I'm Back!

Hello my lovelies, how are you all?  

Ok, if you follow my facebook page I said my first post this year would be about books, but I've decided to give a brief overview about everything instead. And if you don't follow my facebook page, why on earth not?? Tut, tut, tut. 😜 Here's the link again, so you have no excuse: https://www.facebook.com/MusingsMiddleagedMum

So, I purposely had a break for Christmas, and it was needed.  I've come back this year feeling refreshed and ready to go.  Last week, however, I went to get ready for my first tutorial and my my computer had died.

Not only did the Automatic Repair not work, it wouldn't move off this screen.  I cancelled my tutorials and left it to my techy husband (they do have their uses, lol).  He used some techy magic to recover most of my files, but he couldn't get windows to work.  We wiped everything, started again, and windows still wouldn't work.  He even installed Linux, and even that operating system wouldn't work.  The hard disk was dead as dead can be.

After having to handwrite a comparison spreadsheet (I'm not joking, I am that geeky, and it took two A4 pages), I decided upon and bought a new laptop. Yey!  There are a couple of snags* with it, that I'm sure will be able to be sorted quickly, but overall I'm really pleased with it.
* There is automatically a background noise remover thingy on the microphone, which would be great, except now it stops my headset working with zoom when tutoring.  The only way to bypass is to not use my headset, so all my tutees are rewarded with sounds of my dogs barking in the background.  Should be a simple fix; husband will look at it later.

* Everything on my laptop is automatically saving to One Drive.  I use One Drive for music and photos, but all my large tutoring or Ed Free documents, I do not need nor want saving all the time.  It means I'm getting lots of notifications saying One Drive is full, and adverts where I can buy infinite (nearly) space for only £££ each month.  Again, a simple fix, but I'm ignoring it for now.

What's new with me? Well, yesterday was 20 years since I asked my (now) husband to go out with me.  Very forward of me, but he was/is shyer than me, if you can believe such a thing. Actually, if you know me now, you probably can believe it, but 20 years ago I was a mouse in comparison.  I thought he fancied me, and asked a couple of my friends a few months earlier, and they said that I was just imagining it, and he was just a good friend.  Anyway, in the January, we went back to uni and there was a party a friend of a friend was throwing and we tagged along.  We got drunk enough for me to ask him if he fancied me and for him to say yes - and then I ignored it and continued with the party!  It wasn't until I couldn't sleep that night, because everything was rolling around my head, that I went up to his room and asked him to go out with me, and then went back downstairs to go to sleep. I then didn't see him for 24hrs, because I was at a football match, and wasn't sure if he would remember or if he thought it was a mistake or what.  Ancient history it is, as we're now married, 17 years this coming August, with 2 kids, 2 dogs, and still happy.

I have started reading again - hurray! I don't think I had read anything seriously since about October.  I tend not to read much in December, because it's tacky Christmas movie season, but I had missed reading.  I don't have as much time to read as previously, only an hour on a Saturday of dedicated reading time (except when/if I read a good book, and it takes over my life for a few days), but I'm glad to have started reading regularly again.

And I've started calorie counting.  After hitting my heaviest weight ever after Christmas, I am properly tracking my food in MFP and have been meal prepping. I'm only on week 2, so it's not an established habit yet, but I have lost weight already, which keeps me motivated.

I'm going to my first naturist/clothing optional event for what seems like forever tonight.  Covid, of course, has stopped everything, but theatres are starting to reopen, so my husband and I are going to a clothing optional showing tonight, so that will be fun.

What's not new with me? Still tutoring maths.  Still involved in the home ed world.  Still have my personal trainer twice a week. Still going to church. Still ferrying the girls to dance every night of the week. Still me.

And that's about it!  I hope you all had a good Christmas and New years.  I did.  And that you are well xx

And another month goes by...

So, I'm still seeing my PT twice a week.  My weight was still going up, and I almost hit 100kilos, which I've never been before.  But, I am still decreasing my size, and have even dropped a bra size when I got measured recently.

As sexy as I look in a bra and a pair of shorts (not!), I am pleased that even *I* can see that my back-fat is going, and I now have a waist again.

Both my girls are now in school, as DD2 recently started year 7.  She does enjoy it, but is very tired.  Having gone from needing 10-12 hours sleep a night, to having to leave the house at 7.30am, return near 5, then rush straight to dance lessons and often doesn't get home aain until 9.30 or 10pm, is a bit of a shock for her.

As schools have gone back, I'm tutoring again now.  My days have changed this year, so I work Tuesday mornings, Wednesday mornings and Thursday afternoons.  I don't have much free time, though, as I'm still involved with Home Education locally, nationally and politically.  (Ok, I don't know if 'politically' makes any sense in that sentence, but the rhythm made me feel like it needed a third thing there.)

I am trying to read too, but that has slowed somewhat.  As I don't need to wait at dance in the evenings anymore, I don't have as much time to read.  Also, in the few gaps I've had during the day, I have had a bit of a TV binge, watching non-kids TV during the day! Very exciting.  I have recently watched Sex Eduction, Love on the Spectrum, Motherland, and I was getting into Making a Murderer, until my husband joined me one day, and now I'm 'not allowed' to watch it without him.  Yet, since then, we haven't watched it together at all, so if he's not careful I'm going to continue watching it and just not tell him, lol.

And yes, I am aware that I haven't caught up with the book reviews I said I would write a month ago.  Despite everything I've written here (and this feels like a lot to me), I've even more things going on.

DD1 has been having mini absence seizures/blackouts for a while, though she didn't tell me that they had become frequent until last October.  I told her to keep a diary in case it was related to what she had been eating or time of the month or anything like that, and we made an appointment to see the GP.  Fast forward to February, and we were referred to hospital to see a neurologist and to have an EEG.  As part of this, they gave DD1 a general health check and discovered she had a heart murmur.  Not a big surprise or concern as my husband had one when he was little, but they referred us for an ECG.  And another.  And an echo.  And a heart consultant who told use they would be bringing in the big-guns from a nearby city to look at her heart, because she has a hole in her heart.  As you can imagine, this was a bit of a shock, given she was 13yo at the time, fit as a fiddle, loads of dance, and zero symptoms (breathlessness, fatigue, palpatations or enlargement of the heart).

Anyway, we saw the big-gun heart consultant, who did another ECG and echo (which incidentally, is really interesting, as the computor automatically colours the blood blue and red depending on whether the blood has been oxygenised or not).  She confirmed that the hole in the heart is nothing to do with the mini blackouts DD1 had been having, and because the EEG was clear, they (the hospital) are not following that up at the moment.  However, DD1 does not have a hole in her heart - she has two plus a leaky valve! (It's a partial AVSD for anyone who wants to google it.) Due to where the holes are located, they cannot go up the leg/groin to close it, but she will need open heart surgery.  But, it isn't urgent, because she has no other symptoms, so don't worry about it too much.  It's a fairly straightforward procedure, etc etc, and just has to be done before she becomes an adult, as if left unfixed, it could cause massive problems when she's in her 20s and 30s.

