Old 80s Films

Not just because I was born in '82, but also because my dad was quite authoritarian so if he didn't want something on TV we didn't watch it, but there seem to be loads of iconic films that people can't believe I haven't seen.  So, this year I have tried to make it my mission to watch them.

This year, I have watched Stand By Me, FAME (because DD1 was in a production of FAME), Saturday Night Fever (though technically that's a 70s film), Top Gun and last night I watched An Officer and a Gentleman.  Genuinely, I have only seen these films for the first time this year, mainly in thanks to incredulous friends who have loaned me their DVDs.

Last night's film was the best so far by a long way.  For starters, I don't like films where the characters what's the point?  Even in FAME though the characters did get their Performing Arts Degree at the end of the film, it was a bit meh.
don't grow or change.  So, if the end of the film is the same as the beginning (such as in Saturday Night Fever) I think

In An Officer and a Gentleman, otoh, the main character grows, there is a romance where both parties love each other equally, there is tragedy (Was it a requirement in the 80s that someone has to die?) but overall it is a feel good film.  I didn't think it was quite as romantic as is portrayed, and at the very end when her friend shouts "Way to go, Paula!" I'm thinking wtf, Paula hasn't done/achieved anything - but that could be because I'm from a more enlightened era where women have more to offer the world than nabbing themselves a good husband?

I am slowly reading through classic books that I haven't read (I aim for one a year as generally they're fairly long or need a bit more concentration than easy reads), and will try and catch up on classic films I've never seen.  Off the top of my head there's Casablanca, Schindler's List, It's a Wonderful Life to name a few.  What classic film do you think I need to watch?

Feeling a bit weird

I don’t know what’s wrong with me atm? I’m not sleeping well – mainly because DD2 seems to have regressed somewhat, and we’re having to stay with her until she falls asleep. Except last night, when it got to midnight and I gave up, and left her alone as I was knackered. I’ve always needed a lot of sleep, and by staying up late I’m oversleeping in the morning. And I don’t just mean, by an hour, no I mean I’m not waking up until nearly lunchtime. :(

Looking at the positive, I’m not that hungry when I wake up so I’m eating less and am losing weight (today I hit a New Low Weight!). However, my sleep is not restful. I’m having nightmares and night sweats (I don’t know if the latter is because of the menopause or the nightmares?), waking up still tired, finally waking up in the evening, and staying up late again.

In addition to the sleep, my digestion is going a bit funny atm. I have problems occasionally with my digestion where I get shooting pains in my stomach, bad cramps and pain that can easily last 24hours. For the past 5 years I’ve been keeping a food diary, just the days where I get pain, but there is no pattern to what I eat and what gives me pain. This has disappeared somewhat in the past year or so, after I’ve been having smoothies and eating more vegetables. It could be where I haven’t eaten well last week, but this week I have gone back to veggies most, and now I’ve started having pain again. Last night it wasn’t as bad, so I’m hoping it’s over now.

And then last night I got dizzy twice in an hour. Both times I was lying down reading, but all of a sudden I felt like I was falling and spinning. I had to grab the side until my head cleared. Again, this has happened in the past, one time I couldn’t drive because it didn’t clear quickly, but I don’t know what causes it or what caused it yesterday?

The Atheist Who Didn't Exist by Andy Bannister

Firstly, I should point out that this is not an apologetics book for Christianity.  Though the author is a Christian, you will not read the book and magically become a Christian, you will probably not change any of your beliefs, and you will not find a discussion about any of the 'difficult' bits of Christianity.
This is a book that looks to break down bad arguments, focusing on those from "New Atheists".

The blurb on Amazon reads:

In the last decade, atheism has leapt from obscurity to the front pages: producing best-selling books, making movies, and plastering adverts on the side of buses. There’s an energy and a confidence to contemporary atheism: many people now assume that a godless scepticism is the default position, indeed the only position for anybody wishing to appear educated, contemporary, and urbane. Atheism is hip, religion is boring. Yet when one pokes at popular atheism, many of the arguments used to prop it up quickly unravel. The Atheist Who Didn’t Exist is designed to expose some of the loose threads on the cardigan of atheism, tug a little, and see what happens. Blending humour with serious thought, Andy Bannister helps the reader question everything, assume nothing and, above all, recognise lazy scepticism and bad arguments. Be an atheist by all means: but do be a thought-through one.

There is a lot of humour throughout the book, and I confess to literally laughing out loud at some of the footnotes; however if you are not a fan of Monty Python,  Hitchhikers, Red Dwarf or any of that ilk, this probably isn't the book for you.

I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it to theists and atheists alike, at a minimum so that if you do try to argue about points of faith you don't fall back on easy soundbites.  It is an easy read, without too much heavy philosophy, and should be accessible for all.

Christmas is coming...

...and the goose [aka me] is getting fat!

Actually, I'm determined to be controlled over Christmas.  I will still enjoy my eat and drink, and I expect I will put a couple of pounds on, but by following water first and veggies most I will still be in control.  Being prepared is the key.

As we come to the end of November, I've had my mini panic that I have forgotten to buy somebody something for Christmas, so that has now been sorted.  I have arranged my Christmas delivery, and now just have to plan what we're eating so that everybody has a happy Christmas, but there isn't too much food that I'm tempted to gorge it all.

