Weightloss Update

Or more truthfully, that should be a weight gain update.

I wasn't losing weight despite seeing my Personal Trainer twice a week, and then December hit.  That means watching every Christmas film on Netflix, and then attempting (and failing) to watch every Christmas film on My5.  In fact, I typed "christmas" into the My5 search, and was going through all the Christmas films in alphabetical order.  As they show a film every afternoon, the list was updating every day, and I purposely did not go back to watch the films that had been added after I passed that letter.  Even still, I only managed to get to the end of the letter C.  (There are sooooo many films that are called either "A Christmas in... " or "Christmas in... "!)  Added to that was possibly excessive mince pie consumption (can you blame me?! Mmmmmm.... Mince pies.....) my weight increased to the highest weight I've been ever.  Surprisingly, though, I did not gain much from Christmas and New Year's themselves, and I started January at a whopping 104.7kg.  Any my progress photos, which I won't scare you with, actually look worse than when I started with my PT back in April. Yikes. 

I did already have a plan for the new year to meal prep.  My husband and I had become aware that we had regressed into buying takeaways when we cba to cook or worse, we wanted to cook but had time constraints or we hadn't defrosted anything in time.  I already owned one meal prep book, but it didn't really teach how to do it, beyond being a recipe book, so I asked for a book for Christmas: Low Calorie Meal Prep Cookbook.

I started following the weekly meal guides - the first week was breakfast only, the second week was breakfasts and lunch, the third week (this week) is breakfast, lunch and dinner, and weeks 4, 5 and 6 all have breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack planned.  I have had to purchase some more containers for storage, and my fridges are now full at the start of each week.

The foods in the book are actually really tasty.  I have learned that supermarket fruit and veg don't actually last a week when prepped, which is a shame as it means I need to do a mid-week prep for the fresh food.  And it takes aaaaages on a Sunday afternoon, but as my PT pointed out to me, that I would be spending at least that much time during the week making breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.

Some examples of the meals I've been eating include Veggie Quiche Bento Boxes, Tuna and Hummus Wrap, Tropical Smoothie, and Chicken and White Bean Chilli.  Though my 3 favourite meals, so far, have been swiftly demolished before I've had a chance to take a photograph: Southwestern Black-bean Quesadilla, Chicken and Gnocchi Soup and Honey-Sriracha Chicken with Noodles. Yum.

I've also started using My Fitness Pal again, to record my calorie intake, and I've signed up to a 4-week bootcamp in February. Incredibly, I am seeing weightloss already!  I am weighing myself on a Monday morning (so I will restart the weekly updates) and over the first 2 weeks of eating these meals, I have lost 3 kilograms!  My PT said to challenge myself and aim for getting below 100kg by the end of January - and I thought that was a bit optimistic, tbh.  But, I seem to be on track at the moment! As expected, I lost more weight the first week, than in the second, and we have to wait until next Monday to see what this third week has done for me.  I have started drinking tea again (vanilla flavour rooibos - delicious) with a couple of drops of stevia, to satisfy my sweet tooth, and I've been having one of those 10calorie jellies as a dessert after dinner.  I haven't been depriving myself, and have actually had a takeaway every week in January, I've just tried to be sensible about it - eg choosing tandoori chicken with vegetable side dishes, rather than my usual tikka massala, pilau rice and peshwari naan.  And I've managed to have the odd glass of alcohol (red wine, or even a baileys) if it fits within my calorie allowance.  (My calorie allowance is currently 1500kcals in MFP because I have set it up to aim to lose 0.5kg/week.)

So, that's where we are. I was 101.7kg on Monday, and I hope I will continue to lose weight, get fitter and get healthier.

My books of 2021

 

Last year, I set myself the target of reading 50 books, which I hit.  I think I've actually read a couple more than 52, as I still (sorry!) have some reviews to write up, and I don't always add them to Goodreads if I haven't done the review.  If you are a Goodreads user, feel free to click this link to follow me there too.

This next year, I've set myself the even more modest target of 24 books in a year.  This is because I barely wait whilst the girls are dancing anymore, so I have less time to read actually structured into my week.  I also (before last week) hadn't read anything since about October.  I had less free time, and in December you have to watch as many made-for-TV crappy Christmas movies as you can.  It's the law.

Here's a pictorial summary of all the reading I did last year, and I'll give a link to each review below.

Fiction

• The Dark Side of the Sun by Terry Pratchett
  
• Red White and Blues by Rysa Walker
  
• Ember by Jessica Sorensen
  
• Forgotten by Don and Stephanie Prichard
  
• Genesis Code by Eliza Green
  
• Happiness is a Smoking Gun by Alaine Allister
  
• I Spy, I Saw Her Die by Ian C. P. Irvine
  
• Juliette and the Monday ManDates by Becky Doughty
  
• Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson
  
• Catriona by Robert Louis Stevenson
  
• The Legacy of the Key by S L Morgan
  
• Mouse Tails by Sonny Collins
  
• Nocturne by Kat Ross (The Fourth Talisman Series)
  
• Out of a Dream by Rosemary Hines
  
• Pancakes and Corpses by Agatha Frost
  
• Quantum by Patricia Cornwell
• Rift by Andreas Christensen
  
• Season of Hope by Dayo Benson
  
• Taste by Mary E Twomey
  
• Ugly Girl by Mary E Twomey
  
• The Vine Witch by Luanne G Smith
  
• The Wave at Hanging Rock by Gregg Dunnett
  
• Yesterday by Amanda Tru
  
• Meadowlark by Melanie Abrams
• Brainrush by Richard Bard

Non-Fiction

• Trim Healthy Mama Plan by Barrett and Allison
  
• I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna
  
• The Diet Trap Solution by Beck & Beck
  
• The Obesity Code by Jason Fung
  

Christian Inspirational

• Women Rising by Meghan Tschanz
  
• Finding Intimacy With Jesus Made Simple by Matthew Robert Payne
  

I'm Back!

