Weekly Update No9

I started the week well, bought plenty of fruit and enjoyed delicious fruit salads. I only cooked one meal for dinners, and the girls actually ate some of them! DD2 helped making the spaghetti bolognese, and enjoyed eating it too. She also ate the lasagne. DD1 was less keen, but at least tried everything.

As the week progressed, however, especially Friday, Saturday and Sunday my eating went downhill a bit… DD1 made Welsh cakes as it was St David’s Day (my husband is Welsh), Saturday was taken up with the usual dancing, and we ended up snacking and eating sweets in the evening whilst watching a film. And yesterday, I went to church, ate breakfast for lunch, and we went out for dinner. On the good side, I’ve discovered that Pizza Hut’s flatbread pizza’s are delicious, and plenty filling. At home we often make ‘wrap pizza’, so it’s good to be able to have a lighter option when eating out. 

But, despite that, I have lost half a kilo (a pound) over this week, so that’s a good result.  And I'm going to plan some healthy and easy meals for this week too.

Children and Naturism

There's a lot in the media at the moment about children in naturism, and overall I have been pleased with what I've seen.  Much of it has been about the Sandcastle Waterpark event that is currently on in Blackpool, and is advertised as a naturist swim for all the family.  We've actually been to this one, when DD1 was 2yo, and I was pregnant with DD2.  It was good fun, and DD1 enjoyed herself, but it was too far away from where we live to attend every year.  These days, we tend to either go to the Splash Waterworld events in Stoke-on-Trent or The Alton Towers Weekend in Splash Landings Hotel - a full weekend of nudity from 6pm on Friday until Midday on Sunday.  All these events and more can be found on the BN Events Webpage.

This clip from ITV's Good Morning Britain shows a discussion about whether or not it is safe for children to be at these events.  It's a shame that the naturist, Kate Smurthwaite, doesn't have children herself, but I can understand the reticence of parents not wanting to be outspoken on this, not least because I'm fairly anonymous on this blog myself. However, she does make some good points.  The other person, Lottie Daley, didn't imo (though I acknowledge I am biased on this topic).  Her first comment says that body positivity comes from being a good parent - stigmatising parents whose children suffer from body dysmorphia, anorexia, bulimia and what have you.  Then she makes the comment "you're lucky if someone doesn't get aroused in front of your children" - as if a pair of speedos or swimming trunks will really hide an erection! Really?!  As I said in my previous post that BN has strong child protection policies, other naturists are generally very protective of children, and should there be any untoward behaviour, the police are on side.  Now, admittedly, this isn't my area of expertise, but I would imagine a paedophile would want to get his jollies off in such a way that he wouldn't get caught, rather than naked in front of a load of other people... If anything, I'd've thought there would be more kids at a 'normal' Saturday swim, than at a naturist one, and it's not like swimsuits don't show exactly what's underneath on the kids, either.

There was another article this week, on BBC News, about going to a family naturist swim, whilst also advertising the Sandcastle event.  This time it highlighted a petition from a whopping(!) 50 people who think the event should be 18s only.  As a naturist, and a parent, I much prefer events that are open to the whole family.  Partly because it means we can all attend - for example, there are many swims around the country, some of which are open to all and some of which are not.  In my town there is a fortnightly naturist swim, but it's 18+ which means my husband and I can never attend together, because we have children - but also because some establishments misuse the word "naturist".  For example, there are some "naturist spas" in London that are not so much naturist, as naked swinging...  Fine if that's what you're into, but not for me, thank you very much!  By knowing that children can attend if they wish, I know that the event is truly naturist - non-sexual social nudity.

If you are interested in finding a naturist swim where you live, have a look here or here.

DD1's going to school!

We received the email this morning that DD1 got into the school of her choice!

The type of school I like

As I explained in my All Change post, my girls have been home educated up until now, so it was a bit of a shock when DD1 said she wanted to go to secondary school.  We looked around 5 or so different schools and had different opinions about many of them.  There was one I particularly liked, not least because it reminded me of my school (and I liked school) but that it also specialises in Performing Arts, but DD1 didn't want to go there.  Others I was expecting to like, because
of their reputation, I actually didn't.  And one I expected to dislike, I didn't actually mind - so we put that as DD1's second choice. 

The type of school DD1 likes

Her first choice was a school that we both liked, and that is where she got in.  It's a new school, so there is no proven track record of exams or anything, but it will grow with DD1 and I think she'll really like it there.  She was really excited this morning to find out she got in!

DD2 was less pleased, as she likes her sister, and thinks she will miss her when she is in school, which she undoubtedly will.  But I pointed out that DD2 and I have never had time alone together (whereas I did with DD1 in the 3 years before DD2 was born, and even when DD2 was a baby and didn't do much), and she liked the sound of that.

