Why are Women’s Clothes Policed?

Why are women not afforded the same rights in regard to choosing their own clothes? Ideally, I think everybody should be able to wear whatever they want, or not, because ideally people wouldn’t be wearing clothing with offensive or hateful slogans. But even with that caveat, why can’t everybody wear whatever they want, or not? (The ‘not’ is in there, because I think everybody should be free to not wear clothes if they wish. I’m a big supporter of the TopFreedom movement.) 

Just today, I saw an article about Decathlon selling sports-headwear for Muslim women, and I thought that was such a good idea. That will allow Muslim women to take part in sports that they may otherwise be unable or unwilling to. However, I then read on in the article to discover that these piece of clothing has been banned in France. France has already banned face coverings for Muslim women, and any form of religious dress (ie headscarves and turbans) in French schools.

I am aware that some men force women to wear full body coverings as a form of subjugation, and that Islam doesn’t specify that women must wear such clothes. However, conversely, some women prefer to wear such clothing because they don’t want their bodies scrutinised by men, or other women; they don’t want to receive unwanted attention; and simply, they like to wear a burqa (for example) as outwear, whilst still wearing their usual clothing underneath. Assuming that the women have a genuine choice, Let Them Choose!

Women of all walks of life are bombarded with messages about what they should look like, what they should wear, and how they should never wear the other… Women’s gossip magazines are undoubtedly the worst, but with the rise of social media, whether it be through FB or YouTube Influencers, the message is getting out that women should look as best they can for other people. I even read an article that was shared recently called 10 Ways your clothes reveal your heart at church  and it included the line “One can tell a lot about a woman that didn’t even have time to swipe concealer under her eyes before leaving the house.” Really? You see a woman who isn’t wearing make-up and you automatically make a judgement?! On the whole, I don’t wear make-up. It’s a choice I make, because I see it as a waste of my time. If I’m going out somewhere particularly nice, I’ll like to dress up, but otherwise, no. Isn’t sad that a woman feels they can’t leave their house without being plastered in war paint? [See, I can be judgemental too!] Why can’t a woman be free to not wear make-up if they don’t want to, or wear make-up should they wish? Whatever choice a woman makes, they feel judged for that choice, and it affects youngsters too. Even my 11yo daughter refuses to leave the house without at least foundation on. At the moment there is a reason, she is suffering with pimples younger than her peers, but I hope as she grows up she realises that it is truly her choice whether to adorn her face with make-up or not.

And if a woman does wear make-up, and dress up nice, and she goes out, there is the assumption that she is doing that for attention, rather than for herself. And if she were unlucky enough to be attacked or assaulted when dressed like that, the blame is put at her feet. Things are slowly starting to change, thanks in part to artists like Jen Brockman who are purposely drawing people’s attention to clothing through various art instalations.  

I saw a video that was shared on FB recently about the ludicrousness of blaming the victim, when gender roles were switched. A man had been mugged and had his watch and wallet stolen, but who could blame the mugger when the man went out dressed in a suit, clearly advertising that he was wealthy… I thought it was a fairly good analogy when I saw the clip – until a friend pointed out the canned laughter in the background (I had watched it in silence with subtitles, so had much more impact.) 

Picture: ABSOLUTE/D'ARCANGELI

And though this rant was originally about what women wear, why can’t men wear what they want too? If a man (or boy) wants to wear pink, why not? If they want to wear a dress, or heels, why should we stop them? Why should we assume that because they do like “women’s clothes” or “women’s colours” that they must be gay or transgendered or anything else? Why can’t we just view them as who they are?

Family and Debates

After recently posting about Why Aren’t People Angry? there have been a few arguments on my FB wall regarding political posts that I’ve shared. Nothing offensive or purposely provocative, just about various topical issues such as Shamima Begum, the 15yo who went to join ISIS and now wants to return to the UK or about Brexit, the upcoming March 29^th deadline, and the potential for a People’s Vote.

I find myself in a difficult position because though I like debate, I don’t like conflict. Having a good debate with someone who is objective, gives evidence and doesn’t take things personally is brilliant. I like debating online, because I am much better with the written word, and can pause, think and respond in my own time.

