Weekly Update

So, my weight is still going up. 😕
I had another session with my PT today, and she suggested I start considering a food diary to see what I'm actually eating.  I know with the 2B Mindset that I should be tracking what I'm eating, anyway, and that I'm resisting because deep down I know I'm not eating well.  
I have also paid for my next block booking of PT sessions and I realised that I think I'm still paying for my Body Groove subscription.  Ideally I would like to think I'll have more time to do that when DD2 starts school in September, but realistically, I can already see that I'm not going to be getting much more time to myself than I have now.  In comparison, the much more expensive 1:1 Personal Training sessions, she comes to my house, so I have no excuses.  Even in the rain, she'll turn up to my house - not switching on the TV or not going to the gym are nor options for me - which is good, because I clearly don't have any motivation by myself.

Weekly Update

Things are going well!  I have actually lost weight this week - half a kilo, but it all counts.  I'm not actively "dieting" at the moment, I am merely tracking what I eat, eating mindfully when I do, and I am meaning to keep up with the hypnotherapy (which I haven't for a few days...).  Being aware of what I'm eating, eating slowly and knowing that I need to write down and track whatever it is that I do eat, is helping me make wiser choices.

Exercise-wise, I'm going for a 3Km walk every other day.  This week there are free BodyGroove sessions lunchtime and evenings, that I haven't been able to join yet, but I do recommend them nonetheless (the link is on my FB page).

In other news, I am even more busy!  I have more people asking for maths tuition, and I'm having to turn them away, as working full days Wednesdays and Thursdays (plus the prep around them) is enough for me.  When DD2 goes to school, I'll try and spread them throughout the week, and so should be able to fit more people in (since 5 half days is more than 2 full days).

In the Home Ed world, I've been busy doing lots of admin stuff, as well as actually helping people with advice and support.  I know I'm a freak, but I don't mind admin.  It keeps everything organised and you get a sense of achievement when it's done.  It's a shame I don't feel the same way about tidying and cleaning my house!

I have also said I would host some sessions on Engineering for this year's HE Science Fair.  Last year I offered maths tuition, though only the people who I already tutored wanted any, lol.  This year, I've decided to go for a more hands-on demo, looking at what engineering is, and then 3 separate types of engineering.  I'm not a natural teacher (of a group, as opposed to a 1:1 tutor), so I will be pre-recording them, and the rest of each hour, they can do the activities themselves at home.  I have planned what I'm going to do, and what I'm going to talk about; I just need to write some decent notes (beyond my current "talk about engineering"!) and then get around to doing it before March.

And then there's my FutureLearn courses that I have been doing.  I got loads done over Christmas, so signed up to Unlimited, and since then finding the time to study is difficult.  I had planned to do it Monday afternoons, but then other things come along - like yesterday, I was sat at my computer 9am-7pm, including lunch, doing HE admin stuff that needs to be done because the government's HE Inquiry is still going on.

And to keep me sane, I need to find time to read.  We've had to take our pup to the vets a bit recently (D&V, though she's declared fit again now), so I've been able to use that time to read, as we're not allowed in the vets due to coronavirus.  A couple of times when I've tried to read during the day, I've fallen asleep, which isn't a good habit to get into as I have far too much stuff to do.

So, yeah, I've been busy, but that's life. 

Trim Healthy Mama Plan by Barrett and Allison

 

Trim Healthy Mama Plan was recommended to me from a friend, and we read it simultaneously, but not together. Despite meeting up fortnightly to discuss the book, we've discovered that this method didn't really work for us, so we have now gone back to reading a set number of chapters each week of a book, and meeting up weekly rather than fortnightly.

The blurb says:

Forget the Fad Diets, Join the Food Freedom Movement!

Counting calories is out. All the food groups are in. Becoming trim and healthy doesn't have to be difficult or painstaking anymore. After trying almost every fad diet out there, Serene Allison and Pearl Barrett, creators of the Trim Healthy Mama movement, took matters into their own hands. Through trial and error and much research, they created the Trim Healthy Mama Plan, the breakthrough lifestyle program to help readers of all ages and stages get healthy, slim down and keep off the weight once and for all.

Based on the authors' successful self-published book, this simplified, improved, practical plan shows readers a unique way to lose weight and get healthy by eliminating sugar, and still eating hearty, delicious food. The biblically-sound and highly effective eating approach centers on Satisfying meals (which include more fats and protein) and Energizing meals (which include more carbs and protein), as they are the key to success.

Scrumptious whole, unprocessed foods, including fats, blood sugar friendly grains, proteins, fruits, and vegetables, are eaten in a way that boosts metabolism, yet still fits into anyone's hectic lifestyle. It's family friendly and effective for pregnant and nursing mothers, pre or post- menopausal women, and also those without weight or health issues--even men and growing children.