I'm also trying to write my Round Robin to include with a few Christmas cards.  I don't send it to everybody, as most people I speak to more often or we chat over Facebook.  I know when I receive them, there are only a few that I actually read as most of it I already know.  So, I started writing it the last couple of years, and it gets sent to older relatives who don't use computers.  I started writing it this morning, and I have covered more than an A4 page just about the girls' performing arts.  I haven't yet included anything about my husband and I, but I'm not sure there is anything to say.  My husband is still working full time, and I'm still home educating the girls and tutoring.  The End.

And there is still the tidying and sorting that I try to do before we decorate for Christmas (which we like to do the first weekend in December) and so there is room for more stuff in the house.  I have tried to tell people not to get us stuff, that we would rather experiences instead, but from previous experience I know that'll fall on deaf ears.  I need to wrap the presents we do have, post the presents and cards (with the round robin) that need to be posted, and I'm sure there's more that I have forgotten about.

Before we had children, I was one of those annoying people who had their Christmas sorted by the start of September.  Now, I'm running around after the children, barely have my own house in order, wanting to make good memories with my family and hoping I don't fail!  The girls have yet another dance show in a fortnight's time - a choreography competition - and I'm still yet to cut their music down to size.  The deadline for that is the end of this week!  So I better end here and get back to work.

Musings about Autistic Women

While the girls were at their Home Ed science class this morning, us mums were waiting and chatting, as usual. 

A couple of us were discussing being autistic adults, and autistic women, and how challenging it can be, especially to get a diagnosis.  As I think I've mentioned before, I'm self-diagnosed, and I'm happy with that identity and don't feel like I need to pursue a medical diagnosis for myself.  Another mum was saying that she is in the process of being diagnosed - her GP has referred her - and thinks having that officially acknowledged will be of benefit to her.  Another mum joined the discussion and said she has had the same experience, and has only recently come to feel comfortable in herself.  She has learned, particularly through drama, how to act normal, but were she in her home environment she would be a bit more flamboyant and excitable.  Out of the group of seven mums this morning, four of us definitely consider ourselves somewhere on the autistic spectrum, with another having never thought about it before, but was relating to what we were saying.

Then the discussion moved on to whether autism was statistically higher in the HE community?  Anecdotally, we all agreed it was.  Perhaps it is because our children may have suffered at school, or perhaps we knew they weren't going to fit before even sending them, and from exploring our children we notice the autism in ourselves? Or maybe, because we have fought our whole lives to be ourselves, it isn't that much more of a push to free our thinking beyond a schooled education to something that suits the individual?

Heart Song by Desiree Williams

Having recently finished a fantasy series that consumed me for a bit, I wanted to read something a bit lighter, so I decided upon a romance.  As I buy many books that are free, I have a huge variety of genres of fiction on my kindle, and many of the romances are historical fiction from America: Texan Brides, Women of the Prairie and series like that. [I should input here, that I have no idea if those are genuine titles, but they are the type of thing I mean.]  I was expecting Heart Song to be of that ilk.

The other thing about choosing books from my kindle, is that I don't see the book cover when I choose, nor do I read the blurb.  I literally choose books based on the title and whether they sound like the type of thing I fancy.  And that'll be why this book wasn't anything like I imagined!

The blurb on Amazon states:

In Aldonnia, the evil of Varkadon overflows its borders. War ravages the lands…

For as long as eighteen year-old Alanna can remember she’s lived in hiding, sealed off from the outside world. Despite a future built around a steadfast rule of seclusion, Alanna dreams of the impossible. Of a life outside of her parents’ cabin. A life with more for company than just birds and woodland creatures. A life she knows deep down is impossible for someone with gifts like hers.

That all changes the day Alanna finds a man floating face down in a stream. Despite her parents’ warnings, Alanna pulls the injured man out of the water and heals him with her elemental talents. Just another good deed. Until the man wakes and Alanna realizes so much more has happened than simply a life saved. The healing she performed on the stranger bound her soul to Jerric, the prince of Aldonnia. 

Alanna’s heart wants to keep the prince, but duty and destiny intervene. Alanna’s world is rocked as her parents are lost. Left in the care of family she didn’t know, Alanna learns more than she wanted to about the evil threatening the lands. There is much more behind her parents’ drive to protect. Alanna learns her gifts were bestowed in order to fulfill a greater purpose. A greater calling. One her enemies seek to destroy at all cost. 

Alanna’s choice is clear. To either ignore her destiny and remain hidden, or boldly fight to keep what sings to her heart.

So, yes, this book is a romance, but it is also a fantasy book too.  There are different groups of people: some, such as Alanna, can manipulate air or water, earth or fire; some are shape-shifters and can transform into an animal according to their clan; and others have different skills too.

The ongoing war is the back-drop to the plot; there are battles, injuries and death, but the author doesn't delve into the gruesomeness and horror of war, so would be suitable for younger readers too.

Given that I only read one fiction book at a time (unlike non-fiction when I always have multiple books on the go), it was addictive enough that I read all three books in the trilogy in four days.  An enjoyable read and I think you'd get enjoyment if you picked it up solely for either the romance or the fantasy.