Then over the summer we had a virtual consulatation with a surgeon, who said they expected surgery to be in October!  DD1 would have to be in hospital for at least a week, at least a month off school, at least 3 months off dancing.  All of a sudden this became very real!  Due to dance festivals finally starting up again (and the enxt one being in October) we have asked for the surgery to be postponed until the summer term, but we will follow the guidance of the consultant.  Meanwhile, DD1 has had even more hospital appointments, and had to wear a 24hr heart monitor, and been asked to participate in research before/after surgery, so my suspician is that it will be sooner, rather than later.

Oh, and we have got a second dog, Luna.

Guess what I did today?

When I was a kid, I had my ears pierced when I was 11yo, before going up to secondary school. At that age, I was deemed old enough to be able to look after pierced ears myself.

Fast forward to now, and my baby is going to secondary school in September!  Having never been interested before, she has asked to have her ears pierced, and being the same age(ish - DD2 doesn't turn 11 until August), I wasn't going to say no.

Knowing we weren't going to go to Claire's, we looked around and decided to go to Sharon's Beauty for All.  Set up in Sharon's conservatory, we were greeted at the door, and Sharon was even gracious when we were 15minutes late due to my sat nav going haywire and an accident closing a local road.

The room itself is clean and functional, without feeling like a sterile (in the bad way) hospital room.  Sharon  kept everything hygienic, wore a mask and kept sanitising her hands as per covid regs, and used disposable needles and clean, sterile (in the good way!) equipment.

DD2 jumped up on the bed, chose her earrings and Sharon got to work.  Sharon helped calm my daughter down, as DD2 was nervous, and talked through everything.  Not too long later, my daughter was pleased with the result.

That's not what I did, though.  

I decided that if I was going to be going to take DD2 to get pierced, then I should get pierced too.
A lot of blood later (I'm a bleeder, lol), I now have my nose pierced again to match my glasses.
A little purple ring.

All in all, a good experience for both myself and DD2. 
If you want a piercing I recommend Sharon - and she does a range of beauty treatments and nails too.

Weekly Update

Today: 93.8kg
Last Week: 94.4kg
Weekly Difference: 0.6kg loss
Starting: 94.2kg
Total Difference: 0.4kg loss

Going in the right direction this week!

This week has been busy again - when is it not - but I did manage to find some time for myself.  I finished one book, and read two more (that were a 2-book series) over the weekend that had me gripped.  I hadn't planned to stay up reading, but all of a sudden the book had finished and it was 2am this morning...

General HE stuff is still on going.  I chaired the meeting last week that I was worried about and it went well, so I won't be so nervous next time.  'Normal' helping people continues as it does every day.  And I said I would do some videos about Engineering for British Science week.  The organiser has started asking for info and resource lists etc, so has given me a kick up the backside to actually get around to doing them.  I've done my intro video, and planned what I'll say for the other 3 vids, and now I just need to get all the resources together and actually film them.  I also said I'd do a brief worskheet of the theory, so I need to put a few questions together about them too.  But I've started, and that's the main thing.

DD1 had her Spring school report today, and that was really good.

And DD2 made this cake at the weekend, so both girls are doing well.

Weekly Update

My weight has gone up this week.  Which is a bit annoying, as I've been getting better at eating mindfully and stopping before I'm too full.  Yesterday we had an Afternoon Tea for Valentine's Day and I was able to stop eating (though I could have eaten more) when satisfied, and then was able to eat the rest for tea.  I only needed a yoghurt to supplement it and I was done for the day.

However, I haven't been out for a walk as often as I should, and perhaps that is doing more than I thought.  We think our pup is in her first heat, so have kept her inside (and it's been soooooooo cold that I cba to go for a walk by myself).

I also had a lot of fried food on Friday.  DD1 was doing a project for French about Djibouti and wanted to make some food from there - sambusas (bit like less spicy samosas).  I don't deep fry very often, so was going to make the most of having my deep fat fryer out, so DD2 decided she wanted to make doughnuts.  So, Friday and Saturday ate lots of food that I don't normally, that didn't seem to have an impact on the individual days, rather made my weight jump up this morning.

Our veg box is due this week, so hopefully I'll start eating Veggies Most again.  I am doing well with the water.  I'm using my smaller 70oz/2litre bottle this week, and seem to be refilling it all the time.

Weekly Update Y2w46

 I'm hoping things have turned a corner, and my weight is starting to go down again!

Clearly, going for at least one long walk a day is starting to help, as is starting to eat home cooked foods again. Now it's winter, I'm starting to make stews, soups and casseroles again, which I pack with vegetables.

I've actually been really busy this week.  I read a whole series of books, that I need to write a review for, as well as finishing a 7day prayer Bible Study.  We're starting to make progress at finishing the girls' bedrooms (well, DD1's, since DD2's was finished over the summer), which in turn means it hopefully won't be too much longer before my room gets done.  I'm really busy with tutoring, and am having to turn people away.  Once DD2 goes to school next year, I'll be able to take on more students.

And speaking of home education, my LA is being awful atm, so I'm having to organise, counteract and help coordinate the response to that, as how they are acting atm is totally unlawful. Grrr.

Getting our puppy

When we were looking for a puppy we had to be quite specific at which breeds we looked at because I'm allergic to dogs.  I did have a dog growing up - a gorgeous red setter called Max.  Unfortunately, the loss of him was too great for my parents and we didn't get another.  My husband, otoh, grew up with Westies until he left home at 18yo.  It was only after an allergic reaction to something unknown, that I was tested as an adult, and found to be allergic.

DD2 loves animals, and has been begging for a pet - any pet at all - since she was very young.  As my husband and I are dog-people, it would always be a dog, but I wasn't keen on having one whilst the girls were small.  To try and help the girls realise the level of responsibility that comes with owning a pet, I had said that we wouldn't get one until they had shown they are responsibly by keeping their bedrooms tidy for 6 months in a row.  That kept them appeased for a few years, as I kept saying that I would have a dog, but needed them to be tidier so the dog wouldn't get hurt.  Meanwhile, however, I had been thinking about getting a dog.

