back this year feeling refreshed and ready to go.  Last week, however, I went to get ready for my first tutorial and my my computer had died.

Not only did the Automatic Repair not work, it wouldn't move off this screen.  I cancelled my tutorials and left it to my techy husband (they do have their uses, lol).  He used some techy magic to recover most of my files, but he couldn't get windows to work.  We wiped everything, started again, and windows still wouldn't work.  He even installed Linux, and even that operating system wouldn't work.  The hard disk was dead as dead can be.

After having to handwrite a comparison spreadsheet (I'm not joking, I am that geeky, and it took two A4 pages), I decided upon and bought a new laptop. Yey!  There are a couple of snags* with it, that I'm sure will be able to be sorted quickly, but overall I'm really pleased with it.
* There is automatically a background noise remover thingy on the microphone, which would be great, except now it stops my headset working with zoom when tutoring.  The only way to bypass is to not use my headset, so all my tutees are rewarded with sounds of my dogs barking in the background.  Should be a simple fix; husband will look at it later.

* Everything on my laptop is automatically saving to One Drive.  I use One Drive for music and photos, but all my large tutoring or Ed Free documents, I do not need nor want saving all the time.  It means I'm getting lots of notifications saying One Drive is full, and adverts where I can buy infinite (nearly) space for only £££ each month.  Again, a simple fix, but I'm ignoring it for now.

What's new with me? Well, yesterday was 20 years since I asked my (now) husband to go out with me.  Very forward of me, but he was/is shyer than me, if you can believe such a thing. Actually, if you know me now, you probably can believe it, but 20 years ago I was a mouse in comparison.  I thought he fancied me, and asked a couple of my friends a few months earlier, and they said that I was just imagining it, and he was just a good friend.  Anyway, in the January, we went back to uni and there was a party a friend of a friend was throwing and we tagged along.  We got drunk enough for me to ask him if he fancied me and for him to say yes - and then I ignored it and continued with the party!  It wasn't until I couldn't sleep that night, because everything was rolling around my head, that I went up to his room and asked him to go out with me, and then went back downstairs to go to sleep. I then didn't see him for 24hrs, because I was at a football match, and wasn't sure if he would remember or if he thought it was a mistake or what.  Ancient history it is, as we're now married, 17 years this coming August, with 2 kids, 2 dogs, and still happy.

I have started reading again - hurray! I don't think I had read anything seriously since about October.  I tend not to read much in December, because it's tacky Christmas movie season, but I had missed reading.  I don't have as much time to read as previously, only an hour on a Saturday of dedicated reading time (except when/if I read a good book, and it takes over my life for a few days), but I'm glad to have started reading regularly again.

And I've started calorie counting.  After hitting my heaviest weight ever after Christmas, I am properly tracking my food in MFP and have been meal prepping. I'm only on week 2, so it's not an established habit yet, but I have lost weight already, which keeps me motivated.

I'm going to my first naturist/clothing optional event for what seems like forever tonight.  Covid, of course, has stopped everything, but theatres are starting to reopen, so my husband and I are going to a clothing optional showing tonight, so that will be fun.

What's not new with me? Still tutoring maths.  Still involved in the home ed world.  Still have my personal trainer twice a week. Still going to church. Still ferrying the girls to dance every night of the week. Still me.

And that's about it!  I hope you all had a good Christmas and New years.  I did.  And that you are well xx

Weekly Update Y2w3

My general curve is still going down *and* I hit a low for the year!

I have eaten out twice this weekend, and stopped tracking (naughty me), so that explains the increase the past couple of days.  Overall I am pleased with my progress so far, and hope to build on it this week!

The first meal out was for a steak dinner with my husband whilst our girls dance on a Friday night.  We ate a steak each, but shared the sides and didn't have chips.  It was lovely, and I didn't miss the carbs.  We did share a dessert too, but eating out should be enjoyed.  Despite all this, I didn't go over my calories for the day, so I was doubly pleased.  I shared that on one of my support groups, and was promptly told off for trying to stick to 1200 kcals limit, which isn't enough for anybody.  Whereas I was posting more to say that it was possible, and I didn't feel like I had denied myself anything that day, as opposed to aspiring to stay under that amount.  I know there are many people who think My Fitness Pal's suggested calories are not conducive to healthy weightloss.  I, however, find them to be accurate for my activity level (ie lazy bum) as if I eat much more, I do tend to gain weight.  That, of course, doesn't stop me from eating more, as I'm only using it to track, rather than to be a hard limit for the calories I eat each day.  I also think it's more important to be aware of nutrition and to eat mostly nutrition-dense foods, rather than calorie-dense.

The second meal out was a Murder Mystery evening in Abingdon, thanks to Dine Naked Oxford and British Naturism, with characters played by the Oxford Imps.  The food was Moroccan, so a mixed starter that was placed in the middle of the table.  I allowed myself one half of pitta, hummus, and probably too many almonds.  The main was chicken tagine with cous cous, and the dessert was Moroccan style rice pudding.  The Murder Mystery itself was quite good fun, as it was improvised and there were plenty of jokes.  Our table did guess the correct murderer, albeit for the wrong reason, so we didn't 'win', but enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

This week, we have lots of food in our Freezer that we are going to try and eat up; most of it portioned out already.  Unfortunately, the writing has come off all the boxes, so we don't know what we're eating until it's defrosted, lol.

