Weekly Update Y2w43 & BodyGroove Workshop

 My weight has come down since last week - yey!  It hasn't been smooth sailing though, and my weight got even higher before it started to lower again.  And, where I'm alternating sleeping on the sofa, I keep forgetting to weigh myself, so that's why there are gaps in the graph.

I'm not giving up though.  

At the weekend, I did a 2-day Body Groove Workshop.  Back in June (I think), I was meant to be going to Birmingham for a face-to-face workshop with Misty Tripoli, but Coronavirus put paid to that. 
On each day over the weekend were 4 hours of Body Groove dancing, philosophy, meditation and life coaching, with women from all over the world. (Shout out to Bettina and Krista: I wish you both success and happiness in all you do.)

We were taught about the Seven Dimensions of Wellbeing: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, Occupational and Environmental.  We were taught that in order to have joy in your life, you need to be authentically you in each of these areas, and we can work towards that in small steps to increase the joy in our lives. 

There was also a key quote that bears repeating:

"You need structures in place that are sufficient to your resistance to succeed."

This is a key thing for me.  You have seen in my attempts of losing weight the past couple of years that my resistance to succeed is strong! I am hoping that now I have a dog, I will be forced to take a daily walk, but this still hasn't happened so far - our puppy hates wearing a collar and a harness, and we've been advised by both the breeder and a dog trainer to go back a stage and generate positive associations with them first, before taking her out.  But, it's taking a long time.  She is now more than happy to sniff and eat treats off them (which she wasn't before), but still panics if we try and lay them on her (not even doing them up).  Unfortunately, there are times when I have to take her out of the house, so am forced to put them on her despite her distress. Back to the point, I haven't yet been going out for daily walks.  But, I have tried to minimise my resistance to going - I've bought myself new boots and a set of waterproofs (incl trousers) so I cannot use the rain as an excuse for not getting outside.

We also looked at ways to bring more playfulness into our lives, and what it is that we truly desire without attaching judgements to those thoughts.  We need to increase connections, both with other people, but also internally.  We need to analyse the judgements we make of ourselves and ask ourselves four key questions, based on The Work by Byron Katie (which I've not read yet, but have added to my wishlist):

1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely true?
3. Who do I become because of that thought?
4. In that same moment, who would I be if I couldn't think those thoughts?

I found this challenging because a lot of my judgements about myself are about my need and desire to lose weight.  I am fat - that is absolutely true.  I do need to lose weight - if I want to have DIEP reconstruction after a mastectomy, but if I didn't think I needed to lose weight, I could have reconstruction using implants.  If I didn't align my self worth to losing weight, would I be happier?  What if I didn't keep thinking back to when I was 28 and managed to lose 5 stone (thinking "I did it once, I should be able to do it again"), rather simply accepted this is me now? [For context, I'm back at the same weight I was before I started losing it last time.  'They' say you can't keep the weight off for 5 years, but that's exactly what I did do, before it all piling back on.]  
This is an area that I still need to work on.

It has, also, reignited ideas about becoming a facilitator of Body Groove.  One of my fears is that nobody would want to take part because I'm overweight myself, but others assured me that that shouldn't be an issue, because although Body Groove enables a healthy lifestyle, the purpose isn't to lose weight (though it may be a side effect).  Other fears are around being the centre of attention, and being willing to allow others to see me getting my groove on.  I get embarrassed and self conscious easily, so am I willing to put myself out there and show other people there's nothing to fear?  What if nobody turned up and I was just in a room in a dance studio by myself - I'd find that really embarrassing too!  And of course there are the costs involved, and the added difficulty of covid meaning no more than 15 people at a time, socially distanced apart - can you even groove on the spot?  I don't know.  Much to think about, that's for sure.