Ideally I would have wanted to get a rescue dog, however, because I'm limited to which breeds I am looking for, dogs that are suitable for our family are few and far between - the ones that are available specify that they need experienced owners, or no children, or both.  Then about a month ago, on Dog's Trust website, there were a pair of poodles - 4 years old - but they had to be homed together.  They were gorgeous!  Unfortunately (though fortunately for them), I saw the advert late at night, and when I phoned the following day, they had closed applications for them.  Going from no pets, to 2 potential pets, to no pets within 24hours made me realise how much I do want a dog.

So, I had been looking at adverts on as many websites as possible, and reading up about what to look for in a pet and a breeder etc.  There is also a lot of information about puppy farms.  Whilst I know they exist, I didn't realise quite how prevalent they are.  The old adage of "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" seems highly accurate when looking for a pet.  There were loads of adverts that I didn't even click on, some that I spotted and managed to contact the website owner to get taken down, and one that I didn't realise was a puppy farm until I contacted them, and someone with a different name, with a different email and phone number, and a different location, offered "just for me" £250 off the advertised price, plus he'll deliver it to me.  I feel sad for the pups, but I don't want to give my money to people like that, no thank you.

The breeder we found is fairly local, and as soon as I contacted her, she replied asking me a load of questions about why I wanted one of her pups, whether the pup would be left at home during the day, etc etc.  I had visited a few other puppies (because I refused to make a decision there and then, they were often sold by the following day), but she was the first to ask me anything, before she agreed for me to view the pups, and that made me have confidence in her.  

Due to covid, we had to have masks on, and meet in her garden, but the pups were gorgeous.  I thought it would be hard choosing between them, but luckily I didn't have to choose - she chose me!  We now have an agonising wait before we can bring her home to join us, with a couple of visits in between, but we are very glad to have made this decision.  Not only are we getting a new family member, it has prompted the girls to tidy and get rid of excess (I have said that any toys or clothes they sell, they can keep the money for), so our house is looking great!

Cuties - Film Review

There has been a lot of furore about the film Cuties being released on Netflix, not lease because of the artwork.

Netflix did issue an apology, however, by then the damage had been done.

Most of the fuss about this seems to have been in the US, so it had bypassed me.  It was only on a couple of FB groups I'm in that this has been discussed, with articles and tweets showing both sides of the 'debate'.

Recently, however, I have been seeing more friends in the UK sharing how this film promotes paedophilia and sexualises preteens, it is encouraging children to sexualise themselves etc and even one video where the person is calling for the actors' parents to be prosecuted and have their children removed for allowing them to be in this film(!), yet the articles I've seen suggest that this isn't the case at all.  I have asked people who are sharing this material whether they have seen it, and they admit that they haven't, but are warning other parents about it... So, this morning I watched it for myself.

First of all, this is a French (I think) film that has been dubbed into English. The dubbing isn’t to bad, though it is obvious in some places and there are parts (I don’t know if these are an African language, or Arabic) that haven’t been dubbed at all. Secondly, it is not a ‘feel good’ film. There is no happy ending, and is the type of film where I get to the end and think ‘so what?’. Also, it is a 15. Now I know that a 15 is only a rating, and it doesn’t stop kids watching a film (and may even make it more desirable), but for children, this is a boring film. Even for me, it was quite boring, and I only watched it to find out what all the fuss was about. (Yes, yes, clearly their advertising strategy worked…)

So, what happens in the film?

A girl, Amy, moves to a French city and doesn’t know anybody. Coming from an Islamic background, there is a bit of a culture shock as she notices other children her age dancing and dressing differently to herself. She spies on them and decides that she wants to be more like them, so unbeknownst to her mum, she gets a cropped top and tries to change her image.

As Amy lives in the same block of flats at the girls, she gets into her good books and they allow Amy to be friends with them. The girls clearly have no real understanding of boys/men, and are discussing how long a boy’s penis is and they persuade Amy, with her newly stolen phone, to film a boy using a urinal. The boy shouts at Amy, and the girls are disappointed that they can’t see anything.

Amy does film the girls’ dance troupe, Cuties, and then spends hours alone in her bathroom at home learning the dance moves. After a fight between two of the members of Cuties, Amy is able to take her place as she has already learned the routine. Amy tries to add to the girls routine, by searching the internet for other dance moves, and falls upon lots of twerking and, for want of a better phrase, women dry-humping the floor.

Meanwhile, Amy’s dad is getting remarried, Amy starts her period and “becomes a woman”, and she is now getting lots of attention from boys due to the way she dresses and how she acts. With her friends, she sneaks into Lazer Quest, gets caught, pleads innocence and then dances provocatively to prevent the cops/their parents being called.

The person from whom Amy stole the mobile phone (he is either family or a family friend), discovers Amy has it, and when he tries to get it back, she locks herself in the bathroom and takes the equivalent of a dick pic. She then gets bullied for that, other people ask the rest of the Cuties for similar photos and they throw her out of the group, and the previous girl gets called back in.

At the end of the film is the big dance competition. Amy decides she wants to be in the competition, gets her costume on and walks along the river seeing the girl who has taken her place. Amy pushes her in the river, and after checking she has found a buoy to hold on to, Amy runs to the competition, ready to dance. In front of everybody, the girls dance their very sexual dance and it is not well received by the audience or the judges. Before the end of the dance, Amy stops and breaks down in tears and runs to her fathers wedding. She gets told off by her great aunty for dressing like a whore, but her mum sticks up for her, and the film ends with her dressed in jeans playing jump rope with other kids.

One of the things that has been said about this film, is that it encourages kids to spy and film in bathrooms. It really does not. As I’ve said, I can’t imagine any preteens actually wanting to watch this film, but the scene in question certainly wouldn’t encourage anyone else to act this way.

The dance moves are highly sexual, and that is what this film is trying to highlight – the hypersexualisation of our kids. Having watched it, I don’t believe this film is encouraging children to act that way. As a dance-mum (albeit classical dance), whose girls have been in dance competitions (so I know all about the skin-tight costumes, bright make-up and false eyelashes), I was interested to see what this film said about that. In short, it didn’t. The routine that the girls have learned is from MTV-style dance videos. As many children, do, the characters simply copy dance moves that they have seen adults perform. And yes, it looks ridiculous. Even ignoring the fact that twerking is of African origin, as is the character Amy, these are kids pulling silly poses. It does not look “sexy” in the slightest, just ridiculous, and I would throw the question back at anyone who can look at an 11yo as a sexual object.

Allegedly, when the girls are dancing, there are a lot of “crotch shots”. Again, this isn’t true (assuming crotch to mean from the front, not from the back). The camera does occasionally zoom in on the girls’ behinds, but this is because it is [meant to be] Amy with her mobile phone, and her fascination with bums and womanly figures, after being teased by the girls for having a flat bum herself.