The Island Legacy by Ruth Saberton

I read this book, because, yet again, it was next in the list of books I've bought but haven't read yet.  The Island Legacy is about a woman who inherits a small island, complete with its own castle, off the coast of Cornwall, from an uncle that she never met.  That uncle never had children of his own, but was cared for in his dying days by a different niece with a heart-of-gold, and was in touch with a nephew who was busy circling with the vultures...

The blurb says:

When free spirited Ness Penwellyn inherits a Cornish island, it isn't long before she encounters property developer, Max Reynard. Wealthy and wickedly handsome, Max is accustomed to getting his own way but his assumption she’ll sell to him makes Ness determined to go it alone.

Before long, Ness and Max are locked in a battle of wills as the castle’s past and present collide in the fight for its future. As time runs out, Ness must decide who to trust with the island legacy and her heart…

THE ISLAND LEGACY is captivating blend of romance, mystery and courage played out against the breath taking beauty of Cornwall’s dramatic coastline.

This is a heartwarming cozy romance in amongst the tale of a woman troubled by secrets of her parents' past.  It is well written, and was lovely to read a story based on the British coastline.  Having stayed in Perranporth and been to the beach at Perran Sands, I confess to having googled to see if Pirran Castle was a real place (it isn't), but it is reminiscent of St Michael's Mount (which I have been to).

I read this book in one night (night, because I had insomnia and this kept me occupied until 6am) and it was a really enjoyable read.  Arguably it is predictable, but when reading this type of book you want it to be - I would be disappointed if the leading lady didn't get her love interest in the end.  There are clear goodies, and baddies, and some who appear to switch sides when you know them on a deeper level.  I will definitely read more of Ruth's books in the future.

People are funny

...weird, that is, not funny haha.  Though I am laughing about it all.  Luckily I'm in a good place mentally, so I can laugh about it; otherwise I fear what it would have done to my mental health.

In this blog I have posted much about my life, on lots of different topics.  I know I swerve from 'the norm' on some things - I'm a Christian, I home educate, I consider myself a naturist, and most recently I voted against the winners of the general election.  Within this blog, though I generally use it for book reviews and for tracking my failure to lose weight, I have posted the occasional more controversial topic.  Yet, it is a post that I thought was pretty middle of the road that has caused a bigger reaction than I expected!

I posted this directly on my Facebook Page in response to the result of the election.  I admit that my tongue was in my cheek when I suggested that the electorate were stupid, selfish or both, but did use the qualifier 'may' and pointed out that it's an opinion not a fact.
The rest of the post, however, was talking about how to help people in the coming days, months and years because I think a Tory government is not good for society, and does not have people's (especially poor people's) best interests at heart.
Finally, as I get prompted by FB on every post I write, I thought this may be a relevant one to actually add a donate button to.  I don't know you, I am not telling you you must donate, I am not saying reading my blog is on the condition of donating, but is something you could choose to do should you wish.  I chose the Trussell Trust because it is an organisation that has food banks nationally around the country.  I could have chosen a food bank that was local to me, but given that I know I have readers all around the country, and indeed around the world, I figured they wouldn't care about a food bank in my little town.

At time of writing, this post on FB has currently got 114 reactions (yey!), 57 comments, and 17 shares!  I naively thought that if people didn't like what I had to say (though as I've said, I didn't think it was controversial) they'd just scroll past and ignore.  There's so much that comes up on my FB newsfeed, that even from pages that I usually like, there is the odd post that doesn't resonate so I simply move on.  If it's a page I haven't 'liked' on FB, unless there was something absolutely ridiculous and needs refuting, if I don't agree with a post I'll either scroll past or at worst, hide it from my newsfeed.

You can probably tell where I'm going with this!  when I woke up Saturday morning, I was surprised to see that I had upset someone by choosing the Trussell Trust to donate to.  In that thread of conversation I was repeatedly told "you really are an idiot"; a different person said "coming to your page with insults, you started your diatribe with the very same insults, because you and millions of other moaners lost an election."  though in an interesting twist these two people then started arguing with each other.  Other comments, in response to my post: "Accept the result and stop preaching to the rest of us. You come across narrow minded, judgemental and bigoted."  being a Christian, I've sat in my fair share of sermons, and reckon I could preach with the best of them; this wasn't it.  Here I was just trying to suggest that people are kind to each other - clearly I failed! Finally (again, at point of writing), I'm told "You are stupid and selfish." Not one to normally boast, but having a Masters degree in Engineering Science from the University of Oxford (and I do have friends who read this blog, who were at uni with me - I'm not lying), I can categorically say I am not stupid.  I may not understand some things, or may lack knowledge in certain areas, but I hold my hands up and am honest if that is the case.  Similarly, I don't think I'm selfish [often. I think everyone, including me, is selfish at times.  I try my best to override that part of myself, and with God's help, I can manage it sometimes], nor do I think it selfish of me to say that we should be kind and love one another.  Surely that's common sense and part of being a good person?

Oh well, you live and learn.  People are funny weird, and I can laugh at it all.

Edited to add some more comments:
Very funny! Begging for our money to line your own pocket, just like many others! Try working for your money like we do!  As much as I wish I was paid for writing my opinions, I'm not, so receive all this abuse for free.
 if you want people to be kind how about giving it a go your self!   In reaction to not understanding the words 'may' or 'just an opinion'.
Your post insults a lot of hard working, decent people   Other than a tongue in cheek comment, that already has been clarified, I fail to see where I have insulted people, but suggesting a few things.