Don't "quarrel over opinions"

The sermon at church last Sunday focussed on Romans 14-15:13.  The passage talks about having differing opinions within the church; not to judge each other, but "be fully convinced in his own mind".  We should build each other up and not to "put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother".

On Wednesday evening, at growth group, we discussed this further and talked about how we should approach topics that we have differing opinions on, whether it matters if we have differing interpretations, and how, in turn, we could talk to non-believers.  I found this discussion particularly interesting because I know I have different opinions to most of the people in my church.

My position is that there are core beliefs within Christianity, and many peripherals.  Core beliefs for me, include the belief in the Triune God, the belief in an afterlife, God speaks to us through the Bible, sin is anything that takes us away from a relationship with God, and can be summarised by the three commandments: Love God, Love your neighbours, Love your enemies.
Peripherals, otoh, are things that do not affect your faith, but are different interpretations or understandings of different parts of faith.  For me, these are many of the controversial topics, such as evolution/creation, as well as things like Adult/Child Baptism or even how a person will experience Heaven/Hell.

I was brave on Wednesday, and I mentioned the fact that I think evolution is true, and that it agrees with the Bible: In the Beginning there was nothing [observable, there was God], then Something, there was light and dark, then waters and land, then plants, then fish, then animals, then people.  2 Peter 3:8 says "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day", so though I do believe

that "with God, all things are possible" (Matt 19:26) I don't think it actually happened within 6 days.  I could be wrong, of course, and most of the people in my church do believe in 6-day Creationism.  I could get up to Heaven and God say to me "what a numpty, I told you!", but I honestly don't think it matters.  In my mind, the Bible contains the Truth of God; it is the story of God's People (the Jews) and God's Love for us as He sent us His son. The Bible is God-breathed or God-inspired, but isn't intended (imo) to be a historic-scientific record.  Some of it is recorded as happened, some of it is poetry, some of it is prophesy, some of it is metaphor etc.

So, though I do have differing opinions on parts of Christianity (and some are very non-traditional such as my personal belief that Heaven and Hell are the same physical place, and it's our acceptance/non-acceptance of God that differs our experience) I don't go around my church telling them I think they are wrong, unless it comes up in conversation.  I could be wrong, and I would not want to cause someone to stumble away from the Lord, rather I want to draw people to be in a relationship with Him.

Oops, I did it again!

Not singing Britney (though I have been known to do that after I've had one too many...) but I stopped tracking what I've been eating on my Facebook Page and the results haven't been pretty.  I have been pretty stressed (and I am an emotional eater) which has resulted in me eating far too much of the wrong things, and not enough of the right things.  There's nothing wrong with having a treat; indeed Treat not Cheat is one of the 2B Mindset mantras, but we should still be sticking to Water First and Veggies Most.

I have been following the 2B Mindset for nearly 2 months now and have not lost anywhere near 2lbs a week. So, with the holiday season approaching (Happy Thanksgiving for my American friends) I'm taking stock of what I have achieved. 

Other than a couple of occasions, I have not been posting my daily weigh-ins.  Weight does fluctuate daily, but the scale is a good indicator of what is going well and not-so-well.  I have plotted my weight over the past few weeks, both individually, and I have basically smoothed it out by looking at a 5-day average.

The good news is that my weight is clearly dropping.  It may not be dropping as fast as I would like, but then if I were that eager to lose weight, I would be more mindful of what I ate and more determined to always drink water first, etc.  If you have been following my tracking for the barely-two-weeks when I was writing down what I was eating, you can see that I haven't always had mostly vegetables on my plate, and have eaten too many 'silly carbs' and sugar.  So, though I am reprimanding myself, I am conscious that had I been more mindful about what I was eating, then I could have lost a lot more weight. 

So, looking at the graph, I am taking a positive that I am losing weight, I am heading in the right direction, and this is something I can do.  As Ilana says:

"Positive People, Positive Weight loss"

Undraland by Mary E Twomey

I've just read the first five books of this series.  As usual, I got the first one for free, then it had me hooked so I ended up buying the rest.  (Technically, there are four further books in the series, but the story seemed to end nicely there, so I've stopped for now.)

 Lucy is a normal human, with no magic of her own, who has a hard life after her parents and brother die, and gets transported to a different world, and discovers a mission that she needs to undertake with companions of a variety of races and temperaments.




The blurb on Amazon states:

Still reeling from the deaths of her family, Lucy Kincaid is struggling to get her life back on track. But when the short-tempered and sexy Jens saves her from an attack, Lucy is swept away to a world she's never imagined.

Suddenly, fairytale creatures are no longer make-believe--and adventure is hers for the taking. As Lucy delves deeper into this fantastical realm, she encounters oversized garden gnomes, warrior elves, Nøkken, Fossegrimens, and worst of all, Sirens with a vendetta. But can the irresistible garden gnome, Jens give her the "happily-ever-after" she's always dreamed about? 

Obviously, it's a fantasy book, and I would say it's aimed at teens and young adults.  There is a lot of romance, but equally there is adventure and battles to save the day. Not everything goes well, and there are some darker issues explored within Undraland such as sexism, slave trade, discrimination, drugs and unfaithfulness. One thing I particularly liked about this book is that it contains no sex, so I'd feel comfortable with older children/teens reading it.  There is a lot of kissing and a bit of rolling around on the bed... but the heroine is a virgin and it's not considered a negative thing.

