Showing posts with label BRCA1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BRCA1. Show all posts

Tuesday 29 December 2020

Weekly Update - End of Year

I hope you have all had a good Christmas, despite the difficulties of not seeing friends and family because of Covid.


I had a nice relaxing time with my family and new pup.  We opened presents, ate a late lunch, and relaxed altogether.

Since then, I've started decorating my new room.  As we finished DD1's room, she has now moved up into the attic, and my room has been emptied.  So, I've painted one wall today, and I hope to paint the other three walls tomorrow.  I can then start buying furniture for it.  The biggest thing to go in there is a sofa bed, which we already have, but it'll be moved upstairs and I've got a new cover to go on it, so it will match the rest of the room.

I do need to do my Self-Assessment for my tutoring work.  I've never left it this late before.  I said the same last year, when I finally did it in October.  I just hope that next year, I don't leave it another 3+ months after the date I complete it this year (since the deadline is 31st January!).

After the New Year, I'll start reading up on the Home Ed stuff again, and fighting both locally and nationally.  Having my own work room will help me stay organised.

I still have one book review to write up, and ideally, I'd like to finish 3 of the books that I am currently reading, and write up reviews of those.  I'll then go through the whole year to give a complete list of the 70+books I have read this year.  Next year, I think I will lower the number of books I plan to read to about 50.  Not to say that I don't think I could read that many again, but if I am getting involved in other things, perhaps studying more too, I simply won't have time to read as much as I have done recently.  I am not sitting in the dance studios any more (due to covid) and haven't even finished the MosaiCraft portrait I bought for myself to do over Lockdown1.  Again, this is because I'm not sat waiting much anymore.  On a Tuesday, when I am waiting for an hour and a half, it is dark at the moment, and I have the pup with me, so it wouldn't be wise to do anything as fiddly as MosaiCraft.

I would like to start focussing on getting healthy again in the new year.  I am very aware that I need to get on the waiting list to have my mastectomy before I'm 40 (so I have 18months), and to have the reconstruction I really do want, I need to lose weight.  I have discovered that surgeons differ by how much weight I'd have to lose, so to know for sure, I will need to actually meet with one.  My mental state has enjoyed not weighing myself every day recently, but my clothes are aware that my weight is creeping up, as I expected it would (not least because it always does when I'm not weighing myself).  I find myself wondering if I can incidentally lose weight by focussing on a different area of my health?  What if I simply record what I am eating and how much exercise I am doing?  If I can get past the shame of recording every bite, will just knowing that I will be writing it later, help me focus my thoughts on healthy foods and the impacts that it will have on my health?  Maybe, just maybe.  And when it gets warmer, I do want to take my pup jogging (she likes it when I run with her now, but it isn't as fun for me when I'm wrapped in a big coat, scarf and boots, lol).

So, that's my quick update and vague plans for next year.

I pray that you can enjoy this festive period, and that your 2021 is better than this year has been xxx

Monday 7 December 2020

Weighty Worries

I've been trying to write this post for the past fortnight, and I keep starting and deleting.  I'm going round in circles in my mind and I don't know what to do.

I am not losing weight.  It's easy enough to see why - I'm not limiting my eating enough and/or not exercising enough.  And I don't want to.  There, I said it.  I've known for a while my mind isn't in the right place to lose weight.

I'm ok with how I look.  Whilst ideally I would like to lose some weight, actually, I'm ok with how I am. I do have moments, especially when I'm on zoom calls, where I notice my double chin is looking more like a triple or quadruple chin, and I would like to be thinner so I have more choice of clothing, but I don't care enough to change for those reasons.

I'm trying to lose weight in order to have DIEP reconstruction when I have my double mastectomy.  I haven't spoken to a GP or surgeon yet, because I've heard that in order to have DIEP your BMI has to be below a certain level. My BMI is currently 34.5 and I've heard it should be a maximum of 27, if not 25 (ie top end of Healthy weight). So, I've started to think about having implants instead.  I've got no issue with implants, but it's not what I wanted, and that thought makes me sad. Yet, surely if I cared enough, I would make the effort to lose weight? Surely I wouldn't be stuffing mince pies in my gob at every opportunity?

When I had my hysterectomy, I planned on having mastectomy by the time I'm 40.  I'm 38 now, which means (assuming it takes a year for the process [ignoring coronavirus]), I need to see my GP and request it in less than 6 months time. I lack the self belief, let alone will-power, that I am going to be able to lose weight in that time.

I feel like stopping actively trying to lose weight is quitting.  And that isn't good for my depression.
I feel like continuing with the charade of weekly updates makes me a fraud.  And that isn't good for my depression.

If I could have surgery today and any reconstruction I want, I would choose DIEP, even with the added risks of being overweight and the longer recovery time.  Implants is an option, and I could potentially swap implants for DIEP later in the future.  But I don't want implants.  And I don't like to fail.

Who knows? This could be my depression talking, because it's dark and wintery, I've missed my antidepressants a bit too often recently, and I want an excuse to not have to watch what I'm eating with Christmas coming up.  Or it could be that I'm finally facing up to the truth that I don't have the willpower, energy, or strength of character to lose weight effective.  I'm just too lazy.

Saturday 8 August 2020

Enjoying Life

I've been missing in action for a few days.  10 days ago we decided last minute to drive all the way to Scotland to see my mum and husband in her new house.  She moved last year, and it's too far and too expensive to go normally.  However, with lockdown easing somewhat, but still being unable to go on holiday, my husband took some time off work and we went for a mini break.

It was really good to see her.  Her house is lovely; it's in the middle of nowhere with a large garden and views of the countryside all around.  They are undergoing building work atm so her mother-in-law can move in, but even with that, the house was plenty big enough for my tribe to be housed for  few days.

On the way back down, we spend the night with my dad.  Again, it was great to see him as I hadn't seen him and his wife since before Christmas!  Living far away from family (and not being a fan of phones, beyond texting) it is good to be able to have time to catch up with family properly.

This past Thursday was my 15th Wedding Anniversary.  The girls went to the effort of making us a card each, and they brought us coffee and breakfast in bed.  For lunch, I had pre-bought an Afternoon Tea from Jasmine & Honey Bakery.  It was delicious! And you know how fussy my girls are with eating, and they enjoyed the children's version too.  I bought a cake/afternoon tea stand so we could dish it all out properly, and we drank champagne with lunch.  

Photos from Jasmine&Honey Bakery


Unfortunately, Thursday was also the day that both my parents spoke to their consultants.  To cut a long story short, as my dad often says, they both have cancer.  My mum was expecting it, as her body was feeling like it does when the cancer returns, and it is now due.  She has ovarian cancer in the lymph nodes in her pelvis.  My dad, otoh, was shocked.  He was expecting to be told he had prostate cancer, as his dad had it for many years.  However, unlike my grandad, my dad's cancer has been termed "significant".  He has to undergo more investigations before determining how it will be treated. My dad's consultant also refused to test him for the BRCA2 gene mutation, which I can understand somewhat, however, if my dad does have it, and I have inherited it (in addition the the BRCA1 gene I know about), I should not be on oestrogen HRT, especially not before I have a mastectomy.  So that's a little bit of disappointment, on top of a lot of shit.