Oh well, you can't please everyone!

Billy's Week

We have just returned from a glorious week at The Naturist Foundation in Orpington.  The weather was fantastic, if not a bit hot at times, so I was often found lounging, reading in the shade.  We've been going to Billy's Week for the past 4 years (though technically now Billy and Jayne's Week, as she now organises much of it), as it is a family week with tons to do: Kids Club every morning, Kids' Splash time in the heated pool every afternoon, not to mention archery, darts, petanque, miniten, badminton, table tennis, pool, swimming gala, quizzes, bingo, mens vs women trivial pursuit, disco and a hexathlon.  There's even a service on the Sunday morning, so I didn't miss going to church!

My mum, bless her, has started reading this blog and when I said we were going camping, she asked if it is a 'natural' holiday?  Yes mum, camping in the countryside is something we love and is very natural for us. 😜

One of the things I love most about camping, is that it resets my body clock - though I did stay up fairly late (especially when I only had a little bit left of a book I was reading), I wake up at dawn.  And even when I fall back to sleep, I will wake up earlier than I would do at home.  Given DD1 starts school next week, I need to get back in the habit of waking up early.  Having to wake up at 5am in order to cycle to the train station, catch a train and then a bus, to get to work for 8am seems like a lifetime ago now!

The holiday itself was really good.  We arrived on the Tuesday and set up our camp, before going down to the pavilion (where there's a cafe during the day, as well as a bar) to join in the quiz.  Given my husband and I were late, we sat separate rather than joining a team, and we still didn't come last, and actually came top of one of the rounds! 
On Wednesday we headed into London to see Joseph, as part of Kids Week.  We see a show in London every year; previous shows we've seen have included Billy Elliot, Wicked and Kinky Boots.  I've never actually seen Joseph before, but knew all the songs from singing them during music classes at school.  It was really good!  Jac Yarrow was great, and whilst I didn't rate Jason Donovan's voice, Sheridan Smith was absolutely fantastic as the narrator and made the show.  The girls loved it, and it was good to only have a short train journey back to the campsite.

Thursday was DD2's 9th birthday, and tbh, I'm not going to go through every day with exactly what we did when as I can't remember!  There was a Pool competition and I came 1st of the women (in the second time round).  The Hexathlon was on the Saturday, and my husband came 2nd out of the men, DD2 came 2nd out of the kids, and DD1 came 3rd out of the kids.  I don't have enough hand-eye coordination to join in, and missing out half the sports wouldn't be very good.  So I read my books and sunbathed instead - it's a hard life, lol!  I read over 8 books whilst away, so have plenty to write up in the next few days, and I still need to finish writing my comments about the Welsh HE Consultation, not to mention getting DD1 ready for school...

Redcoats in the Buff

So last night, my husband and I had a night off from the kids, and went to see Mikron's show Redcoats.  Hailed by Ox in a Box that it was a "UK First", that's actually not true, as audiences were able to see the musical Hair when nude, back in 2017.  The fact it was a naturist event wasn't the reason we didn't take the kids as you know we love our Butlin's holidays! (I've spoken before about children and naturism), rather that it was in a gin distillery and I wanted to enjoy myself!


The show was fantastic!  The story followed Lynn, a lady who had been a Redcoat for 50years and was busy rehearsing (or trying to!) for her final show before she retires.  Unfortunately for her, the other characters, technician Terrence, Redcoat Barry and marketing-guru Destiny, have made some "tweaks" to her script.  The story goes through the history of how Billy Butlin started his holiday empire, and what Butlin's means to both Redcoats and holidaymakers who attend.  There is a good mix of laugh-out-loud humour, and more poignant moments, such as during the war.
My only criticism was when Terrence (aka @leccybaker123) says that his cakes get more follows/likes (or whatever - I don't insta) than sprockets and flanges.  Now, if he were a leccy, then he'd know that nobody cares about sprockets and flanges, but post a pic of a transistor or capacitor - whew, now I'm interested! lol

I often find shows with smaller casts have to try really hard to keep the audience's attention, but that was no problem for this crew.  The four actors are all brilliant singers and amazing musicians, swapping between various instruments (guitar, ukulele, violin, cello, saxophone, accordion and percussion) with ease, as well as portraying the characters very believably.
TBH, given some of the interesting tribute acts I've seen at Butlin's, this would be a good addition to the holiday parks; maybe not every year, but for anniversaries, or even every 5 years, this would be an amusing and interesting show.

I had not heard of Mikron before this, but I would recommend them.
And if Butlin's isn't your thing - they are also currently touring a show about The Wrens.

Why don’t I like myself?

Recently a friend recently received some abuse because she posts a lot of selfies on her FB newsfeed. Now this friend does read this blog, so I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this. I luv ya lots xx

She was asked whether she posted because she ‘needed the likes’ and had apparently had ‘offended his beliefs’; and she came back with a brilliant explanation (not that she needed to) of why she does what she does, posts what she wants, because her body is a miracle that she is proud of. To quote her “So here it is, for likes and comments, my magical, amazing, miraculous, super strength body, on display, thin, chubby, pregnant, scandily[sic] clad, wrapped up and glitter dusted. I am not ashamed anymore and neither should you be of your magical skin sock.”

This friend has been through her fair share of shit in her time, and has come through stronger than ever. She is a fabulous woman, and I would love to learn to like myself like that.

