Weekly Update No24

This week has been an up and down week - by weighing myself daily I could see that I got down to the lowest weight I had for a month.  And I put it all back on again and more.  Today, I have lost weight again, but am still higher than I was this time last week.

So, I'm back on the smoothies (which isn't a bad thing as they are delicious and filling).  Today I am drinking Innocent's Cacao and Cherry flavour one; and I have planned chicken with vegetables for tea tonight.  My husband wants to lose weight, but is trying to do it through calorie counting.  I am trying to introduce him to the 2B Mindset, not least because there is now a 28day meal plan that is ready to follow.  This week is a busy week for us, and I'm not sure I'll be able to update everyone next Monday either as I won't be at home, with lots of travelling around the country.  I do need to plan out what we're going to eat, as otherwise when in motorway services I'll be tempted by fast food again; which is ok once in a while, but not every day if travelling every day.

I also need to start grooving again. It's something I really enjoy doing, and the 30 day challenge has been a challenge for me.  Not because the workouts are too hard (whilst some are challenging, they are great fun), but because I don't prioritise myself.  And on the rare occasions when I do have enough time at home to actually do it, I do something else (like update this blog... or watch TV because it's late in the day).  I am part of the FB group that is helpful for motivation, but really I need someone who can push me harder, nag me often, or want to come round and join me.

A Bigger Confidence Boost

Following on from my previous post, DD1 finished the third of the maths SATS papers this morning.

She had been putting this off because she doesn't like arithmetic. She had done the two reasoning papers with no problems (though had omitted any of the arithmetic questions), and I wasn't surprised to see that she's above average for those two.  In fact, if she had been bothered to do the arithmetic questions, I think she could have got near full marks.  As it was, she did well enough over the 2 reasoning papers, that she only required 8 marks on the arithmetic paper in order to get 100/expected once the scores had been converted.

So this morning, whilst I was tutoring somebody downstairs, DD1 was upstairs doing the arithmetic paper.  When I had finished, I called her down to see how she did.  She was upset, because some of the things she knew how to do, she couldn't remember.  I tried to explain that happens to everybody, and it's ok.  DD1 is a perfectionist (which may be part of being on the spectrum?) and is comfortable with not knowing something, but if she has been taught something once, she feels like she should never make a mistake about that again.

Together we marked her paper.  From the first questions, she got 8 marks without a problem!  She did start to make some mistakes, or missed out some questions, but managed to get 26 marks over the whole paper, which converted to a score of 104 ie above the expected level for the end of Year 6! 

I also explained that things are taught in school much slower, where a topic is introduced, then there are examples that the teacher does, then you do questions, and more questions for homework, and when the topic comes around again later in the year or the next school year, there is a recap of what was learned previously.  I have no issues with DD1's ability to learn when things get repeated so often - if anything, my concern is that's she may act up if she's bored because she has remembered it the first time!

The only SATs paper left to do is the Reading/Comprehension one.  Given she was a fluent reader at the age of 3 (that's why we HEd in the first place), I'm not worried about this paper.  In fact, I don't really mind whether she does it or not - except for my own quirks that I want it done for completeness.

Meeting with DfE discussing Children Not In School

Notes from the meeting with Department for Education (DfE) regarding Children Not In School Consultation, in Coventry 10^th June 2019

Please note: These are MY notes, they are my summaries, ‘take-aways’, understanding, paraphrasing and the general gist of the points made. Though it is in transcript-format, these are notes and are NOT quotes, nor everything that was mentioned.

A summary of the points covered is included at the end.

Attendees:

S – Stephen Bishop, DfE representative hosting the meeting. Mainly works with Independent schools.

A – HEr, against registration
B – HEr, against registration

C – HEr, against registration

D – HE child, against registration

E – HEr, against registration

F – HEr, against registration

G – HEr, against registration

H – For registration: Exwife took son out of school without informing him; did not educate child, and LA claimed to have no power to do anything (child now older). He wants to stop children falling through the net and thinks registration is a good thing.

