Parenting by Paul David Tripp

What is your calling as a parent?

In the midst of folding laundry, coordinating carpool schedules, and breaking up fights, many parents get lost. Feeling pressure to do everything "right" and raise up "good" children, it's easy to lose sight of our ultimate purpose as parents in the quest for practical tips and guaranteed formulas.

In this life-giving book, Paul Tripp offers parents much more than a to-do list. Instead, he presents us with a big-picture view of God's plan for us as parents. Outlining fourteen foundational principles centered on the gospel, he shows that we need more than the latest parenting strategy or list of techniques. Rather, we need the rescuing grace of God--grace that has the power to shape how we view everything we do as parents.

Freed from the burden of trying to manufacture life-change in our children's hearts, we can embrace a grand perspective of parenting overflowing with vision, purpose, and joy.

I bought this book at the Bath Women's Conference last year.  It has taken me over a year to get around to reading it, and in all honestly I wish I had read it earlier.  In fact, I wish this book had been written when my children were younger, so that I could reread it as necessary as they have been growing up.

The subtitle of this book is "14 Gospel Principles that can Radically Change your Family", and there are 14 chapters which go through these ideas in greater depth: Calling, Grace, Law, Inability, Identity, Process, Lost, Authority, Foolishness, Character, False Gods, Control, Rest and Mercy.  In each chapter, we are reminded of the things that we require from God, so that we can respond appropriately to our children.  God knows I need His help!

This is a really practical book, with down-to-earth descriptions of 'normal' parenting, not least as Tripp recounts times when he could/should have done better; so it's certainly not being lectured by a know-it-all.

The other thing I liked about this book, is that it fits with my general parenting philosophy - that we should encourage our children, facilitate their learning and growing, but allow them the freedom to own their own journey.

This book has challenged me greatly, shown me where I can improve, and encouraged me to rely further on God and his Grace, as I try and extend the same to my own children.

Weekly Update No43

I haven't been weighing myself this week. 

I would guess that I've put on weight.  I have not been eating great, not helped by travelling lots for a dance festival (3rd in Junior Modern Groups, and 4th in Junior Modern Trios) so having easy to eat foods (like sausage rolls, crisps, etc) next to me to eat whilst I'm driving.

I am, however, generally feeling better about myself.

I've also stopped writing 3 things I'm thankful for, and 1 thing I value about myself.  I should restart that, because I do find it helpful, and it definitely helps my mood and self-worth.  But I am feeling good about myself. 

What I need to start doing, is translating this increase in self-worth into self-care; specifically physically.  Writing gratitude is self-care emotionally, but I also want to get to a stage where I purposely eat the right things and move my body more, not as a chore, but because I deserve it.

I do live in the future (and almost always have done) and whilst I am slowly getting better at living in the moment, I still think "things will be better when...".  Right now, we're trying to get our kitchen done.  We've lived in this house 4.5 years, and though the kitchen isn't that bad, there's hardly any storage nor work-surface space.  So, the time was right to get our kitchen done up.  We've chosen a local family company, so are no waiting for them to book us in.    But, when the kitchen is done, then I'll be able to meal prep and have much better, healthier foods.  She says.  In theory.  We'll see.

Qualifications are a pile of shit

As you may know, my church group is currently going through the Discipleship Explored handbook that deep-dives into the book of Philippians. Philippians is a short letter (only 4 chapters) that Paul writes to the church in Philippi, whilst he was being imprisoned.  Last night was week 5, which looks at our righteousness in Christ.

As I know many of the people reading this blog are not Christian, indeed many are atheists, I don't want to get too bogged down in religious wording; but since these are words that are used in the Bible, I hope I can explain and define them adequately. According to Wiki, righteousness is defined as "the quality of being morally correct and justifiable." 

Many people think our righteousness comes from what we do (or don't do), specifically, that if we do the "right" things, then we can get closer to God.  Philippians 3, however, reminds us that there is nothing we can do to make ourselves righteous before God.  The only way in which we can become righteous has already occurred - through Jesus and faith in Him.  Indeed, Paul was considered the most "good" or "religious" person of his day, being born the right type of person, learning the scriptures, keeping all the laws etc, yet in Philippians 3:8 he calls all those qualifications a pile of shit. Yes, you may be surprised at my choice of that word when discussing the Bible, but Paul does indeed call it all excrement.  The Lexham English Bible uses the word "dung", The Voice uses "a pile of waste", and whilst most English versions do use the sanitised "garbage" or "rubbish", the Wycliffe Bible uses "drit [and I deem as turds]".

In fact, if our Righteousness is to be found in Jesus, and Jesus is sat at the Right hand of God, then our Righteousness is always before Him. Interesting!