I don’t like my body. It does what it needs to do (and my dislike isn’t enough to stop be going nude on a naturist beach – you don’t like it, don’t look!) but it’s not fit and it’s not healthy. Since going into surgical menopause, by waist has gotten wider and my stomach larger, yet I still have my huge hips and thunder thighs to match, so I’m big all over.  And I mention regularly that I need to lose weight and get my BMI below 30 (preferable below 25) before I can have the mastectomy I want.

I am very aware of the link between the state of my mental health and my ability to lose weight. I want to lose weight, but when my MH is low, I self-sabotage and I’m becoming aware that I self-harm too. Not in any overt way, but little things like not brushing my teeth, or washing clothes as often as I should. And the self-sabotage is usually along the lines of comfort eating or binging, then feeling guilty about it, and both of which then adds weight, rather than loses it. And then there’s the exercise thing, or lack of it, that I only have the impetus to do when I’m feeling good, yet my brain knows would be good for me to do especially when I don’t feel good. Yet another stick to beat myself with.

I also don’t like me as a person. I don’t think I’m horrible or anything, I just don’t think I’m particularly nice either. I do have friends, so there must be something about me that I’m not seeing, because I know for a fact they’re not friends with me for what I do for them, simply because I don’t do anything for them.
(And anybody reading this, I am not asking people to say they like me, just getting my thoughts out-there about how I feel about myself.)

And there may be some people reading this who question my right to call myself a Christian when I can articulate so clearly why I’m not worthy. I know God loves me. I know God died for me. I know God thinks I’m worth saving. Yet, I don’t know why God loves me? I can only assume it’s because of His infinite goodness, that He can like someone like me. I’m not a good person, and often am very self-absorbed. Whereas when I was younger I was only aware of “happy”, “sad” and “angry” (though happy was more neutral than elevated), now I am aware of many more negative emotions including boredom, jealousy, apathy, amongst others. I’m not a good Christian, and am fully reliant on God’s power to draw me to Him, as I don’t have the strength or willpower to do it myself.

Would I be friends with myself? Possibly, I don’t know. I think I would try to be friends with me, but I would doubt that the other-me wanted to be friends with me, itms. I don’t really know how to make friends, I just hang around and hope somebody will talk to me. At some point, they talk to me whenever they see me, and eventually we go out eating and drinking together and I think we’re friends. Similarly, however, I can lose friends unintentionally. I tend to continue thinking someone is my friend until they do something to make me think otherwise. For some friends, this is great, because it means that we can go weeks, months or years without seeing each other, and when we do, it’s like we’ve never left. Other friends, however, we slowly lose touch. Because I always assume that people don’t really like me (why would they – I don’t like me), I will try to keep in touch a couple of times, but if nothing comes of it then, I’ll think maybe I’m not getting the hint, so I’ll no longer contact them as I assume that’s what they want. Not least because the final time, I’ll specifically ask them to arrange whatever-it-is, so if they don’t, I know they don’t want to.

The other thing about making friends is that I don’t like small-talk and I don’t like saying things for the sake of it. Why can’t more people be comfortable with silence? Though I admit, I do find it funny when I can clearly see the other person is uncomfortable, and I’m not.

But back to liking myself, this is an area I do need to improve. A different friend recently gave me a notebook in which to write things I’m grateful for. I’m not going to share what I’m writing, but since receiving it, I have managed to find 3 things each day that I am grateful for. Sometimes something big and sometimes something small. I hope this will help my MH as it gives me something to look over when I’m feeling down.

And I have found a counsellor that I like. I did a trial session with her, and I have booked her from September, so hopefully that will be useful to. I don’t know if I could ever get to the point of loving myself, but liking myself would be good. I know I need to be kinder to myself, as I know I’m harder on myself than I am on other people, but that’s because, in my mind, I deserve it. Then maybe I can be more successful losing weight as I realise I deserve to treat myself right and feed myself the right foods, and move my body in ways that make me feel good.

Children and Naturism

There's a lot in the media at the moment about children in naturism, and overall I have been pleased with what I've seen.  Much of it has been about the Sandcastle Waterpark event that is currently on in Blackpool, and is advertised as a naturist swim for all the family.  We've actually been to this one, when DD1 was 2yo, and I was pregnant with DD2.  It was good fun, and DD1 enjoyed herself, but it was too far away from where we live to attend every year.  These days, we tend to either go to the Splash Waterworld events in Stoke-on-Trent or The Alton Towers Weekend in Splash Landings Hotel - a full weekend of nudity from 6pm on Friday until Midday on Sunday.  All these events and more can be found on the BN Events Webpage.

This clip from ITV's Good Morning Britain shows a discussion about whether or not it is safe for children to be at these events.  It's a shame that the naturist, Kate Smurthwaite, doesn't have children herself, but I can understand the reticence of parents not wanting to be outspoken on this, not least because I'm fairly anonymous on this blog myself. However, she does make some good points.  The other person, Lottie Daley, didn't imo (though I acknowledge I am biased on this topic).  Her first comment says that body positivity comes from being a good parent - stigmatising parents whose children suffer from body dysmorphia, anorexia, bulimia and what have you.  Then she makes the comment "you're lucky if someone doesn't get aroused in front of your children" - as if a pair of speedos or swimming trunks will really hide an erection! Really?!  As I said in my previous post that BN has strong child protection policies, other naturists are generally very protective of children, and should there be any untoward behaviour, the police are on side.  Now, admittedly, this isn't my area of expertise, but I would imagine a paedophile would want to get his jollies off in such a way that he wouldn't get caught, rather than naked in front of a load of other people... If anything, I'd've thought there would be more kids at a 'normal' Saturday swim, than at a naturist one, and it's not like swimsuits don't show exactly what's underneath on the kids, either.