So yes, I enjoyed it enough to keep buying the next book to see what happened next.  It's not a difficult read, and I could read a book in a day or two.

Difficult decisions

I've been very quiet this past week, because we have had a lot going on, and it has been quite stressful.

My husband's dad has various mental health issues which we had repeatedly been told was "only" anxiety and depression, but this past summer he was also diagnoses with vascular dementia.  he appeared to be fine until he retired 5ish years ago, and then rapidly went downhill.  He lives alone, but has at times had to be sectioned, and has had spells in hospital due to physical ailments (for example the time he fell down the stairs at night, only for his carers to find him, take him back upstairs and put him to bed rather than calling an ambulance - it turned out he has broken his neck and had bleeding on the brain!).  Unfortunately, he lives 2+ hours away, so though my husband tries to visit every weekend he can, it isn't easy for us.  My sister-in-law (SIL) lives closer to her dad, but still an hour away.  At least she can visit during the week, and she takes a greater hands-on role with regards to her dad's finances etc.

Recently, my father-in-law (FIL) has been getting better.  He has started taking care of his appearance and health by going for runs.  He cooks for himself, and has been going shopping both for food and

for presents for my girls.  Things had been looking up, though he does sometimes still get confused, so SIL still tells him to let her know if he spends anything.  He took this to mean, don't spend anything at all - so he cancelled his house insurance without telling anyone.

Last week, FIL fixed a leaking pipe in his house.  A couple of days later, his house flooded.  The pipe was leaking anyway, so it could have flooded without his fix, but either way, his house is uninhabitable and he has no insurance to cover it.

FIL told his social worker (SW) that he would live with us as we have a big house.  His social worker phoned my husband saying that we needed to take him, which my husband refused without being able to speak to me first.  (Sometimes, in day to day living I forget how blessed I am to have such a considerate husband.)  The SW then put FIL in a carehome that costs £600/wk!  SIL then starts pressurising us to take FIL into our home, and that she would in an instant be she only has a 1bed and FIL would have to sleep on the sofa.

Now, we do have a big home, but we also have 4 of us living here.  If FIL were to have turned up last week, he would be sleeping on the sofa in our house. 

In addition to this, whereas SIL works all day so her flat would be empty (FIL lives alone anyway, so it wouldn't make any difference to him), I home educate my girls, so we use all the rooms in the house during the day, and the girls have to be my priority, not caring for someone else.
If we did have him stay, we would have had to empty the junk work room, and put a camp-bed in there, so he would have been sleeping practically on the floor. 
I also tutor in my home during the day, so for those hours, he would have either had to stay in his box room, or go out on the streets of an area that he is not familiar with.
We would have to register him with our GP, but getting appointments etc is a nightmare at the moment, so that would not be good for him.
We briefly mentioned the possibility to the girls, but DD1 immediately had a meltdown.  Obviously she loves her grandad, but her anxiety shot sky-high at the thought of having someone else in her safe-space/home.

Both the SW and SIL think it wouldn't be a problem having FIL here.  He could get the two trains here by himself [without getting lost? really?]; he wouldn't interfere with our routine at all; he'd only be here a few days or maybe a week [really? I don't know the details of the damage to his home, but if it is uninhabitable, it could take months to dry out before any works can begin to fix the damage] and basically we're really selfish for not having him here straight away.  If he is that 'well', why has he been put in an expensive carehome, rather than a hotel for a few nights or even renting a 1bed nearby where he can check on the progress of his home?

My husband and I spent a lot of time, thinking through different options.  Having him here to stay isn't impossible, however I would have to have some ground rules.  My own anxiety/autism would require there to be a definite end-date.  I could cope having him here until the end of January, but no longer.  If he were here, how could we get him to leave if he didn't want to? He only eats plain/British foods; I'm happy to cook for him what I'm cooking, but given that I already cook 2 different meals if the kids don't eat what I like, I don't want to cook more.  He currently has carers coming in for him, how would that transfer here?  Would the SW be signing him off to us, to reduce her own caseload, and refuse to have him back afterwards?

I spent some time praying about it because, as a Christian, I do want to do what is best, but I have come to the conclusion that I don't think having him here is the best thing for him.  If his dementia gets worse, I don't have the skills to care for him.  Even if his dementia doesn't, if his anxiety/depression worsens, I would find it difficult to cope, let alone the kids!

My husband has gone to visit his dad again today.  I have emailed across a list of places to rent - there is currently a 1bed, partially furnished, house round the corner from FIL's house for only £300pm!  (An eighth of the cost of the carehome he's been put in.) It's a good price, and he would be able to go to his house when he needed anything, and would be around to check the drying out and work being done on his own home.  Even local B&Bs and Hotels are only roughly £55pn (less than £400pw), considerably less than £600pw carehome that presumably he doesn't need to be in, if he is as well as the SW and SIL claim!

Coming to this conclusion has been difficult, and I do feel bad about it - mostly for my husband who is the one getting pressurised.

"You better hope I don't die, then"

Last night, it was my turn to take the girls to bed. 