Notes:

S – Their aim: to hear from HErs what is problematic with the proposals, not whether we’re for/against them.

In Autumn, the government will be publishing the response document to the consultation.

C – How have you tried to engage children?

S – None. No effort to engage children.

F – In the Department's response to No4 of UNHCR statement it stated that you wanted to engage and involve children, before suggesting that many HE parents would oppose you doing so.

Northern Ireland have produced a booklet for children as part of their current consultation.

[Added Note Afterwards: We'd assumed Easy Read meant it was for children - but HedNI's take on this actually says:

"A note on the Easy Read Guidelines: "These are wholly inadequate. It is very important that people with language or literacy issues are able to fully understand the process which they will go through if there are concerns about the education which is being provided. We do not believe that the Easy Read Guidelines will provide that clarity, or empower families to insist on fair and legal treatment."]

C – Wales consultation produced a booklet and meetings specifically for children.

Teens etc are currently focussed on exams, GCSEs, preparing for college, returning to school etc. This is the second year in a row that there has been a consultation at this time of year, which is not considerate to the needs of children.

F – Similarly, it is difficult for parents at this time of year with national exams, so is asking a lot. Last year’s consultation was probably not compliant to Cabinet Office guidance.

S – In summary, we haven’t engaged children, it is bad timing for children and bad timing for parents. [Note – he repeated what we told him, as he wrote it down.]

F – In section 2.5, my concern is DfE only can guarantee promise kept that register is not a licence to HE so how are they going to make sure that is the case. Many HErs scared of scope creep. Secondary legislation doesn’t get treated with the same fine tooth comb, so the department has to guarantee that it doesn’t become a licensing scheme in the future. It should be renamed from “registration” to “notification”.

In Isle of Man, they came to conclusion that a notification scheme adheres better to human rights than registration.

Comparison to cars on road vs on private land; and TV for BBC channels vs other online channels

C – Parents are demoralised, it looks like a done deal, full of emotive and destructive language, thinking “what’s the point?” bothering to complete consultation. The government aren’t listening, and it feels like an attack.

B – What is the aim of the consultation?

To prevent radicalisation? Illegal schools? abuse/neglect? How will a register achieve these aims?

H – Exwife claiming to HE, against his will. She is not providing an education and LA agree, but have no power. He’s here to protect children and parents in his situation.

B – There already are powers.

H – checks should be more stringent.

G – There’s a conflict of interest between LAs and parents if LAs are monitoring parents.

Analogy: Sainsbury’s monitoring local grocery shops.

A – Except Sainsbury’s have experience and are qualified to judge, but LAs don’t have qualifications in education or pedagogy or child development.

C – Many LAs have part time workers, not focussed on HE, spend more time doing truancy, EWO etc.

B – Inconsistent across the country. Conducted a survey across the country and 52% of LAs are “neutral or worse”. Eg they doorstep, or don’t give enough notification. Lots of bad practice across the country.

There needs to be mutual trust and respect between LAs and HErs.

E – New guidelines produced in Ireland, working with HErs and HEDNI. There was more respect, more positive consultation and more understanding of issues.

F – DfE needs to know HErs better.

G – There should be a section in the DfE or a quasi-government group made up of people trained in HE or previous HErs.

An example of bad practice: first letter to new HErs contains the code SAO1, indicating that the LA regard it as the first step in issuing SAO.

C – Need to find common ground. We care very much about education; we spend a lot of time, money and mental load regarding the education of our children.

B – Need to get LAs working in partnership with HErs.

Currently there is discrimination due to name, religion, skin colour etc.

F – The relationship between LAs and parents was bad in the 90s and is getting worse.

B – LAs have no support to offer HErs. What incentive is there for HErs to engage?

S – Go through first proposal – Duty of LA to maintain register.

C – What is the purpose of the register? All kids that were in school are already known as schools must inform the LA when a child is deregistered.

