Happy Christmas and New Year!

I hope you've all had a good Christmas, and will have a fantastic New Year to come!

Image by Markéta Machová from Pixabay 

I know I haven't posted much recently (and aim to post my last weekly update of 2019 tomorrow - if I remember), so hope you've all had a good time.  I had a good Christmas day with my husband and girls, but was ill on Boxing Day, recovered the next day but because I hadn't done much I was literally awake all night.  It did mean I got to finish yet another book (ooh, did I mention, my husband got me a new kindle for Christmas!?), so I'm even further behind writing up my reviews.

I have today joined Goodreads, as I was prompted by my Kindle (I've since learned that Amazon now owns goodreads, so that'll be why), so that'll be yet another outlet for me to bore share my reviews with everyone.  As I had to write 20 reviews in order to get recommendations from goodreads, and I wanted them sooner rather than later, I have slightly skewed my results by adding all the book reviews from here all on to there dated today, but at least in the future the timing should be more realistic.  I can also see that you can set a target of the number of books to read in a year, and I don't know whether to be conservative (20) or challenge myself (50) or choose a more realistic number in the middle.  When I'm in a 'reading mood', I can read a book a day - especially if I'm on holiday.  However, I know that when I read my classic (I aim to read one a year), it often takes me much longer than I would guess, due to the old language or simply because it's more verbose than many contemporary books.

Then, there's new years resolutions to think about.  I've decided I'm not going to make any - not one.
I don't keep them - they just are another stick to beat myself with, so I'm not going to resolve to do anything different.  I want to lose weight, in order to have DIEP, but if it means I have to have implants instead, so be it.  I would like to lose weight, but would rather spend time with my children creatively, than worrying about keeping things tidy so I had space to exercise.  And we've not long gone past the shortest day of the year (in terms of daylight, not hours - that's in Spring) and I still feel good.  I have been talking with my therapist about stopping sessions, and I feel like that won't be detrimental to me.  I haven't yet conquered my emotional eating, but when it happens and I put on weight (you'll see tomorrow, just how much...) I don't berate myself and have huge guilt leading to another binge.  So, that's progress!  I also have bought another version of year-in-a-Bible and am looking forward to that again from the 1st.  I am hoping my younger daughter will permit me to read it to her, because I have decided to try The Message translation (ie one with much more contemporary language).

So that's my round up of the past week or so.  I now need to find out why my Snowball keeps separating? Yuck!  Next time, I'll just drink the Advocaat neat, I think! Cheers xx

People are funny

...weird, that is, not funny haha.  Though I am laughing about it all.  Luckily I'm in a good place mentally, so I can laugh about it; otherwise I fear what it would have done to my mental health.

In this blog I have posted much about my life, on lots of different topics.  I know I swerve from 'the norm' on some things - I'm a Christian, I home educate, I consider myself a naturist, and most recently I voted against the winners of the general election.  Within this blog, though I generally use it for book reviews and for tracking my failure to lose weight, I have posted the occasional more controversial topic.  Yet, it is a post that I thought was pretty middle of the road that has caused a bigger reaction than I expected!

I posted this directly on my Facebook Page in response to the result of the election.  I admit that my tongue was in my cheek when I suggested that the electorate were stupid, selfish or both, but did use the qualifier 'may' and pointed out that it's an opinion not a fact.
The rest of the post, however, was talking about how to help people in the coming days, months and years because I think a Tory government is not good for society, and does not have people's (especially poor people's) best interests at heart.
Finally, as I get prompted by FB on every post I write, I thought this may be a relevant one to actually add a donate button to.  I don't know you, I am not telling you you must donate, I am not saying reading my blog is on the condition of donating, but is something you could choose to do should you wish.  I chose the Trussell Trust because it is an organisation that has food banks nationally around the country.  I could have chosen a food bank that was local to me, but given that I know I have readers all around the country, and indeed around the world, I figured they wouldn't care about a food bank in my little town.

At time of writing, this post on FB has currently got 114 reactions (yey!), 57 comments, and 17 shares!  I naively thought that if people didn't like what I had to say (though as I've said, I didn't think it was controversial) they'd just scroll past and ignore.  There's so much that comes up on my FB newsfeed, that even from pages that I usually like, there is the odd post that doesn't resonate so I simply move on.  If it's a page I haven't 'liked' on FB, unless there was something absolutely ridiculous and needs refuting, if I don't agree with a post I'll either scroll past or at worst, hide it from my newsfeed.

You can probably tell where I'm going with this!  when I woke up Saturday morning, I was surprised to see that I had upset someone by choosing the Trussell Trust to donate to.  In that thread of conversation I was repeatedly told "you really are an idiot"; a different person said "coming to your page with insults, you started your diatribe with the very same insults, because you and millions of other moaners lost an election."  though in an interesting twist these two people then started arguing with each other.  Other comments, in response to my post: "Accept the result and stop preaching to the rest of us. You come across narrow minded, judgemental and bigoted."  being a Christian, I've sat in my fair share of sermons, and reckon I could preach with the best of them; this wasn't it.  Here I was just trying to suggest that people are kind to each other - clearly I failed! Finally (again, at point of writing), I'm told "You are stupid and selfish." Not one to normally boast, but having a Masters degree in Engineering Science from the University of Oxford (and I do have friends who read this blog, who were at uni with me - I'm not lying), I can categorically say I am not stupid.  I may not understand some things, or may lack knowledge in certain areas, but I hold my hands up and am honest if that is the case.  Similarly, I don't think I'm selfish [often. I think everyone, including me, is selfish at times.  I try my best to override that part of myself, and with God's help, I can manage it sometimes], nor do I think it selfish of me to say that we should be kind and love one another.  Surely that's common sense and part of being a good person?

