Musings on Race and Privilege

I spent this morning talking to my 12yo daughter about the goings-on in the world.  It started about Coronavirus and the impact that is having on our lives, and evolved, as conversations do, to talking about the various protests around the world.

I have not watched the video of George Floyd's last moments.  The photos and articles written about it are horrific enough.  I know that I am in a privileged position that I am not confronted with racism nor police brutality on a daily basis.  I know that I am in a privileged position that the closest I get to racism is second-hand: it happens to friends and family, or their friends and their family.  It doesn't happen to me.  I can't understand what it feels to be the subject of overt and indirect racism.  When I hear people speak, an anecdote, short story, quick meme, I get the briefest of insight into a fraction of their lives.  As try as I might, though I may understand that moment, I cannot fully understand the impact it has on their lives.

My husband likes running.  He runs for fitness.  He runs for his mental health.  He runs to cope with Lockdown.  And I swear sometimes he runs just to get away from the kids! lol.  At the moment, it is very hot during the day, so he is running at night when it is cooler.

I don't like running.  Honestly, it's not for me. Five years ago a friend challenged me to "run the rainbow" with her for charity.  I used the Couch to 5K app and I did get up to running the 5K, and I did run the race and have various colour powder paints thrown at me.  It was fun.  I got my medal.  And that was that.  No more running for me, thanks!  However, sometimes I do feel slightly jealous that my husband runs in the evening.  I have never felt like I could do that.  As a woman, we have been taught since we were little not to go out at night.  That we could be attacked.  That it would be our fault for being out late.  For not wearing the right things.  For being alone.  And though I have been through the indestructible phase (late teens-mid 20s) where nobody and nothing can hurt you, after having children it is easy to become aware of all possible dangers, no matter how remote they may seem.  As such, a fat middle-aged woman, huffing and puffing just to traverse 5K alone at night, in my mind is a prime victim for being attacked as I wouldn't be able to run away.  So whether that fear is reasonable or unreasonable, I never ran at night.

I have a friend who recently shared a story on Facebook (though I had heard it before).  She is a white woman, and before she had kids lived in London with her partner, who bought her a dog.  One day, this dog tried to bite her, so she put in in a safe place, and called her partner asking for his help as he was on his way home from work.  When he got off the train, he ran home and she kept watching for him.  In her words:

But it appeared, I wasn’t the only one keeping my eye on him.

A police van happened to drive past this black man running. Put their lights on, put their sirens on and four of them jumped out to stop him.

He’d always asked me to stay out of things if police stopped him. It was something he was accustom to and he never wanted me to get involved.

...

I watched them put him in handcuffs and pat him down to search him whilst he stood there helpless. I remember the look on his face as he glimpsed me up at the window. The look of “look at this shit I have to deal with”.

They didn’t find anything.

But this wasn’t good enough for them.

They took him into the van.

At this point I was petrified! I ignored his request to stay away and I went outside to speak to the officers.

I asked one of them why they’d put him in the van and he told me they need to search him. I challenged him because I’d just watched them search him! 🤬

He told me they needed to do a strip search because apparently in the Croydon borough there was an order in place that meant they could stop and search anyone they wanted to.

Can you imagine how he was feeling at this point? 5 minutes ago, he’d got off the train from a long day at work, and was rushing home to help me deal with our naughty dog and the next minute he’s being stripped searched in the back of a police van.

As I was talking to the officer, continuing to question what this “order” really meant, I’ll never forget what he said to me, whilst dodging all of my questions... “How do you know a prick like this anyway?” 

I can barely imagine what it must have been like for my friend, to see the way the police were treating the man you love simply because they were black.   I cannot imagine what it must be like for her black partner who is so used to receiving this kind of treatment, that they warn their white girlfriend ahead of time not to get involved if they see it happening.  I cannot imagine living in such a way that I wouldn't be allowed to run, if I had desire or need to.  I cannot imagine feeling like I can't walk around my own neighbourhood alone during the day.  I cannot imagine a boy of 10yo having already learned that he has to put his hands up in a neighbour's yard, when collecting a ball he accidentally kicked there.  I cannot imagine being a young boy, dressed as a superhero, held on my dad's shoulders, and have police point their guns at us.

This is not ok.  This needs to change.  And not just these overtly racist occurrences, but also the slight, discreet, indirect and subversive racism that makes up modern day society.

It is easy for me living in my town in the south of the UK to think this only happens in America, or it only happens in London, but systematic racism is prevalent in our society and it is not right.

I'm not going to patronise you by saying what you should or shouldn't be doing.  I'm only a white woman living a fairly comfortable life, commenting on what is happening to others, who hasn't got a fucking clue how to change society as a whole.  But I will tell you what I am doing.  I am going to educate myself and my children about direct and indirect racism.  I plan to read Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People about Race and How to Argue with a Racist, amongst others.  I am going to use my voice and call out racism when I see it, and be gracious when people call me out on the systemic racism that I'm part of but barely aware of.  This article from 2016 says White Silence is Not an Option, yet not much has changed in the past four years.

I'm going to end by linking this BBC Article about why US protests are resonating in the UK and this 20min video about Trevor Noah's thoughts - well worth taking 20min out of your day to listen to it. (Trevor Noah was literally Born a Crime in South Africa because he is mixed race.  I reviewed his book last year.)

Here is a good list of books to educate your children and yourself.