There was another article this week, on BBC News, about going to a family naturist swim, whilst also advertising the Sandcastle event.  This time it highlighted a petition from a whopping(!) 50 people who think the event should be 18s only.  As a naturist, and a parent, I much prefer events that are open to the whole family.  Partly because it means we can all attend - for example, there are many swims around the country, some of which are open to all and some of which are not.  In my town there is a fortnightly naturist swim, but it's 18+ which means my husband and I can never attend together, because we have children - but also because some establishments misuse the word "naturist".  For example, there are some "naturist spas" in London that are not so much naturist, as naked swinging...  Fine if that's what you're into, but not for me, thank you very much!  By knowing that children can attend if they wish, I know that the event is truly naturist - non-sexual social nudity.

If you are interested in finding a naturist swim where you live, have a look here or here.

Why are Women’s Clothes Policed?

Why are women not afforded the same rights in regard to choosing their own clothes? Ideally, I think everybody should be able to wear whatever they want, or not, because ideally people wouldn’t be wearing clothing with offensive or hateful slogans. But even with that caveat, why can’t everybody wear whatever they want, or not? (The ‘not’ is in there, because I think everybody should be free to not wear clothes if they wish. I’m a big supporter of the TopFreedom movement.) 

Just today, I saw an article about Decathlon selling sports-headwear for Muslim women, and I thought that was such a good idea. That will allow Muslim women to take part in sports that they may otherwise be unable or unwilling to. However, I then read on in the article to discover that these piece of clothing has been banned in France. France has already banned face coverings for Muslim women, and any form of religious dress (ie headscarves and turbans) in French schools.

I am aware that some men force women to wear full body coverings as a form of subjugation, and that Islam doesn’t specify that women must wear such clothes. However, conversely, some women prefer to wear such clothing because they don’t want their bodies scrutinised by men, or other women; they don’t want to receive unwanted attention; and simply, they like to wear a burqa (for example) as outwear, whilst still wearing their usual clothing underneath. Assuming that the women have a genuine choice, Let Them Choose!

Women of all walks of life are bombarded with messages about what they should look like, what they should wear, and how they should never wear the other… Women’s gossip magazines are undoubtedly the worst, but with the rise of social media, whether it be through FB or YouTube Influencers, the message is getting out that women should look as best they can for other people. I even read an article that was shared recently called 10 Ways your clothes reveal your heart at church  and it included the line “One can tell a lot about a woman that didn’t even have time to swipe concealer under her eyes before leaving the house.” Really? You see a woman who isn’t wearing make-up and you automatically make a judgement?! On the whole, I don’t wear make-up. It’s a choice I make, because I see it as a waste of my time. If I’m going out somewhere particularly nice, I’ll like to dress up, but otherwise, no. Isn’t sad that a woman feels they can’t leave their house without being plastered in war paint? [See, I can be judgemental too!] Why can’t a woman be free to not wear make-up if they don’t want to, or wear make-up should they wish? Whatever choice a woman makes, they feel judged for that choice, and it affects youngsters too. Even my 11yo daughter refuses to leave the house without at least foundation on. At the moment there is a reason, she is suffering with pimples younger than her peers, but I hope as she grows up she realises that it is truly her choice whether to adorn her face with make-up or not.

And if a woman does wear make-up, and dress up nice, and she goes out, there is the assumption that she is doing that for attention, rather than for herself. And if she were unlucky enough to be attacked or assaulted when dressed like that, the blame is put at her feet. Things are slowly starting to change, thanks in part to artists like Jen Brockman who are purposely drawing people’s attention to clothing through various art instalations.  

I saw a video that was shared on FB recently about the ludicrousness of blaming the victim, when gender roles were switched. A man had been mugged and had his watch and wallet stolen, but who could blame the mugger when the man went out dressed in a suit, clearly advertising that he was wealthy… I thought it was a fairly good analogy when I saw the clip – until a friend pointed out the canned laughter in the background (I had watched it in silence with subtitles, so had much more impact.) 

Picture: ABSOLUTE/D'ARCANGELI

And though this rant was originally about what women wear, why can’t men wear what they want too? If a man (or boy) wants to wear pink, why not? If they want to wear a dress, or heels, why should we stop them? Why should we assume that because they do like “women’s clothes” or “women’s colours” that they must be gay or transgendered or anything else? Why can’t we just view them as who they are?

Bare Reality - 100 Vaginas

Laura Dodsworth is an artist whose work I have been following since she did her first book about women's breasts.  I first heard of her through British Naturism and since, then I have been following her Bare Reality Page on Facebook.

Laura has released three books, all showing the raw nature of our most intimate parts.  I don't own any of the books myself yet (they are on my wishlist!) but here is a summary:

Bare Reality: 100 Women, Their Breasts, Their Stories* 100 women bravely share un-airbrushed photographs of their breasts alongside honest, courageous, powerful and humorous stories about their breasts and their lives. Women from all walks of life took part, aged from 19 to 101, sized AAA to K, from Buddhist nun to burlesque dancer. Their perspectives and experiences are revealing and profoundly moving. Intimate, visually refreshing, maybe even surprising, Bare Reality will make you reconsider how you think and feel about your own body, and those of the women in your life.