Oh well, you live and learn.  People are funny weird, and I can laugh at it all.

Edited to add some more comments:
Very funny! Begging for our money to line your own pocket, just like many others! Try working for your money like we do!  As much as I wish I was paid for writing my opinions, I'm not, so receive all this abuse for free.
 if you want people to be kind how about giving it a go your self!   In reaction to not understanding the words 'may' or 'just an opinion'.
Your post insults a lot of hard working, decent people   Other than a tongue in cheek comment, that already has been clarified, I fail to see where I have insulted people, but suggesting a few things.

Oh well, you can't please everyone!

The Overcoming Life by D L Moody

D L Moody is one of those names who are renowned for their writings and preaching as an evangelist.  Though I don't know much about him as a person, I know the name is considered one of the greats of olden times (yes, I know so little that before reading the wiki link I had no idea what era he lived in!) and that as a Christian, I should at least read some of his works.

The blurb for says:

Are you an overcomer? Or, are you plagued by little sins that easily beset you? Even worse, are you failing in your Christian walk, but refuse to admit and address it? No Christian can afford to dismiss the call to be an overcomer. The earthly cost is minor; the eternal reward is beyond measure.

Dwight L. Moody is a master at unearthing what ails us. He uses stories and humor to bring to light the essential principles of successful Christian living. Each aspect of overcoming is looked at from a practical and understandable angle. The solution Moody presents for our problems is not religion, rules, or other outward corrections. Instead, he takes us to the heart of the matter and prescribes biblical, God-given remedies for every Christian's life. Get ready to embrace genuine victory for today, and joy for eternity.

This book is very straight-talking.  Moody pulls no punches when talking about sin and how it affects us.  He does use humour and anecdotes to explain and help convey his meaning, so though it is a blunt book, it didn't feel like he was being accusatory or holier-than-thou.

Being written in the 19th Century, it is written in old English, and all Bible references are from the King James Version, so though it is updated, the language isn't.  The other thing that stood out to me, was Moody's damnation of alcohol, and drinking at all.  I'm guessing that is part of the social context, as reading about prohibition on wiki, there was a societal movement against alcohol before prohibition became law in the early 20th century.  As a Christian who does drink alcohol, I don't agree that we need to abstain entirely, but if it is a problem to you as an individual, then it is certainly wise to not drink.

Overall, though, I'm glad I read the book, and am more inclined to read other books by Moody, or other evangelists of the time (eg Spurgeon).

Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan

I remember this book being read to me in Primary School.  Being sat on the carpet, and the teacher reading a chapter a day.  We'd then have to go away and draw a picture for something we heard.

I was wondering about reading it with DD2, so thought I better read it myself first, in case my mind was playing tricks and there were things that are not suitable.

I needn't have worried.  The 'worst' thing about this book is the language. Not swear words or anything like that, but it being old-fashioned, so may be difficult for a 9yo to understand.

The story itself is just as I remember.  A man called Christian has to travel a long way to get to the Celestial City, and encounters many friends (and foes) along the way.  It isn't an easy route, there is always temptation just around the corner and choices to make.

Normally, at this point in my reviews, I copy and paste the blurb from Amazon.  In this case, different versions (kindle, paperback, hardback, audio etc) have different descriptions! so I am going to combine them in a way that I hope makes sense:

The Pilgrim's Progress from This World, to That Which Is to Come is a 1678 Christian allegory written by John Bunyan. It is regarded as one of the most significant works of religious English literature, has been translated into more than 200 languages, and has never been out of print.It has also been cited as the first novel written in English. Bunyan began his work while in the Bedfordshire county prison for violations of the Conventicle Act of 1664, which prohibited the holding of religious services outside the auspices of the established Church of England.

The Pilgrim’s Progress is an engaging allegory of the Christian Life which has instructed and entertained countless adults and children over the past three hundred years.  As befitting a highly imaginative work, its style is simple and accessible.  

The story follows the spiritually tormented Christian on his difficult journey from the sinful City of the Destruction to the the Celestial City and its promise of salvation. Along the way Christian encounters a cast of characters who threaten his progress with temptation, imprisonment, and torture, while also finding support in the fellowship of other pilgrims and his own growing faith. Bunyan’s simple Christian allegory was written to inspire the faithful, but has since been recognized by scholars as a great novel in its own right. 

As I was reading this book, I was reminded of a hymn that was sung during assemblies at Secondary School: He Who Would Valiant Be.  The lyrics are:

He who would valiant be 'gainst all disaster,
Let him in constancy follow the Master.
There's no discouragement shall make him once relent
His first avowed intent to be a pilgrim.

Who so beset him round with dismal stories
Do but themselves confound - his strength the more is.
No foes shall stay his might; though he with giants fight,
He will make good his right to be a pilgrim.

Since, Lord, Thou dost defend us with Thy Spirit,
We know we at the end, shall life inherit.
Then fancies flee away! I'll fear not what men say,
I'll labor night and day to be a pilgrim.