One accusation thrown at the film is true, but again, there is context. At one point, the girls are learning how to twerk, so they are using their hands to move one another’s bodies. This is not done in a sexual way, but in trying to get the beat/rhythm of the moves so they are all in time.

The girls do dance to get out of trouble with the security guards at Lazer Quest, after already accusing one of them as a pervert. This is often how girls learn about their own sexuality, and boundaries, and “women’s wily ways” etc. It isn’t always appropriate, and I don’t think this film is suggesting that it is appropriate nor that any young girls watching should try and emulate the characters.

Amy does take a photo of her underwear/vulva (you can’t tell from the film), but nothing is seen. She gets bullied for it in the film, called a stripper and a whore, and is thrown out the dance troupe for it, so neither is suggesting this is appropriate nor acceptable behaviour.

The final dance scene – the competition – is shocking (as it is meant to be), cringe-worthy and horrible. And they all just look ridiculous. The girls are on the stage, gyrating, putting their fingers in their mouths, fluttering eye lashes and pouting; and then there is a repeat of the twerking and dry-humping the floor. I know I would be mortified if my girls tried to dance this way. To me, this highlights exactly what happens when children are left to learn from the internet without an adult guiding them. For example, my girls do Jazz and Modern dancing, and though there is no official law, their dance school will not teach them certain grades/exams until they reach a specific age due to some of the moves being risqué. 

Lots of kids are not taught about sex, relationships, personal health etc in an appropriate or timely way. As such, they turn to peers or the internet to guide them. It pains me to think that there are many young people who think body hair is nasty, disgusting or unhygienic. It pains me to think that there are many young people who think they have to act a certain way, dress a certain way, do specific sexual things, in order to be liked, wanted or desired. It pains me to think of all these children who grow up to become adults and think this is all normal behaviour.

So, about this film: Would I recommend it? 

Not particularly. Like I said at the start, it’s quite boring (though I appreciate that I may not be cultured enough to like this type of thing). If there was a happy ending, or if there was some tension that could be resolved, or some kind of progress in the film at all, but there really wasn’t. In short, a girl tries to fit in, goes waaay too far, and ends up maybe as a happy medium, but we don’t actually know. We don’t know if she has any friends left. We are just left hanging. It’s not the spawn of satan as some people think, and it certainly doesn’t promote paedophilia any more than taking your kids to the beach would, or simply a clothing catalogue. It does look at the emerging sexuality of young girls, but this film is from the young girls’ pov (ie wanting to become sexy and failing), rather than from an older man’s pov (ie looking on them lecherously). And it didn’t give me the icky feeling that I have felt when watching films whose material is much less taboo (I’m looking at you: Indecent Proposal. Yuck!).

Weekly Update Y2w29

I'm a bit delayed with my usual update.  Life has suddenly got really busy - in a good way, but busy nonetheless.

I'm still tutoring atm, though that will end next week, as I've decided to take the whole of August off.  We've not got any plans to go anywhere (yet) but have lots of other projects to do and catch up on.
I'm still doing my MosaiCraft project.  I am now over halfway (currently on base plate 18 out of 30), but it has slowed down a lot, because I'm not sat outside as much as I was at the start of lockdown.  Instead, I am spending much of my time on m computer, not blogging, but working on my new project.  I am trying to spend a few hours each day on it, at least. It is going very slowly though, not least because I am doing it all myself.  I've set myself a deadline of Christmas to have it finished, but I have no idea if that is realistic or not?

Similarly, I am not reading as much as I was.  I am still several books ahead of my GoodReads yearly challenge, and I have a book that I am still yet to review, but I feel like I am spending more and more time on my laptop - much to the chagrin of DD2 who always wants my laptop to play Minecraft!

I'm also still singing with The Collective Virtual Choir.  I'm on my third song with them, but even that has taken a bit of a backseat, and I've been unable to go as many rehearsals as I would like.  Many are being recorded, so I can catch up, but that still requires time to actually watch them.  Today/tonight is the deadline for recording song 3 for feedback, and I still haven't had time to have a go yet, I just hope that when I do, the background noise is quiet enough for the recording to be acceptable.

So, that's all my excuses out of the way.  This past week hasn't been great in all honesty, but focusing on the positives, my weight today (which will be counted as part of next week's update) has finally got below 91kilos - again.  It's almost like to consistently lose weight, I need to reduce the takeaways, reduce the alcohol and up the exercise - who knew??!!

There is still the overall trend downwards from the start of the year, and even my localised peaks are reducing, but I have more work to do.

This week, I have been able to keep drinking Water First, and am hitting my water target of 90 fl oz (2.5litres) each day.  Yes, it does mean that I need the loo lots, but I notice the effect on my body when I don't drink enough, so I'm happy to continue.

I'm also getting back into the habit of eating Veggies Most.  Some examples from this week have included aubergine crisps, meatballs on courgetti spaghetti, and roast turkey with potato salad on a bed of courgettes.  Aiming to eat over half of my meals to be vegetables has been a challenge at times, especially lunchtimes because it's all too easy to make a sandwich or have a bowl of cereal, but yesterday I had an omelette stuffed with mushrooms and spinach, which was delicious, so I need to keep reminding myself that it is possible to eat Veggie Most meals that don't take ages to prepare or cook.

I have had some good news (ish).  For the surgery I want (my reason for losing weight - click on the Mastectomy label in the word cloud to the right), rather than getting down to a BMI below 25, which I thought, depending on the surgeon I may only need to get down to below 28 or even 30!  In real terms, that's still shitloads of weight I need to lose, but slightly less than I thought.

Edit to add:
I totally forgot to mention that over the summer we're changing our house around and redecorating.  DD1 has decided that her box room is too small for her (which tbf it totally is) so is moving up to the Play Room.  The Play Room is a total misnomer - it's really the Kids' Junk Room.  I avoid going up there as much as possible as it's not good for my stress levels.  However, as she wants that to be her room, I'm having to go up there to tidy up all the crap toys, that the girls haven't played with for years and years.  As DD2 still plays with these toys on the rarest of occasions, she wants many of them moved into her room, which means that the big 4x4 Ikea bookcase will need to be moved into DD2's room. 
Additionally, as DD2's room has never been decorated since we moved in 5 years ago, we're taking the opportunity to redecorate - which has involved me spending 2 full days tidying her room too, in order to get the floor empty enough that we can redecorate.  Obviously, it will be easier to redecorate before moving a giant bookcase in there.
And because DD1's new room was the playroom, the carpet is what was in the room when we moved it, and not only was it bad then, it is covered with paint and other stains, so she needs new flooring before she can move in.
DD1's old room, is going to become MY room - yey!  It is going to have a comfy sofa bed that guests can use, but I can read on, and a desk and chair so tht I can work in there, rather than on the dining table as I am atm.  Given I'd quite like to keep tutoring online, it will be a nice quiet room free of distraction, and NOBODY ELSE will be allowed in. Ever! My own space, that I can use to get away from everyone - yes!
So I'm still busy.