DD2 can't sleep unless someone is nearby.  As she has bunkbeds, it used to be the case that she'd sleep on the top bunk, and my husband or I would lie on the bottom bunk until she fell asleep.  This wasn't too bad an arrangement, because it was comfortable, and with a torch I could get on with some much needed reading.  Over time, we managed to pull away, so that we were sitting on the landing outside her bedroom door as she fell asleep; which meant we could get away a bit earlier than previously.  Recently, however, she has taken to sleeping on her bedroom floor, with her head on the landing, so she can watch us as she falls asleep, meaning we're back to being upstairs for hours in the evening.

DD1, otoh, being older is generally ok at going to bed by herself.  She is s...l...o...w getting washed, preferring to tap dance in the bathroom than brushing her teeth, but usually she does it, goes to bed, has a quick hug, reads a bit and goes to sleep.

Not last night.

DD1 has arachnophobia and really really panics if she sees a spider, even a money one.  Yesterday morning, she saw one on the corner of her ceiling as she was waking up, and managed to get up and get out without screaming the house down. Hurray for small wins! 

Unfortunately, this all came back to her as she was going to bed.  She does have anxiety at the best of time, and this was too much as she was heading into a full blown panic.  DD1 doesn't panic quietly, or hyperventilate or anything like that; she screams; full volume; and gets angry. 

So, I'm trying to calm DD1 down and quieten her down whilst simultaneously getting DD2 to sleep, and it's not working.  I suggest to DD1 that she takes one of her anxiety sweets and she angrily retorts "That's not going to help at all, is it?".  I ask her what will help, and she wants me to search her room for hidden spiders.  I look in all the corners and they are all spider-free, but that's not good enough for DD1, she wants me to hunt through all her things.  Now, DD1's bedroom is a mess.  She has a small bedroom, but between both children they share a 'play room' so there does not need to be any toys in her bedroom, just clothes, make-up and a few personal belongings.  DD1 is screaming at me that I need to look harder. I  repeat that I have looked, there's nothing there, and I need her to quieten down so DD2 can get to sleep.  I also suggest that she tries some deep breathing exercises (I particularly like the 1 breath in, 2 counts out, 3 in, 4 out... up to 10 counts, then start again) but that just resulted in DD1 getting more angry at me.

Meanwhile, my internal stress levels are rising rapidly.  I don't know whether it's because of my autism or my depression or my childhood or just that I'm emotionally inept, but I hate being shouted at.  I cannot cope with it, and my body goes into fight or flight mode.  I can feel it, but can't seem to do anything about it.

I try explaining to DD1 that I can't cope with the noise, that I need her to be quiet, that I have looked for spiders and there are none, that I have suggested things to calm her down, but she just needs to sleep, and that if her bedroom were tidy as I'd asked then it would be easy to check for spiders.  Admittedly, with my rational head this morning, my fight response may be winning at this moment, and my rational explanation may be coming across a bit shouty...

Either way, I realise there's no point DD1 and I shouting at each other, especially when I'm trying to get DD2 to sleep. So, I withdraw and go to DD2.  DD1 is still crying, but I cannot think what else I can try, that won't make it worse?  So I do something I'm not very good at, and ask for help.

My husband was watching TV when I ask him to help me.  His response, without asking what I need help with, is to storm upstairs, complaining how it's his turn to watch TV in an evening and I'm the parent so should know better.  He goes into DD1's room, and checks all around her room, accepts being shouted at, mysteriously calms her down, then comes out complaining to me again.  I start to say to my husband that I wanted help, I wanted to know how to help DD1 and I wasn't wanting him to do it for me. 

Apparently, it's easy: I simply have to stand there and let her shout and scream at me until she calms down.  But, I can't do that.  My body/brain/whatever won't let me.  I've tried.  I put up with it when she was a baby (you literally could set your watch by her.  Between 2pm and 6pm every day, she would scream constantly, no matter what I tried.  Not helpful when I had PND) but I just can't do it any more.  And that's when he retorted "You better hope I don't die, then" before going back into the living room.

I was fuming!  What a fucking thing to say!  As if I'm there going, "You know what? I want my husband, the love of my life, and the father of my kids to die.  It's just a shame that I need him to get shouted at on my behalf because I can't cope with it myself, otherwise, bye-bye." FFS. 

I have actually calmed down quite a lot from last night, but really!?!

What's going on with the world today?

Really.

I watch TV or read the news and am often left aghast.  Whilst I don't think POTUS Trump should be martyred, he does need to be removed from office. Asap.  He is an idiot.  I cannot believe most of the drivel that comes out of his mouth, and my expectations are pretty low, based on my experience of UK politics.  The latest pile of shite about the CNN reporter attacking the intern, when it's as clear as fuck that, if anything, she attacked him (though to be generous, she was under scrutiny from her boss [Trump] so was a bit overzealous attempting to retrieve the mike).  I don't know if there's any truth to the rumour that the video has been edited so that a different version (which makes it look like the reported did lay hands on the woman) is being shown in the US, but every day what would once have been called conspiracies is approaching real life.