 I had a 'duh' moment, when I looked the hymn up (as I couldn't quite remember all the words) and discovered that not only was the hymn written by John Bunyan, it actually appears in Part 2 of the original Pilgrim's Progress.  Learn something new every day!

So yes, I enjoyed this book very much.  Though I read the Youth Version, I think the language is still too difficult for my daughter, so I have since purchased a Children's Version of The Pilgrim's Progress (arriving today!) which may not be as poetic as either the original, it will be understandable for her, and hopefully she'll have some cherished memories of the book too.

A Life of Balance by K P Yohannan

The book description says:

Remember learning how to ride a bike? The hardest part was learning how to stay balanced. Once you mastered that, you were ready to go anywhere.

The same is true of life, especially for those of us who sincerely seek to follow Jesus Christ. All truth has two sides, and balanced attention to both sides of the coin is necessary to rightly divide the Word of Truth. Otherwise, our passion for the Lord can quickly turn into fanaticism and our ministry will eventually fade away.

In this short booklet, K.P. Yohannan discusses Biblical balance in 11 key areas of life, such as

*Discipline and Freedom
*Faith and Common Sense
*Love and Doctrine
*Zeal and Wisdom

Learn how to develop the balance which will keep your life and ministry healthy and honoring God.

This is a good little book, only 78 pages, full of wisdom.  I read a chapter at a time, and each helps point you back to Christ and get balance in your lives.

Parenting by Paul David Tripp

What is your calling as a parent?

In the midst of folding laundry, coordinating carpool schedules, and breaking up fights, many parents get lost. Feeling pressure to do everything "right" and raise up "good" children, it's easy to lose sight of our ultimate purpose as parents in the quest for practical tips and guaranteed formulas.

In this life-giving book, Paul Tripp offers parents much more than a to-do list. Instead, he presents us with a big-picture view of God's plan for us as parents. Outlining fourteen foundational principles centered on the gospel, he shows that we need more than the latest parenting strategy or list of techniques. Rather, we need the rescuing grace of God--grace that has the power to shape how we view everything we do as parents.

Freed from the burden of trying to manufacture life-change in our children's hearts, we can embrace a grand perspective of parenting overflowing with vision, purpose, and joy.

I bought this book at the Bath Women's Conference last year.  It has taken me over a year to get around to reading it, and in all honestly I wish I had read it earlier.  In fact, I wish this book had been written when my children were younger, so that I could reread it as necessary as they have been growing up.

The subtitle of this book is "14 Gospel Principles that can Radically Change your Family", and there are 14 chapters which go through these ideas in greater depth: Calling, Grace, Law, Inability, Identity, Process, Lost, Authority, Foolishness, Character, False Gods, Control, Rest and Mercy.  In each chapter, we are reminded of the things that we require from God, so that we can respond appropriately to our children.  God knows I need His help!

This is a really practical book, with down-to-earth descriptions of 'normal' parenting, not least as Tripp recounts times when he could/should have done better; so it's certainly not being lectured by a know-it-all.

The other thing I liked about this book, is that it fits with my general parenting philosophy - that we should encourage our children, facilitate their learning and growing, but allow them the freedom to own their own journey.

This book has challenged me greatly, shown me where I can improve, and encouraged me to rely further on God and his Grace, as I try and extend the same to my own children.

Qualifications are a pile of shit

As you may know, my church group is currently going through the Discipleship Explored handbook that deep-dives into the book of Philippians. Philippians is a short letter (only 4 chapters) that Paul writes to the church in Philippi, whilst he was being imprisoned.  Last night was week 5, which looks at our righteousness in Christ.

As I know many of the people reading this blog are not Christian, indeed many are atheists, I don't want to get too bogged down in religious wording; but since these are words that are used in the Bible, I hope I can explain and define them adequately. According to Wiki, righteousness is defined as "the quality of being morally correct and justifiable." 

Many people think our righteousness comes from what we do (or don't do), specifically, that if we do the "right" things, then we can get closer to God.  Philippians 3, however, reminds us that there is nothing we can do to make ourselves righteous before God.  The only way in which we can become righteous has already occurred - through Jesus and faith in Him.  Indeed, Paul was considered the most "good" or "religious" person of his day, being born the right type of person, learning the scriptures, keeping all the laws etc, yet in Philippians 3:8 he calls all those qualifications a pile of shit. Yes, you may be surprised at my choice of that word when discussing the Bible, but Paul does indeed call it all excrement.  The Lexham English Bible uses the word "dung", The Voice uses "a pile of waste", and whilst most English versions do use the sanitised "garbage" or "rubbish", the Wycliffe Bible uses "drit [and I deem as turds]".

In fact, if our Righteousness is to be found in Jesus, and Jesus is sat at the Right hand of God, then our Righteousness is always before Him. Interesting!

One particular thing about the video that struck me, was when the presenter was asking questions about whether certain things made us feel closer or further to God.  Most of the questions, I could easily answer 'no' to; however there was one that I replied 'yes': If you are asked if you're a Christian, do you reply "Yes, but not a good one"? That is wrong, because Christ is our righteousness.