Hello my lovelies, how are you all?  

Ok, if you follow my facebook page I said my first post this year would be about books, but I've decided to give a brief overview about everything instead. And if you don't follow my facebook page, why on earth not?? Tut, tut, tut. 😜 Here's the link again, so you have no excuse: https://www.facebook.com/MusingsMiddleagedMum

So, I purposely had a break for Christmas, and it was needed.  I've come back this year feeling refreshed and ready to go.  Last week, however, I went to get ready for my first tutorial and my my computer had died.

Not only did the Automatic Repair not work, it wouldn't move off this screen.  I cancelled my tutorials and left it to my techy husband (they do have their uses, lol).  He used some techy magic to recover most of my files, but he couldn't get windows to work.  We wiped everything, started again, and windows still wouldn't work.  He even installed Linux, and even that operating system wouldn't work.  The hard disk was dead as dead can be.

After having to handwrite a comparison spreadsheet (I'm not joking, I am that geeky, and it took two A4 pages), I decided upon and bought a new laptop. Yey!  There are a couple of snags* with it, that I'm sure will be able to be sorted quickly, but overall I'm really pleased with it.
* There is automatically a background noise remover thingy on the microphone, which would be great, except now it stops my headset working with zoom when tutoring.  The only way to bypass is to not use my headset, so all my tutees are rewarded with sounds of my dogs barking in the background.  Should be a simple fix; husband will look at it later.

* Everything on my laptop is automatically saving to One Drive.  I use One Drive for music and photos, but all my large tutoring or Ed Free documents, I do not need nor want saving all the time.  It means I'm getting lots of notifications saying One Drive is full, and adverts where I can buy infinite (nearly) space for only £££ each month.  Again, a simple fix, but I'm ignoring it for now.

What's new with me? Well, yesterday was 20 years since I asked my (now) husband to go out with me.  Very forward of me, but he was/is shyer than me, if you can believe such a thing. Actually, if you know me now, you probably can believe it, but 20 years ago I was a mouse in comparison.  I thought he fancied me, and asked a couple of my friends a few months earlier, and they said that I was just imagining it, and he was just a good friend.  Anyway, in the January, we went back to uni and there was a party a friend of a friend was throwing and we tagged along.  We got drunk enough for me to ask him if he fancied me and for him to say yes - and then I ignored it and continued with the party!  It wasn't until I couldn't sleep that night, because everything was rolling around my head, that I went up to his room and asked him to go out with me, and then went back downstairs to go to sleep. I then didn't see him for 24hrs, because I was at a football match, and wasn't sure if he would remember or if he thought it was a mistake or what.  Ancient history it is, as we're now married, 17 years this coming August, with 2 kids, 2 dogs, and still happy.

I have started reading again - hurray! I don't think I had read anything seriously since about October.  I tend not to read much in December, because it's tacky Christmas movie season, but I had missed reading.  I don't have as much time to read as previously, only an hour on a Saturday of dedicated reading time (except when/if I read a good book, and it takes over my life for a few days), but I'm glad to have started reading regularly again.

And I've started calorie counting.  After hitting my heaviest weight ever after Christmas, I am properly tracking my food in MFP and have been meal prepping. I'm only on week 2, so it's not an established habit yet, but I have lost weight already, which keeps me motivated.

I'm going to my first naturist/clothing optional event for what seems like forever tonight.  Covid, of course, has stopped everything, but theatres are starting to reopen, so my husband and I are going to a clothing optional showing tonight, so that will be fun.

What's not new with me? Still tutoring maths.  Still involved in the home ed world.  Still have my personal trainer twice a week. Still going to church. Still ferrying the girls to dance every night of the week. Still me.

And that's about it!  I hope you all had a good Christmas and New years.  I did.  And that you are well xx

The Obesity Code by Jason Fung

 

The blurb for The Obesity Code says:

We are in the midst of an obesity epidemic, but despite being inundated with diet advice we are only getting fatter. We count calories and exercise regularly, yet still the pounds won’t budge. Why?

In this highly readable and provocative book, Dr Jason Fung sets out a groundbreaking new theory: that obesity is caused by our hormones, rather than a lack of self-control.

He reveals that overproduction of insulin in the body is the root cause of obesity and obesity-related illnesses including type 2 diabetes, and offers robust scientific evidence that reversing insulin resistance is the only way to lose weight in the long term.

It turns out that when we eat is just as important as what we eat, so in addition to his five basic steps — a set of life-long eating habits that will improve your health and control your insulin levels — Dr Fung explains how to use intermittent fasting to break the cycle of insulin resistance and reach a healthy weight — for good.

This book is really clearly organised.  It starts simple, and gently increments knowledge, understanding, and evidence towards the final conclusion.  It is separated into six parts: The Epidemic, The Calorie Deception, A New Model of Obesity, The Social Phenomenon of Obesity, What's Wrong with Our Diet?, and The Solution.