Manhood: The Bare Reality* 100 men bare all in a collection of photographs and interviews about manhood and 'manhood'. These days we are all less bound by gender and traditional roles, but is there more confusion about what being a man means? From veteran to vicar, from porn addict to prostate cancer survivor, men from all walks of life share honest reflections about their bodies, sexuality, relationships, fatherhood, work and health in this pioneering and unique book. Just as Bare Reality: 100 women, their breasts, their stories presented the un-airbrushed truth about breasts for women, Manhood: The Bare Reality shows us the spectrum of 'normal', revealing men's penises and bodies in all their diversity and glory, dispelling body image anxiety and myths. Sensitive and compassionate, Manhood will surprise you and reassure you. It may even make you reconsider what you think you know about men, their bodies and masculinity.

Womanhood: The Bare Reality* 100 women bare all in an empowering collection of photographs and interviews about Womanhood.

Vagina, vulva, lady garden, pussy, beaver, c**t, fanny… whatever you call it most women have no idea what's 'down there'. Culturally and personally, no body part inspires love and hate, fear and lust, worship and desecration in the same way.  From smooth Barbie dolls to internet porn, girls and women grow up with a very narrow view of what they should look like, even though in reality there is an enormous range. Womanhood departs from the 'ideal vagina' and presents the gentle un-airbrushed truth, allowing us to understand and celebrate our diversity.  For the first time, 100 brave and beautiful women reveal their bodies and stories on their own terms, talking about how they feel about pleasure, sex, pain, trauma, birth, motherhood, menstruation, menopause, gender, sexuality and simply being a woman.

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.  Clicking the link will not cost you, the purchaser, any more than going direct.

Recently there was a programme on Channel 4 about the making of the Womanhood Book, called 100 Vaginas.  It is described by Ch4 as "Documentary artist Laura Dodsworth photographs women and hears their intimate, shocking, moving, powerful or funny stories about how their vaginas have shaped their lives".  It is currently available on All4 and I would recommend everybody watch it.  (It does have some scenes of a sexual nature, so not suitable for children, but would be a good talking point for teenagers, imo.)

Despite being a naturist, the vulva is the one part of the body I have not seen lots of. Unlike breasts and penises, the vulva is not on display, and usually only gets shown in the most intimate of settings.

The women who have taken part in the book, and the documentary, are not exhibitionists, but normal women.  There are some interesting and disturbing issues that are touched on in the program, and having recently been irked by the Channel4 Dispatches program, I was pleased at how sensitively the various topics were broached.  The women featured include young and old, black and white, fat and thin, transgender and gender neutral/non-binary. The topics discussed include periods, virginity, masturbation, rape, FGM, childbirth, infertility, miscarriage, gynae cancer, sex and menopause.  Included are various statistics, for example 1 in 8 women suffer infertility; or 10 women are raped in England every hour.  Though there is nothing too graphic, I can imagine that some of this may be triggering for some women.  You are not alone, and please get help from friends, family, charities or professionals if you need it.  

I think this is a good program for everyone to watch, male or female (or non-binary).
When I finally get a copy of the book, I trust Laura that it will be just as good.

Why Aren't You Angry?

This week is half term, so we're spending most of the week at a dance festival, rather than our usual Home Ed routine.  On the days in between, I'm allowing the girls "a break" from their work, but trying to get them interested in other things. [Inverted commas, because up until recently we have been Unschooling.  A year ago we introduced a little structure/formality to their work, and more recently the girls now do some maths, from a textbook, and some reading every day, mainly so DD1 doesn't feel totally overwhelmed if she does go to school in September.]

So, on Monday, I asked the girls to sit on the sofa, with a pen and paper, and I would try to make them angry.  Not bad angry - emotional, upset, defensive, rage, meltdown, uncontrolled - but good angry - realising there's a problem and feeling the need to do something to want to change it.  I wanted them to write down anything that they thought was unfair, anything that made them feel something.  DD1 wrote down a good paragraph, whereas DD2 chose to draw her thoughts instead.


I started talking about simple, topical things, and ended up delving deeper into the subject:
The fact that when I was a young adult, I had the freedom to live or work where I liked around Europe, but my children won't have the same opportunities (ie Brexit).
That the people who will be affected by this the most (young people) cannot vote until they are 18yo.
That many people were losing their jobs as employers closed factories in the UK, preferring cheaper options abroad.
That poverty is a real concern in the UK.
That homeless people can be arrested or fined.
That the NHS is slowly becoming privatised.
That food bank use is on the rise.
That Neonazism and Fascism are becoming more mainstream.
That Zero Hour Contracts exist.
That feminism is still needed.
That climate change is still debated.
That animals are still becoming extinct because of humans.
Donald Trump (need I say more....).

I then asked if there was anything they could do about it?  I was a bit disappointed to hear the response "no".  Despite not using schools, I feel a bit guilty that my children have grown up thinking that they have no power.  I tried to explain that there are a few things that you can do, but by this point, DD1 was leaving good angry and becoming bad angry: she said she refuses to march because that's stupid, before running upstairs.   This last comment was aimed at me, because I went to London to protest to Save the NHS last year, and I will be heading there again in March to protest for a People's Vote, regarding Brexit.