I do answer that I'm not a good Christian, because I know my sin and I know where I'm trying to be.  It's not that I think doing things will make me closer to God - God is love and desires relationship with us - but I'm also aware that "No one is good except God alone." (Mark 10:18)  The reason why this challenged me particularly is because of the work I've been doing with my therapist on my self-worth.  Have I used this verse as another rod to beat myself with?  Nobody can be good, I know I'm not good, therefore I must be bad, and a bad Christian.  I wouldn't want to venture too far the other way, but if my identity is in Christ and He is my righteousness, then I can be bold and simply answer "Yes, I am a Christian".  I am still a sinner, I sin and regularly need God's forgiveness, but Jesus has covered up my sin so that I can approach God boldly and surrender my heart to Him.

As an aside, though still related, when I saw my therapist yesterday, she asked how something made me feel, and I responded "that I'm not all bad".  To me, this is a positive expression because I'm not all bad.  It acknowledges the bad parts, but shows that I have made progress.  Yet, to my therapist, she replied that my response made her sad, because it shows a focus on the bad, rather than stating that I'm a good person, but am human so will make mistakes.  It made me think.  I am in a better place than I was, and am continually working on my self worth, but clearly I have some way to go.  At least I can rest in being a child of God.

Weekly Update No41

I'm a day later than usual, this week.  I've had a really good weekend with friends which left me tired yesterday, and I didn't have it in me to come online before taking DD2 to her science club (we were then out all day, and I had my musical theatre class in the evening), then I took both girls to bed, fell asleep in DD2s room, and eventually went to bed.

On Friday, I went to a friend from church's house, with a group of other women, to watch War Room.  It's a film I hadn't heard of before, and was totally different to what I was expecting: there were no soldiers, no bombs and no Churchill.  It was really enjoyable, and though it is fiction, it's a good reminder of what God can do for us when we trust in Him, rather than ourselves.  I found that bit particularly challenging, as I try and support a friend, and made me realise that perhaps I should talk less and pray more.

On Saturday was a full day of dance and singing for both girls.  In the evening we were all invited to a dance friend's house for a humongous Chinese takeaway buffet and a few drinks.  It was delicious.  As my husband is watching his weight [go down, unlike me...], we haven't had a Chinese takeaway for a while, and I have to say that I made the most of it.  I actually ate more than I normally would had we gone out to a Chinese buffet restaurant!

And Sunday morning the girls had yet more dance (though thankfully only for an hour), before we had friends from uni come to visit us with their two girls.  I did try to make a healthy buffet, and looked up various recipes to have in addition to the standard crudites and hummus.  I made two flavours of wrap pinwheels: Mexican and Turkey&Mandarin; yoghurt-based dips with chopped fruit; fruit canapes on rice cakes; and chicken salad in little gem leaves.  And because my kids are fussy, there was also sausage rolls, nuggets and onion rings too. 

It is fair to say I have eaten a lot this weekend, so it is not unexpected that my weight increased.  Yesterday I ate well, and chose to have a salad at Subway, rather than the usual sub-sandwich.  Today, DD2 wants to make a lasagne for tea, which I plan to make a salad to accompany it.

Praying For Your Children by Towns and Earley

I got this book, Praying for your Children, after it was temporarily listed for free on Amazon.  I'm a member of a Facebook group that shares Christian e-books (both fiction and non-fiction) when they are under a dollar, or free.

As someone who does not have the prayer life that I feel I should have (though it is getting better, especially the smaller, impromptu prayers, just relying on God throughout the day) I thought this would be a good book to help me to help my children to pray.

With my girls, I have always said a set prayer with them at bedtime from when they were little:

God, Our Father, I've come to say

Thank you for your love today.

Thank you for my family

And all the friends you give to me.

Guard me in the dark of night

And in the morning, send your light.  Amen.

DD1 now considers herself an atheist, so doesn't want me praying with her any more.

DD2, otoh, is happy for me to pray this prayer with her, and we have started adding our own prayers at the end of it.  Though she often wants me to say the prayers on her behalf, I'm trying to encourage her to talk to God directly.

The blurb for this book says:

Filled with easy-to-follow advice and biblically sound suggestions, Praying for Your Children gives parents and those who love children the tools to make an eternal difference in their lives.

Authors Dr. Elmer Towns and Dr. Dave Earley share how and what to pray to bring your children closer to God. Defined are the roles and responsibilities of parents in raising children who learn to rely on God for their strength and power to be victorious in any situation.

Stressing the importance of starting early, actual prayers are shared that children can memorize. Biblical parents and their prayers are also highlighted, providing excellent examples of how praying for children pleases God to answer.

You don't have to be a great spiritual prayer warrior for God to answer your prayers for your children. The secret is God. You donÕt get great answers because youÕre more spiritual than others, or because youÕve prayed longer or better. The secret is God! The simplest prayer launched with the simplest faith can set the wheels of Heaven in motion.

Trust Him to do great things for your children.

Personally, I found some of the suggestions to be a bit formulaic (as in 'if you do this, then God will listen'), however, this book is still worth reading (especially if you can get it for free!) because there is lots of encouragement within.  Dispersed throughout the text are lots of small prayers for you to say, asking God to help you praying for your children, and at the end, there are some set-prayers that you can use too.  When I was growing up, my mum said a prayer with my sister and I before bed, and I can barely remember it now, though I recognise it when I see/hear it. And it was in this book, so that made me smile, too (though it listed two different endings, and I can't remember which it was my mum used to say, but think it was the first one).