One particular thing about the video that struck me, was when the presenter was asking questions about whether certain things made us feel closer or further to God.  Most of the questions, I could easily answer 'no' to; however there was one that I replied 'yes': If you are asked if you're a Christian, do you reply "Yes, but not a good one"? That is wrong, because Christ is our righteousness.

I do answer that I'm not a good Christian, because I know my sin and I know where I'm trying to be.  It's not that I think doing things will make me closer to God - God is love and desires relationship with us - but I'm also aware that "No one is good except God alone." (Mark 10:18)  The reason why this challenged me particularly is because of the work I've been doing with my therapist on my self-worth.  Have I used this verse as another rod to beat myself with?  Nobody can be good, I know I'm not good, therefore I must be bad, and a bad Christian.  I wouldn't want to venture too far the other way, but if my identity is in Christ and He is my righteousness, then I can be bold and simply answer "Yes, I am a Christian".  I am still a sinner, I sin and regularly need God's forgiveness, but Jesus has covered up my sin so that I can approach God boldly and surrender my heart to Him.

As an aside, though still related, when I saw my therapist yesterday, she asked how something made me feel, and I responded "that I'm not all bad".  To me, this is a positive expression because I'm not all bad.  It acknowledges the bad parts, but shows that I have made progress.  Yet, to my therapist, she replied that my response made her sad, because it shows a focus on the bad, rather than stating that I'm a good person, but am human so will make mistakes.  It made me think.  I am in a better place than I was, and am continually working on my self worth, but clearly I have some way to go.  At least I can rest in being a child of God.

Weekly Update No42

A day late again this week; just a quick one today.  I actually have a few different things I want to post about eg book reviews, but don't have much time atm.  I'm also aware that I've let some Welsh HErs down for not having time to finish my responses to the Welsh HE consultation, and for that I can only apologise.  Real life does sometimes get in the way.  Sometimes I have time to keep on top of things, and sometimes I don't.

I have lost the tiniest amount of weight over this past week (think ounces), so rather than revelling in weight lost, I'm assuming it's natural fluctuation.  I need to start making soups and things in the slow cooker again, as that will help me lose weight, and mean I don't have to spend as much time cooking.

People's Vote March

Yesterday I had the privilege of being able to go to London to march with another 1,000,000+ people to press home the need for a People's Vote on the topic of Brexit.  Last March I was able to go on the previous march and though nothing as exciting as losing a child occurred this time, it was still good to be there, despite the rain!

My personal view, which I haven't been shy about sharing, is that we should Revoke Article 50 and stay within the European Union.  However, given the criminality that occurred during the 2016 Referendum, the continuous lies that have been spouted by Boris, and his conniving ways to try and circumvent the law, I think at the very least there should be a People's Vote on whatever deal gets agreed upon by parliament, not least because it is us who will be affected, rather than the elite with their millions kept off-shore.  If Britain does have to leave, I want us to leave with the best possible deal.

At the start of the march, it was lovely and sunny.  There was a carnival atmosphere, helped at least, by the steel drum band playing behind us. The 2.5mile route was slow going, but most of the way was moving. And when we got the news the Letwin Amendment passed, 322 to 306, big cheers were heard all along the route.

It wasn't until we got to Cockspur Street that it really started raining.  I was prepared and had my EU umbrella with me, but made my friend laugh, given the street name, when I "couldn't get it up".  Fortunately, that was only momentary and we continued the march in the rain.  I did learn two things at that moment: 1. Wearing short trousers in the rain, means rain can just drop straight into my boots; and 2. Wearing Uggs with holes in the bottom, means that not only can water come up through the soles, but also the fur holds on to the water, so your feet remain wet and cold until you get home at 10pm that night.

I only managed to get halfway down Whitehall before we came to a halt.  At this point the rain was torrential, and many people were returning down the way we just came.  The police had stopped the march up ahead as there were too many people (that's what we were being told by fellow marchers returning). My friend had to leave, to get to her mum's birthday meal, but I decided to stay, since it was only just gone 3pm by now, and my coach wasn't due to pick me up until gone 6!  At this point, I did have a little bit of luck, and happened to be stopped right next to the Horse Guards Parade.  They finally opened the gates, so we could pass through and continue walking to Parliament Square by another route.  I got there, and got to see many of the speeches.  At one point I was feeling too achy, so left the crowds to sit on a kerb.  The rains had by now stopped, but there were puddles everywhere and despite attempts by me to find a less-wet bit of ground, I still ended up with a wet arse.  Despite feeling cold, wet and achy, I had a good day and was glad I went.  Everyone was in good cheer, and some of the signs that people made were amazing.  Here are a selection of photos.