Unfortunately, the people who are currently disliking my pov are family, and are taking everything personally. As I don’t want to be in conflict with them, I am choosing not to engage in debate with them. Not least, because they are not well versed in the art of debate, so not only are using various logical fallacies, but including phrases such as “I’m not racist, but...”. As they are taking the debate personally against themselves, other than occasionally correcting a point of information (and I do mean occasionally), I am not replying or responding at all because I want them to still like me, lol.

https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/

Friends of mine are replying to my family, hence why there is the debate and arguments on my posts when I’m not responding. And my friends are calling out the fallacies, the false statistics, the media lies and generally bad technique of debating. I do worry that the family who have commented think bad of me for not stepping in and defending them, however I do have to agree with my friends that using the phrase “I’m not racist, but...” is only ever used when the next statement is patently racist, and that the newspapers they read are not necessarily the best sources of unbiased news! If family did not want to get into a debate, they should not have commented on what I post or what I share. I won’t stop sharing my opinions and my thoughts for fear of them commenting, but I will actively not engage my family on these topics.

Weekly Update No8

This week, as we’ve been travelling back and forth to the dance festival, having to stop in the same crap services every time (it only had a McDs, a Costa, and a WH Smith that didn’t sell anything healthy), it’s no surprise my weight has gone up this week. Even when I tried to stop at a different services, either the girls needed the toilet, or there was a crash up ahead with an hour delay, and the girls were hungry already. And whilst I do have McD’s salad every now and again, there’s only so many times you can have limp lettuce with one slice of cucumber and too many cherry tomatoes!

I am not going to let it get me down, however. I did a healthy shop last night to arrive this afternoon, with plenty of fruit and vegetables. I have even told my girls that I will no longer make multiple meals in the evening: they can eat what I’m cooking or can make themselves a sandwich to have with fruit and yoghurt. Whether it’s because of autism, SPD or just general fussiness, my girls went from being toddlers that ate everything, to children who eat beige. 

 There are a few exceptions, DD1 loves a Sunday roast with all the veg, and DD2 loves her tropical fruit. However, because I cba or don’t have time to cook a roast every night of the week, and tropical fruit is one the expensive side, especially as it doesn’t always get eaten. But, with DD1 potentially going to school next year (it turns out we find out this Friday!!!) I want her to get used to being faced with new foods (for her); even if she doesn’t eat it, she needs to be desensitised to being presented to foods she doesn’t like. So this week’s dinners include spaghetti bolognese, fajitas, and lasagne. Yum! 

A Week as a Dance Mum

This week, both DD1 and DD2 have been dancing various solos, duets and group dances in a dance festival.  Of course, the festival isn't local, but takes over 2 hours on a good day with no traffic.  And we have to be there at least an hour before each dance, as festivals can legitimately run 30min early (as if that ever happens, but just in case...). 

I've already shared the panic that was Sunday: I turned up to a dance festival  after driving over 2 hours, with no music!  Fortunately, dance teachers came to the rescue and emailed me the music, which they then were able to play from my phone, so DD2 did not miss out on her tap solo.  Considering half an hour before her performance she didn't think she'd be able to go on, we rushed through her hair and make-up and then there was a false start as her music started before she was ready, I am really proud of how my 8yo coped with it all.  Though she didn't get placed, she did end up with a Merit.

Tuesday was our next day to be there.  Shortly after getting on to the motorway, this happened: Overtaking an HGV in my blue tin can, and notice it's a bit wobbly. Then it edges close to the line, but some do, and before I realise, it's halfway over my lane! I instinctively swerve and thankfully the car in the fast lane is far enough back as I didn't even have time to look! When I apologise to Fast Lane Car and he says it's not my fault, you know there was nothing else I could do.

A bit shaken, but got to the festival OK. DD1 danced well, but didn't get placed. Tbf, the top 3 deserved it, but have a look at her hair below - I had to learn how to do Victory rolls!  I'm not a natural hair dresser, so I'm very thankful for youtube!

And then it took us 5 hours to get home, between stopping for something to eat (McDs in the services so nothing fancy) and having to stop for petrol in Bristol, as I didn't want to pay services' prices. We were stopped on the M5 for 30 minutes because it was allegedly closed up ahead, but was totally clear once we started moving, and then I hit rush hour at both Bristol and my home town!


Friday was actually fairly good.  There were two group dances - both of which came joint 4th, and DD1 had her Song& Dance solo.  She didn't get places, but was a really big section with a lot of very good competitors.  The traffic there and back was good and there was nothing of note.