Wind Rider by Teddy Jacobs

This is the second book in the Return of the Dragons series.

Wind Rider continues the story of Anders Tomason, a 16yo boy who has recently learned he is the prophesied Three Bloods Prince, and it is up to him to beat The Dark Lord, who happens to be his uncle!

The blurb says:

Anders Tomas (sic) already found a magic sword and clashed with his evil uncle in SWORD BEARER. Now he returns in this second adventure, and continues his struggle with the evil chemical forces that threaten his world, enlisting, in the process, the help of the dragons.

 Again, this book is fast based so adult readers may not find it has enough depth to keep their interest.  However, reading it as aimed for teens, the story has a good pace and keeps you wanting more.

Unfortunately, two books is not much of a series (not to mention that the series is entitled Return of the Dragons - which only appear halfway through the second book) and as this book was published back in 2012, it looks unlikely that there will be a third book any time soon.  As such, the ending is a bit swift, and though Anders wins a battle in this book, it is clear that he hasn't won the war. 
I cannot find much out about the author - for example his website was updated in 2013 - so I hope he's ok. 

One way you could get enjoyment from how this ends, however, is if you use it as an opportunity to encourage your teen/preteen to do some creative writing themselves and to finish the story themselves.

Musings on Race and Privilege

I spent this morning talking to my 12yo daughter about the goings-on in the world.  It started about Coronavirus and the impact that is having on our lives, and evolved, as conversations do, to talking about the various protests around the world.

I have not watched the video of George Floyd's last moments.  The photos and articles written about it are horrific enough.  I know that I am in a privileged position that I am not confronted with racism nor police brutality on a daily basis.  I know that I am in a privileged position that the closest I get to racism is second-hand: it happens to friends and family, or their friends and their family.  It doesn't happen to me.  I can't understand what it feels to be the subject of overt and indirect racism.  When I hear people speak, an anecdote, short story, quick meme, I get the briefest of insight into a fraction of their lives.  As try as I might, though I may understand that moment, I cannot fully understand the impact it has on their lives.

My husband likes running.  He runs for fitness.  He runs for his mental health.  He runs to cope with Lockdown.  And I swear sometimes he runs just to get away from the kids! lol.  At the moment, it is very hot during the day, so he is running at night when it is cooler.

I don't like running.  Honestly, it's not for me. Five years ago a friend challenged me to "run the rainbow" with her for charity.  I used the Couch to 5K app and I did get up to running the 5K, and I did run the race and have various colour powder paints thrown at me.  It was fun.  I got my medal.  And that was that.  No more running for me, thanks!  However, sometimes I do feel slightly jealous that my husband runs in the evening.  I have never felt like I could do that.  As a woman, we have been taught since we were little not to go out at night.  That we could be attacked.  That it would be our fault for being out late.  For not wearing the right things.  For being alone.  And though I have been through the indestructible phase (late teens-mid 20s) where nobody and nothing can hurt you, after having children it is easy to become aware of all possible dangers, no matter how remote they may seem.  As such, a fat middle-aged woman, huffing and puffing just to traverse 5K alone at night, in my mind is a prime victim for being attacked as I wouldn't be able to run away.  So whether that fear is reasonable or unreasonable, I never ran at night.

I have a friend who recently shared a story on Facebook (though I had heard it before).  She is a white woman, and before she had kids lived in London with her partner, who bought her a dog.  One day, this dog tried to bite her, so she put in in a safe place, and called her partner asking for his help as he was on his way home from work.  When he got off the train, he ran home and she kept watching for him.  In her words:

But it appeared, I wasn’t the only one keeping my eye on him.

A police van happened to drive past this black man running. Put their lights on, put their sirens on and four of them jumped out to stop him.

He’d always asked me to stay out of things if police stopped him. It was something he was accustom to and he never wanted me to get involved.

...

I watched them put him in handcuffs and pat him down to search him whilst he stood there helpless. I remember the look on his face as he glimpsed me up at the window. The look of “look at this shit I have to deal with”.

They didn’t find anything.

But this wasn’t good enough for them.

They took him into the van.

At this point I was petrified! I ignored his request to stay away and I went outside to speak to the officers.

I asked one of them why they’d put him in the van and he told me they need to search him. I challenged him because I’d just watched them search him! 🤬

He told me they needed to do a strip search because apparently in the Croydon borough there was an order in place that meant they could stop and search anyone they wanted to.

Can you imagine how he was feeling at this point? 5 minutes ago, he’d got off the train from a long day at work, and was rushing home to help me deal with our naughty dog and the next minute he’s being stripped searched in the back of a police van.

As I was talking to the officer, continuing to question what this “order” really meant, I’ll never forget what he said to me, whilst dodging all of my questions... “How do you know a prick like this anyway?” 

I can barely imagine what it must have been like for my friend, to see the way the police were treating the man you love simply because they were black.   I cannot imagine what it must be like for her black partner who is so used to receiving this kind of treatment, that they warn their white girlfriend ahead of time not to get involved if they see it happening.  I cannot imagine living in such a way that I wouldn't be allowed to run, if I had desire or need to.  I cannot imagine feeling like I can't walk around my own neighbourhood alone during the day.  I cannot imagine a boy of 10yo having already learned that he has to put his hands up in a neighbour's yard, when collecting a ball he accidentally kicked there.  I cannot imagine being a young boy, dressed as a superhero, held on my dad's shoulders, and have police point their guns at us.

This is not ok.  This needs to change.  And not just these overtly racist occurrences, but also the slight, discreet, indirect and subversive racism that makes up modern day society.

It is easy for me living in my town in the south of the UK to think this only happens in America, or it only happens in London, but systematic racism is prevalent in our society and it is not right.

I'm not going to patronise you by saying what you should or shouldn't be doing.  I'm only a white woman living a fairly comfortable life, commenting on what is happening to others, who hasn't got a fucking clue how to change society as a whole.  But I will tell you what I am doing.  I am going to educate myself and my children about direct and indirect racism.  I plan to read Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People about Race and How to Argue with a Racist, amongst others.  I am going to use my voice and call out racism when I see it, and be gracious when people call me out on the systemic racism that I'm part of but barely aware of.  This article from 2016 says White Silence is Not an Option, yet not much has changed in the past four years.