The book includes menu plans, a list of key super foods to eat on plan, time-saving tips, and pantry stocking and lifestyle advice to help readers successfully reach their goals.

Join the Trim Healthy Mama movement and along with thousands of others, and discover the groundbreaking, easy-does-it, and delicious way to eat for health and weight loss.

From the blurb, we thought this eating plan would dovetail nicely with the 2B Mindset book, You Can Drop It! and the fact they were writing from a Christian point of view is an added bonus.

The essence of this book is that there are two types of meals (S meals which are fat-based, and E means which are carb-based) which your body digests and processes differently.  To stop your body going into a rut or being overloads, you need to mix up these types of foods whilst ensuring a long enough gap between meals/snacks to that your body is being fuelled only by either S or E foods at that sitting.

It is worth noting at this point, that I only had the plan and not the accompanying cookbook.  The book regularly says about recipes that are in the cookbook, or that they can easily be found online (such as on pinterest) for free.  There are a few recipes written within this book, but it is more the theory side of things.

The theory seems sound (to an uneducated person like me), however, when you look at the recipes, there seems to be much need to buy specialist foods.  Rather than sugar, you need stevia, and not only one kind of stevia, but differing blends depending on whether the use it to be very sweet or medium sweet.  Apparently these mixtures are detailed in the cookbook, or you can buy the premixed versions direct from https://trimhealthymama.com/.  Not only sweeteners, they also recommend you buy specific flour blends, collagen, gelatin, glucomannam, whey powder, lecithin, dietary fibre, nutritional yeast, and a host of other oils and flavours to be used in your cooking.  I do believe them when they say this is all natural and good for you, however, I'd rather eat whole foods that provide this or that (even if it's deemed as "less healthy") rather than have a kitchen that is stocked like a Chemistry lab.

So, this diet or eating lifestyle isn't for me.  There are plenty of stories online about how this is amazing and it has worked for them, so if this review hasn't put you off, then it may be worth trying it.

Five Bean soup

Last week, my friend and fellow blogger Dottie Hines, aka Five Bean Soup, did a post about this blog and it's the very least I can do to return the favour.  

The Five Bean Soup blog is a mix of good wholesome recipes, lifestyle blogs and crafts.  I am in awe of that, as the only craft that I am any good at is MosaiCraft, and that's because it's a fancy colour-by-numbers!  For me, though, it is her recipes that I am most interested in and will be trying out.

Dottie is following a Whole Foods Plant Based diet, which is fairly compatible with the 2B Mindset.  The main difference seems to be what you can eat when (for example fruit and other Fibre-Filled Carbohydrates are not recommended at dinner time on the 2B Mindset) and whereas Dottie avoids all butter and oil, on the 2B Mindset it is considered an accessory. ie. If you eat a massive bowl of peas with a spoonful of butter on top, then it's better the have the butter than avoiding the peas.  Having said that, if Dottie could find an alternative to oil in Treat Recipes, such as my Vegan Chocolate Hummus recipe, I'd be all for that alternative!

I particularly liked her post What I Eat In A Day as it reminded me of recipes that I have on this blog that I had forgotten about. I used to have green smoothies for breakfast, and seem to have fallen out of the habit, but smoothies are certainly compatible with the 2B Mindset.  Other breakfast ideas that I had forgotten about include my Overnight Oats recipe as Five Bean Soup has a recipe for Chia and Hemp Porridge.  Similarly, I had forgotten about some of my quick lunch ideas, which may not be as useful to Dottie (for example Egg Fried Cauli Rice contains eggs!), but as I've been looking for some quick Veggie Most lunches, the reminder has been good for me.

So, have a look at Five Bean Soup, and the accompanying Facebook Page.  Give it a like, a follow and a share. Though not all her recipes are low carb, they are filling and satisfying, with a good range of vegan, veggie and omni options.

Weekly Update Y2w29

I'm a bit delayed with my usual update.  Life has suddenly got really busy - in a good way, but busy nonetheless.

I'm still tutoring atm, though that will end next week, as I've decided to take the whole of August off.  We've not got any plans to go anywhere (yet) but have lots of other projects to do and catch up on.
I'm still doing my MosaiCraft project.  I am now over halfway (currently on base plate 18 out of 30), but it has slowed down a lot, because I'm not sat outside as much as I was at the start of lockdown.  Instead, I am spending much of my time on m computer, not blogging, but working on my new project.  I am trying to spend a few hours each day on it, at least. It is going very slowly though, not least because I am doing it all myself.  I've set myself a deadline of Christmas to have it finished, but I have no idea if that is realistic or not?

Similarly, I am not reading as much as I was.  I am still several books ahead of my GoodReads yearly challenge, and I have a book that I am still yet to review, but I feel like I am spending more and more time on my laptop - much to the chagrin of DD2 who always wants my laptop to play Minecraft!