In better news, yesterday, I finally got my hair redyed.  I went to Sharon Rewston again and she didn't disappoint.  We went with the same colour scheme as last time, but used some of the teal that was in my hair from being lightened, and it's now ribbonned from dark blue into other colours (purple, pink and teal) as you come down the strands.

Now we're all back home, I need to get back in the habit of eating well (yes I put on weight this past week), moving more, blogging more, and working more.  I am enjoying life for what it is, as nobody knows what the future holds.

Wednesday 22 July 2020

Weekly Update Y2w29

I'm a bit delayed with my usual update.  Life has suddenly got really busy - in a good way, but busy nonetheless.

I'm still tutoring atm, though that will end next week, as I've decided to take the whole of August off.  We've not got any plans to go anywhere (yet) but have lots of other projects to do and catch up on.
I'm still doing my MosaiCraft project.  I am now over halfway (currently on base plate 18 out of 30), but it has slowed down a lot, because I'm not sat outside as much as I was at the start of lockdown.  Instead, I am spending much of my time on m computer, not blogging, but working on my new project.  I am trying to spend a few hours each day on it, at least. It is going very slowly though, not least because I am doing it all myself.  I've set myself a deadline of Christmas to have it finished, but I have no idea if that is realistic or not?
Similarly, I am not reading as much as I was.  I am still several books ahead of my GoodReads yearly challenge, and I have a book that I am still yet to review, but I feel like I am spending more and more time on my laptop - much to the chagrin of DD2 who always wants my laptop to play Minecraft!
I'm also still singing with The Collective Virtual Choir.  I'm on my third song with them, but even that has taken a bit of a backseat, and I've been unable to go as many rehearsals as I would like.  Many are being recorded, so I can catch up, but that still requires time to actually watch them.  Today/tonight is the deadline for recording song 3 for feedback, and I still haven't had time to have a go yet, I just hope that when I do, the background noise is quiet enough for the recording to be acceptable.

So, that's all my excuses out of the way.  This past week hasn't been great in all honesty, but focusing on the positives, my weight today (which will be counted as part of next week's update) has finally got below 91kilos - again.  It's almost like to consistently lose weight, I need to reduce the takeaways, reduce the alcohol and up the exercise - who knew??!!

There is still the overall trend downwards from the start of the year, and even my localised peaks are reducing, but I have more work to do.

This week, I have been able to keep drinking Water First, and am hitting my water target of 90 fl oz (2.5litres) each day.  Yes, it does mean that I need the loo lots, but I notice the effect on my body when I don't drink enough, so I'm happy to continue.

I'm also getting back into the habit of eating Veggies Most.  Some examples from this week have included aubergine crisps, meatballs on courgetti spaghetti, and roast turkey with potato salad on a bed of courgettes.  Aiming to eat over half of my meals to be vegetables has been a challenge at times, especially lunchtimes because it's all too easy to make a sandwich or have a bowl of cereal, but yesterday I had an omelette stuffed with mushrooms and spinach, which was delicious, so I need to keep reminding myself that it is possible to eat Veggie Most meals that don't take ages to prepare or cook.


I have had some good news (ish).  For the surgery I want (my reason for losing weight - click on the Mastectomy label in the word cloud to the right), rather than getting down to a BMI below 25, which I thought, depending on the surgeon I may only need to get down to below 28 or even 30!  In real terms, that's still shitloads of weight I need to lose, but slightly less than I thought.

Edit to add:
I totally forgot to mention that over the summer we're changing our house around and redecorating.  DD1 has decided that her box room is too small for her (which tbf it totally is) so is moving up to the Play Room.  The Play Room is a total misnomer - it's really the Kids' Junk Room.  I avoid going up there as much as possible as it's not good for my stress levels.  However, as she wants that to be her room, I'm having to go up there to tidy up all the crap toys, that the girls haven't played with for years and years.  As DD2 still plays with these toys on the rarest of occasions, she wants many of them moved into her room, which means that the big 4x4 Ikea bookcase will need to be moved into DD2's room. 
Additionally, as DD2's room has never been decorated since we moved in 5 years ago, we're taking the opportunity to redecorate - which has involved me spending 2 full days tidying her room too, in order to get the floor empty enough that we can redecorate.  Obviously, it will be easier to redecorate before moving a giant bookcase in there.
And because DD1's new room was the playroom, the carpet is what was in the room when we moved it, and not only was it bad then, it is covered with paint and other stains, so she needs new flooring before she can move in.
DD1's old room, is going to become MY room - yey!  It is going to have a comfy sofa bed that guests can use, but I can read on, and a desk and chair so tht I can work in there, rather than on the dining table as I am atm.  Given I'd quite like to keep tutoring online, it will be a nice quiet room free of distraction, and NOBODY ELSE will be allowed in. Ever! My own space, that I can use to get away from everyone - yes!
So I'm still busy.

Wednesday 22 April 2020

Mental Health due to Coronavirus

So far, I have been fine.  Honestly.  I'm quite happy sat at home pottering about.  I do miss seeing people face to face, and giving friends a hug when it's needed, but we do our best using Zoom, Houseparty, Facebook, Skype, Messenger etc.

My family, otoh, suffer more with anxiety so I have been busy supporting them where I can. Everyone is more stressed, and my daughter who is excelling at school, is finding it difficult to learn online. I tell her to take breaks, but she is worried about getting in trouble (thankfully her teachers seem understanding).  DD1 wrote this poem instead of doing her school work the other day, and it has a depth of feeling that amazed me.  DD2 is worried about my husband and me dying.  And my husband is stressing about work and the fact we're trapped in the house.  Yes he can go shopping (he won't go out more than once a week), and yes he goes for a long run daily, but when he's stressed he likes to leave the house and go to the beach or visit someone or go to the cinema or any of the other stuff that we can't do right now.

I've been calm, making the most of the slowing down of daily life and the sunshine in the garden.  I've been reading more than usual, doing a new MosaiCraft, and I have even started doing Pilates on BodyGroove.  Life has been good to me - until this morning.

Due to having the BRCA1+ genetic mutation, I have an annual mammogram and MRI to check I don't have cancer.  This is usually in February, and when I didn't hear anything, I assumed it was because it had been deprioritised due to coronavirus.  Last week I had a call inviting me to screening today, and that I'd get a letter through the post.  Despite having received a letter from the NHS/Council saying that I need to shield myself for 12 weeks, this is important so I accepted the appointment.  My husband wasn't happy, but with everything I have read and seen about coronavirus, I would make sure I took adequate precautions and everything would be ok.  I bought some disposable gloves, have wetwipes to wipe down surfaces in the car, made a face-mask from a bandana and hairbands and have antibac gel.