I'm going to end by linking this BBC Article about why US protests are resonating in the UK and this 20min video about Trevor Noah's thoughts - well worth taking 20min out of your day to listen to it. (Trevor Noah was literally Born a Crime in South Africa because he is mixed race.  I reviewed his book last year.)

Here is a good list of books to educate your children and yourself.

Feeling sad tonight

Seeing all the posts on Facebook about friends' children who cannot sit exams this year.

DD1 coming home from school today, really emotional.  She's only been in school for two terms, and is sad to be leaving her friends for the next 3 months or so.

Dancing has ended tonight, and though they will be offering online lessons it won't be the same.  The girls will miss their friends, and DD2 has already asked if she can skype some of her dance friends.  DD1 has asked if she can get WhatsApp on her phone, even though she's not 16 yet.  I'm also going to miss the other dance mums. 

Similarly, we've received an email to say gymnastics is stopped for the foreseeable.

All home ed clubs and meets have stopped.  I'm good friends with the home ed mums too, so will miss them lots.

My singing class has stopped. 

Everything has stopped.

Hopefully it's just tonight, and tomorrow I'll be back to thinking it's a big adventure.

I am looking forward to spending time with my family.
And social media can help keep in contact with friends and family who live further afield.
We're blessed to live in a time when we have such technology and information available to us.

Having an Adventure

That's how I feel at the moment.  Like a kind of excitement that I don't know what's going to happen, but everyone is in it together.

I see many people anxious about the coronavirus: randoms, friends and my own family.  Whereas, I'm not worried.  Genuinely.  I'm not saying there's nothing to worry about or that it's not that bad, I'm just saying I'm not worried.

I think this is how my mind works - when I'm not in control of something, my mind kinda goes "oh well, no point worrying then".  (If it's something I could or should have control over, and I don't, that's when my mind goes into panic mode.)

I have not liked this limbo that we have been living in recently.  I would have preferred it if things had gone into lock-down sooner, so at least everyone knows where they stand.  Supermarkets should have put rationing in place earlier, schools should have closed, and everything should have come down from the government so people can claim on their insurance etc.

But I have been looking forward to a slower pace of life.  Having DD1 home from school and DH home from work.  Not going out.  Having time at home to cook proper food.  Maybe get on with the jobs around the house that we're always too busy to do.

Now schools have finally announced they'll be closing on Friday, I do feel like I can start to get organised.  I'm not tutoring out of the house any more, offering online tuition instead.  The singing school and dance schools we go to will be offering online videos for classes.  DD1's school have already given a list of websites and other resources to use. What will be strange for us, is that the school have recommended she keep to her usual timetable - we don't do timetables in this house! lol

But, overall, it will be an adventure, for everyone.

I pray that the panic buying finally stops, so those who need supplies can get them.  The elderly, disabled, the vulnerable, single parents, people with illnesses etc.  Not everyone can buy in bulk.  Not everyone can order online.
I also pray for everyone suffering with anxiety.  There is so much sensationalism in the media. There are too many conspiracy theories going around.  There's too much false information about.

We can get through this.  We just need to be kind and considerate and look after those around us.

Engineering

Both mine and my husband's degrees are in engineering (technically, mine is Engineering Science, and his is Engineering and Computer Science) as that is how we met.

One of the benefits of home educating is that we can follow our children's interests, and up to very recently, their interests haven't followed ours.  Since DD1 has started school, she now loves maths and has realised she's quite good at it (duh! No surprise to me, she's always been good at it, but hasn't seen the point of doing it so refused to be pushed).  Since the summer, DD2 has decided she wants to be an engineer, prompted, probably, from watching youtube videos from Mini Gear or The Q.  I think had DD2 developed this interest earlier, then DD1 would have discovered a more practical use for maths, but it wasn't to be. I'm just glad she no longer hates it.

So for Christmas this year, being the good parent I am (last Friday excepting), not only did I buy DD2 some engineering books, I bought her a load of cardboard too.  Totally forgetting that almost everything arrives in cardboard, so now our conservatory is overflowing with the stuff!  I also bought her a robotics kit and last week, with Daddy, she made her first robot.  This robot is on two wheels and rolls forward at speed.  Our floor, however, is too shiny/slippery and the robot can't get a grip and ends up rotating ridiculously fast, but is fun to watch.

I have to admit, that when I saw how much fun she was having, I have ended up buying a load of other motors, wire, connectors, switches, and lots of other geeky stuff that I hope she will end up using.

Today DD2 and I started making a hydraulic arm together.  It is actually surprisingly hard following directions from a youtube video.  I would much rather have some written instructions, rather than the continual play, pause, rewind, play again, oops missed it, start again process that we are having to go through.

DD2 is actually being really helpful.  I was worried that I would end up doing it all (not that I mind in reality - it's actually quite fun), but she has been measuring and cutting out the cardboard, getting the next pieces ready, helping glue etc.  I have used the glue gun and the drill myself, though tbh even that I think she could have done. We have stopped half way through (we've actually gone slightly further than this pic, because we have started attaching the syringes for the hydraulics), but after a good few hours, both DD2 and I were ready for a break.
It's looking good so far!

Depression doesn't just go away

I've written about my depression a few times, and mention it more often.
Depression and Me
Feeling Like Shit
Why don't I like myself?

So, this is going to be another honest/frank/tell-it-as-it-is post.  I do need to add at this point a

**TRIGGER WARNING: discussion about suicide**

and also a note for friends in real life that I'm ok; I'm not feeling these things any more; and I did have friends to help me through, and will be talking about it again on Wednesday with my therapist.

So, I had a bit of shit time at the end of last week.

On Thursday in my local paper, there was a horrific story about animal abuse - a man is going through the courts because he has neglected a load of dogs.  These dogs live in his mum's home as she used to run a kennels and these dogs were her pride and joy.  However, the paper went on to say that the woman now has dementia, and was left in her house with no food for her nor her dogs.  The dogs were starving to death, many had illnesses and sores, and some were left dead on the floor of her home.  There was even a dead dog in the freezer (which I found weird that that was the thing that tipped many of the FB commenters over the edge, whereas that was the least of my concerns).

Anyway, it turns out that I know this woman.  I used to live 3 doors down from her, before I moved 4 and a half years ago.  I said I'd keep in touch, and though I tried phoning a few times initially, I lost her number.  I do send her a Christmas card each year with an update of my girls (she's one of only 4 Christmas cards that I actually send regularly), I cannot say that I have kept my promise to keep in touch.

So on Thursday I was wracked with guilt.  My logical brain knows it's unlikely that I could have done anything, as it turns out the people who live next door didn't know what was going on, but I still think that I could have been a better friend.  If I had kept in touch, I may have noticed something sooner.  Having relatives with dementia, and seeing the state their lives get in (without outside help), it is horrendous to think that she was living amongst dead and decaying dogs, with no food, and presumably didn't have the capacity to either know anything was wrong, or worse, did know something was wrong, but couldn't do anything about it.