The only new people the register will catch are kids who have never been to school, eg philosophical HErs who typically have planned and thought about HE the most.

DfE wants to hunt us down via Gps, dentists etc through datasharing.

H – how can you guarantee that children won’t be missed?

C – Every case ending in SCR, the child was already on a register.

Instead, you want to snoop on me, breeching my privacy, to find out about my children.

F – There was one case came to light last year in Wales where a child was hidden and abused (not Dylan Seabridge). The father was in a second relationship and appeared to manipulate/control the girl's mother. Such people are unlikely to register. During the investigation, an older daughter, by his first wife said he had also abused her. At the time she had been at school.

Back to LAs, what happens when staff changes? If there’s a bad relationship between LAs and HErs, then a register won’t solve anything.

G – Parents could stop going to dentists and doctors.

B – Some LAs are outright lying; they breech data protection; they refer to SS and threaten to take people to court. LA practices should be consistent across the country and the people need to be trained.

A – Who can LAs be reported to?

There is bad practice locally, eg a letter sent to an HEr at their old address, but they were doorstepped at new address. If the LA had the new address, why couldn’t the letter be sent there?

G – Will you invite examples of good/bad LA practice and letters?

S – Yes, copies of letters can be emailed in, but they are not in the scope of this consultation.

This is about “registration and support” only, not monitoring

S - Move on to discussion about Settings

C – Who is maintaining the register? HErs go to lots of places and setting for education. One person reported they go to over 15 different settings each week. It will be lots of work to maintain and keep up to date; unmanageable, onerous and annoying.

S – Is a museum trip an educational setting?

HErs – Yes

S – We need to define a “setting”

D – I don’t like what you’re saying in the consultation

C – D is working hard to complete the online consultation.

A general point – there is a negative impact of the consultation and media campaign on HE kids. The kids hear, read, watch etc others’ opinions.

G – One reason why number of HErs has increased is because of off-rolling. Need to look at schools and Ofsted, rather than HErs

C – Children are interrogated at the check-out or by a person in the street. It can impact the child so they may not want to leave home.

G – There should be a separate consultation just for children.

F – I have a big concern regarding data protection issues. The information needs to be as little as possible, and should not be shared. The DfE should do a proforma format.

S – Now discuss the Parent’s Perspective.

F – Section 3.4 says an SAO will be issued if child not registered. If it is a welfare concern, then the LA should start care proceedings. LAs don’t understand the difference between education and welfare concerns. In both Khyra I and Dylan S cases, they were both already known to SS. It was welfare concerns, not education concerns.

H – In my case, there is no sharing of info. The EHEO didn’t know about SS involvement until I intervened. SS are overstretched and underfunded, so unless they reach a threshold of ‘badness’ then nothing gets done.

G – In Glos, SS raised welfare concerns to retaliate against parents who made complaints. There is an assumption that you can trust bureaucrats not to abuse their powers, but that’s not true.

C – Education and Welfare are separate, but the DfE do conflate them in the guidance, so it is not surprising LAs get confused.

I gain nothing by registering, only inviting arbitrary interference.

If there’s a sanction for non-registration, once the LA becomes aware of a child, then the LA already has the info about that child!

S – Another logical fallacy?

C – Yes. Sanctions gain nothing, and being on a register is punishment enough.

H – Surely it’s there to protect children?

F – Unless it is spelled out to LAs that this is registration, not monitoring, we’re in trouble. LAs are watching their own backs, so veer on monitoring.

C – It will impact children. Those who HE will become defensive and suspicious. Those who don’t actually HE won’t care.

LAs should always start with informal enquiries. Some LAs will assume a register is a green light to go straight to s437/SAO.

H – Children can still fall through the net

L – How will a register make any difference?

H – It won’t. My LA says it can’t do anything because it hasn’t met the threshold, but they agree the education is not suitable, and they have no powers.

S – Can’t believe an LA says that. The law hasn’t changed and should be sufficient to intervene.