Then this morning it hits me - I am going to the place they take everybody with coronavirus.  Doctors and nurses who have PPE have died at this hospital after contracting it, and I am willingly walking into this environment.  My rational brain knows that they wouldn't have called me to the appointment if it were dangerous, but that part of my brain went into hiding.  I was worried.  Thankfully a friend talked with me and helped put things into perspective and making me laugh (I don't know if you can see the skulls on the bandana, but it was suggested I carry a scythe too.  I don't have a scythe, but do have a garden hoe, and my husband's scholar's gown from Oxford that would complete the look!). Haha.

In the end, I went to the hospital.  I couldn't wear the mask, as though it didn't when I tried it at home, it kept steaming my glasses up.  I wore gloves going to the appointment (not during the MRI) and antibac-ed my hands every time I went through a door.  And when I returned to the car, I wiped my handbag down, and also the car steering wheel/radio/seatbelt/indicators/doorhandle etc when I returned home again.  Now I'm back home, I'm calm again.  I immediately changed my clothes and put them in the wash, washed my hands and face again.  It may be overkill, but I don't want to be responsible for bringing the virus to my family.

This has made me realise how brave loads of our workers are in this country.  I only had to go to hospital for an appointment that took less than 90min.  There are men and women who daily have to go to hospital to care for others, to treat others, to clean the wards where people have died or are dying, maintenance people who ensure all the equipment is running smoothly, people in the kitchens making sure staff and patients are fed, receptionists who are the first faces you see when you go to the hospital or to the department, and then the morticians who are encountering large numbers of people who are dying from the virus.  God bless you all.

I'm back home and am going to stay safe and stay here until the coronavirus has past.  I know at some point I will encounter the virus (it is inevitable) and I hope initially that I don't suffer badly, but also that it will be after the peak of this pandemic has passed.

Friday 13 March 2020

Coronavirus

Everyone seems to be having their say, so now it's my turn.


Firstly, please stop panic buying.  Really.  You don't need that much loo roll, and you're being a selfish twat* because other people can't afford (whether time, money or physical energy) to bulk buy so are being left with nowt.

Same goes for paracetamol.  There are people who have various conditions that are manageable with pain relief, yet they are reduced to being in agony, not being able to maintain their living standards because shelves are stripped bare of basic paracetamol; not to mention the fact that there may be other circumstances why these people cannot 'simply' take other pain relief (pregnancy, asthma or other conditions).  Fever is a natural response to infection, so unless it is a very high temperature or accompanied by aches and pains, it is often best to allow the fever to run its course.

And the same goes for sanitizer and hand soap.  Everyone should wash their hands anyway, after going to the loo, before cooking and eating, after playing with pets or in the garden.  Yes, it is recommended that people wash their hands even more often, so the sales of hand-wash might be in slightly higher demand that usual, but currently it is ridiculous.

And the same goes (unsurprisingly) for dried and tinned foods.  Yes, some people are having to self isolate, but as it currently stands, the government has not required this on a large scale (see my thoughts on that below). As such there is currently no need to start stocking up, because all you are doing is impacting other people.  As I said before, there are people who cannot bulk buy.  Whether they go shopping once a week, or only buy a basket-full more often, if there is nothing on the shelves, these people are not going to eat.  And by 'these people' I am thinking primarily of the elderly or people on benefits who may have no alternative but to shop in this manner.  For most of us, and I assume everyone reading this blog, we do have alternative options.  We can buy online and get food delivered to our door.  Other people may not be comfortable with this technology, may not afford to have internet in their home or on their phone, or may not even have a card to enable them do online transactions.

A knock-on effect of this, is that food banks are running out of food and various supplies.  They are not on the shelves of the shops, so when these items are available, people are keeping them all for themselves, or not buying surplus (in the hope of reducing the affect of the panic buying and leaving enough for the next person).  I know I'm guilty of not donating to food banks recently, and I suspect I'm not the only one.

*Apologies to female genitalia - genitalia = good, selfish idiots = bad.

Secondly, it's not just the flu.
It is true that for most people, it will be an annoying infection from which you'll recover and life will go on.  However, for many people with underlying conditions it can be a lot worse.  I'm not going to expand and make you think I'm a medical expect - it's just common sense that people who have lowered immune systems or already have respiratory conditions will be affected by such a virus more.

For anyone interested in learning more about Covid19, FutureLearn are offering this free online course: Click Here

Then there's the impact it will have on all hospitals and other medical environments.  Not only is there the obvious effects (the more people who get the coronavirus, the small percentage of people who need to be hospitalised will increase, so can overwhelm ICUs), but there will be other people, who don't have the virus, who will need to be admitted to ICU, so there won't be enough beds.

There are people with various conditions who need to use hospitals, even if they don't need to be admitted, so lots of 'routine' appointments, testing, monitoring, and surgeries will need to be cancelled. I, for one, have not been called for my annual mammogram and MRI scan that I have to check for breast cancer at this time each year. Then there's the staff themselves, who not only put themselves at risk by being in an environment where there may be multiple people with symptoms, but if they too are self isolating, there will be less staff in our hospitals, so is a vicious cycle.

Once hospitals are overwhelmed, who will be considered eligible for treatment?  What if you're over a certain age? What if you are disabled or have other conditions? What if you don't have children? What if you're an alcoholic or drug addict? What if you smoke? What if you're overweight? What if you can't afford to pay privately?  Who gets to make these decisions?

So should we all be panicking?

No, but it is likely to have a big impact an some people, and because we should be caring for other people in our society, we should be thinking about the impact our actions will have on others.

The government recently updated their guidance here. I've heard a mixed response to this; some people suggesting it doesn't go far enough, whilst others thinking it's totally fine.  (I haven't heard anyone suggesting that it goes too far.)  My gut-feel is that it probably doesn't go far enough.

I know some people will be put out if things were shut down, not least self-employed people like myself who won't qualify for any benefits or SSP, but we need to learn from other countries.  It's very easy to think "oh, it's the other side of the world" "it's a different culture" etc, then it came to Italy, but "they didn't know what they were doing" and "we're learning from their mistakes".  The main thing that has come from the government, to me, is a sense that they don't want to do anything out of fear for their reputation, rather than erring on the side of caution/protecting people's lives, even if it proves to be too cautious.

This article has a sensationalist title, but does seem to be well researched and makes sense to my "Joe Public" understanding of events.