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep:

May God guard me through the night

And wake me with the morning light.  Amen

or

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

Difficult Questions

Last Wednesday I saw my therapist and we had a big discussion about intrinsic value and self-worth.  I can see value in other people.  Other people have value just by being who they are. When thinking about myself, however, I don't see things like that at all.  I often think I have no value, unless I am doing something for other people.  I know in my head that God loves me and He sees value in me, but I struggle to believe it.  And yet, who am I to argue or disbelieve the Almighty? So my therapist has challenged me to write something I like or value about myself each day.

Then, that evening, at my church's growth group, we are using Discipleship Explored and this week we were asked the question "what do you live for?" and more specifically, "what would your friends say you live for?".  My gut-feel when answering this question was My Girls, though ideally, I should be putting God first (and yes, that is hard for me to explain to somebody who doesn't believe in God). But, I was interested to see what my friends would say.  So, I decided to ask them.

Overall, I'm quite pleased with the response that I've had.  A few people did contact me to ask if I was ok and whether I'm feeling depressed atm, which was very kind of them to think of me and my well-being.  I am ok (I wouldn't be able to ask the questions if I wasn't), and it made me feel loved.
Other people did answer the questions, so was interesting to see their point of view.  I am hoping that people will continue to reply to me privately, as it is really interesting.

Nation's Favourite Hymn

There's an article on BBC News about the Nation's Favourite Hymn as chosen by Songs of Praise viewers.  I really like hymns and songs, the music and the words really relate to me. 

My favourite hymn of all time is an oldie and is number four in the list: Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.  Despite this being sung over and over in school assemblies when I was a kid, it's still my favourite.  Possibly because it's a nod to my Catholic background (ie guilt) for everything that I know I don't do right.  The first verse goes: "Dear Lord and Father of mankind, forgive our foolish ways! Re-clothe us in our rightful mind, in purer lives thy service find, in deeper reverence, praise; in deeper reverence, praise."  People are often foolish (especially if they think they are wise) especially me, and I like the rest of the lyrics in the other verses too.

Back to the list, I actually like all they hymns in that list, except one: Number One!
I really hate the song Jerusalem.  Like really.  There are not many songs that I can say I hate (the only other one that I can think of, is John Lennon's Imagine - Urgh!) but this is one of them.  

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountain green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.

The lyrics don't even make sense. Did Jesus come to England? No. Did he step on England's fields? Nope. Was Jerusalem built here? No-oh. The second verse is a bit better, but are we going to build Jerusalem in England? No.  Heaven on Earth - maybe.  I've heard it said that when Christians are at their best, that is a little of Heaven on Earth.  And of course there's the Belinda Carlisle song, which incidentally I really like, and is so much better than this hymn!

So yes, the point of this blog, was mainly for me to complain about Jerusalem.  And you're lucky I just briefly mentioned Imagine.  I could rant all day about that awful song!

Emotions, Mirrors of the Heart by Catherine Haddow

This book was recommended to me by a friend from church.  She knows I suffer with depression, and that I have been reading various psychology books in order to help myself.
When the Body Says No links our psychological state to our physiological state. Emotions, Mirrors of the Heart links our psychological state to our spiritual state.

The blurb says:

Our emotions are powerful. We experience them so tangibly that they can often feel all-consuming. At one time or another, we will all have experienced what Catherine Haddow calls ‘tears, fears and sneers’ — those darker, harder emotions. We often don’t know what to do with them. Sometimes we feel helplessly controlled by them, unable to see anything other than the emotion. At other times, we try and hide them from others and from God.

In this book, you’ll see that our emotions are vitally important as they are ‘spiritual smoke alarms’ that can alert us to the state of our heart. Catherine presents her own ’tbH’ model which, when followed, helps us to understand our thoughts, emotions and behaviours in more detail, each providing vital information about  the compelling desires, flowing from our hearts. She then helps us to apply biblical wisdom to where we’re struggling, inviting God to change and transform us from the heart of the emotion — the core of our being.

This is a book that not only spoke to me now, but is one that I can see myself rereading the the future if needed.  Rather than dismiss secular methods, such as CBT, which some Christian writers are prone to do, Cather Haddow acknowledges that they are useful and have benefit, but for the Christian they do not go quite far enough - so she developed the tbH model (thoughts >> behaviours >> body >> Heart) and encourages us to allow God the freedom to transform our innermost being.

Even if you are a Christian who doesn't suffer with depression or anxiety, I would recommend this book to you, because it shines a light on ourselves whilst opening us up to God's transforming grace.

(This book isn't currently available on Amazon, but is available in paperback and ebook from 10 of Those.)

I've hit a new low

No, not like that!

My weight is the lowest for over a year! Yey! 

As I've said recently, the things that I'm doing differently are 1. drinking [flavoured] coffee [with syrup] in the morning; 2. having a breakfast of porridge [with syrup] in the morning; and 3. not eating dinner in the evening if I'm not hungry.  Last night I came home from tutoring at 9:30pm and had a breakfast bar before taking the girls to bed.  I didn't need to eat anything more.

Yesterday I managed to tidy the living room, with DD2's help, because we had a prayer meeting here during the day, and everyone else's homes are always so tidy.  But, now that it is tidy, I actually have space to start doing Body Groove again.  I do enjoy dancing - even just around my living room, so hopefully next week I can start fitting that into my days again.  I don't want to do it today because we have an electrician coming round to fit a smart meter, though if he arrives early, maybe I'll be able to do some afterwards.