The blurb has given away the main conclusion of this book - that insulin is the main cause of obesity, so we need to lower both our insulin levels and our insulin resistance in our blood - however, I think this is still a good book to read.  I will list the 5 steps to reducing your insulin as follows, but you really need to read the book to fully understand what each of these steps actually mean:

1. Reduce your consumption of added sugars
2. Reduce your consumption of refined grains
3. Moderate your protein consumption
4. Increase your consumption of natural fats
5. Increase your consumption of protective factors.

These all seem like 'common sense', but this book shares the science behind them, which means they should work, rather than blindly following a fad diet.  In addition to what we should be eating, this book highlights the benefits of fasting; whether you follow the 16:8, 5:2, fast for longer periods, or for religious reasons, fasting is a simple way to help each of use control our insulin levels.

Weekly Update

Yes, yes, yes, it's been more than a week.  Tough titties - as we used to say when I was a teen, lol.  

Since my birthday my weight has sky-rocketed.  A combination of eating crap, eating some delicious Hotel Chocolat chocolates and self sabotage, means my weight has ballooned to nearly the highest it has ever been.

As of this morning, I am 95.6kilos which is incredibly high, even for me.  I was getting down to 92kg quite consistently, so am hoping that if I focus a little bit more on what I shove in my gob, hopefully I will start to get back down there again.

Warning: Fat person photos coming up, so turn back now.

On the positive side, I have been seeing my personal trainer for a month now, which has been a good commitment from me.  I am clearly not motivated to exercise on my own much, so this has been good to have someone come to the house and make me do it spur me on.

Warning: Seriously, look away now, before it's too late.

Before I started seeing my PT, she suggested that I take photos of myself and measure myself as I will likely see improvements in those areas before I notice a weightloss.  Given that I have gained weight, I was surprised to see that I have lost centimetres.

Final Warning: You only have yourself to blame now!

My stats over the past month:

Left arm +2cm Bust -1cm Under bust -6cm Waist +3cm Hips +0.5cm Left Thigh -1cm Left Calf -1cm My photos, however, haven't improved as much and I still look really fat, though my PT looked at them this morning and noticed some subtle differences that I hadn't seen, so I feel better about them. I'm only 1 month in, however, so shouldn't be too hard on myself. I have stuck to it, and next month my photos will look even better.

The Diet Trap Solution by Beck & Beck

This is the second time I have purposely read through The Diet Trap Solution. It is one that you can keep referring back to when you find your eating going out of control.

The blurb says:

Most diet programmes work at first. We lose a few pounds in a few weeks, but then life happens and the bad habits and the weight return. In this invaluable book, Judith Beck PhD offers the solution to break free from these common diet traps and keep the weight off for life.

Judith Beck explains that when it comes to losing weight, it's not just about what we eat – it's also about how we think. To consistently eat differently, we must learn to think differently. Diets fail us because they don't offer effective strategies for overcoming the common traps – emotional eating, social pressure, dining out – that can derail us. Now, she and her daughter, Deborah Beck Busis, share the techniques they have successfully used with thousands of clients, revealing exactly how to overcome the thoughts and behaviours that have been holding you back.

With The Diet Trap Solution, readers on any diet can learn to identify their specific diet traps, prepare for their personal triggers and create action plans to strengthen their 'resistance muscle' – making losing weight easy, sustainable and enjoyable.

This is another book that I was reading through with my friend, as we try to encourage each other to get healthier and lose weight.  

The book goes through the psychology of dieting and why most diets fail - not because of the diets themselves, but rather because of ourselves.  There are various core strategies that is recommended you do every day (for example, reading through your Advantages List of why it is important to you to lose weight). There are reminder cards for you to carry around with you to help prepare and prevent your sabotaging behaviour, and you are encouraged to think in advance about what normally happens to sabotage your weight loss, and what strategy you will use to mitigate it this time.

At the start of the book there is a quick quiz to determine which traps affect you the most, and then the book goes through each of eight traps in groups of two: Internal Traps, Interpersonal Traps, External Traps, and Universal Traps.  For me, I ticked 'yes' to almost all of them, but even if you don't, I'd recommend you at least skim read through the other chapters, even if you don't pay as much attention to the ones that affect you.

I like this book because it is no nonsense,  Again, it's not a magic pill that will solve all your weightloss problems, but it helps focus your mind.  Whilst some of the suggestions seem like common sense, I dare say that if you perfectly enacted all of them in your daily life, you wouldn't be needing to lose weight.

I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna

 

Given not much else was working, at the start of the year, I purchased I Can Make You Thin.

The blurb says:

Welcome to a revolutionary way to stop overeating, control cravings and feel totally motivated to take exercise. Paul McKenna has developed a breakthrough weight-loss system that re-patterns your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs about yourself, your health and food to help you easily take control of your diet and lose weight permanently.

As you use Paul's amazing system, the latest psychological techniques will automatically help you to start losing weight straight away! You can use it again and again to make you feel happier about yourself as you go all the way to your ideal shape, size and weight.

I remember Paul McKenna from his TV hypnotism where people would act like fools on stage.  But, having used hypnotherapy when I was pregnant, I know that it can work.  Mainly, I got this for the book, because, well, I like books.

I read the book slowly, as I wanted to take in as much as possible, and I listened to the audio/hypnotherapy when I had a spare half hour.  I found that by listening regularly, it helped me keep in mind the positive reasons why I'd like to lose weight and encouraged self belief that I could make it happen.  