By now, we had be discussing for over an hour and a half, and tbf that is quite intense to be thinking on these things for anyone, let alone two children, so we stopped there.  I did use the voucher I got for Christmas to buy some books, which arrived yesterday:

Girls Resist! A guide to Activism, Leadership and Starting a Revolution by KaeLyn Rich I skim-read this book yesterday, and it has lots of useful information in it, once you know you want to get involved in activism.  I would say it is a bit old for DD1 (11yo) yet, but that's mainly because she is not interested in politics at all.  It goes into a fair bit of depth for a book aimed at children, but that is not a bad thing at all.

Yes You Can! Your guide to becoming an Activist by Drake and Love I skim-read this book yesterday too, and this is the one I would like DD1 to read first.  It is a thinner book, with short bits from history (DD1 much prefers non-fiction to fiction, and loves history), plus selected activities you can do to make a campaign.

Politics for Beginners by Louie Stowell I flipped through this book, but will look to read it shortly.  I bought this book with DD2 (8) in mind, as there are loads of pictures and cartoons explaining key concepts, but actually, I think not only will DD1 learn from this book, but I will too!

The older I get, the more interested I am in politics, because it affects EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.  I used to be quite ignorant, and thought that it made no difference, that I could not make a difference, and I was only a passive bystander as life and politics was done to me.  It was naturism that first got me interested, specifically naturist rights, because many people are quite ignorant about what the law says about nudity.  Then, as I delved into home education, the erosion of parental rights is a key concern.  Not least that currently, the government is trying to scapegoat home educators for their own services' failings.  And yes, as I read, and think about the list I discussed with my girls (which is by no means exhaustive, as we went down some rabbit holes, with twists and turns) I find myself thinking "Why aren't you angry? Why is the general public so content with the status quo? Why are they so lazy/ignorant to not want to do anything about it?".

There is so much of this world that is wrong, or could be improved, that I would not expect everyone to be constantly up in arms about everything.  That would be more than a full time job's worth, and would not be very good for your blood pressure.  But there are lots of little things that everyone could do. Vote, every chance you get.  Signing a petition, is one small act, but with thousands of signatories, it can influence government. Going on a march and making your voice heard - especially if it's on a weekend, rather than having to take a day off work.  Refuse to buy from companies you consider unethical.  Or writing letters to companies (if about a product) or TV ombudsman (if about a program) to get your point across.  One letter may not make a difference (it may, so don't let that stop you!), but imagine if a TV producer was to receive hundreds of complaints about a specific issue; they will have to start to take notice!
And simply talk about politics more, in general conversation.  It's not something to be shied away from.  Be polite, yes, but by broaching topics naturally, can help those undecided to make a decision, and those who disagree with you may rethink their opinion.  (Equally, they may not rethink their position, but at least you'll be more informed as to why they think those things.)

Please let me know which book this was photographed from, so I can credit the author.

Januhairy

I saw the Januhairy campaign for the first time on BBC News and its ethos fits into why I consider myself a naturist - promoting real bodies (or body hair in this case) in order to promote true body confidence. 

I think it is important for men and women to realise what normal, natural women's bodies look like - in particular, that there is no such thing as "normal".  Additionally, we live in a patriarchal society and it is important, that as women, we learn to determine what things we are genuinely choosing to do, and what things we do because we feel we have to, due to pressure from society.

Some aspects of this are easy or difficult for different people.  For example, my mother never leaves the house without her "war paint" on, as she puts it.  I, on the other hand, rarely wear make-up unless going out and wanting to feel a bit extra special.  I have been told by my mum that I should wear make-up daily as I would look better (this was especially true before my Papilopustular Rosacea was diagnosed and treated), however I believe that I'm not there to make other people feel good about looking at me.  If I don't look how you want, don't look. Simple.

If we go on to talk about hair, I'm a bit of a Hairy Mary.  My hair is dark, strong and grows fast.  I've got a sensitive nose, so am very conscious about whether I smell or not (especially as some people say that you can't smell yourself until BO is really bad) because I can always smell me, even after I've come straight out of the shower.  As such, I always shave under my arms, so there is nothing for the bacteria that creates BO to hold on to.  I don't do this for other people, but for myself because it makes me feel clean.  Though I don't hold on to it myself, I've heard other women say similar about their pubic hair.

Leg hair, however, is something totally different and is where my confusion/conformity/hypocrisy kicks in.  I don't like shaving my legs, I really don't.  It takes up too much time and effort, imo, and women's razors are far too expensive. I have discussed this with my gorgeous husband, and he would be happy for me to not shave my legs - it's up to me.  However, I can't.  I can go for winter without shaving my legs, wearing trousers or thick tights all season.  I have even started being brave (for it is brave for me) and started going swimming without shaving my legs; figuring that if my legs keep moving, then nobody can see the hairs anyway.  I can't, however, wear a skirt with bare, hairy legs.  I can't.  I would like too, but years of conditioning means it's too big a step for me at the moment.  The closest I can get right now, is to share a quick snap of my lower legs on anonymous blog.

So kudos for all the women taking part in Januhairy, whether it be a month-long experiment, to raise money for charity, or a longer term thing.  I hope that one day I can join you, and that in the future my girls do not feel the same pressure to conform to an idealised image.

Why on earth would you be a Naturist?