I know in my town in the UK, that we have currently 2 confirmed cases.  Allegedly, there are actually around 50 cases currently in our hospital, but that the hospital has been told from above that they are not allowed to test anyone unless they have travelled to certain locations.  Now the government have said that if you think you have symptoms you should self isolate and only call NHS111 if you are particularly worried or your symptoms are severe; as such the real number of people who have the virus will be much larger than current numbers (and therefore predictions based on these numbers) will suggest.

Another concern I have (because like must the population, I'm more selfishly concerned about how my future plans will be impacted because of shut-downs etc, rather than concern about contracting the virus itself) is surrounding insurance.  I don't fully understand it (partly because I haven't actually looked into it) but I've heard on the grape-vine, that if people choose to not attend events, then they cannot be reimbursed (which I do understand), if the events/venues get cancelled then people will be reimbursed (fair enough), but if the government implements a national shut-down, and events get cancelled because of that, then insurance is no longer valid so people will not be reimbursed.  As I said, I may have got that wrong, or not understood it, but that position seems inherently unfair.

And what about all bills that need to be paid during the shut-down period?  Generally I'm someone who if something happens that I have no control over, I will take it as it comes and treat the situation as an adventure, so the idea of being shut at home, doesn't actually bother me that much, assuming I can still get food delivered to me (because I am privileged in that way).  If we had to live on SSP for the duration of the shut down, if other bills were put on hold (and preferably without interest accumulating), we'd be ok.  If bills were not put on hold, things would be very tight for us.  We're lucky, we have a good credit rating and could potentially organise a mortgage-holiday.  Other people, however, may be renting, so do not have that option.  Or if it's a private landlord, they may be relying on that income in order to pay their own bills.  Unfortunately, I do not have confidence in our government (well, the prime minister at least) to have though of all these nuances, implications, and more that hasn't brushed past my mind.

Personally, my girls have dance exams in the next couple of weeks, and I wouldn't want them postponed, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.  I do feel for students who are doing GCSEs, A-Levels, and University Finals this summer.  It's a stressful enough time anyway, without worrying about what-ifs and maybes. We haven't booked a holiday this year yet, so have no concerns about that being cancelled, but we have booked various day trips and overnight stays for various reasons that can all be impacted.

I've run out of steam for this topic right now, and I haven't even had a rant about overt and more subtle racism due to the virus.  Last night a friend and I had a delicious meal at a Thai restaurant, and we were the only 2 people there. All night.  I asked the lady working there if it was always this quiet on a Thursday evening, wondering if it was just because it's a weekday, but no.  They are quieter on a weeknight, but they have been near-dead all week.  It's crazy. Anyway, I will stop now (and probably remember the rest of what I wanted to write later when I'm away from my laptop).

Just remember to not panic, be hygienic, and think of others.

From BBC Health





Sunday 29 December 2019

Happy Christmas and New Year!

I hope you've all had a good Christmas, and will have a fantastic New Year to come!

Image by Markéta Machová from Pixabay 

I know I haven't posted much recently (and aim to post my last weekly update of 2019 tomorrow - if I remember), so hope you've all had a good time.  I had a good Christmas day with my husband and girls, but was ill on Boxing Day, recovered the next day but because I hadn't done much I was literally awake all night.  It did mean I got to finish yet another book (ooh, did I mention, my husband got me a new kindle for Christmas!?), so I'm even further behind writing up my reviews.

I have today joined Goodreads, as I was prompted by my Kindle (I've since learned that Amazon now owns goodreads, so that'll be why), so that'll be yet another outlet for me to bore share my reviews with everyone.  As I had to write 20 reviews in order to get recommendations from goodreads, and I wanted them sooner rather than later, I have slightly skewed my results by adding all the book reviews from here all on to there dated today, but at least in the future the timing should be more realistic.  I can also see that you can set a target of the number of books to read in a year, and I don't know whether to be conservative (20) or challenge myself (50) or choose a more realistic number in the middle.  When I'm in a 'reading mood', I can read a book a day - especially if I'm on holiday.  However, I know that when I read my classic (I aim to read one a year), it often takes me much longer than I would guess, due to the old language or simply because it's more verbose than many contemporary books.

Then, there's new years resolutions to think about.  I've decided I'm not going to make any - not one.
I don't keep them - they just are another stick to beat myself with, so I'm not going to resolve to do anything different.  I want to lose weight, in order to have DIEP, but if it means I have to have implants instead, so be it.  I would like to lose weight, but would rather spend time with my children creatively, than worrying about keeping things tidy so I had space to exercise.  And we've not long gone past the shortest day of the year (in terms of daylight, not hours - that's in Spring) and I still feel good.  I have been talking with my therapist about stopping sessions, and I feel like that won't be detrimental to me.  I haven't yet conquered my emotional eating, but when it happens and I put on weight (you'll see tomorrow, just how much...) I don't berate myself and have huge guilt leading to another binge.  So, that's progress!  I also have bought another version of year-in-a-Bible and am looking forward to that again from the 1st.  I am hoping my younger daughter will permit me to read it to her, because I have decided to try The Message translation (ie one with much more contemporary language).

So that's my round up of the past week or so.  I now need to find out why my Snowball keeps separating? Yuck!  Next time, I'll just drink the Advocaat neat, I think! Cheers xx

Monday 8 July 2019

Weekly Update No27

No weight loss this week.  Quelle surprise.

Sometimes I wonder if I should give up on pretending to lose weight, but I know that I need to in order to have the surgery I want in a few years time.

Someone shared this video on FB recently:


I've seen it before and I do find it inspirational.  It makes me want to do more Body Grooving as clearly dancing is good for weightloss - I just need to keep going start again with it.  

I know that the issues I have are in my head.  
I know I can lose weight as I've done it before.
I know my goal weight of 64kg is achievable because I've done it before.

I need to get to the root cause of what is stopping me.  
I need to find my motivation again, and cement it in my head.  Whilst I don't have cancer, the idea of it is abstract, whereas I need to bring it to the forefront of my mind.  I don't want cancer - I've seen what my mum has been through.  I do want preventative surgery.  And to have the reconstruction that I want, I need to have a healthy BMI.
I need to stop giving a shit about what other people think of me, and live life on my terms, and dance if I want to dance.  When I took my girls to their dance lessons last week, I shared with some people about Body Groove, and we even did a dance in the hallway together.  It was fun! And that's despite some of the kids and the other parents laughing at us.  One parent who danced with me, even said that if I became a trainer and could offer classes whilst her child was dancing, she would come along - much like I did when a pt friend offered pt sessions at the dance studios a few years ago.

A few weeks/months ago I used the excuse that I didn't have any suitable clothing to wear, as it was too tight or too hot.  I have since bought loads of loose, groovy clothing that I am wearing as everyday wear, and could easily dance it, but I'm still not doing it.

And I need to rewatch all the 2B mindset videos.  I think part of my problem is that I get so familiar with stuff that I know the 'right' things to say, or think, but don't actually action them.  I'm clever enough to come up with the excuses as to why I don't need to stick to this or that this time, I'll do it next time; or I can justify why I really do want this cake/doughnut/alcohol, rather than holding out for my goals.