Saturday we were back again, as DD1 had her Song & Dance duet - they came in 2nd place with 83pts! So, not enough to qualify for the All England Championships, but a really good effort nonetheless.  We're finally back home now (had to stay an extra night as my husband had a 10K race this morning, which he ran in under an hour!) and I'm feeling tired.

Bare Reality - 100 Vaginas

Laura Dodsworth is an artist whose work I have been following since she did her first book about women's breasts.  I first heard of her through British Naturism and since, then I have been following her Bare Reality Page on Facebook.

Laura has released three books, all showing the raw nature of our most intimate parts.  I don't own any of the books myself yet (they are on my wishlist!) but here is a summary:

Bare Reality: 100 Women, Their Breasts, Their Stories* 100 women bravely share un-airbrushed photographs of their breasts alongside honest, courageous, powerful and humorous stories about their breasts and their lives. Women from all walks of life took part, aged from 19 to 101, sized AAA to K, from Buddhist nun to burlesque dancer. Their perspectives and experiences are revealing and profoundly moving. Intimate, visually refreshing, maybe even surprising, Bare Reality will make you reconsider how you think and feel about your own body, and those of the women in your life.

Manhood: The Bare Reality* 100 men bare all in a collection of photographs and interviews about manhood and 'manhood'. These days we are all less bound by gender and traditional roles, but is there more confusion about what being a man means? From veteran to vicar, from porn addict to prostate cancer survivor, men from all walks of life share honest reflections about their bodies, sexuality, relationships, fatherhood, work and health in this pioneering and unique book. Just as Bare Reality: 100 women, their breasts, their stories presented the un-airbrushed truth about breasts for women, Manhood: The Bare Reality shows us the spectrum of 'normal', revealing men's penises and bodies in all their diversity and glory, dispelling body image anxiety and myths. Sensitive and compassionate, Manhood will surprise you and reassure you. It may even make you reconsider what you think you know about men, their bodies and masculinity.

Womanhood: The Bare Reality* 100 women bare all in an empowering collection of photographs and interviews about Womanhood.

Vagina, vulva, lady garden, pussy, beaver, c**t, fanny… whatever you call it most women have no idea what's 'down there'. Culturally and personally, no body part inspires love and hate, fear and lust, worship and desecration in the same way.  From smooth Barbie dolls to internet porn, girls and women grow up with a very narrow view of what they should look like, even though in reality there is an enormous range. Womanhood departs from the 'ideal vagina' and presents the gentle un-airbrushed truth, allowing us to understand and celebrate our diversity.  For the first time, 100 brave and beautiful women reveal their bodies and stories on their own terms, talking about how they feel about pleasure, sex, pain, trauma, birth, motherhood, menstruation, menopause, gender, sexuality and simply being a woman.

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.  Clicking the link will not cost you, the purchaser, any more than going direct.

Recently there was a programme on Channel 4 about the making of the Womanhood Book, called 100 Vaginas.  It is described by Ch4 as "Documentary artist Laura Dodsworth photographs women and hears their intimate, shocking, moving, powerful or funny stories about how their vaginas have shaped their lives".  It is currently available on All4 and I would recommend everybody watch it.  (It does have some scenes of a sexual nature, so not suitable for children, but would be a good talking point for teenagers, imo.)

Despite being a naturist, the vulva is the one part of the body I have not seen lots of. Unlike breasts and penises, the vulva is not on display, and usually only gets shown in the most intimate of settings.

The women who have taken part in the book, and the documentary, are not exhibitionists, but normal women.  There are some interesting and disturbing issues that are touched on in the program, and having recently been irked by the Channel4 Dispatches program, I was pleased at how sensitively the various topics were broached.  The women featured include young and old, black and white, fat and thin, transgender and gender neutral/non-binary. The topics discussed include periods, virginity, masturbation, rape, FGM, childbirth, infertility, miscarriage, gynae cancer, sex and menopause.  Included are various statistics, for example 1 in 8 women suffer infertility; or 10 women are raped in England every hour.  Though there is nothing too graphic, I can imagine that some of this may be triggering for some women.  You are not alone, and please get help from friends, family, charities or professionals if you need it.  

I think this is a good program for everyone to watch, male or female (or non-binary).
When I finally get a copy of the book, I trust Laura that it will be just as good.

Can Christian's swear?

Obviously the literal answer is 'yes, they physically can', but you know I actually mean the question should Christian's swear?

Swearing is defined by Google's dictionary as "the use of offensive language", so the automatic response may be that, Christian's shouldn't swear.  Ideally, I'd probably agree, though I'd have to admit that makes me a hypocrite, as I do use language that some consider offensive.