I'm also still singing with The Collective Virtual Choir.  I'm on my third song with them, but even that has taken a bit of a backseat, and I've been unable to go as many rehearsals as I would like.  Many are being recorded, so I can catch up, but that still requires time to actually watch them.  Today/tonight is the deadline for recording song 3 for feedback, and I still haven't had time to have a go yet, I just hope that when I do, the background noise is quiet enough for the recording to be acceptable.

So, that's all my excuses out of the way.  This past week hasn't been great in all honesty, but focusing on the positives, my weight today (which will be counted as part of next week's update) has finally got below 91kilos - again.  It's almost like to consistently lose weight, I need to reduce the takeaways, reduce the alcohol and up the exercise - who knew??!!

There is still the overall trend downwards from the start of the year, and even my localised peaks are reducing, but I have more work to do.

This week, I have been able to keep drinking Water First, and am hitting my water target of 90 fl oz (2.5litres) each day.  Yes, it does mean that I need the loo lots, but I notice the effect on my body when I don't drink enough, so I'm happy to continue.

I'm also getting back into the habit of eating Veggies Most.  Some examples from this week have included aubergine crisps, meatballs on courgetti spaghetti, and roast turkey with potato salad on a bed of courgettes.  Aiming to eat over half of my meals to be vegetables has been a challenge at times, especially lunchtimes because it's all too easy to make a sandwich or have a bowl of cereal, but yesterday I had an omelette stuffed with mushrooms and spinach, which was delicious, so I need to keep reminding myself that it is possible to eat Veggie Most meals that don't take ages to prepare or cook.

I have had some good news (ish).  For the surgery I want (my reason for losing weight - click on the Mastectomy label in the word cloud to the right), rather than getting down to a BMI below 25, which I thought, depending on the surgeon I may only need to get down to below 28 or even 30!  In real terms, that's still shitloads of weight I need to lose, but slightly less than I thought.

Edit to add:
I totally forgot to mention that over the summer we're changing our house around and redecorating.  DD1 has decided that her box room is too small for her (which tbf it totally is) so is moving up to the Play Room.  The Play Room is a total misnomer - it's really the Kids' Junk Room.  I avoid going up there as much as possible as it's not good for my stress levels.  However, as she wants that to be her room, I'm having to go up there to tidy up all the crap toys, that the girls haven't played with for years and years.  As DD2 still plays with these toys on the rarest of occasions, she wants many of them moved into her room, which means that the big 4x4 Ikea bookcase will need to be moved into DD2's room. 
Additionally, as DD2's room has never been decorated since we moved in 5 years ago, we're taking the opportunity to redecorate - which has involved me spending 2 full days tidying her room too, in order to get the floor empty enough that we can redecorate.  Obviously, it will be easier to redecorate before moving a giant bookcase in there.
And because DD1's new room was the playroom, the carpet is what was in the room when we moved it, and not only was it bad then, it is covered with paint and other stains, so she needs new flooring before she can move in.
DD1's old room, is going to become MY room - yey!  It is going to have a comfy sofa bed that guests can use, but I can read on, and a desk and chair so tht I can work in there, rather than on the dining table as I am atm.  Given I'd quite like to keep tutoring online, it will be a nice quiet room free of distraction, and NOBODY ELSE will be allowed in. Ever! My own space, that I can use to get away from everyone - yes!
So I'm still busy.

You Can Drop It! by Ilana Muhlstein

I read this book with my friend as we look to encourage each other with our weightloss aims.

I suggested we read this because I loosely follow the 2B Mindest (click on the word cloud to see my other posts) and I like what it says and what it stands for.  I makes sense - both common sense, and it is back by science and research. It is not a fad diet, but a skill to learn in order to approach food sensibly.

The blurb says:

My name is Ilana Muhlstein and I wrote You Can Drop It! to help you learn my personal and proven system to drop weight and keep it off—without sacrifice—and it’s so simple that you’ll love it! This unique approach has become famous thanks to my renowned 2B Mindset program. The 2B Mindset is designed with the built-in ability for customization so that it is optimally effective and can work for everyone. It has already helped thousands of people lose weight—some more than 100 pounds—while never asking them to go hungry or cut out the foods that they love.

You Can Drop It! doesn’t just give you the key knowledge you need to lose weight. It adds motivational principles and real-life examples and it’s the perfect complement to my successful program.

No counting calories! 

No portion control!

No feeling hungry! 

No off-limits foods! 

No exercise required!

Finally—weight loss with FREEDOM!

Here’s Exactly Why YOU CAN DROP IT! Will Work:
You're going to feel full and satisfied. (You can still eat comforting foods, in big portions, and enjoy 50+ delicious recipes inside.) 

You’ll eat the foods you love. (Nothing is off-limits, not even dessert or a glass of wine.) 