Either I coincidentally got a cold on Thursday night, or the stress lowered my immune system.  I couldn't sleep and had throbbing headaches (not quite a migraine, but really painful).  Thursday night, this lady's other son got in contact with me, so now I do have her phone number again, as did one of the people who live next door to her - which I thought was really considerate of both of them.  I did say to the son that I would phone his mum on Friday afternoon - well we're now Monday (at time of typing) and I still haven't phoned, but hopefully I'll have the courage to today.  Being someone who doesn't like phones at the best of times, doesn't like small talk, and feel tremendous guilt for not staying in touch more, I do have to build up the strength and courage to phone, however cowardice that may seem.

Thursday I was feeling bad all day, both ill and guilty.  I was very very tired and my head was pounding.  Not that that can excuse what is coming next, but hopefully puts it in a bit of context.

DD1 comes home from school and starts going on and on.  We need to leave almost immediately to go to dancing (as we do every Friday) and DD2 and I had tried to get DD1's dance stuff ready, but clearly we hadn't done a good enough job.  Even when I was in the toilet, I had the girls shouting to me through through the door, and I did snap back - they're not toddlers anymore, they should be able to wait 2 minutes!

In the car on the way to dance, I can't even remember what started it, but DD1 and I were arguing.  I kept saying that I needed quiet.  I was trying to focus on driving, which was hard enough with a cold and a pounding headache, yet DD1 just couldn't be quiet (we think this is a symptom of her autism, and is something we need to work through).  As I am starting to feel when my temper is rising, I know that I need to walk away and have some quiet, then I can calm down before going back to the matter at hand (and it's probably my own autism that has meant it's taking me 30+ years before I figured this out).  However, when stuck in the car in a line of traffic on a dual carriageway, there is nowhere for me to go.  I shout at DD1, she shouts back.  I just need her to be quiet, and she keeps answering back and answering back and answering back, and then it happened.  I slapped her leg.  I'm not proud of it.  It is not something I would do in my right mind.  It is not something I condone, and I wish it had never happened, but it did and is pertinent to this story.  Did it have the desired effect? Nope.  DD1 shouts at me again, so I hit her again.  In the same place on her leg.  Now her leg is bright red.  She does, now, shut up for a bit - until we arrive at dancing.  Then she is hysterical.  She won't now go into dancing and wants to be taken home.  I'm furious with her and furious with myself.  I finally persuade DD2 to go into dancing, and I have to go into the building myself in order to pay for the week's extra lessons.  Meanwhile DD1 is on the phone to my husband saying that I'm abusing her.  She refuses to go into the building, so now I have to go back in, find her teachers and apologise for the fact she is refusing to go in.  I end up bringing her home again, and I go straight to bed.  By now I'm ashamed of my outburst and my actions. I know I need space, I know I need sleep, and I cannot face anyone.

In case anyone is at all concerned, I do not condone physical violence against children - especially when it is committed by me.  It is not something I do often, nor is it something I want to do.  I was hit as a child and hated it, and never want to hit my own children.  It is not done as a way to make myself feel more powerful, to make my children fear me or as a tool for bullying, but it is done from a sense of powerless.  I lose control.  I'm the adult, and I shouldn't.  If it were an adult next to me, I imagine they would have stopped when they could see that I'm losing control.  This isn't something my daughter has learned yet.  If the adult didn't notice and continued, I probably would have slapped their leg too, I don't discriminate.  At that point in time, I couldn't think of a better way of getting the quiet needed in order to concentrate on the road.  I need to do better in future.

In recent weeks, I had been thinking my depression was lifting.  Even when bad things were happening, I was able to get through it, and yes my mood would dip, but then it would come back up again.  I had thoughts about lowering my medication, and about stopping seeing my therapist - in fact, for the past couple of months, I thought my session this coming Wednesday would be my last with her.  I thought if the therapy stopped, and I was still feeling good, then perhaps in the summer I could reduce my dose of antidepressants.

On Friday night I was feeling bad.  Guilt and shame wracked me. I wanted to die.  I'm not a good mother.  I'm not a good parent.  There was no point to me, other than causing my children hurt and pain.  At one point I was afraid to get out of bed because I knew that our medicines live in the drawer under my bed, and I couldn't get any food from the kitchen because I knew the knives lived there.  I haven't felt like that in a long long time.  I was shocked at how suddenly and how deeply I felt these things, and it served to remind me that depression doesn't just go away.  It bubbles under the surface. I prayed desperately to go to sleep so I could switch off these feelings, and I did manage to sleep on and off on Friday night.  I also did something I've not done before - talk to friends about those feelings.  They helped me through the worst of it, and encouraged me to talk to my husband.  When feeling like that, you feel like a burden, and knowing my husband has stresses at work and with his family, I didn't want to add to it.  Though on Saturday I did stay in bed most of the day (I really was very tired!), I did talk to him.  I can't talk about feeling like that when I'm in it - even with my friends I had to wait until it had passed - but that was the quickest I had managed: a few hours later, rather than weeks or years as previously.

Now, I'm back to normal - whatever normal is. 😀
I think it must have been an extreme reaction to an unfortunately accumulation of events.  I'm certainly not suicidal now, and am very glad that God and some part of my brain took control and forced me to stay in bed until the feeling passed.  I'm sharing this, not for sympathy, but hopefully to encourage others why may have similar thoughts or feelings to speak out, whether to friends, family or doctors.
It's time to end the stigma surrounding mental health.

Here are some useful websites and phone numbers (if you're UK based):
Samaritans: 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
Mind: 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 or email info@mind.org.uk 
Time to Change: here is a longer list of support they recommend

Happy Christmas and New Year!

I hope you've all had a good Christmas, and will have a fantastic New Year to come!

Image by Markéta Machová from Pixabay 

I know I haven't posted much recently (and aim to post my last weekly update of 2019 tomorrow - if I remember), so hope you've all had a good time.  I had a good Christmas day with my husband and girls, but was ill on Boxing Day, recovered the next day but because I hadn't done much I was literally awake all night.  It did mean I got to finish yet another book (ooh, did I mention, my husband got me a new kindle for Christmas!?), so I'm even further behind writing up my reviews.