In the UK we have the Brexit nonsense, with PM Theresa May continuing to flog the dead horse, that none of us public want.  Even most of those who thought they did want it, have since come to their senses.  Whilst I find it incredulous that people did believe the Brexit Bus that £350M was going to the NHS, I have friends who voted leave for that exact reason who now wish they didn't.  The funding of the Leave campaign is being investigated for criminality, and a load of politicians are resigning or being asked to resign based on their stance that Brexit should not go ahead, without at least another referendum now we know the full facts.  Of course, the plan for hard/soft Brexit still hasn't been finalised, so even though we know many of the promises were untruths, there still is nothing concrete on the Pro-Brexit side.

Iceland, the supermarket, have had their Christmas Advert banned from UK TV because it is "too political".  The advert in question is a cartoon of a girl whose bedroom gets vandalised by an orangutan because the orangutan's home was first vandalised by humans for palm oil.  Admittedly the cartoon was made by Greenpeace originally, but there's nothing political about the advert itself.  It simply states facts.  Or maybe I've just missed the memo that truth isn't allowed in adverts anymore.  Probably some harebrained scheme to prevent Fake News, by ensuring that all adverts are fake or so wishy-washy/soppy, and anything with any facts in them gets automatically banned, in case the general public gets confused between an advert and something real.  Now I think about it, that's probably why so many beauty products have all that "science" in the adverts - to remind people that it's not real and just and advert.  I just did a quick google, in an attempt to find an example of cosmetic pseudoscience, and found this article from 2005 which coherently explains what I was thinking.

Even on a local level, the world has gone mad.  My doctor's surgery, and 4 others in town, have been taken over by "the hub".  So, rather than phoning the surgery on the morning when you need a GP appointment, your call goes through to a central hub - a call-centre that handles calls for all the GP surgeries.  They have implemented this without the public's knowledge, have implemented it badly, and because they've signed the contract are unable to go back to the previous system.  What's so bad about having a central hub? you may ask. Surely it'll save money overall if everything is streamlined? That is the theory.  The practice, however, are extremely long waits for being on hold, or waiting on a call-back (an hour seems about average).  More often than not, there are no GP appointments left for that day, and because you still cannot book in advance, you are told to phone back again the following morning to repeat the cycle.  And if you are lucky enough to get an appointment, it may not be at your local surgery, but the other side of town.  I'm lucky, in that I don't have chronic medical conditions that require repeated appointments, I don't work during the day and I have a car, but most people are not in that position. 
To get a nurse's appointment, you need to phone the same number.  Nurse's appointments are able to be booked in advance, but they are still mostly fully booked.  To get an asthma review for myself and the two girls, we have to wait 4 weeks and go to a different surgery to usual.  Locally, we're campaigning for things to improve, but the company running the show, IMH Group, has mucked up services in other towns, so personally I don't hold out too much hope.

Home-Made Chicken Goujons

Ingredients

3 Chicken Breasts
Breadcrumbs
Grated Parmesan Cheese
Flour
Salt & Pepper
2 Eggs
1kCal Cooking Spray

Method

Preheat oven to 200C. 
Cut the chicken breasts into long strips.
Prepare three plates:

1. Flour
2. Beaten Eggs
3. Mix of Breadcrumbs, Cheese, and Salt & Pepper.

Dip the chicken into the flour, shaking off the excess.  Dip into the Egg, then roll in the Breadcrumb mixture until coated.  Lay onto a baking sheet.

Once all the chicken is coated, spray lightly with cooking spray, then bake for 20mins (checking after 15min that it is not browning too much).

Enjoy.

I served these with a big bowl of mixed salad, and thousand island dressing that had been 'watered' down with a bit of white wine vinegar.

Watering down thick sauces is an easy way to encourage the sauces to coat all the food/salad, rather than remaining in a lump. This has the advantage of being able to taste the flavour every bite, without needing as much sauce as you would if it were thicker.

Sweet and Soy Garlic Chicken Recipe

Ingredients

4 Chicken Thighs
1/3 Cup Tomato Ketchup
1/2 Cup Honey
1/2 Cup Soy Sauce
2 crushed Garlic Cloves
1 tbsp Sesame Oil
1 tbsp Rice Vinegar

Method

Put all the ingredients in the Slow cooker, mix thoroughly, and cook on high for 5-6 hours.
Serves 4.


When I did this, I actually only put 2 of thighs in the slow cooker.  I then mixed all the liquid ingredients in a bowl, poured half on the thighs and stirred before putting the slow cooker on.  The other two thighs, and the rest of the sauce, I put in a freezer bag, and placed in the freezer, so next time I only need to defrost before cooking.

I served the Sweet and Soy Garlic Chicken on a bed of mushrooms and pak choi that had been lightly fried in sesame oil.
Delicious!

Nutrition Project

It's the start of a new half term here, and bearing in mind that DD1 will be going to secondary school next year, I'm trying to get the girls do some "work" every day. 

When Home Educating, there is no requirement for formal work at all, let alone a number of hours that need to be complete each week.  There is no need to follow the National Curriculum (depending on the subject, it seems randomly too shallow or too narrow), but need to ensure that the education is suitable to the child's needs, age and ability.

So, yesterday DD1 asked me to set them a maths quiz.  I said I would, on the condition that I could teach them something new first, but wouldn't limit the quiz to that topic.  So I taught both girls about fractions, how to add and subtract them when the denominators are not the same, how to simplify and what mixed numbers are.  DD2 found it more difficult, as expected, and stopped halfway through the questions.  DD1 was determined to complete the set, even though she was frustrated at times for not remembering what she once knew (long multiplication and division).  With a bit of help, she completed it, and got them all correct.