Much of the book is common sense, and it dovetails nicely with other books I've been reading concurrently, but having the audio is worth the price of the book itself.  I haven't lost much weight using it; it certainly isn't a cure-all - but the repetition of eating slowly and mindfully does help you develop good eating habits, and this book is much more about a lifestyle change, rather than weightloss (imo, despite the title of the book).

So, would I recommend it?  Actually, yes.  Even though I didn't lose weight using it, it has helped give me the self belief that I am worth it, I deserve to be fit and healthy, and taking just 30min a day to rest and focus on myself, is good for me too.  And as I have made other changes to my life recently, maybe this book and audio have had more, indirect, impact than I thought when I started this review.

 

It's been nearly a month!!!

My poor neglected blog!  I'm so sorry!  You wouldn't believe how busy I have been - actually, you would, given how sporadic my posting has been so far this year.  I'm hoping I'll have finally turned a corner now, but who knows?  I have been posting mildly more often direct on my facebook page, so if you don't follow it, you should do so now: https://www.facebook.com/MusingsMiddleagedMum .

The Education Select Committee's Inquiry into Home Education is still ongoing.  I have given further submissions, but that hasn't been published yet, nor my personal one.  I'm still involved in helping home educators locally and nationally know their rights, answer their questions, deal with their Local Authorities, etc.  I'm also talking at an upcoming HE conference, so I hope people will have plenty of questions as I'm not good at talking about nothing, lol.  I suppose I should find some FAQs and have them on standby so I can ask and answer my own questions if I need to.  Details of the conference: https://www.learnfree.org.uk/ 

Have I mentioned that DD2 got into the same school as DD1?  So from September, I'll no longer be a home educator! <sob>  I'll still be involved in the community and the politics, but will be stepping down from some of my adminning duties on FB as I don't think it's right that a non-home educator admins local groups.

Weightloss has been a bit up and down.  More up than down, but hopefully that has turned a corner now.  I've got a(nother) new exercise routine that I've paid for so will be sticking with for a while.  Had my first session on Monday, and boy, did I ache afterwards!!!  I hope to be doing this every Monday and Friday for the foreseeable, so hopefully that will have an impact on my weight.  I've also decided to try some monetary incentive.  From a starting weight of 94kilos, for every 1kg I can keep off for a solid 3 weeks, I will put a tenner to one side.  The Pros: If I get down to my dream weight, I'll have £300 to spend on new clothes. The Cons: My weight is up and down like a yoyo, so I could be averaging , for example, 75kilos, and then randomly have 1 day of 82kilos.  But, it's added incentive, so lets see if it works.

I haven't listened to my hypnotherapy CDs for a while either - I've not even had time to take 30min for myself at home.  But, now that the girls' dance classes are back in the studios, I've magically got more time for reading (because I am sat in my car waiting!) so hope to start writing reviews again.

So sorry, again, for the silent treatment.  I hope to be posting more regularly again soon xx

Weekly Update

 A weekly update that is turning into a monthly update. I'm busy - no surprise there!

I started another FutureLearn Course.  Only 3 weeks long, a few hours each week - I've managed 1 week so far, so need to catch up on that.

My work with Educational Freedom is ongoing, as people are always asking for support, as well as the behind the scenes stuff that needs to happen.  I've been contacted by a journalist this morning too, so I need to write a bit for her.

And my working as part of the EHE Alliance is ongoing.  Thankfully I'm part of a bigger team there, but I still need to give my input and am unable to cruise along.

Have I mentioned on this blog I get cysts? Well, I do.  Went to the docs years ago about it and was told "you're just a cystic lady".  Gee, thanks.  This week one burst in my groin, so I've been unable to do any walking (which is reflected in my weight) as I've had an open wound.  It's finally starting to heal today though, yey!, so hopefully won't be too long before I can walk my dog again.  On the positive side, the nurse suggested I may have a condition called Hidradenitis suppurativa or HS, and has arranged a phone appt with a different GP next week, so I can be referred to dermatology.  There actually isn't much they can do, but if I have a diagnosis I can keep antibiotics to hand, so I can treat myself when and as needed, rather than having to go through the rigmarole of making doctor/nurses appointments.  This is another condition that benefits if you are not overweight, so yet another reason why I need to lose weight.

I have finished a couple of books since I last posted too.  Reading really does destress me, so I need to get around to writing those reviews.  Unfortunately, my kindle is still in my car from when I went to the docs last week and I cba to get it out when it was cold and wet.  A sunny day here today, though, so no more excuses.

So back to my weekly update.  Here's my graph for the past 2 months.

Very up and down, but (apart from this past week) there's a definite downward trend.  Once I can start walking again, I need to make sure I go out every day (especially on busy days where I'm tutoring!).

I am feeling strangely motivated this morning though, despite not being able to walk.  Over the weekend I binge-watched Strong on Netflix.  It's about 10 personal trainers and 10 fairly ordinary women who compete to win $500,000 by getting physically and mentally strong.  I particularly liked the fact there was one contestant who was my weight at the start, and she did really well on the show.
So, this morning, I did 1 sit up, 1 push up and 1 Russian twist; tomorrow I will do 2 of each and I will continue as it.  I didn't want to start with 10 or 20 of each in case I found it demoralising - and that was a good call!  The Russian Twist, I could do.  The Push-up I went on my toes (usually I do them on my knees) and managed it.  The sit-up, though.... the one exercise that I could do comfortably... Well, I could do a crunch (I got halfway up), but I don't think it qualifies as a sit-up.  I tried again, getting a bit more momentum into it, and still only got halfway up.  As I said, it's a good thing I didn't try and start doing too many.  Tomorrow I will do two of each, and my strength will improve.