I have today joined Goodreads, as I was prompted by my Kindle (I've since learned that Amazon now owns goodreads, so that'll be why), so that'll be yet another outlet for me to bore share my reviews with everyone.  As I had to write 20 reviews in order to get recommendations from goodreads, and I wanted them sooner rather than later, I have slightly skewed my results by adding all the book reviews from here all on to there dated today, but at least in the future the timing should be more realistic.  I can also see that you can set a target of the number of books to read in a year, and I don't know whether to be conservative (20) or challenge myself (50) or choose a more realistic number in the middle.  When I'm in a 'reading mood', I can read a book a day - especially if I'm on holiday.  However, I know that when I read my classic (I aim to read one a year), it often takes me much longer than I would guess, due to the old language or simply because it's more verbose than many contemporary books.

Then, there's new years resolutions to think about.  I've decided I'm not going to make any - not one.
I don't keep them - they just are another stick to beat myself with, so I'm not going to resolve to do anything different.  I want to lose weight, in order to have DIEP, but if it means I have to have implants instead, so be it.  I would like to lose weight, but would rather spend time with my children creatively, than worrying about keeping things tidy so I had space to exercise.  And we've not long gone past the shortest day of the year (in terms of daylight, not hours - that's in Spring) and I still feel good.  I have been talking with my therapist about stopping sessions, and I feel like that won't be detrimental to me.  I haven't yet conquered my emotional eating, but when it happens and I put on weight (you'll see tomorrow, just how much...) I don't berate myself and have huge guilt leading to another binge.  So, that's progress!  I also have bought another version of year-in-a-Bible and am looking forward to that again from the 1st.  I am hoping my younger daughter will permit me to read it to her, because I have decided to try The Message translation (ie one with much more contemporary language).

So that's my round up of the past week or so.  I now need to find out why my Snowball keeps separating? Yuck!  Next time, I'll just drink the Advocaat neat, I think! Cheers xx

The Queen's Corgi Film

Today, as part of the Into Film Festival DD2 and I went to watch The Queen's Corgi.

It was our second doggie film in two says, and we hoped it wasn't as emotional as yesterday's. 
We needn't have worried.

***Spoilers in this paragraph***
On a superficial level, this film is enjoyable.  It's an animation about the Queen's top dog, who gets tricked by his jealous "best friend" into leaving the palace.  He ends up in the pound, where he meets some other dogs who become his true friends and help him get back into the palace.  They arrive back in time to stop the coronation of ex-best friend, and it all works out in the end.
***End of Spoilers*** (that matter)

This film is terrifying.  Yes, most of the terror will go over the heads of kids (my daughter said she enjoyed the film), but it still normalises dysfunction.  Since I've got home I had a quick google to see if other people saw what I saw, and whilst I'm pleased I'm not the only one (see links below), it's scary how much I didn't notice (eg Trump saying "grab some puppy"!!!).

The worst scene for me was the one between Rex (the Queen's corgi) and Mitzi (President Trump's [fictitious] corgi).  The Queen and Trump, having decided that their dogs should marry, leave the dogs alone to get acquainted. Rex, however, isn't interested.  The scene that unfolds for what felt like hours, was the 'fun' of Mitzi chasing Rex, trying to kiss him (and more), ignoring his pleas, ignoring him saying "No", basically saying that you can ignore the consent of the other person.  In this #MeToo era, this is a horrendous thing to be teaching our children.  We would never allow children to watch such a scene if it was being acted by humans, but cartoon dogs - it's fine.  Not only that, it totally minimises the fact that men can be harassed, abused and raped too.  It is no more 'fun' because the perpetrator was a woman, than if it were a man.

(And yes, things happen in cartoons that we wouldn't watch in real life - eg the road runner and an anvil - but the whole premise and style of that cartoon to the anthropomorphism in The Queen's Corgi is different.)

The violence of the fight club didn't bother me tbh (maybe my sensitivities are misplaced? Having read other reviews, I can see that other peple didn't like the reference - I just think they'd go over kids' heads) though I didn't like the fact the dog was put in the washing machine for training.  It is not uncommon for there to be news reports of dogs and cats to be put in washing machines (I won't give links because it's horrible).

Finally, ignoring that Buckingham Palace doesn't have any working fire alarms or smoke detectors (a fire of that size should have been detected), at the very end of the film Charlie (ex-best friend dog) is forced to marry Mitzi, and everyone is happy that the systematic rape and abuse is not happening to Rex. The End.

Independent's Review 1/5
Movies4Kids Review 2/5
Guardian's Review 2/5
Flickering Myth's Review 1/5
JumpCut Online's Review 0/5

After watching the film, and reading the views of others, I had to go back to Into Film to see why they included it within this year's festival. They say this film has the themes of Animation [yes] and Anti-Bullying [yes, now I think back to it, there is a scene in the pound when Rex stands up to a bully, but it is by far and away not my main memory of this film].  I think it is quite telling that on the Into Film site, there are currently 4 reviews, all by children.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to work out how to add my review to the site, without setting up a Film Club (which I don't want to do).

Parenting by Paul David Tripp

What is your calling as a parent?

In the midst of folding laundry, coordinating carpool schedules, and breaking up fights, many parents get lost. Feeling pressure to do everything "right" and raise up "good" children, it's easy to lose sight of our ultimate purpose as parents in the quest for practical tips and guaranteed formulas.

In this life-giving book, Paul Tripp offers parents much more than a to-do list. Instead, he presents us with a big-picture view of God's plan for us as parents. Outlining fourteen foundational principles centered on the gospel, he shows that we need more than the latest parenting strategy or list of techniques. Rather, we need the rescuing grace of God--grace that has the power to shape how we view everything we do as parents.

Freed from the burden of trying to manufacture life-change in our children's hearts, we can embrace a grand perspective of parenting overflowing with vision, purpose, and joy.

I bought this book at the Bath Women's Conference last year.  It has taken me over a year to get around to reading it, and in all honestly I wish I had read it earlier.  In fact, I wish this book had been written when my children were younger, so that I could reread it as necessary as they have been growing up.

The subtitle of this book is "14 Gospel Principles that can Radically Change your Family", and there are 14 chapters which go through these ideas in greater depth: Calling, Grace, Law, Inability, Identity, Process, Lost, Authority, Foolishness, Character, False Gods, Control, Rest and Mercy.  In each chapter, we are reminded of the things that we require from God, so that we can respond appropriately to our children.  God knows I need His help!

This is a really practical book, with down-to-earth descriptions of 'normal' parenting, not least as Tripp recounts times when he could/should have done better; so it's certainly not being lectured by a know-it-all.

The other thing I liked about this book, is that it fits with my general parenting philosophy - that we should encourage our children, facilitate their learning and growing, but allow them the freedom to own their own journey.

This book has challenged me greatly, shown me where I can improve, and encouraged me to rely further on God and his Grace, as I try and extend the same to my own children.