So yes, my weight is the lowest for a year.  When I announce my weightloss, it is less impressive - I am only down 3 kilos since October 1st last year, but that is just short of half a stone, and it's all progress.

Agent with a History by Guy Stanton III

This book is really enjoyable.  It has NYPD, ritualistic killings, mafia, and an Indiana Jones-esque treasure trail seeking Biblical gold. 

Cop Lisa has to investigate an unusual murder, where it is clear the perpetrator has access to much money in order to pull it off in the fashion he has. As she delves deeper into the investigation, it is clear that she cannot get free of her past which has finally caught up with her.

The blurb says:

It’s been one long day for Lisa and her headache is living proof of it. Most of it she blamed on the full moon outside. Things always got crazy this time of the month, but this month was exceptional. She needed sleep bad and only hoped the nightmares that haunted her would leave her alone for at least one night. They don’t. She wakes up as usual screaming only to find out that her nightmare has just begun, because she’s not alone in her room.

One man has been gruesomely tortured to death in a ritualistic killing. An entire police precinct has been reconstructed down to the smallest detail in an abandoned warehouse and a mysterious stranger known only as Flint seems to be the cause of it all. It’s a case that is fast turning into one big headache for Lisa Tauranto a detective for the NYPD, but it gets much worse when her past, that she’s tried so hard to bury, rises up to engulf her in its golden grip once again. Lisa is ripped from the existence that she so pain stakingly built for herself into a mixed up world of intrigue, where nothing is as it seems. It’s a fight to survive and to protect what she is sworn to, but will love conquer all? Will she betray her oath to be happy? Does she even have a choice anymore or does a several thousand year old mystery hold enough weight in treasure to drag her down with it? Everyone wants her dead, everyone that is but for one man who is the cause of all her upheaval in the first place. He’s an agent working for someone, but she doesn’t know who. She only hopes he’s as good as his kisses make her believe him to be.

This book wasn't predictable (or at least the main bits of the plot weren't.  All books are somewhat predictable), and took many twists and turns as Lisa moved through the investigation.   Being a Christian I liked the references to the Old Testament, even though this is clearly fiction.  It is fast-paced, and keeps you on your toes.  There is also a romance with the mystery man who helps her.

I'd recommend this book, and have added the next in the series to my wishlist.

Stories Aren't Just For Kids by Christine Dillon

I read this book over the summer, and really enjoyed it, even though I hadn't considered storytelling at all (would you have guessed I prefer reading books? lol).

The blurb says:

In a world increasingly anti-Christian, how can you communicate in a way that slides under listener's defences? How can you leave them hungry for more? 
Stories are God-designed way to impact hearts. 
But many Christians reject stories as just for kids. Christine Dillon has trained thousands of people in storytelling. 10 myths come up over and over again, and they block Christians from using this life-changing ministry tool. 
MYTH 1: Adults won’t listen to stories
MYTH 2: Stories are only for non-literate cultures 
MYTH 3: Men won’t listen to stories ...
MYTH 6: Storytelling won’t grow mature disciples
MYTH 8: Storytelling will lead to heresy ... 

Using stories from around the world Dillon tackles each myth and challenges you to master this tool. 

Christine Dillon is a Bible storyteller and trainer who works in Asia and Australia. Her book, Telling the Gospel Through Story: Evangelism that keeps hearers hungry for more (IVP, 2012) has inspired many to start telling the greatest story of them all.

Having read the book, I think storytelling is a pretty impressive tool to use, not least because it was how the Bible was passed from person to person in years gone by.  There is a website and a Facebook group for anyone wanting to find out more. 

I'm not in a place, right now, to be able to learn or make use of this book, but, I am very glad I have read it (and have made a note of it) so I can come back to it in the future.  I particularly liked Christine's idea of praying before every holiday/trip, in order to meet someone with whom to share your relationship with God; something I will try to do in future.  It was very inspirational.

Billy's Week

We have just returned from a glorious week at The Naturist Foundation in Orpington.  The weather was fantastic, if not a bit hot at times, so I was often found lounging, reading in the shade.  We've been going to Billy's Week for the past 4 years (though technically now Billy and Jayne's Week, as she now organises much of it), as it is a family week with tons to do: Kids Club every morning, Kids' Splash time in the heated pool every afternoon, not to mention archery, darts, petanque, miniten, badminton, table tennis, pool, swimming gala, quizzes, bingo, mens vs women trivial pursuit, disco and a hexathlon.  There's even a service on the Sunday morning, so I didn't miss going to church!

My mum, bless her, has started reading this blog and when I said we were going camping, she asked if it is a 'natural' holiday?  Yes mum, camping in the countryside is something we love and is very natural for us. 😜

One of the things I love most about camping, is that it resets my body clock - though I did stay up fairly late (especially when I only had a little bit left of a book I was reading), I wake up at dawn.  And even when I fall back to sleep, I will wake up earlier than I would do at home.  Given DD1 starts school next week, I need to get back in the habit of waking up early.  Having to wake up at 5am in order to cycle to the train station, catch a train and then a bus, to get to work for 8am seems like a lifetime ago now!