Weekly Update

Today: 93.8kg
Last Week: 94.4kg
Weekly Difference: 0.6kg loss
Starting: 94.2kg
Total Difference: 0.4kg loss

Going in the right direction this week!

This week has been busy again - when is it not - but I did manage to find some time for myself.  I finished one book, and read two more (that were a 2-book series) over the weekend that had me gripped.  I hadn't planned to stay up reading, but all of a sudden the book had finished and it was 2am this morning...

General HE stuff is still on going.  I chaired the meeting last week that I was worried about and it went well, so I won't be so nervous next time.  'Normal' helping people continues as it does every day.  And I said I would do some videos about Engineering for British Science week.  The organiser has started asking for info and resource lists etc, so has given me a kick up the backside to actually get around to doing them.  I've done my intro video, and planned what I'll say for the other 3 vids, and now I just need to get all the resources together and actually film them.  I also said I'd do a brief worskheet of the theory, so I need to put a few questions together about them too.  But I've started, and that's the main thing.

DD1 had her Spring school report today, and that was really good.

And DD2 made this cake at the weekend, so both girls are doing well.

Weekly Update

 

Over this past month, my weight is coming down!  I'm not dieting, just trying to track everything that I eat, and I try to listen to the hypnotherapy music M-F.  I'm rereading The Diet Trap Solution and trying to read my advantages list daily (ie. why I'm trying to lose weight in the first place) and when I am eating, I'm trying to eat mindfully: purposely putting down my cutlery and focus on the taste and texture of what I'm eating, slowing down, and listening to my body when it says it's full.

In life in general, I'm still really busy.  I am managing to carve out some time to read, though, so my mental health is better.  It just means I have less time to do everything else. I've made reminder post-its for myself, but they're not having much impact atm.

Can you believe it's half-term next week??!?  I hadn't realised until DD1 told me this morning.  Time is flying by, and I still feel like I have loads to do.  On which note, I best leave this here, as Monday is my day for my FutureLearn course and I missed it last week as I was so busy with HE stuff.

Have a good week, all xx

Weekly Update

Things are going well!  I have actually lost weight this week - half a kilo, but it all counts.  I'm not actively "dieting" at the moment, I am merely tracking what I eat, eating mindfully when I do, and I am meaning to keep up with the hypnotherapy (which I haven't for a few days...).  Being aware of what I'm eating, eating slowly and knowing that I need to write down and track whatever it is that I do eat, is helping me make wiser choices.

Exercise-wise, I'm going for a 3Km walk every other day.  This week there are free BodyGroove sessions lunchtime and evenings, that I haven't been able to join yet, but I do recommend them nonetheless (the link is on my FB page).

In other news, I am even more busy!  I have more people asking for maths tuition, and I'm having to turn them away, as working full days Wednesdays and Thursdays (plus the prep around them) is enough for me.  When DD2 goes to school, I'll try and spread them throughout the week, and so should be able to fit more people in (since 5 half days is more than 2 full days).

In the Home Ed world, I've been busy doing lots of admin stuff, as well as actually helping people with advice and support.  I know I'm a freak, but I don't mind admin.  It keeps everything organised and you get a sense of achievement when it's done.  It's a shame I don't feel the same way about tidying and cleaning my house!

I have also said I would host some sessions on Engineering for this year's HE Science Fair.  Last year I offered maths tuition, though only the people who I already tutored wanted any, lol.  This year, I've decided to go for a more hands-on demo, looking at what engineering is, and then 3 separate types of engineering.  I'm not a natural teacher (of a group, as opposed to a 1:1 tutor), so I will be pre-recording them, and the rest of each hour, they can do the activities themselves at home.  I have planned what I'm going to do, and what I'm going to talk about; I just need to write some decent notes (beyond my current "talk about engineering"!) and then get around to doing it before March.

And then there's my FutureLearn courses that I have been doing.  I got loads done over Christmas, so signed up to Unlimited, and since then finding the time to study is difficult.  I had planned to do it Monday afternoons, but then other things come along - like yesterday, I was sat at my computer 9am-7pm, including lunch, doing HE admin stuff that needs to be done because the government's HE Inquiry is still going on.

And to keep me sane, I need to find time to read.  We've had to take our pup to the vets a bit recently (D&V, though she's declared fit again now), so I've been able to use that time to read, as we're not allowed in the vets due to coronavirus.  A couple of times when I've tried to read during the day, I've fallen asleep, which isn't a good habit to get into as I have far too much stuff to do.

So, yeah, I've been busy, but that's life. 

Trim Healthy Mama Plan by Barrett and Allison

 

Trim Healthy Mama Plan was recommended to me from a friend, and we read it simultaneously, but not together. Despite meeting up fortnightly to discuss the book, we've discovered that this method didn't really work for us, so we have now gone back to reading a set number of chapters each week of a book, and meeting up weekly rather than fortnightly.

The blurb says:

Forget the Fad Diets, Join the Food Freedom Movement!

Counting calories is out. All the food groups are in. Becoming trim and healthy doesn't have to be difficult or painstaking anymore. After trying almost every fad diet out there, Serene Allison and Pearl Barrett, creators of the Trim Healthy Mama movement, took matters into their own hands. Through trial and error and much research, they created the Trim Healthy Mama Plan, the breakthrough lifestyle program to help readers of all ages and stages get healthy, slim down and keep off the weight once and for all.