Wednesday 3 July 2019

Corsets

From Amazon.co.uk

I read an article the other day about how corsets are coming back into fashion, and that’s a bad thing for women because their sole purpose is body modification in order to look more sexy and desirable to men.

I actually like a corset. I don’t own one that fits at the moment, but I do like the style as something glamorous to wear on a night out, or even dressed-down with a pair of jeans. I wouldn’t wear one to change my body shape, but that could be because before my hysterectomy I had a ‘full hour glass’ figure. I’ve always been fat, with a belly and thunder thighs, but I have always had a defined waist that was at least one size smaller than my hips, making clothes-buying difficult. Since I’ve been in surgical menopause, however, my waist is getting wider and wider. At one point it was good because my clothes actually fit, but now I’m more like an apple stuck on a pair of fat pillars


Rabbani and Solimene Photography
WireImage
On that article, I saw a photo of Kim Kardashian wearing a corsetted dress, and I was shocked. I’m not a follower of fashion or gossip or celebs, so though I have heard the name, and I know KK is famous for her big bum, I didn’t know what she actually looked like. It just looks really weird. Like REALLY weird. Women naturally have a sexy, curvy shape, but taken to this extreme it looks odd. I suppose, for me, it’s because it just doesn’t look natural. I feel the same about many of the filters you see on snapchat and the like, that is meant to make you look airbrushed, or with makeup on, no flaws and more attractive, but just ends up making you look not real. Do men really find that attractive? I suppose my issue with this type of look is now mainstream it is – not that women look that way, but that it’s accepted (and acceptable) the women and girls want to look that way; as if if you don’t want to look like that, you’re the odd one.

Then there’s the argument that I have in my head about such things. I genuinely believe people should be free to wear, or not wear, whatever they want. An extension to that, is I believe people should be free to modify their own body however they want. Whether it’s piercings or tattoo, whether an extreme* hairstyle or colour, etc people should be free to express themselves. So, if someone wants to modify their body by wearing waist trainers and corsets, who am I to judge? It comes down to who are they doing it for? And much like the people who say they can’t leave the house without a full face of make-up, but claim it’s not society putting pressure on them to look like it, but they genuinely want to go through the rigmarole of hair and make-up sessions every morning; are these women** modifying themselves because they genuinely want to, or because they want to feel more attractive to others, and think this is the only way to do so?

*Now DD1 is going to school in September, I’ve just spent a small fortune on her school uniform. As part of the school uniform policy, there includes a note on extreme hairstyles and mohicans are not even mentioned, whereas very short cuts or bright colours are.

**I am aware that some men wear corsets too. And also some men and women wear corsets not to primarily change their body shape, but as a way to feel pain/control, perhaps as part of BDSM. I feel more comfortable with this, than wearing corsets in order to be more attractive.

Monday 29 April 2019

Weekly Update No17


I've lost 1.5kilos since last Monday (over 3lbs) which is good going.  I'm not getting overly hungry having just a smoothie during the day (not least because I'm being 'naughty' and having a whole bottle a day, rather than two thirds of one - it's only 500kCals in total, so I figure that's fine, the weightloss will just be slower), and am having a proper diner in the evening.

I've even eaten at a restaurant this week, carefully choosing to ensure I eat Veggies Most, and my weight is still slowly coming down.  Yey!

Other than that, I've been a bit quiet this week.  I got the results from my annual mammogram (until I have my mastectomy), and everything was clear.  I also had my ultrasound scan on my abdomen, because of the stomach pain I get. My gall bladder, pancreas, spleen, liver, kidneys and more were all checked, and all look healthy.  So no gall stones, and no pancreatitis. The next step is a camera down my throat to see what could be the problem.

I'm also not reading as fast as I normally would like.  A combination of factors, including the fact I'm trying to keep reading 50 Bible Chapters each week, which is taking up some of my time in the evenings.  I'm still ploughing through Lorna Doone, which I'm enjoying but need to be awake enough to read it (which usually means, after I've read 15-20 chapters of the Bible, I'm too tired to concentrate).  I've also discovered the Chapters App, which are slightly animated short stories, and are really easy to read, chick lit where you can choose your own path. Some of the stories are more graphic than others, so not suitable for young children, but any teens that read Young Adult fiction would be fine.  I've even read one of the stories for real (Dirty Little Secrets by Liliana Hart - well worth reading) so they are real novels (rather than made-up fluff, for the app) and I'm interested in reading some of the real books to see how they compare to the choices I've made.

I've also started doing another MosaiCraft - DD2 had one that she can't be bothered to finish, so I'm completing it for her.  It should be finished next week.


Tuesday 16 April 2019

Connecting with my Pre-teen

When DD1 goes to school in September, she will be cycling by herself.  She has been cycling for years, but to give her some confidence, we have booked her on a Bikeability Cycling Proficiency course for a couple of half days this week.  She really enjoyed it yesterday, and is back again today.

In the evening she asked if she could paint my nails.  I'm not a hair/make-up/nail varnish person, so had no particular desire to have my nails painted, but I am glad I said yes.  I had a black base, with blue/purple glitter on all my nails, bar my ring finger which has green glitter on it.  She really enjoyed doing them, and we had a good chat.  DD1 is a very independent young lady, which is great, but sometimes means that she doesn't want to talk to me, so I really savoured the fun we had yesterday, and tbf she did a really good job of my nails.

The plaster on my hand is because I had my annual mammogram and MRI scan yesterday.  Those who have read my blog from the beginning will know that I have the BRCA1 gene mutation, which means I have a 85+% lifetime chance of getting breast cancer.  As such, until I have my mastectomy (which I'm hoping to have around the age of 40) I have to have a mammogram and an MRI scan on my breasts to check that there are no cancers growing that are undetectable by touch.  To enhance the image of the MRI, I need to be injected with a dye.  I now have a colourful bruise on the back of my hand, which I keep forgetting about until I knock my hand on something, and then the pain reminds me it's there!  I will find out the results through the post in a couple of weeks.

Thursday 14 February 2019

Stomach Pain

Another sleepless night of stomach pain last night, means I'm feeling absolutely knackered.

I get stomach pain every few months, and it hurts!  The best way to describe it, is that it feels like I have been skewered right through my stomach to my back with a javelin that someone keeps turning and twisting.