The holiday itself was really good.  We arrived on the Tuesday and set up our camp, before going down to the pavilion (where there's a cafe during the day, as well as a bar) to join in the quiz.  Given my husband and I were late, we sat separate rather than joining a team, and we still didn't come last, and actually came top of one of the rounds! 
On Wednesday we headed into London to see Joseph, as part of Kids Week.  We see a show in London every year; previous shows we've seen have included Billy Elliot, Wicked and Kinky Boots.  I've never actually seen Joseph before, but knew all the songs from singing them during music classes at school.  It was really good!  Jac Yarrow was great, and whilst I didn't rate Jason Donovan's voice, Sheridan Smith was absolutely fantastic as the narrator and made the show.  The girls loved it, and it was good to only have a short train journey back to the campsite.

Thursday was DD2's 9th birthday, and tbh, I'm not going to go through every day with exactly what we did when as I can't remember!  There was a Pool competition and I came 1st of the women (in the second time round).  The Hexathlon was on the Saturday, and my husband came 2nd out of the men, DD2 came 2nd out of the kids, and DD1 came 3rd out of the kids.  I don't have enough hand-eye coordination to join in, and missing out half the sports wouldn't be very good.  So I read my books and sunbathed instead - it's a hard life, lol!  I read over 8 books whilst away, so have plenty to write up in the next few days, and I still need to finish writing my comments about the Welsh HE Consultation, not to mention getting DD1 ready for school...

Enjoy Your Prayer Live by Michael Reeves

I was given a copy of Enjoy Your Prayer Life for free by my church, as a summer read.  Then at the end of August, there will be a Church BBQ where we can sit and discuss what we have learned, what has struck us and how we have changed since reading it.

The blurb says:

Sadly, most of us struggle to set aside time to pray. But, fear not, this is not another book that will pile on the guilt, simply saying pray better and more often. Instead, Michael Reeves shows us not only why prayer is so essential, but also how we can enjoy it too.Taking his cue from Calvin's definition that prayer is the chief exercise of faith,' Reeves helps us understand that prayer should be a natural expression of our faith. Just as faith is awakened as we grasp the wonders of the gospel, so prayer follows as our hearts respond to these glorious truths. Enjoy your prayer life is a delightful read; and as you turn the pages, it'll show you that prayer doesn't have to be a duty to be performed, but is rather a gift to be enjoyed.

The book is organised into 14 chapters of a few pages each, it is very easy to read but challenging and thought-provoking enough for a strong Christian to gain something from the book. 

I, otoh, don't consider myself a strong Christian, and my prayer life is lacking at many times.  This book was just what I needed right now, specifically that we shouldn't think of prayer as something we "do", but actually prayer is how we live our lives. Prayer is something that does not come naturally to me, at least, but through prayer the Holy Spirit can draw us closer to God, as we look to imitate Jesus' relationship with the Father.

So would I recommend this book? Yes, I would to anybody who wants to understand prayer deeper, but in simple, coherent language.  Though the book could be read easily in 30min, I took my time and read 2 chapters a day whilst on holiday, as that gave me time to reflect and put into practice what was being said.  Even reading one chapter a day for a fortnight would only take a minute or two, but could enrich your life greatly.

Weekly Update No28

No weight loss this week.  Quelle surprise.

Sometimes I wonder if I should give up on pretending to lose weight, but I know that I need to in order to have the surgery I want in a few years time.

Yes, this is how I started last week's update, because I need to do everything I said I was going to do last week.

My MH dropped at the end of last week.  Not because of my failure to lose weight, but that contributed to it.  I feel like a fraud and that I don't have any worth.  

On the positive side, I actually called out for help - in a way.  I put a vague status update on FB asking for prayers.  But I did get the help and validation I needed and I feel better this morning.  It's easy to pretend, especially on social media, but we all need help sometimes.  Me especially. I can't even answer "how are you?" honestly, even if I know the other person would want to hear the truth.

I am drinking smoothies for lunches, and I have been all week.  I do tend to get really hungry around 5pm, though, which is when I crave foods not conducive to weightloss, and to which I have been giving in too easily.  I need to get back to meal planning properly.  My cleaner has come back now, so my kitchen is reasonably clean, which means I don't really have an excuse not to cook more.

The Fourth Element Trilogy by Kat Ross

I love reading, and consuming new (to me) books, and I'm glad to be back in the habit. I am very glad to have read the Bible in 6 months, as I'd not done that before, but I think I will go back to reading it slower over a year, and having more time to read other stuff.  As I've mentioned before, I do enjoy reading classics, (having just finished Lorna Doone) but they require more concentration, whereas I relax the most when I can submerge myself into another world and devour the contents.  I read quickly, and love it when I find a book that I cannot put down.


Four days ago I started reading The Fourth Element Trilogy by Kat Ross. I chose this book(s) because I am working through all the books I have on my Kindle, and am trying to read them before I buy more, as I'm a bit of an addict.  Before my actual Kindle died (I now use Kindle app on my phone) I wrote on a sheet of paper (that ended up being 12 sides of A4) all the books I hadn't read yet, because my Amazon account doesn't actually register whether I've read a book yet, just that I've bought it.  (Or if it does, I'm not technologically minded enough to work out how to do it!)  So, I choose my books based on the title alone.  I decided to read this one because the title sounded interesting, and because it's a trilogy, I knew I wouldn't read it too fast - or so I thought...


The blurb says:

They are the light against the darkness.
The steel against the necromancy of the Druj.
And they use demons to hunt demons….