Based on the authors' successful self-published book, this simplified, improved, practical plan shows readers a unique way to lose weight and get healthy by eliminating sugar, and still eating hearty, delicious food. The biblically-sound and highly effective eating approach centers on Satisfying meals (which include more fats and protein) and Energizing meals (which include more carbs and protein), as they are the key to success.

Scrumptious whole, unprocessed foods, including fats, blood sugar friendly grains, proteins, fruits, and vegetables, are eaten in a way that boosts metabolism, yet still fits into anyone's hectic lifestyle. It's family friendly and effective for pregnant and nursing mothers, pre or post- menopausal women, and also those without weight or health issues--even men and growing children.

The book includes menu plans, a list of key super foods to eat on plan, time-saving tips, and pantry stocking and lifestyle advice to help readers successfully reach their goals.

Join the Trim Healthy Mama movement and along with thousands of others, and discover the groundbreaking, easy-does-it, and delicious way to eat for health and weight loss.

From the blurb, we thought this eating plan would dovetail nicely with the 2B Mindset book, You Can Drop It! and the fact they were writing from a Christian point of view is an added bonus.

The essence of this book is that there are two types of meals (S meals which are fat-based, and E means which are carb-based) which your body digests and processes differently.  To stop your body going into a rut or being overloads, you need to mix up these types of foods whilst ensuring a long enough gap between meals/snacks to that your body is being fuelled only by either S or E foods at that sitting.

It is worth noting at this point, that I only had the plan and not the accompanying cookbook.  The book regularly says about recipes that are in the cookbook, or that they can easily be found online (such as on pinterest) for free.  There are a few recipes written within this book, but it is more the theory side of things.

The theory seems sound (to an uneducated person like me), however, when you look at the recipes, there seems to be much need to buy specialist foods.  Rather than sugar, you need stevia, and not only one kind of stevia, but differing blends depending on whether the use it to be very sweet or medium sweet.  Apparently these mixtures are detailed in the cookbook, or you can buy the premixed versions direct from https://trimhealthymama.com/.  Not only sweeteners, they also recommend you buy specific flour blends, collagen, gelatin, glucomannam, whey powder, lecithin, dietary fibre, nutritional yeast, and a host of other oils and flavours to be used in your cooking.  I do believe them when they say this is all natural and good for you, however, I'd rather eat whole foods that provide this or that (even if it's deemed as "less healthy") rather than have a kitchen that is stocked like a Chemistry lab.

So, this diet or eating lifestyle isn't for me.  There are plenty of stories online about how this is amazing and it has worked for them, so if this review hasn't put you off, then it may be worth trying it.

Weekly Update

 (Ignoring that I seem to be doing them fortnightly atm.)

I weighed myself for the first time since December today and I was only* 94.2kg! (*only, compared to the weight I thought I was.) I am still reading The Diet Trap Solution, and have actually been doing the exercises.

I am also trying to be more mindful about what I am eating.  I am still keeping track of what I eat, but trying to remember to sit at the table and eat slowly.  (Not that I think there is anything wrong with eating not at a table, rather that I tend to do something else at the same time when I'm on the sofa, even if it's watching TV or playing on my phone whilst eating.)

Today I made miso and noodle soup for lunch, which was delicious.  I need to remind myself that taking an extra 5min to cook myself something proper, rather than just having toast and butter, is definitely worth it in terms of taste, calories and nutrition.

Recipe for 2 people (or 4 as starter):

• garlic clove
• shallot/onion
• ginger
• miso paste
• mirin
• tahini
• stock
• green veg
• 1 nest of rice noodles
• boiled egg

Blitz the first 6 ingredients together to form a paste.

Cook the paste for 2-3 min in a saucepan so it is fragrant but not burning.

Add the stock, green veg and noodles and cook for 5-10 min on a gentle simmer.

Dish up into bowls, and serve with a boiled egg on top.

Weekly Update - End of Year

I hope you have all had a good Christmas, despite the difficulties of not seeing friends and family because of Covid.

I had a nice relaxing time with my family and new pup.  We opened presents, ate a late lunch, and relaxed altogether.

Since then, I've started decorating my new room.  As we finished DD1's room, she has now moved up into the attic, and my room has been emptied.  So, I've painted one wall today, and I hope to paint the other three walls tomorrow.  I can then start buying furniture for it.  The biggest thing to go in there is a sofa bed, which we already have, but it'll be moved upstairs and I've got a new cover to go on it, so it will match the rest of the room.

I do need to do my Self-Assessment for my tutoring work.  I've never left it this late before.  I said the same last year, when I finally did it in October.  I just hope that next year, I don't leave it another 3+ months after the date I complete it this year (since the deadline is 31st January!).

After the New Year, I'll start reading up on the Home Ed stuff again, and fighting both locally and nationally.  Having my own work room will help me stay organised.

I still have one book review to write up, and ideally, I'd like to finish 3 of the books that I am currently reading, and write up reviews of those.  I'll then go through the whole year to give a complete list of the 70+books I have read this year.  Next year, I think I will lower the number of books I plan to read to about 50.  Not to say that I don't think I could read that many again, but if I am getting involved in other things, perhaps studying more too, I simply won't have time to read as much as I have done recently.  I am not sitting in the dance studios any more (due to covid) and haven't even finished the MosaiCraft portrait I bought for myself to do over Lockdown1.  Again, this is because I'm not sat waiting much anymore.  On a Tuesday, when I am waiting for an hour and a half, it is dark at the moment, and I have the pup with me, so it wouldn't be wise to do anything as fiddly as MosaiCraft.