Move onto discussion about settings.

We need to define settings.

B – Who are you targetting?

S – The Evangelical Alliance has listed their concerns on their website.

B – There definitely needs to be clarification. There are many types of settings: local groups eg for 2 hrs/wke; tutor groups set up for specific subjects, sports groups etc

A – Lots of groups may close because they are run by HEing parents, and they don’t want to maintain a register.

C – Group organisers are terrified of Ofsted, having to become a data controller, having to register with ICO, etc. It will cause HE as we know it to collapse.

G – If an educational setting I take my son to is poor, I will fail as a parent due to the existing law.

B – Encourage schools to flexi-school for specific subjects eg maths or science, and everyone will be happy.

C – Many things can be resolved by talking if there is mutual respect and communication.

Why would a parent pay if there’s an educational concern somewhere?

Don’t sanction settings for not keeping a register. How do you stop a setting from saying “no children during school hours”?

F – If a museum runs a “school session” for HErs, does this need to be registered and reported?

S – No, this is not the intention of this. “Setting” needs to be defined.

C – What if LAs think everything is a setting? They will use their own opinions and can define terms differently.

G – Example of Ofsted person not caring about a safeguarding concern at a school, but was more concerned about a child who was recently removed from school, as school was the best place (ie ignoring concerns).

By causing settings to register, you only catch parents who facilitate a wide education, rather than those who keep children at home.

E – HE is relational and networking is important.

F – Registering only HErs is discriminatory.

This section is a response to rhetoric, whipped up by people who have an agenda against Jewish yeshivas and Muslim unregistered schools ande have involved EHE in their campaigns.

Legislation about illegal schools need to be separate to legislation about HE. Don’t conflate them.

A – Made a point about 18hours dancing/wk (for illustration, ignoring that it is after school hours). My girls would have to be put on a register, but not their schooled friends.

C – You are giving illegal schools a loophole, as they can move their hours to “after school” so they won’t need to register.

S – Move on to duty of LAs to provide support

B – Hampshire is a good example as they fund exams – Faregos

C – Mutual trust so HErs can be known to the LA, without being known.

G – Support needs to be more than just exams. Eg resources if something is a genuine need, ed textbooks, tutoring, internet…

S – a personal budget?

E – But what is the catch? Any offer of support needs to be optional.

C – It needs to be optional.

It comes across that LAs are nice because they want to trap you. Need to move to a situation where LAs are nice because they want to be helpful.

LAs need training, so they are not coercive.

DfE needs to get LAs to work with HErs and have a liaison department

G – Building trust is gradual

C – There needs to be an ombudsman/adjudicator, so parents can report an LA that oversteps their remit.

B – There needs to be a complaints procedure.

F – People complain they don't know about the outcomes for EHE children, but if DfE pays for exams, then they could collect information about the results.

B – Anne Longfield quoted wrong numbers when she talked about exams and the number of children taking GCSEs. At one centre alone, there was more HErs taking exams than she quoted for the whole country.

F – The Family Test, UNHCR statement and Equalities Log are poorly written. There is no discussion about the benefits of HE children outside of a school setting. The Equalities Log is prejudiced against some HErs.

S – Run out of time

F – How full are the other meetings?

S – No numbers to hand, but no session exceeds 20 people.

Summary of points made:

• Consultation bad practice
  • Lack of engagement with children, and coinciding with exam season
  • Full of emotive/destructive language
  • Reads as if a “done deal” so puts HErs off responding
• DfE needs to guarantee the register doesn’t become a licence to HE
• DfE needs to emphasise it’s registration not monitoring
• Conflict of interest between LAs and parents if LAs are monitoring parents
• LAs inconsistent across the country
  • Some good examples
    • collaborating with HErs
    • Mutual trust
    • Exam support/funding
  • Some have very bad practice
    • Doorstepping
    • Lying
    • Threatening with SS/Court
    • LAs don’t understand difference between Education and Welfare concerns
  • LAs need to work with HErs
  • LAs need training about HE from DfE
    • DfE needs to work with HErs to know them better.
• What is purpose of register? What will it achieve? What do HErs gain from it?
• Huge Data Protection/Data sharing/Privacy concerns
• Need for Ombudsman/Adjudicator that LAs can be reported to
• Needs to be a complaints procedure
• Need to define an educational “setting”
• No sanctions for not registering
• Registering will negatively impact children and groups
• DfE should encourage schools to flexi-school
• Registering only HErs is discriminatory
• Support offered – a person budget,
  • needs to be without strings or a catch
  • needs to be optional
• Family Test, UNHCR Statement and Equalities Log are poorly written

Weekly Update No23

I'm late with my weekly update this week, because I was at a consultation about a HE register all day yesterday.  As that is still filling my mind (as I write up my notes and summarise the outcome) this will only be a short update today.

I haven't lost any weight this week, but nor have I gained.
I need to get back into the Body Groove and catch up - I've missed a few days because of travelling yesterday, being busy on Saturday and being lazy on Sunday.  I did manage to do 4 days in a row before I missed a day (again, because I was out of the house for over 12 hours that day), and then I went back to it the day after.  So this is only a blip, and I haven't fallen off the wagon completely.

Adult Musical Theatre Dress Rehearsal

Yesterday, we spent nearly 4 hours running through the whole of the show that we'll be performing next Saturday. 

Laundry/Factory
Worker

I only joined the Adult Musical Theatre group last November, after watching my daughter sing as part of the same school, and thinking it looked like good fun.  I hadn't really sung since school, and I do enjoy singing.  I consider myself more of a choir-voice, than a soloist, and I thought it would be good to sing songs from Musicals as part of a group.

What didn't occur to me, however, is that part of Musical Theatre involves acting.  I know it's in the name, but  it didn't click in my head, until the very first night and we had to do Improvisation! Rather than running away, I thought it would be a good chance for me to challenge myself in a safe environment, so I stuck with it, and now we're doing our first show, in the on-site theatre, next weekend.

Ugly Step-
Sister

This show is a collection of different songs from differing musicals, and we have 2-3 songs per costume (I think there's 6 costumes, I can't remember now!); there are some scripted parts (I say a line), some solos (I sing 3 words by myself - which is brave for me! as I said, I'm not a natural soloist) and there will be some improv on the night, so it'll depend how I'm feeling whether I join in or not.

The run-through went really well on the whole.  I need to find some different shoes.  My character shoes have buckles that are a bit too tight for me to slip on and off easily.  I do have some suede-bottomed shoes from when I used to do Ceroc dancing which are elasticated, so hopefully I'll be able to find those and wear them instead. 

When I was dressed as a nun, when trying to get one of my girls to take my picture, I had two people come to my door.  One was a cold-caller, trying to persuade me I needed my windows and doors replaced, and the other was an Amazon delivery driver.  Neither of them batted an eyelid as to how I was dressed.  I can only imagine the sights they must see! 😄

I also had a few people tell me that being a nun suited me.  When I was a kid, I used to want to grow up and be a nun.  Even now, though I have no plans in the short-term, I have sometimes wondered whether it's an idea I'd go back to, should my husband die before me (and assuming my kids have families of their own by then).  Probably not, but now I have the costume should I change my mind... 😄

Women beaten up on London bus

It has been widely reported today about two lesbians who were beaten up because they refused to kiss in front of some men. 

Much of the media have reported this as a homophobic attack, and whilst I'm not saying that's wrong (it certainly has a part to play in the attack), the more I think about it, the more I agree with Laura Dodsworth that this is more than homophobia.  The sad truth, is that homophobic attacks are on the rise, and many men and women get harassed and abused because of their sexuality and it not get reported in the news.  In this case, however, these women were attacked because they were unwilling to be sexual play things for those men. 