You’ll be in control. (Say goodbye to emotional and mindless eating.)  

You can finally keep off the weight! (These powerful weight-loss tools will be yours for life.)

The 2B Mindset method changed my life and thousands of others. With this book, you’ll learn how you can do it, too. Best of all, you won’t be doing it alone! Join me now and let’s get started with a journey into the mindset that will give you a lifetime of feeling strong, lean, confident, happy and healthy!

I struggled with yo-yo dieting the whole first half of my life. I was always the big one in the group. By the time I turned 13, I weighed over 200 pounds, and I felt terrible about myself. That’s when I realized I had to break the cycle.

Through trial and error, and lots of research, I discovered a simple and effective way to lose weight, while still eating large portions and the foods I loved. Over time, I lost 100 pounds, and kept the weight off. . . even after having two beautiful children.

My secret? It’s called the 2B Mindset. It has helped thousands of my clients lose weight too— and now it will help you.

I’ve helped more than 240,000 people between my private practice and the 2B Mindset program— and this impressive group is growing by the day. I am committed to getting everyone within our growing community the results they want and deserve and I look forward to helping you, too.

That’s why I spend so much time working with my Mindset Membership community—which you will love being a part of as you read this book and beyond. That’s where I host live Q&As, have one-on-one sessions, provide new meal plans and add new recipes every single week. Now it’s your turn to finally get the body you want—and I have every tool here for you to do it! 

As someone who already has access to all the 2B Mindset videos, recipes and help on offer, I found the book didn't add anything.  It was a good reminder, and we all know how much I like books, so I wouldn't say it was a waste of money for me, but certainly wasn't necessary.

Much of the book goes through all the different facets of the 2B Mindset, including why it's called the 2B Mindset, and why I hashtag some of my posts with #WaterFirst and #Veggies Most.  There is a lot of information in this book, on not too many pages, so it shouldn't feel overwhelming to anyone.

The last chapter is a bit of a sales pitch, which is kinda understandable, but kinda annoying too.  That said, I did lose weight whilst reading it! 1.5kilos over 6 weeks isn't bad going, especially if I can keep it off.  I also made lots of the food and recipe suggestions too - I don't know how I lived my life before enjoying Roasted Cabbage Steaks or Noah's Ark Dressing (which goes with almost everything!).

If you haven't heard of the 2B Mindset before, I certainly recommend the book, as well as to follow the FB pages that give daily reminders of ways to think about food, and various recipe ideas.

If you already follow the 2B Mindset, it probably isn't worth getting unless you're a bibliophile like me.

Weekly Update Y2w27

Overall, I've had a good week this week.  I hit a new lowest weight, and though I haven't managed to break through 90kilos, I'm not gaining and that's the main thing!

For the past three weeks I have started exercising again by going  on walks with a friend, and with the family last Saturday.  It definitely raises my heart rate, though it's not too fast as I can still hold a conversation. It's certainly nice to be out of the house after being locked down for so long.

And I have finally finished Ilana Muhlstein's You Can Drop It (I'll write a review in a different post).  I am eating more vegetables, and enjoying different flavours and textures, and I'm genuinely not missing carbs in my evening meal.  Even yesterday, my family and I went to a drive-thru cinema and could order food to our cars, I had a naked burger, salad, coleslaw, a handful of sweet potato fries (giving the rest to my girls) and instead of dessert, I had a butterscotch milkshake. I'm not pretending the shake was 'healthier' than a regular dessert, but it was a treat that I could savour and enjoy.

So, this week, I am looking to cement Veggies Most, and hopefully break through this invisible barrier of 90kg.  I have already gone for a 4km walk today, and will see if I can sneak in another exercise at the end of the week.

Weekly Update Y2w26

Halfway through the year and I have lost 5.1 kg since January 1st; that's just over 11 lbs in old money.  That is a lot less than I would have hoped I would have lost by this point in the year, but I cannot get too disheartened.  My progress is steady, I am losing weight and I am forming new habits - that's a big win!

This week, I have been focusing on eating Veggies Most, as coined by the 2B Mindset, and it seems to be working.  I am feeling full and satisfied and genuinely am craving more vegetables in preference to other foods.  It's bizarre! lol

Here's a selection of the foods I've been eating:

Cabbage Steak with Piccalilli

 To bake the cabbage steak and the carrots, I simply lay them on a baking tray, coat with onion salt and garlic powder and a spritz of oil, before baking at 180C for 20+min, until they look soft and yummy.  I flip the cabbage steak halfway through baking, and the edges start to caramelise.

The topping for the first picture is sliced onions and chorizo, fried together.  As chorizo is a strong flavour, I kept to the basic for my baked veg.  Alternatives can be adding cumin, chilli or Mexican spices before baking the cabbage.  Then I added piccalilli mixed with a little yoghurt and thinned with vinegar so it goes further.