Me on a Fake TV
as it was expected there would be little to no coverage
by the BBC

Boris's Dad
shouting "Sorry" to the crowd

A selection of photos of the crowds

A selection of the best signs
though some are a bit rude

Weekly Update No41

I'm a day later than usual, this week.  I've had a really good weekend with friends which left me tired yesterday, and I didn't have it in me to come online before taking DD2 to her science club (we were then out all day, and I had my musical theatre class in the evening), then I took both girls to bed, fell asleep in DD2s room, and eventually went to bed.

On Friday, I went to a friend from church's house, with a group of other women, to watch War Room.  It's a film I hadn't heard of before, and was totally different to what I was expecting: there were no soldiers, no bombs and no Churchill.  It was really enjoyable, and though it is fiction, it's a good reminder of what God can do for us when we trust in Him, rather than ourselves.  I found that bit particularly challenging, as I try and support a friend, and made me realise that perhaps I should talk less and pray more.

On Saturday was a full day of dance and singing for both girls.  In the evening we were all invited to a dance friend's house for a humongous Chinese takeaway buffet and a few drinks.  It was delicious.  As my husband is watching his weight [go down, unlike me...], we haven't had a Chinese takeaway for a while, and I have to say that I made the most of it.  I actually ate more than I normally would had we gone out to a Chinese buffet restaurant!

And Sunday morning the girls had yet more dance (though thankfully only for an hour), before we had friends from uni come to visit us with their two girls.  I did try to make a healthy buffet, and looked up various recipes to have in addition to the standard crudites and hummus.  I made two flavours of wrap pinwheels: Mexican and Turkey&Mandarin; yoghurt-based dips with chopped fruit; fruit canapes on rice cakes; and chicken salad in little gem leaves.  And because my kids are fussy, there was also sausage rolls, nuggets and onion rings too. 

It is fair to say I have eaten a lot this weekend, so it is not unexpected that my weight increased.  Yesterday I ate well, and chose to have a salad at Subway, rather than the usual sub-sandwich.  Today, DD2 wants to make a lasagne for tea, which I plan to make a salad to accompany it.

Praying For Your Children by Towns and Earley

I got this book, Praying for your Children, after it was temporarily listed for free on Amazon.  I'm a member of a Facebook group that shares Christian e-books (both fiction and non-fiction) when they are under a dollar, or free.

As someone who does not have the prayer life that I feel I should have (though it is getting better, especially the smaller, impromptu prayers, just relying on God throughout the day) I thought this would be a good book to help me to help my children to pray.

With my girls, I have always said a set prayer with them at bedtime from when they were little:

God, Our Father, I've come to say

Thank you for your love today.

Thank you for my family

And all the friends you give to me.

Guard me in the dark of night

And in the morning, send your light.  Amen.

DD1 now considers herself an atheist, so doesn't want me praying with her any more.

DD2, otoh, is happy for me to pray this prayer with her, and we have started adding our own prayers at the end of it.  Though she often wants me to say the prayers on her behalf, I'm trying to encourage her to talk to God directly.

The blurb for this book says:

Filled with easy-to-follow advice and biblically sound suggestions, Praying for Your Children gives parents and those who love children the tools to make an eternal difference in their lives.

Authors Dr. Elmer Towns and Dr. Dave Earley share how and what to pray to bring your children closer to God. Defined are the roles and responsibilities of parents in raising children who learn to rely on God for their strength and power to be victorious in any situation.

Stressing the importance of starting early, actual prayers are shared that children can memorize. Biblical parents and their prayers are also highlighted, providing excellent examples of how praying for children pleases God to answer.

You don't have to be a great spiritual prayer warrior for God to answer your prayers for your children. The secret is God. You donÕt get great answers because youÕre more spiritual than others, or because youÕve prayed longer or better. The secret is God! The simplest prayer launched with the simplest faith can set the wheels of Heaven in motion.

Trust Him to do great things for your children.

Personally, I found some of the suggestions to be a bit formulaic (as in 'if you do this, then God will listen'), however, this book is still worth reading (especially if you can get it for free!) because there is lots of encouragement within.  Dispersed throughout the text are lots of small prayers for you to say, asking God to help you praying for your children, and at the end, there are some set-prayers that you can use too.  When I was growing up, my mum said a prayer with my sister and I before bed, and I can barely remember it now, though I recognise it when I see/hear it. And it was in this book, so that made me smile, too (though it listed two different endings, and I can't remember which it was my mum used to say, but think it was the first one).

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep:

May God guard me through the night

And wake me with the morning light.  Amen

or

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.