I can't remember when it started, but I know that when I was fed up of it, I started a food diary, in the hope that I would see a pattern, be able to attribute it to a certain food, or type, and do without.  Unfortunately, the first date was back in Feb 2014 and now we're 5 years later, with no rhyme nor reason to it.  So, up til now, I haven't been to the GP about it, because I don't know what they'll say.  The pain only usually lasts for a max of 24 hours, and then I can go months without a recurrence (usually, though sometimes it does come back within a week).  Coincidentally, I booked a GP appt yesterday for something else, so will talk about it then, even though the appt is not for another FIVE WEEKS because, as you've read before, since a takeover, getting an appt at my surgery is crap.  I predict at the appt, I'll be asked if I'm currently in pain? No. The doc'll examine my stomach and find nothing wrong.  I'll show my food diary, and they'll be no pattern, and eventually it'll be my fault I'm in pain because I'm obese and don't always eat well.

When I'm in that much pain, I can't sleep, and curling into a ball helps a little, but not that much, even when taking paracetamol.  Last night, I decided, yet again, to see what NHS online says.

WARNING: Please do not try to self diagnose yourself at home.  Whilst Dr. Google knows a lot, he cannot replace going to a real GP.

That said, that's exactly what I did.

I did try to go to reputable websites, such as the NHS, rather than randomly searching the internet and getting horror stories, so it's not all bad.  I've come up with two reasonable diagnoses, one less common, and two much rarer, but possible because of my history, diagnoses.

Firstly, I went through the questionnaire on NHS online of current symptoms.  Their advice was to see a GP, asap so they can examine you when you still have the pain.  Not much help to me, when the first available appt isn't for 5 weeks.  I didn't make an "emergency appointment" this morning (ie to be on the phone on hold for a couple of hours, in the vain attempt of securing a same day appt, before being told there are none left and try again tomorrow) because both DD1 and DD2 have Modern and Tap exams today, at separate times of course, spread throughout the day, so I have no free time for an appt, even if I wanted one.  If the pain flairs up again tomorrow, I might try and get an appt, but both those scenarios (1. still being in pain, and 2. getting an appt) are unlikely.

So, my five self diagnoses are:

1. Stomach ulcer.
NHS says "The pain caused by a stomach ulcer can travel out from the middle of your tummy, yo to your neck, down to your belly button, or through to your back.  It can last a few minutes to a few hours, and often starts within a few hours of eating.  You may also wake up in pain during the night."
That pretty much sums up what I've been experiencing, though I've never had it last only a few minutes.  In order for it to be diagnosed, I might need to give a breath or blood test, or even have a gastroscopy in hospital - which doesn't sound fun. I've only recently (well, now I think about it, it was 7 years ago, but still feels recent) learned how to swallow tablets, so don't relish the thought of swallowing a camera.

2. Gallstones
NHS says "Gallstones can cause sudden, sever abdominal pain that usually lasts 1 to 5 hours, although sometimes it can just last a few minutes. The pain can be felt in the centre of your abdomen (tummy); just under the pribs on your right-hand side - it may spread from here to your side or shoulder blade. The pain is constant and isn't relieve by going to the toilet, passing wind or being sick.  It's sometimes triggered by eating fatty foods, but may occur at any time of day and may wake you up during the night.  Biliary colic doesn't happen often.  After and episode of pain, it may be several weeks or months before you have another episode."
Again, this seems to describe what I've been experiencing.  The main thing that thinks it may not be what I have, is that a friend suffered with this recently.  She is someone who has given birth 5 times, without anything stronger than gas'n'air, and said the pain was worse than child-birth.
3. Pancreatitis
NHS says "The most common symptom of chronic pancreatitis is repeated episodes of severe pain in your tummy (abdomen).  The pain usually develops in the middle or left side of your tummy and can move along your back. It's different to acute pancreatitis, where the inflammation is only short term.  Most people with chronic pancreatitis have had one or more attacks of acute pancreatitis": "This aching pain often gets steadily worse, and can travel along your back.  Eating or drinking make make you feel worse very quickly, especially if you eat fatty foods.  Leaning forward or curling into a ball may help to relieve the pain, but lying flat on your back often makes it worse. Acute pancreatitis caused by gallstones usually develops after eating a large meal."
Not only this, my paternal grandmother died from Acute Pancreatitis, and there is suggestion that a tendency for pancreatitis can be hereditary.

4. Pancreatic Cancer
NHS says: "Pancreatic Cancer is caused by the abnormal and uncontrolled growth of cells in the pancreas - a large gland that's part of the digestive system.  It's uncomon in people under 40 years of age.  In the early stages, a tumour in the pancreas doesn't usually cause any symptos, which can make it difficult to diagnose.  The first noticeable symptom of pancreatic cancer [is] often pain in the back or stomach area - which may come and go at first, and is often worse when lying down or after eating. In about 1 in 10 cases, pancreatic cancer is inherited.  Certain genes also increase your chances of getting pancreatitis, which in turn increases your risk of developing cancer of the pancreas."
Guess what having the BRCA mutation is good for?! According to the National Centre for Biotechnology Information, "Germline mutations in the tumour suppressor genes breast cancer antigen gene (BRCA)1 and BRCA2 have been proven to portend a drastically increased lifetime risk of breast and ovarian cancers in the individuals who carry them. A number of studies have shown that the third most common cancer associated with these mutations is pancreatic cancer."
Yey for me! 

5. Peritoneal Cancer
This is a much rarer type of cancer, so I can't find it in the info pages from the NHS site I was using previously.  It is a cancer of the peritoneum, and full details can be found on this Target Ovarian Cancer link: "Many women are told that primary peritoneal cancer is a type of ovarian cancer and is usually treated in the same way.  However, it does not  originate in the ovaries but in a different part of the body called the peritoneum." And yes, having the BRCA1 mutation does mean I'm at a higher risk of getting this type of cancer too.  Cancer Reasearch UK says: "Symptoms for primary peritoneal cancer can be very unclear and difficult to spot. Many of the symptoms are more likely to be caused by other medical conditions.


The symptoms of PPC include:
  • a swollen tummy (abdomen)
  • abdominal pain
  • feeling bloated
  • loss of appetite"

Now, because I have been running around all day (well, back and forth to the dance studios) because of the girls' exams, it has taken me a long time to finish writing this blog post.  My stomach finally feels nearly back to normal.  I managed to eat chicken, rice and salad at lunch time.  I bought the girls a cake to celebrate the end of their exams, but the smell of it makes me wary about the effect it will have on my stomach, so though I probably will have the thinnest of slices (I'm a sucker for butter icing), my appetite isn't quite there yet.

Thursday 17 January 2019

Ovarian Cancer Anniversary


As I've mentioned before, four years ago, my mum was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  This is a huge anniversary.  At time of diagnosis, the cancer was already at Stage 4. This means it had already spread beyond the tumour in her ovaries, and was in her lymph nodes in her neck.  At this stage, we were told there is only a 15% chance of surviving 5 years; as such, it's amazing my mum has now survived 4 years. Not least because she's at the end of more chemo treatment*, because it has returned multiple times. her cancer has been reclassified as Chronic Ovarian Cancer, meaning she will never be totally rid of it.  Thankfully, her cancer is very responsive to chemo, so that as long as she's willing to undergo treatment, I don't need to think of the alternative.

http://www.aboutcancer.com/
Now, what's interesting for me, is that I was just trying to find a graphic to go with this post, and eventually found this one from About Cancer.