Naked Cheeseburger and Salad

By buying decent thick burgers, you honestly don't need the bread roll.  I've had burgers with cheese and BBQ sauce, or more piccalilli (I've only just discovered I like it), on a bed of spinach, cucumber, tomato, mushrooms etc and it is really filling and satisfying.  As a bread lover, this has been the main surprise for me, that I can enjoy traditionally breaded food without it!

Cabbage Steak with Mushrooms

The third picture shows cabbage steaks and carrots again (I love baked carrots - I feel like my eyes have been opened and atm I could eat them every day!), this time with mushrooms and spring onions on top.  I also made a sauce to accessorise them, of Korean BBQ sauce (which was too spicy for me) with Greek yoghurt and vinegar.  It was sweet, and tangy and spicy.  Despite having cabbage steaks twice this week, I don't love them, but with strong flavoured sauces, you can change what you're eating to keep it exciting and fresh.

This coming week, my plan is to keep eating the vegetables, and to keep off traditional carbs after lunchtime (I am still eating fruit and the occasional dessert or glass of wine in the evenings).  I am really noticing that this is making a difference (when I stick to it) to both my weight and to how my body feels in terms of bloatedness and hunger.

Exercise-wise, I have shifted my focus, so I am not worrying too much about getting the exercise done, but since lockdown has eased, I did walk 4.5km with a friend last Monday, and we plan to walk further this afternoon.  It may not be much, but this is a good habit for me to develop as it feels more like fun than hard work.

Weekly Update Y2w24

This week has been another good one!  I hit yet another lowest weight (by 200grams - but it still counts!) and though my weight has got a slight up-tick at the moment, I am eating more vegetables and am confident it will come back down again soon.  

Yesterday I made this delicious lunch that was a mix of a recipe from the 2B Mindset and one I found online.  It was really quick and easy too.  Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me at the time to take a picture, so you'll just have to imagine the steaming yumminess.  Additionally, I would have thought it fairly easy for it to be adapted to vegetarian or vegan and still be scrumptious.

Ingredients (a lunch for 2, easily doubled)

1 large aubergine

Sea Salt

Tin chopped tomatoes

Onion and Garlic - I didn't have any, so used onion salt and garlic powder instead

Italian Herbs

Fresh Basil

Sliced Ham

Mascapone Cheese

Baby Spinach

Grated/crumbled Cheese (eg Cheddar or Feta or Ricotta, anything really)

Method

Slice the aubergine thinly lengthwise.  Place on a baking sheet and sprinkle with sea salt.

Bake for 10min at 180C until softened.

Meanwhile, gently fry the fresh onion and garlic (if using) in a saucepan. Add the tin tomatoes, (powdered garlic and onion), Italian Herbs and Fresh Basil, and simmer gently until the aubergine is cooked.

Put half the tomato mixture into a glass ovenproof dish.

On top of each slice of aubergine, lay a slice of ham (cut to shape), mascapone and spinach.  Roll into a spiral and place in the tomato mixture.  Repeat until all the aubergine is rolled and in the dish.
Put the rest of the tomato mixture on top of the aubergine rolls and sprinkle with the cheese.
Bake for 10-20minutes until the cheese has melted/browned to your liking.
Yum.

Weekly Update Y2w23

I have followed one good week with another!  In fact, if I had posted yesterday (as I normally do on a Monday) you would have seen me at my lowest weight - under 91kilos!  As it is, natural fluctuation (plus the fact I did loads of pastry and cake cooking yesterday) means that I'm slightly up from there today, but it is still all good.

I am still reading You Can Drop It! and meeting with my friend weekly.  I am still focusing on eating a lot of vegetables - sometimes I manage it, and sometimes like yesterday I don't, but I am learning, adjusting and moving forward towards my goal.

On Sunday, I also attended (virtually) a 3 hour Body Groove workshop with Misty Tripoli, and it was amazing.  At the end of June I was meant to be going to a full day workshop, but due to coronavirus it is postponed until sometime next year, but we were invited to a shorter virtual one instead.  It reminded me how much I love Groove and the philosophy, and yes, maybe one day I'll be in a position to afford the facilitator classes and indeed set up my own.  I'm not sure that I'm confident enough to do it yet. Having people looking at me as I attempt to lead a dance fitness class is really outside of my comfort zone.  But, this is the life we have, and we should make the most of it.  If God is willing, I will eventually be able to do that and help other people.

Weekly Update Y2w22

I have had a good week this week! 
It's not reflected in my weight particularly, nor in the amount of exercise I have done or am doing, but I feel good in myself!

As I said last week, when we have BBQs I want to try and not have the bread roll with my burger - I managed it yesterday!