Nazafareen lives for revenge. A girl of the isolated Four-Legs Clan, all she knows about the King's elite Water Dogs is that they leash wicked creatures called daevas to protect the empire from the Undead. But when scouts arrive to recruit young people with the gift, she leaps at the chance to join their ranks. To hunt the monsters that killed her sister.

Scarred by grief, she's willing to pay any price, even if it requires linking with a daeva named Darius. Human in body, he's possessed of a terrifying power, one that Nazafareen controls. But the golden cuffs that join them have an unwanted side effect. Each experiences the other's emotions, and human and daeva start to grow dangerously close.

As they pursue a deadly foe across the arid waste of the Great Salt Plain to the glittering capital of Persepolae, unearthing the secrets of Darius's past along the way, Nazafareen is forced to question his slavery—and her own loyalty to the empire. But with an ancient evil stirring in the north, and a young conqueror sweeping in from the west, the fate of an entire civilization may be at stake…

So begins an epic story of adventure, romance and betrayal that leads to undiscovered magical realms and a final confrontation with a demon queen bent on destroying them all.

Given that I have read nearly 1000 pages in 3 days (as I actually finished the trilogy yesterday), you can take for granted that I enjoyed it.  It is really well written, and set in a partly fantasy and partly historical world.  The writing was really good, and I liked the fact that we were looking on things from the pov of a different culture.  I'm not going to give anything away in this review, but when some of the historical aspects come to light, I was quite pleased with myself that I had worked them out beforehand, though the identity of the young king of the enemy was a surprise to me.

Having read the books so fast, I couldn't put them down.  I was only slightly disappointed in the ending, because I felt it ended and everything was wrapped up a bit too quickly, and I wanted to experience more.  However, there is a subsequent series called The Fourth Talisman* where you can see what happens next the the characters.  I haven't bought these books yet, because I am trying to work through the ones on my list, but I look forward to coming back to this world and seeing what happens next to Nazafareen.

A few words about abortion

I want to talk about abortion, but I have been putting it off. Whilst I like to stimulate debate and discussion, and I genuinely do enjoy reading other people’s views, I don’t like conflict and I don’t want people’s views pointed against me.

Being a Christian, it’s easy to assume what my pov regarding abortion is, but it’s actually more complicated.

When I was younger, I did see life very black and white. I can remember having to write an essay on a ‘controversial subject’ for my English GCSE and I wrote about abortion. I quoted Psalm 139:13 ‘For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb’ and Matthew 10:30 ‘even the hairs on your head are all numbered’. I quoted Exodus 20:13 ‘Do not murder’ and Numbers 35:16 ‘But if he struck him down ..., so that he died, he is a murderer.’. I didn’t get a good mark because I was told that I hadn’t argued the other point of view, however to me, there wasn’t another pov: you should always try and protect life. Even if the baby was conceived in a horrendous and violent manner, it’s still not the baby’s fault and they deserve a chance at life.

As I got older, I did start to see life's nuances. Not only did I become friends with women who had had or had considered abortion, but I had my own life experiences that affected my beliefs. When I was pregnant with DD1 I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, commonly called “extreme morning sickness”. I lost over 3 stone in the first trimester and when I was at my worst, I considered a good day to be one where I kept down a single hula hoop and a single sip of water. I was in severe malnutrition and dehydration and it was affecting all aspects of my life. After I had given birth, I came across the HelpHER website (and wish I had found it earlier), and on the forum the women there were grieving because a lady had recently died. She also disagreed with abortion, so continued with her pregnancy against medical advice, and it resulted in the loss of her life and that of her unborn child.

Pregnancy is hard work on the body and on the mind, and to force someone to undergo a pregnancy isn’t right. Not only is there the risk of HG, but the mother may have other underlying medical conditions that mean pregnancy isn’t advisable. And the reverse is also true, just because a women may not be in prime mental or physical health, does not mean that you should force an abortion on a woman who doesn’t want one. There was a case in the UK recently where doctors tried to do just that. [LINK]

My largest worry about controlling abortion is the unspoken control of women’s bodies. By banning abortion, you are taking away women’s autonomy. By criminalising control over themselves, you are making women second (if not third) class citizens. If a woman does abort a child, you should not incarcerate her, and even if that is the law in the part of the world you’re in, a women should certainly not be indicted for miscarrying! [LINK] Women should not be forced into having back-alley abortions and all the health risks that they entail, because they are not allowed to have medical care that could easily be provided. I have some sympathy in countries where there is not the technology or perhaps trust in medicine and abortions not being carried out there. However, it terrifies me that people are praising countries like the USA for changing the law against abortion. We are nowhere near equality for women, and the few rights that women do have are slowly being eroded and taken away.

photo from metro.co.uk

So after everything, if you were to ask me whether I agree with abortions, I would answer no, I don’t. However, I don’t think they should be criminalised, I just wish they were a service that was never used. Women should be free to enquire about and use abortion clinics without condemnation and oppression. They should not be attacked and abused for walking into one and having to be accompanied by bouncers and the like. Women should have control over their whole reproductive health – access to good education, good information, contraception, abortion (though imo hopefully it wouldn’t be used) and support services during the pregnancy and beyond. There should be health and social welfare so that girls do not consider abortion because they are “young” or women, because they are “poor”. 

The whole of society needs to act in the best interests of the poorest and the weakest members, and sometimes that may be the ‘least-worst’ option of abortion. Just because I could never have an abortion, does not mean I have the right to impose my beliefs on to other people.