Today, I have decided to set each girl a challenge.  And it will be a challenge, because my girls are very particular about what they will and won't eat!

DD2's Challenge:

• Find a recipe that all four of us will eat, that is at least 50% vegetables
• Write out the recipe (ingredients and method) very neatly
• Decorate with pictures if you want

DD1's Challenge:

• Find a recipe that 3 of us will eat (Mum, Dad and DD1), that is at least 50% vegetables and under 400kCals per portion.
• Write out the recipe (ingredients and method) very neatly
• Decorate with pictures if you want

This will be a challenge for each of the girls.  

DD1 eats a wider variety of foods and vegetables than DD2, so I didn't want her to be limited by what DD2 will eat, but as an added difficulty (and hopefully some hidden maths) of working out the calories within foods.  She has started by writing out a list of all the foods that she likes, and is watching YouTube videos to spark ideas as she thinks about creating a recipe.  I have mentioned to her that Recipe Finders do exist on the internet, where she can input ingredients and it will suggest recipes that fit, but for now, she wants to try and develop her own.

DD2 has started by making a list of all the vegetables she Likes; Don't Like but Will Eat; Don't Like; and Never Tried, using the list of vegetables on Wikipedia.  So far (she hasn't finished yet) there is a grand total of 1 vegetable in the Likes column, 4 in the Will Eat column (though one is potato, so not counted in this challenge), nearly an A4 page in the Don't Like column and almost a page and a half in the Never Tried one.  At the moment, it looks like DD2's suggestion might end up being something like Sausages with Sweetcorn and peas, though I'm hoping that she'll end up with something a bit more adventurous/tasty.

I have given both girls until the end of the week to develop their recipes and write them up, and then I plan to cook them for the family next week.

Exercise

I'm not a gym-bunny, but I am feeling the need to do a bit of exercise.  Not specifically for weightloss (though that would be a nice side effect!), but to build up strength as well as toning/defining muscles a bit more.  As I've had a hysterectomy, I am at risk of osteoporosis, so it is recommended that I do plenty of weight-bearing exercise, and I like the idea of using my body as resistance.

In the past, I read "Lose Weight: Without Dieting" by David Nordmark (because it was free on Kindle at the time, and I download almost every free book I come across...) and, from what I remember, it complements the 2B Mindset quite nicely.  The same author has also written a few exercise books, samples of which are also free on Kindle.  I have been reading his "Workout: Routines" sample book, and have decided to use it to do some strength-based exercises.

Because I am unfit, to say the least, I'm going to build up these exercises adding a new one each day, until I can do the whole routine which, according to Nordmark, should take no more than 30 minutes.  As this is just a sample from one of his other books, this series focuses on Dynamic Stretches, ie those that involve movement in the stretch to also build up flexibility.

Here is his list of stretches, with the number of reps (the names are the names used in his book; I know some of them by other names, but I refer you to his book if you wish to find out more detail):

• Sumo Squat Stretch - 10 reps
• Sumo Squat Kicks - 10 reps
• Ying Yang Squats - 10 reps
• Football Kicks - 10 reps each leg
• Ying Yang Bends - 10 reps
• Ying Yang Side Bends - 10 reps
• Tai Chi Waist Turner - 50-100 reps
• Gymnastic Shoulder Shrugs - 10-15 reps
• Gymnastic Shoulder Pull-ups - 10 reps
• Towel Pulls - 10 reps
• Side Towel Pulls - 10 reps
• Dynamic Calves Stretches - 10 reps
• Alternate Straddles - 5 reps each side
• Dynamic Lion Stretch - 10 reps
• Table Maker Strength - 10 reps
• Kneeling Back Bend - once, as far back as you can go
• Forward Rows - 10 reps
• Dynamic Bridge Stretch - 10 reps

So, this will take me nearly 3 weeks to learn the full routine, and hopefully by then the habit will be ingrained.  I'm only on day 2 today, so have done Sumo Squat Stretches and Kicks.

One month in...

...and I have not been managing to lose 2lbs/1kg a week.  In fact, from my 96kg start weight at the start of October, I have only lost 2kg (roughly half what I should have lost).
That said, everybody IS different, with different metabolisms, health conditions and lifestyles.  What works for one person, may not work for another.  The 2B Mindset is a lifestyle (not a diet!) and a change of mindset, where you will be more positive and lose weight happily and easily.

Does that mean the 2B Mindset is crap and not working?
Actually, no.  What it means is that I haven't been following the 2Bunnies properly, and if I had, then I would have lost even more. 

The 2Bunnies are Water First, Veggies Most, Use the Scale, and Track what you eat.

Do I drink Water First? Sometimes... Water is always the first thing to pass my lips in the morning, as I have a handful of tablets to take.  Sometimes I drink half a bottle before I eat breakfast, but I rarely specifically drink half a bottle before lunch or dinner. 
The recommended amount of water to drink is 1 fl oz / 2lbs (or 1 kilo) of weight - so for me, I should drink at least 90 fl oz, or 3 bottles, of water each day.  And I do drink that easily, sometimes more.  I drink a lot of water during the day, so though I may not be filling up on water just before eating, I know I am hydrated.