I made a massive salad, homemade yoghurt and mustard dressing and the most delicious carrots I have ever had. Honestly, they were so nice that I could happily just have a plate of them, and I'm no veg lover!  I cooked them the same way I do asparagus: lay them on a baking tray, sprinkle with onion salt, garlic powder, black pepper and a drizzle of oil. Give it a mix, and roast for 25min (I do asparagus for only 15min) at 180C.  Remove from oven and sprinkle with sea salt. Yum!

My whole week hasn't been as impressive - I have been fancying a Chinese takeaway for ages and haven't had one this year, I don't think? Certainly not in lockdown, anyway.  So, last week we had one, and inevitably my weight jumped as you can see from my graph.

But it has come back down after a couple of days, and today I am back under 92kgs.😀
I am reading Ilana Muhlstein's book "You can drop it!" which is based on the 2B Mindset.  Again, I'm reading it with my friend so we can encourage each other as we try to lose weight.  (If you click "2B Mindset" on the word cloud >>> you can see all my previous posts about it.)  This week I am focusing on Veggies Most.  It seems a simple goal, but one that I do not always maintain.  But as I said, I am feeling confident this week.

I am also mixing my exercise up between Body Groove's Pilates and 7 Minute Workouts (from the app of the same name).  Though I enjoy the pilates, and am managing to get stronger with it, I feel that I should combine that with doing something to raise my heart rate.

With God's help, I can do this!

Weekly Update Y2w21

As I explained on my FB page (HERE), I have been really busy so forgot to update last week.

This week I'll give a quick update, though you don't really need me to describe the graph.

My weight was going down nicely, then I had my birthday.  It has taken longer than I hoped for my weight to stabilise again, but it it near enough stable and has started to decrease again.

As the weather is staying warm, we're having more BBQs - not a bad thing in itself, but I need to remember that I don't need to have bread with the burger, or alcohol, or the extra giant toasted marshmallow, or anything else that my family has.  That's not to say I can't have any of it, but I should ensure that I eat Veggies Most, and enjoy my treats as 'treats' and not 'normals'.

Weekly Update Y2w12

From last week, my weight actually did start to decrease.  You can see that by looking at the yellow line (rather than the blue daily weight which fluctuates loads).

Yesterday was Mother's day, and I may have eaten a whole box of Thornton's chocolates (my family did have some too - just not as many as I ate), which has impacted my weight this morning.

On the recommendation of a friend, I have also started to read a book called Made to Crave.  We're going to [virtually] meet up weekly to discuss what we've learned and the impact it has on our weight and health.

My smaller goal for this week, is to get back into the 2B Mindset, specifically "water first".  For my weight, I'm meant to be drinking over 2.5litres of water a day.  I do drink water, but have got out of the habit of drinking that often.  Even though I may be self isolating atm, drinking water comes out of the taps in the kitchen, so I really have no excuse.

Weekly Update Y2w1

So, my weight is still increasing after the Christmas period, and I don't know whether to start a new graph for the new year (in the hope that it decreases nicely and looks pretty), or to own the fact that I haven't lost weight, and am back to where I was a month or so ago? What do you think? Should I start again (again)?

What I am starting again, though, is tracking.  Once again, I'm using My Fitness Pal to track what I'm eating, as there does seem to be a correlation between me tracking and at least maintaining my weight, if not losing it.  I am also reconnecting with the 2B Mindset, specifically the 2 Bunnies - Water First, Veggies Most, Use the Scale and Track what you eat; and aim to do Body Groove at least once a week, if not twice.  My new day for Body Groove is Tuesday (since I'm home all day Tuesdays) and the Friday mornings that I'm home (roughly fortnightly).

I've also joined a local online fitness/get healthy group, in the hope that it will motivate me and spur me into action.  This is not a new year's resolution - it just happens to be in the new year, because it''s after the Christmas period.  I need to lose weight for my health and for future surgeries.

And because, whilst watching Friends with my girls, DD2 commented last night that I looked like Monica, and should do what she did and simply lose weight.  As much as I should be horrified by that comment, I'm not - I'm more horrified that I look at 'Fat Monica' and notice that she's thinner/looks better than I do.

Weekly Update No48

Oooh, it's been a full week since I last posted,  I can't remember the last time that happened (holidays excepting).  Actually, it's been longer, as I'm two days late posting this.  Oh well.

I have kept up tracking for a second week!
My average has stabilised, and my weight has flattened out.  Considering we're coming up to Christmas, and I'm not stopping what I'm eating, it's no bad thing that it has.  Now it's December, I'm watching Christmas films and eating mince pies; enjoying myself, but tracking.

I probably should try and do something to kick-start the weightloss again.  Even if I lose weight one week and stabilise the next, over time I could lose a lot of weight, and that is a good thing.

Weekly Update No47

So, last week I started again (again, again...) and was motivated to change some habits.
The first habit I'm trying to change, rather than my eating, is my tracking.  And, I have kept it up a week - yay!