However, when I looked for a UK source, the only images I could find show a much worse prognosis (~5%) which makes it much more amazing that my mum is still alive.
www.cancerresearchuk.org
Obviously, my mum's diagnosis, and the fact I have the BRCA1 mutation, means that cancer, specifically breast and ovarian, are close to my thoughts.  They symptoms of ovarian cancer can be quite subtle, so please make sure you are aware of them (and if you're male, make sure your friends and relatives are aware.  Incidentally, if you're a male BRCA carrier, you have an increased risk of breast cancer and prostate cancer, and can still pass the mutation to any children).  Any concerns, or in any what where your body doesn't appear or feel or react like it usually does, then go to your GP immediately.  It's not worth the risk.

Some more sites where you can get good information and support:
https://ovarian.org.uk/
https://www.targetovariancancer.org.uk/
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/
http://www.breastcancergenetics.co.uk/

*My mum informed me this morning, that her latest scan says she's currently cancer free!  She has one session of chemo left this week, to complete her course.  Long may it last!

Tuesday 6 November 2018

Exercise

I'm not a gym-bunny, but I am feeling the need to do a bit of exercise.  Not specifically for weightloss (though that would be a nice side effect!), but to build up strength as well as toning/defining muscles a bit more.  As I've had a hysterectomy, I am at risk of osteoporosis, so it is recommended that I do plenty of weight-bearing exercise, and I like the idea of using my body as resistance.

In the past, I read "Lose Weight: Without Dieting" by David Nordmark (because it was free on Kindle at the time, and I download almost every free book I come across...) and, from what I remember, it complements the 2B Mindset quite nicely.  The same author has also written a few exercise books, samples of which are also free on Kindle.  I have been reading his "Workout: Routines" sample book, and have decided to use it to do some strength-based exercises.

Because I am unfit, to say the least, I'm going to build up these exercises adding a new one each day, until I can do the whole routine which, according to Nordmark, should take no more than 30 minutes.  As this is just a sample from one of his other books, this series focuses on Dynamic Stretches, ie those that involve movement in the stretch to also build up flexibility.

Here is his list of stretches, with the number of reps (the names are the names used in his book; I know some of them by other names, but I refer you to his book if you wish to find out more detail):


  • Sumo Squat Stretch - 10 reps
  • Sumo Squat Kicks - 10 reps
  • Ying Yang Squats - 10 reps
  • Football Kicks - 10 reps each leg
  • Ying Yang Bends - 10 reps
  • Ying Yang Side Bends - 10 reps
  • Tai Chi Waist Turner - 50-100 reps
  • Gymnastic Shoulder Shrugs - 10-15 reps
  • Gymnastic Shoulder Pull-ups - 10 reps
  • Towel Pulls - 10 reps
  • Side Towel Pulls - 10 reps
  • Dynamic Calves Stretches - 10 reps
  • Alternate Straddles - 5 reps each side
  • Dynamic Lion Stretch - 10 reps
  • Table Maker Strength - 10 reps
  • Kneeling Back Bend - once, as far back as you can go
  • Forward Rows - 10 reps
  • Dynamic Bridge Stretch - 10 reps


So, this will take me nearly 3 weeks to learn the full routine, and hopefully by then the habit will be ingrained.  I'm only on day 2 today, so have done Sumo Squat Stretches and Kicks.


Friday 26 October 2018

I'm Back!

With a new laptop, so can finally connect to the world again - phew!

What's new with you? Seemingly not much has happened here, though I know I've missed writing, so it is probably more to do with my memory due to getting older, than anything else; as at some point in the past little while I have had something to say.

I had a mini-cancer scare.  Not a big one, and not anything I was actually worried about, but because I'm BRCA1+ I need to be extra vigilant.  The skin on one of my breasts has changed, so I had to make a GP appointment. The system at my local surgery has changed, so all calls now go through to a call centre that is centralised to many surgeries.  As a result, even though I phoned first thing in the morning and was on hold for 30min, when I got through there were no appointments left.  After a bit of a mix-up, I got a call from a GP and managed to get an appt the following day.  When I saw the GP he said it looked like dermatitis, which is what I suspected anyway, but better safe than sorry.


I'm actually 'on hold' at the moment to the same call centre.  I need to make asthma reviews for myself and the girls; but this new system is a nightmare.  I have opted for a call-back this time, but I've no idea how long that'll take and I daren't go to the loo in case that's when they choose to return my call.

I'm still going with my 2B Mindset training course.  I've had the virtual F2F session with Ilana, and am now finishing up going through the videos and the coursebook before I take the exam.  Fortunately, it seems that you can take the test as many times as you need, before you pass, as long as it's within 3 months; so that's a good sign.  But, I do want to complete it asap, so I don't have it hanging over my head over Christmas.  Speaking of which, I finally completed last year's tax return for HMRC yesterday.  Normally I like to do it in April, but I wasn't up to date, so kept putting it off and putting it off... Even though the deadline isn't until 31st January, I was still getting nervous that I wasn't doing it, so I'm glad I can feel relaxed now.

And this weekend starts yet another dance festival, so we'll be driving to Pershore and back, repeatedly, over the next week.  Both girls are dancing, and  it is good experience for them, even if it uses up all my time and money!

Hopefully, next time I write, I'll have something a bit better to say.

Thursday 4 October 2018

What's the deal with BRCA and Cancer?

Everybody has the BRCA1 gene, and the BRCA2 gene.  The genes are tumour suppressors, whose job is to find tumour/cancer cells and kill them or stop them growing, while other cells kill them.
However, in some people, there is a mutation in that gene, so that they don't do their job properly.  For example, statistically, it takes 6 mutations in a cell for it to become cancerous.  Ideally, when mutations happen within the DNA, the cell self-destructs, or if it gets past that stage, other cells notice and kill them.  So the chance of 6 mutations, that have sneaked past all the checkpoints, to happen in a single cell is fairly low.  However, in people with the BRCA1/2 mutations, there are fewer checkpoints, resulting in certain cancers being more likely.

BRCA stands for BReast CAncer, as that was the first cancer linked with that gene, but it is linked to other cancers too: ovarian, prostate, pancreatic, peritoneal cancer, amongst others. 
To complicate things slightly: not all breast cancers (for example) are a result of the gene - many more are just random cancerous mutations.  But, if you have the gene, you are much more likely to get those specific cancers.
In the normal population, a woman has a 12% lifetime risk of getting breast cancer, and less than 2% lifetime chance of getting ovarian cancer.  In myself, as a BRCA1 mutant, I have (had) a 40% chance of getting ovarian cancer, and have a whopping 85% chance of getting breast cancer.  For comparison, the NHS/BMA (I can't remember who, offhand) considers a "high chance of cancer" to be greater than 1 in 3, or 33%.