It will be a shock for the family.  I will need to get organised, and I don't know how DD1 will fit in homework and dancing, but it'll be an adventure together and new experiences for the family.

Why are Women’s Clothes Policed?

Why are women not afforded the same rights in regard to choosing their own clothes? Ideally, I think everybody should be able to wear whatever they want, or not, because ideally people wouldn’t be wearing clothing with offensive or hateful slogans. But even with that caveat, why can’t everybody wear whatever they want, or not? (The ‘not’ is in there, because I think everybody should be free to not wear clothes if they wish. I’m a big supporter of the TopFreedom movement.) 

Just today, I saw an article about Decathlon selling sports-headwear for Muslim women, and I thought that was such a good idea. That will allow Muslim women to take part in sports that they may otherwise be unable or unwilling to. However, I then read on in the article to discover that these piece of clothing has been banned in France. France has already banned face coverings for Muslim women, and any form of religious dress (ie headscarves and turbans) in French schools.

I am aware that some men force women to wear full body coverings as a form of subjugation, and that Islam doesn’t specify that women must wear such clothes. However, conversely, some women prefer to wear such clothing because they don’t want their bodies scrutinised by men, or other women; they don’t want to receive unwanted attention; and simply, they like to wear a burqa (for example) as outwear, whilst still wearing their usual clothing underneath. Assuming that the women have a genuine choice, Let Them Choose!

Women of all walks of life are bombarded with messages about what they should look like, what they should wear, and how they should never wear the other… Women’s gossip magazines are undoubtedly the worst, but with the rise of social media, whether it be through FB or YouTube Influencers, the message is getting out that women should look as best they can for other people. I even read an article that was shared recently called 10 Ways your clothes reveal your heart at church  and it included the line “One can tell a lot about a woman that didn’t even have time to swipe concealer under her eyes before leaving the house.” Really? You see a woman who isn’t wearing make-up and you automatically make a judgement?! On the whole, I don’t wear make-up. It’s a choice I make, because I see it as a waste of my time. If I’m going out somewhere particularly nice, I’ll like to dress up, but otherwise, no. Isn’t sad that a woman feels they can’t leave their house without being plastered in war paint? [See, I can be judgemental too!] Why can’t a woman be free to not wear make-up if they don’t want to, or wear make-up should they wish? Whatever choice a woman makes, they feel judged for that choice, and it affects youngsters too. Even my 11yo daughter refuses to leave the house without at least foundation on. At the moment there is a reason, she is suffering with pimples younger than her peers, but I hope as she grows up she realises that it is truly her choice whether to adorn her face with make-up or not.

And if a woman does wear make-up, and dress up nice, and she goes out, there is the assumption that she is doing that for attention, rather than for herself. And if she were unlucky enough to be attacked or assaulted when dressed like that, the blame is put at her feet. Things are slowly starting to change, thanks in part to artists like Jen Brockman who are purposely drawing people’s attention to clothing through various art instalations.  

I saw a video that was shared on FB recently about the ludicrousness of blaming the victim, when gender roles were switched. A man had been mugged and had his watch and wallet stolen, but who could blame the mugger when the man went out dressed in a suit, clearly advertising that he was wealthy… I thought it was a fairly good analogy when I saw the clip – until a friend pointed out the canned laughter in the background (I had watched it in silence with subtitles, so had much more impact.) 

Picture: ABSOLUTE/D'ARCANGELI

And though this rant was originally about what women wear, why can’t men wear what they want too? If a man (or boy) wants to wear pink, why not? If they want to wear a dress, or heels, why should we stop them? Why should we assume that because they do like “women’s clothes” or “women’s colours” that they must be gay or transgendered or anything else? Why can’t we just view them as who they are?

Family and Debates

After recently posting about Why Aren’t People Angry? there have been a few arguments on my FB wall regarding political posts that I’ve shared. Nothing offensive or purposely provocative, just about various topical issues such as Shamima Begum, the 15yo who went to join ISIS and now wants to return to the UK or about Brexit, the upcoming March 29^th deadline, and the potential for a People’s Vote.

I find myself in a difficult position because though I like debate, I don’t like conflict. Having a good debate with someone who is objective, gives evidence and doesn’t take things personally is brilliant. I like debating online, because I am much better with the written word, and can pause, think and respond in my own time.