Ok, a week isn't very long, but it's a start.  And it has had an impact on my weight, which is quite impressive since I haven't modified what I've been eating, and have been out for out for a night with a friends, and a meal out with other friends on a different day.

Looking at the numbers, there's only a kilo or two lost in the extremes, with some daily fluctuation in between, but for zero effort, I'll take that.
Just need to keep it up another week.

Weekly Update No46

I am in the mood for trying again.

I got up early[er than usual], weighed myself for the first time in yonks and am the heaviest I've been for even longer. In a bid to stop me having cravings and eating crap later on, I have had 50g of porridge oats with water (185kCals) and have started tracking what I'm consuming again.  I've got a different book to the 2B mindset one, but it still records the same information, plus how you're feeling on that day.  As I'm not recording 3 things I'm grateful for atm, I hope I can add that into the same book, even if I decide to copy it up later. 

For now, I will track how many calories I'm eating though it's not something I want to do long-term.  Counting calories has worked for my husband, who in the space of a few months has gone from being the same weight to me, to as skinny as he was when we first met.  I doubt my transformation with be that quick (not least because I don't want to start running 10+Ks every weekend!), but I can use calorie counting as a tool, to hopefully stop me eating that extra snack or two when confronted with how much energy it contains, that my body will efficiently store as extra fat.

I may start watching the 2B Mindset videos again.  At the weekend, I was talking to a friend about her weightloss, and though she used a different program, the essence was very similar to 2B Mindset.  I felt a bit awkward because I knew everything she was telling me, and I believe everything she was telling me, I just am not putting it into practice. 

I am going to start (again, again) doing my Body Groove videos. I have scheduled in my diary alternate Friday mornings to do it with a friend, and if she can't make that time, or the weeks where I'm busy, I will try and do at least half an hour at a different time in the week.  Yes, I know I should be aiming at 30min exercise per day, rather than per week, but I really am that busy.  The time I am at home, I am either tutoring other people's kids, HEing my own, doing housework (ish), or sleeping.  I do have some other bits of time, and am now endeavouring to use them more wisely.

And another friend has suggested I sign up for DiabeticsUK Swim 22 challenge: Swimming the width of the Channel (22miles) in 12 weeks, in your local pool.  I have said I would like to join her doing it, but I'd do the smaller 11mile challenge, as even that will be hard for me.  Once upon a time, I used to be a good swimmer and was in a swimming club.  Now, however, I don't have the stamina, and I would have to do a mile/week in the pool just for the smaller challenge.  If I can't find the time to do 30min BodyGroove each week, it will be more of a challenge to find 1.5hr+ to go swimming (once you've taken account of travelling to/from the pool and changing), not to mention, finding someone to watch DD2 if it's on a weekday. That said, I do enjoy swimming, and I would like to do this.  I probably would have to buy myself some prescription goggles, if I can get up to the speeds I used to swim at, but initially swimming in my glasses should be fine.  (I have an old pair that I use for swimming.)

So yes, I've woken up today and I feel motivated.  I know I need to change my body, and choosing the ridiculous time of 'leading up to Christmas', at least means this is on my own terms, and I don't have the added peer pressure of New Year's Resolutions or whatever.  (I don't know if you've noticed, but when under pressure, especially of the peer variety, my natural inclination is to rebel.  When talking about dieting, this means self-sabotage.)

Weekly Update No44

I'm still not weighing myself. I feel like I'm slowly losing all the 2B Mindset principles, which is a shame as in theory, it should work.  Whether it's will-power or I simply don't care enough, I don't know, but it should work.

Anyway, whatever the reasons, I've stopped weighing myself.  It does mean (obviously) I have no idea how much I weigh, whether I'm losing weight or gaining it.  I have also stopped writing 3 things I'm grateful for each day, but that's a bad thing, so I'm consciously going to start doing that again (as soon as I've finished this post!). Part of the problem has been that I usually write it before bed, but I've been so busy recently and so tired that as soon as I go upstairs I fall asleep.

This half term I have been driving up and back to Malvern almost every day for yet another dance festival.  My girls did well, though, and came back with 2 medals each: 1 gold, 1 bronze and 2 fourth place medals. 

So, now I'm back home, and DD1 is back in school, I'm trying to get back into the routine of things with DD2. I am currently waiting for a Tesco order to be delivered, so I can make some tasty soups and other meals.  We're watching David Attenborough's Life on Netflix over a late breakfast, and are planning to do some chemistry and algebra today.

Weekly Update No33

This week has been an up and down week, but I have lost weight overall.I got down to my lowest weight for a few months (93.7kg) on two consecutive days, but am now back up to 94kg.

Tomorrow we are going camping for a week, and I don't know what my food intake is going to be.  I'll have to research healthy foods that will keep when we don't have a fridge and try to find ways of eating veggies most. (We do have an electric cool box, that acts a bit like a fridge, but doesn't keep everything as cool so food still spoils quicker.)