Firstly, being a naturist is more than being naked.  For example, I still consider myself a naturist, but it's too cold to be without clothing at the moment - Brrrrr!  Naturism is the enjoyment of non-sexual nudity.  For me, it's simply the sensible option when hot, or when going swimming, or even when camping.

If you're hot, it's so annoying when you are somewhere where you can't remove your shirt.  Blokes have it lucky in that it's generally acceptable for them to remove their shirt when hot, but the same isn't for women.  So, I am a big supporter for the TopFreedom Movement.

Similarly when swimming - what is the point of putting on clothing that will only get wet and stick to your skin, leaving nothing to the imagination anyway AND you then have to do the ridiculous Towel Dance in order to get dry and changed? Or worse, look like you're trying to emulate Mr Bean?!!
Ignoring the fact that most people look better naked than squished into a swimming costume, it's easier to simply drip dry when naked, and redress quickly and efficiently.



Camping may sound strange, but you also feel warmer when naked than partially clothed, and showering when camping, again, s quick and efficient.  There's no need to take a bag of clothes to the shower, trying to shower without getting your clothes nor towel wet, and then balancing on one leg in a small cubicle, trying to change without getting your clothes on the wet floor and the water from next door's shower coming underneath.  Nope. Simply take a towel to the shower; shower; dry your body with said towel and then wrap it around your hair before walking back to your tent. Easy.

And that is all ignoring the sensory side of naturism - the feeling of the sun on your skin, a warm breeze, cool water etc.  It helps you feel alive.
And (again) the social side - firstly, everyone is treated as equals.  There is no evidence of anyone's status or education or money or anything else when naked, we are all simply who we are and are accepted as so.  There are the body beautiful, the young, the old and wrinkly, fat and skinny.  There are people with scars, disabilities, medical needs (eg stoma bags that you can see when naked).  Everyone gets accepted for who they are.  And (again, again) actually I never noticed until I became a naturist that people don't talk to my eyes when I'm dressed.  Yes, my boobs are on the bigger side of normal, but it was startling to me initially that, when naked, people DID look into my eyes/face when talking.  They'd already seen my breasts - no need for them to keep looking there to get a glimpse or imagine what was below my clothing.
And (again, again, again) yes, there are children.  Personally I think it is important that children grow up seeing real, naked people.  Firstly it takes away any potential danger or compromising situation about "show me yours and I'll show you mine" or naïvely getting into a situation they can't handle out of ignorance/curiosity.  Secondly, for their own mental health, it is important that children do not only see naked models or porn stars. People do come in all shapes and sizes.  Some people are hairier than others.  Some people are not totally symmetrical (in fact, most women's breasts are not symmetrical).  There is no such thing as "normal".

But what about paedophiles? In my experience, naturists tend to be more aware and more protective of children.  Obviously, everyone has to do what they are comfortable with themselves, but naturism is family-friendly and non-sexual.  So for me, I allow DD1 and DD2 to stay dressed or to undress as they want.  I do not allow any photographs of them when naked.  And they are supervised as they would be anywhere else. 
In the unlikely event that there was a paedophile at an event (obviously beaches are public so can't be controlled as well, but the police are on our side and swiftly act if there is any unwanted behaviour), Naturist Clubs and British Naturism have child protection policies and if there is inappropriate sexual behaviour (between adults) they will warn/evict/ban as appropriate, and if anything involves a child, obviously there would be an immediate ban and the police would be involved.

Isn't it illegal? No.  Naturism in the UK is not illegal.  In fact, in England and Wales it is LEGAL to be anywhere in public when naked, unless there are specific by-laws for that area.  I would say that common sense is needed, for example walking past a school when naked may not be the most sensible idea, but being in your own home or garden, or in the countryside or on a beach, nudity is perfectly allowed.

But what about The Naked Rambler? His is a specific case, and I do have some sympathy for him, though I don't necessarily think he goes about things the right way.  So, in Scotland, they interpret the law about nudity causing offense slightly differently to England and Wales, so I would not advise anyone to be naked in public in Scotland unless on a specific naturist beach/club or at a specific event.  Things are changing slowly in Scotland, but it's not something I could in good conscience recommend.  But he was arrested in England too! Yes, he was arrested and imprisoned for repeatedly breaking his ASBO.  Just because someone has an ASBO to prevent them being out after 9pm, does not mean everybody has to stay in after 9pm.  Similarly, just because someone has an ASBO preventing them being naked in public, does not mean everybody has to be clothed in public.  Whether I think the ASBO preventing nudity is right (I don't) is another conversation, but the reason for his arrests were for breaking that ASBO and refusing to dress to appear in court.

But what about your faith? All the Christians I know are prudes... Let's start by repeating the fact that Naturism is non-sexual nudity.  So whether a Christian would be classed by you as a 'prude' or not, has nothing to do with naturism.  If you read the Bible, you can see that nudity is not demonised at all.

Genesis 1:27, 31 says "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day." 
God saw naked people, and called it good!  It was only after they had sinned and felt shame, that they wanted to hide away and found themselves clothes.  Even throughout the rest of the Bible, there are stories of prophets walking, preaching, prophesying when nude. Nude is not Rude!
Anyone interested in finding our more about being a Christian and a Naturist, I would recommend looking at this site: Christian Naturist Fellowship.  Yes, there are enough naturist Christians to have a group and a website!  And yes, I have been to services when naked.

This is getting quite long, so I'll leave the story of how I became a naturist to another time...