Searching the Bible for the word "swear", only brings up references to the "promise" definition of swearing.  However, there are other references to bad language:

Matthew 12:33-37 says “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matthew 15:10-20 says "And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: 11 it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.” 12 Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” 13 He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. 14 Let them alone; they are blind guides.[c] And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” 15 But Peter said to him, “Explain the parable to us.” 16 And he said, “Are you also still without understanding? 17 Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled?[d] 18 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. 20 These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”

Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

So, Christians should not be offensive.

But what is it about "swear words" that make them considered so bad?

Many of them are used as an insult, and I would agree that would be an offensive use of language.  Some are used to shock the listener, and I agree that can be offensive, depending on its intent (for example, I wouldn't use certain language amongst children nor my grandparents).  But often, they are just words.  Descriptors to conjure an image, or as an exclamation.
There are books on the etymology of swearing, and scientific studies on the hypoalgesic affect of swearing.

Personally, I don't find most swear words to be offensive.  I was brought up not to swear at all.  This included words that I doubt anyone would consider swearing these days, such as damn, crap and even fart. In fact, I've got a true anecdote about how anti-swearing I used to be:

One day, when I was around 6 years old, I came off the school coach in floods of tears.  My mum was disturbed by my obvious distress and tried to find out what had happened.  All I could say to her was that people on the coach were swearing and wouldn't stop.  Let's just say my mum is where I get my temper from, so she was beginning to get het up.  She asked a few times what was said, and I replied that I couldn't tell her because I promised that I would never swear. 

Over the course of the evening, she tried to get me to tell her what was said, so that she could approach the school in the morning, but I refused to utter a word.  Eventually, just before bed, she convinced me to tell her what was said, on the promise that I would not get in trouble, and that she would not tell my dad: Liverpool.  Yes, in my house we were all Manchester United fans, and my dad had taught me from a very young age that "Liverpool" (their arch-rivals) was a swear word, and was never to be uttered.

At least I can laugh about it now! 

The most offensive thing I think about swear words, is not the words themselves, but that many of them are references to female genitalia. What's all that about?  Gone are the days when "fuck" is the worst thing to come out of someone's mouth, now it's "cunt".  To me, though, they are both just words.  While ideally your vocabulary should be such that you don't say them every other word, a light peppering of such words doesn't concern me at all.

What I do find offensive, however, are some of the supposed light or mild swear words: "Jesus Christ", "Oh my God", "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", "Jesus Wept", "OMFG" etc.  I realise that not everyone in the world is a Christian, but surely it's polite not to use such phrases when in the company of one?  Christianity is still the largest religion in the world, yet these phrases bound so much, you wouldn't necessarily think so.  In fact, the only time I've seen similar usage towards another religion has been about Muhammed, specifically to incite hatred towards Muslims.  (I hope I don't have to say it, but I don't condone that at all.)  Whereas the usage of these terms are equally offensive for Christians, but any concern is either ignored or not even considered.  I have had a few discussions with people about how I would prefer people to use the words "fuck", "bastard", "cunt", "shit" or whatever, to blasphemy.  They are just words.  They don't hold any meaning to me.  And as long as you're not calling me a "fucking shit bastarding cunt", it doesn't bother me in the slightest.  However, Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit are all personal to me, and as such, it holds much more offensive to me if people are careless in their usage of these words.


As for me, yes I do swear.  I try not to use it too often, but it does get used as an exclamation (of pain, or of annoyance - usually at myself) or sometimes for emphasis.  I am careful about my audience too.  The exception to that is my Facebook status, but again, I don't swear too often there, either.

My word of choice tends to be "fuck" as it can be used in many scenarios and many ways.  I don't mean it offensively, so can I claim it is not offensive language and therefore not swearing? 

I hope the fuck so.

Why Aren't You Angry?

This week is half term, so we're spending most of the week at a dance festival, rather than our usual Home Ed routine.  On the days in between, I'm allowing the girls "a break" from their work, but trying to get them interested in other things. [Inverted commas, because up until recently we have been Unschooling.  A year ago we introduced a little structure/formality to their work, and more recently the girls now do some maths, from a textbook, and some reading every day, mainly so DD1 doesn't feel totally overwhelmed if she does go to school in September.]