Why don’t I like myself?

Recently a friend recently received some abuse because she posts a lot of selfies on her FB newsfeed. Now this friend does read this blog, so I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this. I luv ya lots xx

She was asked whether she posted because she ‘needed the likes’ and had apparently had ‘offended his beliefs’; and she came back with a brilliant explanation (not that she needed to) of why she does what she does, posts what she wants, because her body is a miracle that she is proud of. To quote her “So here it is, for likes and comments, my magical, amazing, miraculous, super strength body, on display, thin, chubby, pregnant, scandily[sic] clad, wrapped up and glitter dusted. I am not ashamed anymore and neither should you be of your magical skin sock.”

This friend has been through her fair share of shit in her time, and has come through stronger than ever. She is a fabulous woman, and I would love to learn to like myself like that.

I don’t like my body. It does what it needs to do (and my dislike isn’t enough to stop be going nude on a naturist beach – you don’t like it, don’t look!) but it’s not fit and it’s not healthy. Since going into surgical menopause, by waist has gotten wider and my stomach larger, yet I still have my huge hips and thunder thighs to match, so I’m big all over.  And I mention regularly that I need to lose weight and get my BMI below 30 (preferable below 25) before I can have the mastectomy I want.

I am very aware of the link between the state of my mental health and my ability to lose weight. I want to lose weight, but when my MH is low, I self-sabotage and I’m becoming aware that I self-harm too. Not in any overt way, but little things like not brushing my teeth, or washing clothes as often as I should. And the self-sabotage is usually along the lines of comfort eating or binging, then feeling guilty about it, and both of which then adds weight, rather than loses it. And then there’s the exercise thing, or lack of it, that I only have the impetus to do when I’m feeling good, yet my brain knows would be good for me to do especially when I don’t feel good. Yet another stick to beat myself with.

I also don’t like me as a person. I don’t think I’m horrible or anything, I just don’t think I’m particularly nice either. I do have friends, so there must be something about me that I’m not seeing, because I know for a fact they’re not friends with me for what I do for them, simply because I don’t do anything for them.
(And anybody reading this, I am not asking people to say they like me, just getting my thoughts out-there about how I feel about myself.)

And there may be some people reading this who question my right to call myself a Christian when I can articulate so clearly why I’m not worthy. I know God loves me. I know God died for me. I know God thinks I’m worth saving. Yet, I don’t know why God loves me? I can only assume it’s because of His infinite goodness, that He can like someone like me. I’m not a good person, and often am very self-absorbed. Whereas when I was younger I was only aware of “happy”, “sad” and “angry” (though happy was more neutral than elevated), now I am aware of many more negative emotions including boredom, jealousy, apathy, amongst others. I’m not a good Christian, and am fully reliant on God’s power to draw me to Him, as I don’t have the strength or willpower to do it myself.

Would I be friends with myself? Possibly, I don’t know. I think I would try to be friends with me, but I would doubt that the other-me wanted to be friends with me, itms. I don’t really know how to make friends, I just hang around and hope somebody will talk to me. At some point, they talk to me whenever they see me, and eventually we go out eating and drinking together and I think we’re friends. Similarly, however, I can lose friends unintentionally. I tend to continue thinking someone is my friend until they do something to make me think otherwise. For some friends, this is great, because it means that we can go weeks, months or years without seeing each other, and when we do, it’s like we’ve never left. Other friends, however, we slowly lose touch. Because I always assume that people don’t really like me (why would they – I don’t like me), I will try to keep in touch a couple of times, but if nothing comes of it then, I’ll think maybe I’m not getting the hint, so I’ll no longer contact them as I assume that’s what they want. Not least because the final time, I’ll specifically ask them to arrange whatever-it-is, so if they don’t, I know they don’t want to.

The other thing about making friends is that I don’t like small-talk and I don’t like saying things for the sake of it. Why can’t more people be comfortable with silence? Though I admit, I do find it funny when I can clearly see the other person is uncomfortable, and I’m not.

But back to liking myself, this is an area I do need to improve. A different friend recently gave me a notebook in which to write things I’m grateful for. I’m not going to share what I’m writing, but since receiving it, I have managed to find 3 things each day that I am grateful for. Sometimes something big and sometimes something small. I hope this will help my MH as it gives me something to look over when I’m feeling down.

And I have found a counsellor that I like. I did a trial session with her, and I have booked her from September, so hopefully that will be useful to. I don’t know if I could ever get to the point of loving myself, but liking myself would be good. I know I need to be kinder to myself, as I know I’m harder on myself than I am on other people, but that’s because, in my mind, I deserve it. Then maybe I can be more successful losing weight as I realise I deserve to treat myself right and feed myself the right foods, and move my body in ways that make me feel good.