I found out I carried the BRCA1 mutation, because I underwent a genetic test, specifically looking for the mutation.  Because the mutation is hereditary, to qualify for the test you need to have either a strong family history of cancer, or have a relative known to have the gene mutation.  In my case, my mum is BRCA1. She was tested because back in 2015, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, coupled with the fact that her cousin had died of Ovarian Cancer, previously.

Another Stat: Most women diagnosed with ovarian cancer are diagnosed at stages 3 or 4.  Of those diagnosed at stage 4, only 15% survive for 5 years from diagnosis.

Thank God, my mum's cancer responds well to chemo, as it is now over 3.5yrs from diagnosis.  Her cancer has been recategorised as Chronic Cancer, meaning the risk will never fully go away as it is in her blood and in her lymphatic system, but as long as she is willing to go through chemo, she should continue to survive.  Her latest round of chemo started last week.  This is her third recurrence (so 4th time of having cancer), and the chemo treatment is due to last until next Jan/Feb depending on whether they stop over Christmas.

My mum has suffered with IBS and digestion issues for years, and frequently had ovarian cysts that needed to be removed and fibroids.  Every time she went to the doctor, she would be told it was her IBS.  And I do believe she had IBS.  However, Ovarian Cancer also has the same symptoms as IBS.  When she was finally diagnosed, it was Stage 4 meaning it had already spread, and was in the lymph nodes in her neck.  After 4 rounds of chemo, the tumour and shrunk enough in her abdomen to be removed by surgery, and was still 20cm x 10cm n size!  They also performed a full hysterectomy at the same time.

So, my mum was given the option of the genetic test, and was shown to be positive for the mutation in her BRCA1 gene.  As it is hereditary, I had a 50:50 chance of having inherited it, and both myself and my sister have.  Similarly, my children both have a 50:50 chance of having inherited it from me, but as it is not a childhood cancer, they can't be tested until they choose, over the age of 18yo.  Incidentally, my mum inherited the mutation from her father.  BRCA1 also increases the risk of breast cancer in men, and increases their risk of prostate cancer.

So, for me, the choice was obvious: full hysterectomy ASAP.  I have had my children, I never wanted more than two.  Though not totally silent, Ovarian Cancer is dubbed the Silent Cancer because it's symptoms often get mistaken for something else, and there is no reliable test for ovarian cancer.  So, I had my hysterectomy in 2016, and am now on HRT for the next 15-20 years because I am in Surgical Menopause.  I have no periods, no mood swings (at least that I'm aware of), and no menopausal symptoms like hot flushes or night sweats.
Most people with a BRCA mutation, only have BSO (Bilateral Salipingo Oopherectomy - only ovaries and fallopian tubes), rather than full hysterectomy, but I also suffered from heavy and painful periods so had everything removed. (I've just realised that at some point in the past two years, I've forgotten the medical terms for heavy and painful periods.  It's myrrh...something or other, I think. I just can't remember! Found it: Menorrhagia and Dysmenorrhea. Phew!)

My sister, otoh, opted to have a double mastectomy first of all.  She had reconstruction with expanders, and then implants.  I am planning to have PBM too (Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy) but in ~4 years time.  The reason for the delay is because I Home Ed my girls, and don't want to take time out from that, and for them having to miss their regular activities.  Additionally, the reconstruction I want to have is a DIEP flap - this basically, means that at the same time as having my breasts removed, I will have fat pouches taken from my stomach (you know I have plenty there!) to reconstruct my breasts from my own tissue.  This greatly reduces the risk of the new breasts being rejects, and puts my slow-grown tummy fat to good use!  But, being a much larger operation than having implants, it has a much longer recovery time.  Hence, why I'm waiting until my children are old and confident enough to use buses etc by themselves, to get themselves to dancing and groups.  That said, if DD2 follows in DD1's footsteps and decides to go to secondary school, then maybe I can get it done a year earlier than planned?  And it's why I'm using the 2B Mindset to help me lose weight, as I need to get my BMI below 30 in order to qualify for DIEP.

One more thought before I stop: I am soooooo thankful for the NHS in the UK.  It seems to get a bad rep, but is absolutely brilliant.  They have saved my mum, and are continuing to save her and return her to health.  They have saved me from ovarian cancer (though technically the risk is not 0%, it's pretty close).  The op I had done, was free at the point of use.  I do have to pay for my prescription of HRT patches but that is a small price to pay.  In comparison, for the op I had (Total Laparoscopic Hysterectomy with 1 night in hospital) would have cost me upwards of $25,000 in the US, so I may have considered not having this life saving treatment.

Monday 1 October 2018

Total Accountability

I'm 'baring all' in the name of total accountability and my belief in 2B.

I'm not skinny. I'm not pretty. I'm a fat mum with very little time or desire to spend hours pounding the streets after dark or whiling away the hours in the gym.  However, the 2B Mindset makes sense, both from an intuitive approach and from a scientific perspective. 

https://www.beachbodyondemand.com/nutrition/2b-mindset advertises itself as:

"What You’ll Discover:
  • How to eat the foods you love and feel satisfied after every meal—and still lose weight.
  • Proven strategies to help conquer cravings and survive everyday food temptations.
  • The right foods to eat—at the right times—to help maximize energy and weight loss.
The 2B Mindset™ takes a different approach to food than what fad diets have been telling us for years. In fact, it’s not a diet at all. It’s a mindset. And once you learn it, you’ll finally be in total control of food and your body, so you’ll forever know how to lose weight—happily—and keep it off.
Overcome emotional eating. End mindless snacking. And stop punishing yourself for indulging in the foods you love. It’s time to free yourself from deprivation diets. With the 2B Mindset, you can love your body and lose weight while still enjoying your favorite foods.
Here’s How to Get Started:
1. Sign up for the 2B Mindset, if you haven’t done so already.
2. Check out the Getting Started Guide, under the Resources tab.
3. Start watching the videos, beginning with Meet Ilana."

It's concepts are very simple, but that does not make it less true.  The basic principles are four concepts that form the 2 Bunnies: Water First, Veggies Most, Use the Scale and Track your food.

So, here I am.  Fat frumpy me, but sharing my journey of 2B, to encourage and inspire all of you.

My starting weight, as of this morning, is 96kg.

 My long-time goal is 60kg (I have achieved it before, thanks in part to hyperemesis gravidarum when pregnant) and I have a good reason for motivation: I need to get my BMI below 30 so that I can have a mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction in 3-4 years time; and I'd like to get down to my end goal as a means to prevent cancer.  Being BRCA1 I have a much higher likelihood of getting some cancers than the general population.