Unfortunately, the people who are currently disliking my pov are family, and are taking everything personally. As I don’t want to be in conflict with them, I am choosing not to engage in debate with them. Not least, because they are not well versed in the art of debate, so not only are using various logical fallacies, but including phrases such as “I’m not racist, but...”. As they are taking the debate personally against themselves, other than occasionally correcting a point of information (and I do mean occasionally), I am not replying or responding at all because I want them to still like me, lol.

https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/

Friends of mine are replying to my family, hence why there is the debate and arguments on my posts when I’m not responding. And my friends are calling out the fallacies, the false statistics, the media lies and generally bad technique of debating. I do worry that the family who have commented think bad of me for not stepping in and defending them, however I do have to agree with my friends that using the phrase “I’m not racist, but...” is only ever used when the next statement is patently racist, and that the newspapers they read are not necessarily the best sources of unbiased news! If family did not want to get into a debate, they should not have commented on what I post or what I share. I won’t stop sharing my opinions and my thoughts for fear of them commenting, but I will actively not engage my family on these topics.

Weekly Update No8

This week, as we’ve been travelling back and forth to the dance festival, having to stop in the same crap services every time (it only had a McDs, a Costa, and a WH Smith that didn’t sell anything healthy), it’s no surprise my weight has gone up this week. Even when I tried to stop at a different services, either the girls needed the toilet, or there was a crash up ahead with an hour delay, and the girls were hungry already. And whilst I do have McD’s salad every now and again, there’s only so many times you can have limp lettuce with one slice of cucumber and too many cherry tomatoes!

I am not going to let it get me down, however. I did a healthy shop last night to arrive this afternoon, with plenty of fruit and vegetables. I have even told my girls that I will no longer make multiple meals in the evening: they can eat what I’m cooking or can make themselves a sandwich to have with fruit and yoghurt. Whether it’s because of autism, SPD or just general fussiness, my girls went from being toddlers that ate everything, to children who eat beige. 

 There are a few exceptions, DD1 loves a Sunday roast with all the veg, and DD2 loves her tropical fruit. However, because I cba or don’t have time to cook a roast every night of the week, and tropical fruit is one the expensive side, especially as it doesn’t always get eaten. But, with DD1 potentially going to school next year (it turns out we find out this Friday!!!) I want her to get used to being faced with new foods (for her); even if she doesn’t eat it, she needs to be desensitised to being presented to foods she doesn’t like. So this week’s dinners include spaghetti bolognese, fajitas, and lasagne. Yum! 

A Week as a Dance Mum

This week, both DD1 and DD2 have been dancing various solos, duets and group dances in a dance festival.  Of course, the festival isn't local, but takes over 2 hours on a good day with no traffic.  And we have to be there at least an hour before each dance, as festivals can legitimately run 30min early (as if that ever happens, but just in case...). 

I've already shared the panic that was Sunday: I turned up to a dance festival  after driving over 2 hours, with no music!  Fortunately, dance teachers came to the rescue and emailed me the music, which they then were able to play from my phone, so DD2 did not miss out on her tap solo.  Considering half an hour before her performance she didn't think she'd be able to go on, we rushed through her hair and make-up and then there was a false start as her music started before she was ready, I am really proud of how my 8yo coped with it all.  Though she didn't get placed, she did end up with a Merit.

Tuesday was our next day to be there.  Shortly after getting on to the motorway, this happened: Overtaking an HGV in my blue tin can, and notice it's a bit wobbly. Then it edges close to the line, but some do, and before I realise, it's halfway over my lane! I instinctively swerve and thankfully the car in the fast lane is far enough back as I didn't even have time to look! When I apologise to Fast Lane Car and he says it's not my fault, you know there was nothing else I could do.

A bit shaken, but got to the festival OK. DD1 danced well, but didn't get placed. Tbf, the top 3 deserved it, but have a look at her hair below - I had to learn how to do Victory rolls!  I'm not a natural hair dresser, so I'm very thankful for youtube!

And then it took us 5 hours to get home, between stopping for something to eat (McDs in the services so nothing fancy) and having to stop for petrol in Bristol, as I didn't want to pay services' prices. We were stopped on the M5 for 30 minutes because it was allegedly closed up ahead, but was totally clear once we started moving, and then I hit rush hour at both Bristol and my home town!


Friday was actually fairly good.  There were two group dances - both of which came joint 4th, and DD1 had her Song& Dance solo.  She didn't get places, but was a really big section with a lot of very good competitors.  The traffic there and back was good and there was nothing of note.

Saturday we were back again, as DD1 had her Song & Dance duet - they came in 2nd place with 83pts! So, not enough to qualify for the All England Championships, but a really good effort nonetheless.  We're finally back home now (had to stay an extra night as my husband had a 10K race this morning, which he ran in under an hour!) and I'm feeling tired.