Do I eat Veggies Most? Occasionally.  This has been hard for me, because it has been dependant on my mental state and how busy I am.  If I am well, have planned ahead, and have plenty of time to prep/cook, then eating Veggies Most is easy.  When I am rushing around after the kids, and have to grab something to eat on the go, I try to choose Veggies Most, but if not taking a packed lunch (which requires planning/preparation) buying something Veggies Most is more difficult.  Add to that, poor mental health after a busy day and the kitchen isn't clean and the husband just wants to order a takeaway, it gets even more difficult to say no.  I am not blaming anyone - what I put in my mouth is up to me (ahem!); but my willpower is not as good as it could be, and I have not yet developed the habit of healthy eating.  For example, sometimes if the husband wants a kebab, I will order a Greek Salad, and have some of his meat (honestly, I'm not trying to come up with innuendo after innuendo!).  Or the other day at the dance festival, we went for a pub lunch, and I had a goats cheese salad with a tap water, and did not have dessert. But then, DD2 decided after ordering that she did not feel hungry, so I ended up eating her sausages and feeling overly full, when really I did not need that eating opportunity, an I should have said no.

Do I Use the Scale? Yes!  Daily.  This is a habit that I learned long before coming across the 2B Mindset for the same reasons.  My eating is under control when I can use the scale and see the information it is giving me as pure information, rather than as a scale of my value or worth.

Do I Track what I Eat?  Umm.... were you talking to me?  I track my weight, if that counts?  No? I thought not...

So, I am going to try and remember to track what I eat every day.  I am a member of a 2B Mindset group on Facebook that is really supportive, but even with their prompting I forget to track.  So, I am going to try to remember to track daily on my FB page: Musings of a Middle-aged Mum

Another weekend of Dance...

...and we have come home with more medals! 

DD1 came 4th place with her Song and Dance solo!  Her Tap solo didn't get placed, but two of her friends got Gold and Bronze in the same category, so she was happy for them.
And in the Cabaret Groups, the group with DD1 got Silver medal, and the other group (with both girls) didn't get placed.





That's the last festival for us until February Half Term.  I wish I could say things are now more relaxed for us (I wish this, the kids wish otherwise!), but DD1 is in a show in our local theatre in a fortnight's time, so lots of extra rehearsals for her.  Not to mention all the usual dance lessons they have going on.

Halloween and Gardening

Yesterday was Halloween, so we did the obligatory pumpkin carving.  We had left it quite late to buy pumpkins (the day before) because previously we've had carved ones go mouldy before Halloween!  This meant the ones that were left were fairly small, but the girls still had fun designing and carving.  Usually my husband carves the pumpkins, but I had to do it yesterday.  Carving - fine! Good fun and creative. Removing seeds and string - horrible! It was really hard (yes, I know pumpkin is a hard veg [pedant me: fruit], but I thought this was an activity kids were meant to do!) so the girls gave up, and left it for me to do.
But, we're happy with the results.

As it was Halloween, my church does a Light Event each year instead.  Rather than the usual party, they set up a table on the street and gave out "Bags of Hope" - party bags containing sweets, colouring pages, a leaflet about the church, and John's Gospel.  They also were doing hot dogs, and party games.  Despite having 100 bags (actually they had 200 in total, as this was set-up in two locations), they had run out after an hour, so had to pop to Tesco to buy even more sweets.  Hopefully the response they had is encouraging.

So today, we have the job of using up the rest of the pumpkin.  As the shells were on the floor outside last night, we're not going to use them, but I'm going to roast the seeds for a snack and use the flesh we did manage to retrieve to make pumpkin bread.  I'd like to make cornbread, but I'm not sure I have any cornmeal left, in which case I'll make a more normal loaf.

Also, some new plants that I had ordered arrived yesterday.  We got a knock at the front door last night, so the girls ran to the front to offer sweets to the trick or treaters, to discover a tall box standing alone on the doorstep, as the delivery driver drove away.  The box contained 2 standard patio roses, to replaces the ones that never grew last year; 40 plug pansies and some basket raisers.  I currently have the last of my dying cherry tomatoes in the baskets out the front of my house, so thought I would replace them with the pansies for some winter colour.  As the baskets are high up, and even on my kitchen steps I can barely reach them, I bought some basket raisers to make my job easier. Unfortunately, it's pouring with rain today, so I don't fancy doing the gardening now.  It's been very dry (but freezing) recently.  I was glad this morning when I awoke and it wasn't so cold, but I have a day free to do gardening and I don't want to miss it.

I'm sure the neighbours think I'm crazy though.  All summer, whilst other houses had beautiful flower displays hanging out the front, whilst I had mainly empty baskets.  When the tomato plugs arrived, they were half dead, so didn't grow as bushy as I hoped they would - not helped by there being a heatwave when we were on holiday for a fortnight so when we returned they were half dead, again!  The tomato plants were still fruiting until very recently, which is why I hadn't removed them sooner, but now I have baskets of dead/dying plants out the front - very in theme with Halloween!  The pansy plugs are tiny, though, so when I do plant them it will look, yet again, that I have empty baskets hanging out the front.  Oh well!  Hopefully they'll bloom.