So, on Monday, I asked the girls to sit on the sofa, with a pen and paper, and I would try to make them angry.  Not bad angry - emotional, upset, defensive, rage, meltdown, uncontrolled - but good angry - realising there's a problem and feeling the need to do something to want to change it.  I wanted them to write down anything that they thought was unfair, anything that made them feel something.  DD1 wrote down a good paragraph, whereas DD2 chose to draw her thoughts instead.


I started talking about simple, topical things, and ended up delving deeper into the subject:
The fact that when I was a young adult, I had the freedom to live or work where I liked around Europe, but my children won't have the same opportunities (ie Brexit).
That the people who will be affected by this the most (young people) cannot vote until they are 18yo.
That many people were losing their jobs as employers closed factories in the UK, preferring cheaper options abroad.
That poverty is a real concern in the UK.
That homeless people can be arrested or fined.
That the NHS is slowly becoming privatised.
That food bank use is on the rise.
That Neonazism and Fascism are becoming more mainstream.
That Zero Hour Contracts exist.
That feminism is still needed.
That climate change is still debated.
That animals are still becoming extinct because of humans.
Donald Trump (need I say more....).

I then asked if there was anything they could do about it?  I was a bit disappointed to hear the response "no".  Despite not using schools, I feel a bit guilty that my children have grown up thinking that they have no power.  I tried to explain that there are a few things that you can do, but by this point, DD1 was leaving good angry and becoming bad angry: she said she refuses to march because that's stupid, before running upstairs.   This last comment was aimed at me, because I went to London to protest to Save the NHS last year, and I will be heading there again in March to protest for a People's Vote, regarding Brexit.

By now, we had be discussing for over an hour and a half, and tbf that is quite intense to be thinking on these things for anyone, let alone two children, so we stopped there.  I did use the voucher I got for Christmas to buy some books, which arrived yesterday:

Girls Resist! A guide to Activism, Leadership and Starting a Revolution by KaeLyn Rich I skim-read this book yesterday, and it has lots of useful information in it, once you know you want to get involved in activism.  I would say it is a bit old for DD1 (11yo) yet, but that's mainly because she is not interested in politics at all.  It goes into a fair bit of depth for a book aimed at children, but that is not a bad thing at all.

Yes You Can! Your guide to becoming an Activist by Drake and Love I skim-read this book yesterday too, and this is the one I would like DD1 to read first.  It is a thinner book, with short bits from history (DD1 much prefers non-fiction to fiction, and loves history), plus selected activities you can do to make a campaign.

Politics for Beginners by Louie Stowell I flipped through this book, but will look to read it shortly.  I bought this book with DD2 (8) in mind, as there are loads of pictures and cartoons explaining key concepts, but actually, I think not only will DD1 learn from this book, but I will too!

The older I get, the more interested I am in politics, because it affects EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.  I used to be quite ignorant, and thought that it made no difference, that I could not make a difference, and I was only a passive bystander as life and politics was done to me.  It was naturism that first got me interested, specifically naturist rights, because many people are quite ignorant about what the law says about nudity.  Then, as I delved into home education, the erosion of parental rights is a key concern.  Not least that currently, the government is trying to scapegoat home educators for their own services' failings.  And yes, as I read, and think about the list I discussed with my girls (which is by no means exhaustive, as we went down some rabbit holes, with twists and turns) I find myself thinking "Why aren't you angry? Why is the general public so content with the status quo? Why are they so lazy/ignorant to not want to do anything about it?".

There is so much of this world that is wrong, or could be improved, that I would not expect everyone to be constantly up in arms about everything.  That would be more than a full time job's worth, and would not be very good for your blood pressure.  But there are lots of little things that everyone could do. Vote, every chance you get.  Signing a petition, is one small act, but with thousands of signatories, it can influence government. Going on a march and making your voice heard - especially if it's on a weekend, rather than having to take a day off work.  Refuse to buy from companies you consider unethical.  Or writing letters to companies (if about a product) or TV ombudsman (if about a program) to get your point across.  One letter may not make a difference (it may, so don't let that stop you!), but imagine if a TV producer was to receive hundreds of complaints about a specific issue; they will have to start to take notice!
And simply talk about politics more, in general conversation.  It's not something to be shied away from.  Be polite, yes, but by broaching topics naturally, can help those undecided to make a decision, and those who disagree with you may rethink their opinion.  (Equally, they may not rethink their position, but at least you'll be more informed as to why they think those things.)

Please let me know which book this was photographed from, so I can credit the author.