I would like to start focussing on getting healthy again in the new year.  I am very aware that I need to get on the waiting list to have my mastectomy before I'm 40 (so I have 18months), and to have the reconstruction I really do want, I need to lose weight.  I have discovered that surgeons differ by how much weight I'd have to lose, so to know for sure, I will need to actually meet with one.  My mental state has enjoyed not weighing myself every day recently, but my clothes are aware that my weight is creeping up, as I expected it would (not least because it always does when I'm not weighing myself).  I find myself wondering if I can incidentally lose weight by focussing on a different area of my health?  What if I simply record what I am eating and how much exercise I am doing?  If I can get past the shame of recording every bite, will just knowing that I will be writing it later, help me focus my thoughts on healthy foods and the impacts that it will have on my health?  Maybe, just maybe.  And when it gets warmer, I do want to take my pup jogging (she likes it when I run with her now, but it isn't as fun for me when I'm wrapped in a big coat, scarf and boots, lol).

So, that's my quick update and vague plans for next year.

I pray that you can enjoy this festive period, and that your 2021 is better than this year has been xxx

Weekly Update

You may have noticed that I have not numbered this weekly update. 
I also have not weighed myself recently.  

This is not a weightloss update.

After spending some time thinking about things, I have decided that I am going to use these weekly updates as just that - a way to update you guys with what has been happening this week, and not use it as a stick to beat myself that I am not losing weight.  As such, it doesn't matter if this is weekly update no 1 or no 422.  The date is automatically attached to the blog post, and you can search it by month if you are so inclined.

This week, I have spend a lot of time painting DD1's bedroom. Of course, she didn't want just one colour on her walls, but two.  And she didn't want one colour on each wall, but two - in a diagonal (I can only be glad that she didn't want an actually fade between the two colours, lol). And I had to paint her ceiling, by myself, with a brush because we had run out of new roller thingies. And then, we had to replace her carpet with laminate, which took the whole of Sunday, but I am (and more importantly, DD1 is) pleased with the results.

We have just ordered her a new bed (which should arrive before Christmas!) and I'm starting to move her stuff upstairs today.  Once her current room is empty, I can then start painting that for my study - yey!  I'm sooooo looking forward to that.  Well, not the painting, but it does need to be done, but I'm looking forward to having my own space where I can hide away when I need to. 

This week, we have also been following a local Christmas Lights Trail.  When I purchased the pack, I was expecting there to be 15 or 20 houses to visit - not over 80!  We did a few on Sunday night, but it looks like we won't be finishing in time for the competition this Sunday, lol.

I'm also continuing with the home education stuff. Locally, we've just requested a formal co-production process with the LA for updating their policy and training.  We'll see if that makes any headway!
Nationally, I'm still involved with the EHE Alliance, looking to fight the HE register and keep up the pressure during this HE Inquiry by the Education Select Committee.

Weighty Worries

I've been trying to write this post for the past fortnight, and I keep starting and deleting.  I'm going round in circles in my mind and I don't know what to do.

I am not losing weight.  It's easy enough to see why - I'm not limiting my eating enough and/or not exercising enough.  And I don't want to.  There, I said it.  I've known for a while my mind isn't in the right place to lose weight.

I'm ok with how I look.  Whilst ideally I would like to lose some weight, actually, I'm ok with how I am. I do have moments, especially when I'm on zoom calls, where I notice my double chin is looking more like a triple or quadruple chin, and I would like to be thinner so I have more choice of clothing, but I don't care enough to change for those reasons.

I'm trying to lose weight in order to have DIEP reconstruction when I have my double mastectomy.  I haven't spoken to a GP or surgeon yet, because I've heard that in order to have DIEP your BMI has to be below a certain level. My BMI is currently 34.5 and I've heard it should be a maximum of 27, if not 25 (ie top end of Healthy weight). So, I've started to think about having implants instead.  I've got no issue with implants, but it's not what I wanted, and that thought makes me sad. Yet, surely if I cared enough, I would make the effort to lose weight? Surely I wouldn't be stuffing mince pies in my gob at every opportunity?

When I had my hysterectomy, I planned on having mastectomy by the time I'm 40.  I'm 38 now, which means (assuming it takes a year for the process [ignoring coronavirus]), I need to see my GP and request it in less than 6 months time. I lack the self belief, let alone will-power, that I am going to be able to lose weight in that time.

I feel like stopping actively trying to lose weight is quitting.  And that isn't good for my depression.
I feel like continuing with the charade of weekly updates makes me a fraud.  And that isn't good for my depression.

If I could have surgery today and any reconstruction I want, I would choose DIEP, even with the added risks of being overweight and the longer recovery time.  Implants is an option, and I could potentially swap implants for DIEP later in the future.  But I don't want implants.  And I don't like to fail.

Who knows? This could be my depression talking, because it's dark and wintery, I've missed my antidepressants a bit too often recently, and I want an excuse to not have to watch what I'm eating with Christmas coming up.  Or it could be that I'm finally facing up to the truth that I don't have the willpower, energy, or strength of character to lose weight effective.  I'm just too lazy.