Porn pervades our culture.  Sex sells. Girls should grow up to be pretty and compliant.  And if you men come across some lesbians, why wouldn't they become performing monkeys to cater for your sexual needs?  Women need to learn their place, and if they won't gratify men sexually, of course they need to be taught a lesson or two. 

One commentator on the radio said that homophobia is increasing all the time, and I'm not sure that's the whole story.  I was discussing this with my husband, and we remember the 80s and 90s when it was still not 'cool' to admit you're gay, being gay was still considered a joke and there were many homosexual slurs as part of 'normal' conversation.  Times have, thankfully, moved on and the insults are rightly seen as being offensive (one of the reasons why hate speech has increased, is because it is more easily identified compared to decades ago).  For some years, society had, on-the-whole, learned to think about what it was saying, giving more thought to others, and being more aware of insults and offensiveness.  What has changed more recently, imo, is that those who condemn or insult are becoming more vocal and more mainstream.  People who used to make comments under their breath or behind an alias, feel more comfortable stating their opinions in every day conversation or on social media.  Free speech is being used as an excuse to insult, belittle, bully and spread hatred.

It is not helped by those in power, and those who want to be, <cough> Trump <cough> Farage <cough> Johnson <cough> Misogynist pigs <ahem> showing the world similar opinions and actions, and being lauded for it.  Women are being attacked on all sides at the moment.  America's abortion ban is yet another way women no longer have control over their own bodies.  Abortion is a controversial and highly personal and emotive topic, that I don't want to get into the rights and wrongs of in this discussion (I will discuss my views in a later date), but by restricting women's right to medical care, just means that those women who are likely to abort will be more at risk of injury, disease and death.  And we cannot be smug here in the UK, as abortion is illegal in Northern Ireland, and ever-so-slowly, more and more parental rights are being taken away by the state as parents (especially mothers) are deemed incompetent and that the "experts" know better...

So whilst I add my voice to those who condemn the physical attack on these lesbians, it is not just an attack on those who identify as homosexual, but an attack on all women, and we should call it out as it is. 

North Somerset Festival of Dance

North Somerset Festival of Dance was last week, and both girls had two solos, and DD1 had her duet too.  Normally they are in a lot of group dances too, but the school didn't enter the groups this year because All England Regional Finals were the same week, and many girls had qualified for there.  (My girls hadn't, sometimes being only 1 mark away! sob, sob. Lol)

I like going to this festival, not least because I can go back to the MosaiCraft shop - the craft that I discovered last year.  I have bought a new one to do, but won't share anything else about it until after September, because it is going to be another present. And, I'm being a bit braver this time, and I have decided to personalise it, not just following the pattern.

The festival also meant that I could meet my best mate for lunch, as she lives nearby. 

Though we were in the same friendship group at school, it wasn't until Sixth Form that we really became good friends.  Since then, I went to uni and have since started a family.  My friend, otoh, has had a much more exciting life, doing a year at one university before deciding to totally change direction, and location, and did a different undergrad degree in NZ.  Then she came back to the UK to do her Honours year, and her Masters at yet a different university.  She started a PhD at a different university, but didn't get on there, so after a year out, went back across the world to Aus to do her PhD.  She's nearly finished, and is back to do her write-up. <fingers crossed it goes well>

All-in-all, it means I don't see her as often as I'd like.  We keep in touch using FB and Skype, but it is nice when we can actually meet up for a chat.  After lunch we went back to her house, and I was doubly pleased that my girls were no longer afraid of her dog!  It's a black lab, and my girls are often afraid of dogs they don't know too well, especially if they are bigger than a Westie, or excitable.  Instead, they were playing with the dog, stroking him, and laughing lots - it was good to see.

At the Festival itself, the girls did well and got some high marks.  They didn't get placed, unfortunately, but with over 20 competitors in many of the categories, the fact they were still managing 80+ pts was really good.  DD1 had a new costume for her tap solo, and DD2 had a brand new dance - a character: Mary from The Secret Garden.