Weekly Update Y2w46

 I'm hoping things have turned a corner, and my weight is starting to go down again!

Clearly, going for at least one long walk a day is starting to help, as is starting to eat home cooked foods again. Now it's winter, I'm starting to make stews, soups and casseroles again, which I pack with vegetables.

I've actually been really busy this week.  I read a whole series of books, that I need to write a review for, as well as finishing a 7day prayer Bible Study.  We're starting to make progress at finishing the girls' bedrooms (well, DD1's, since DD2's was finished over the summer), which in turn means it hopefully won't be too much longer before my room gets done.  I'm really busy with tutoring, and am having to turn people away.  Once DD2 goes to school next year, I'll be able to take on more students.

And speaking of home education, my LA is being awful atm, so I'm having to organise, counteract and help coordinate the response to that, as how they are acting atm is totally unlawful. Grrr.

Weekly Update Y2w43 & BodyGroove Workshop

 My weight has come down since last week - yey!  It hasn't been smooth sailing though, and my weight got even higher before it started to lower again.  And, where I'm alternating sleeping on the sofa, I keep forgetting to weigh myself, so that's why there are gaps in the graph.

I'm not giving up though.  

At the weekend, I did a 2-day Body Groove Workshop.  Back in June (I think), I was meant to be going to Birmingham for a face-to-face workshop with Misty Tripoli, but Coronavirus put paid to that. 
On each day over the weekend were 4 hours of Body Groove dancing, philosophy, meditation and life coaching, with women from all over the world. (Shout out to Bettina and Krista: I wish you both success and happiness in all you do.)

We were taught about the Seven Dimensions of Wellbeing: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, Occupational and Environmental.  We were taught that in order to have joy in your life, you need to be authentically you in each of these areas, and we can work towards that in small steps to increase the joy in our lives. 

There was also a key quote that bears repeating:

"You need structures in place that are sufficient to your resistance to succeed."

This is a key thing for me.  You have seen in my attempts of losing weight the past couple of years that my resistance to succeed is strong! I am hoping that now I have a dog, I will be forced to take a daily walk, but this still hasn't happened so far - our puppy hates wearing a collar and a harness, and we've been advised by both the breeder and a dog trainer to go back a stage and generate positive associations with them first, before taking her out.  But, it's taking a long time.  She is now more than happy to sniff and eat treats off them (which she wasn't before), but still panics if we try and lay them on her (not even doing them up).  Unfortunately, there are times when I have to take her out of the house, so am forced to put them on her despite her distress. Back to the point, I haven't yet been going out for daily walks.  But, I have tried to minimise my resistance to going - I've bought myself new boots and a set of waterproofs (incl trousers) so I cannot use the rain as an excuse for not getting outside.

We also looked at ways to bring more playfulness into our lives, and what it is that we truly desire without attaching judgements to those thoughts.  We need to increase connections, both with other people, but also internally.  We need to analyse the judgements we make of ourselves and ask ourselves four key questions, based on The Work by Byron Katie (which I've not read yet, but have added to my wishlist):

1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely true?
3. Who do I become because of that thought?
4. In that same moment, who would I be if I couldn't think those thoughts?

I found this challenging because a lot of my judgements about myself are about my need and desire to lose weight.  I am fat - that is absolutely true.  I do need to lose weight - if I want to have DIEP reconstruction after a mastectomy, but if I didn't think I needed to lose weight, I could have reconstruction using implants.  If I didn't align my self worth to losing weight, would I be happier?  What if I didn't keep thinking back to when I was 28 and managed to lose 5 stone (thinking "I did it once, I should be able to do it again"), rather simply accepted this is me now? [For context, I'm back at the same weight I was before I started losing it last time.  'They' say you can't keep the weight off for 5 years, but that's exactly what I did do, before it all piling back on.]  
This is an area that I still need to work on.

It has, also, reignited ideas about becoming a facilitator of Body Groove.  One of my fears is that nobody would want to take part because I'm overweight myself, but others assured me that that shouldn't be an issue, because although Body Groove enables a healthy lifestyle, the purpose isn't to lose weight (though it may be a side effect).  Other fears are around being the centre of attention, and being willing to allow others to see me getting my groove on.  I get embarrassed and self conscious easily, so am I willing to put myself out there and show other people there's nothing to fear?  What if nobody turned up and I was just in a room in a dance studio by myself - I'd find that really embarrassing too!  And of course there are the costs involved, and the added difficulty of covid meaning no more than 15 people at a time, socially distanced apart - can you even groove on the spot?  I don't know.  Much to think about, that's for sure.

Weekly Update Y2 w39

 This is my big news of this week: 

Unfortunately, I still haven't hit my target of getting below 90kg by the start of September, but I have finally hit it - yey!

My daily weight is still very bobbly, as you can see, but hopefully (barring today) it is bobbly around the low 90s, so soon it should dip below.

I am drinking plenty of water - easily 3litres a day - which I think has helped a lot, and we changed our veg box from British to Quick Cook, which has meant, even when tired, between my husband and I we can rustle up something veggie based to eat.

This past weekend, I took part in the 2020 Race For Life, and surprised myself by how much I was able to jog.  I had intended to walk the 5K briskly, but when I was out, I challenged myself every now and again by running (jogging) a minimum of 3 lampposts.  And I raised a total of £125 for Cancer Research, which given my initial target of £50, I'm very happy with.  (And one final plug: Sponsor Me Here).